Hump day

Tallulah has started humping the cat again. I'd say it's been a good six months since she's violated poor Winston in this fashion, but ever since she got back from boarding at day care last weekend she is back at it.

As soon as she starts, Winston wriggles away, and then Tallulah humps the air for a good 15 seconds, like she's Elvis or anyone trying to mate with Keira Knightly.

Cause Keira Knightly is really really skinny, see. So it'd be like humping the thin air. Oh, forget it.

I figure some Doberman mounted her (Tallulah, not Keira Knightly) or something and she remembered, "Oh, yeah! Lula forgot this an excellent way to humiliate Gray Stripe!"

Do you think she knows the cats' names or just calls them her own names?

At any rate, she is polite enough to leave tiny Henry alone thus far and she is smart enough to know that should she attempt to hump Francis, she's be filleted so fast she'd be humping her own liver before she knew what was what.

MyluThe perpetrator

VictimThe victim

So, poor Winston. Poor Gray Stripe. It's like he's Jody Foster in that depressing movie where everyone rapes her on the pinball machine. I feel like I should get him a chastity belt or something. Except he's a boy, so I'd get him a Chas belt.

I slay me.

Other than that, I got nothing to tell you. Except my mouth frigging hurts.

27 thoughts on “Hump day

  1. I’ve seen my share of doggy daycare. I bet it was a chihuahua. And, man, I hate that Jodie Foster movie. It’s like an 8 car pile up. You know it’s going to be bad but you have to look anyway.
    Sorry about your tooth. I have to wonder about a person who thinks “hey, I think I’ll fish around in people’s mouths all day long when I grow up.” Gross.

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  2. We have the same problem here from time to time except it is our 12 lb Bichon trying to hump the 45+ lb dogs in the house. It really is a sad sight to behold. I have thought about calling in the SVU.

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  3. Lula is hanging out with a bad crowd at doggy day care. Buncha hoodlums.
    Also Keira Knightly has about as much appeal as a mechanical pencil. Body-wise. Girlfriend needs a sandwich.

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  4. First of all are you sure you didn’t take Lulah with you on your romantical weekend? Monkey see monkey do?
    Second of all see I told you Elvis wasn’t dead he is just inhabiting Lulah’s body.

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  5. Poor Lula. You sent her to doggie jail and now that she’s home she has to assert her dominance. Especially since her keen sense of smell tells her that the cats have BEEN IN THE HOUSE the whole weekend.
    Why Lula sent to jail but no Grey Stripe? Is no like Lula? Lula bad? Is not fair.
    PS June, have you ever read The Latchkey Dog? It is a fascinating book.
    PPS That Jodi Foster movie was the very first R-rated movie I that saw in the movie theater. Scarred me for life.

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  6. Oh, the jokes swimming around in Hulk’s head about humping, and jail, and pussycats, and filthy screws, and Jodie Foster…
    Must…not…comment…
    Must…fight …evil…urge…

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  7. Poor Lula girl. So misunderstood.
    Poor Gray Stripe. Could he be more adorable? I think not.
    And, good boy, Hulk, for resisting your evil urge. Maybe you could teach Lula about that!

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  8. My goal for today is to work this phrase casually into a conversation:
    >>she’d be humping her own liver before she knew what was what.
    I’ll let you know how it goes.

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  9. To paraphrase T.S. Elliot, cats actually have three names: 1)the name you, their humans call them by 2)their unique name, by which they call themselves, and that no other cat has 3)their “secret” name, which they, and they alone know. And by the way,to your readers with human children, is a great collection of poems to read to them.

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  10. You know, every time you mention old, tubby Fran’s lightning-like lethal attacks, I kind of see him as a Quentin Tarantino version of Kung Fu Panda.

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  11. I couldn’t even get past the first sentence. You know when you have a cold and then you start laughing and then you start coughing? I think I just coughed up a lung, because I really was expecting a nice little post about your Wednesday. I’ll come back and finish reading later, when I’m anatomically correct again.

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  12. Oops, I forgot to post this yesterday about your tooth loss. I know why it all happened. Geography! You moved from near Charlotte, with a rating of A- on the Cleanest and Dirtiest Teeth ratings.
    http://www.aolhealth.com/healthy-living/dental-health-care/cities-best-worst
    And where did you move? Not to Raleigh with an A+, but to Greensboro, the subject of this article in the Greensboro News Record. (saw it in my local paper farther west of there)
    http://www.news-record.com/content/2009/08/24/article/smile_on_second_thought_maybe_not
    So you can blame it on geography…and Aunt Sue, of course. Hope the pain lessens soon.
    Elsie, who lives with four cats and is a fan of Winston and the gang.

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  13. I started to rename the Zali Lama, Engleperv Humperdink when he was a one and a half pound baby. Fortunately for all concerned, he has outgrown that particular vice.
    Now we’re focusing on his drinking and smoking.

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  14. I started to rename the Zali Lama, Engleperv Humperdink when he was a one and a half pound baby. Fortunately for all concerned, he has outgrown that particular vice.
    Now we’re focusing on his drinking and smoking.

    Like

  15. I started to rename the Zali Lama, Engleperv Humperdink when he was a one and a half pound baby. Fortunately for all concerned, he has outgrown that particular vice.
    Now we’re focusing on his drinking and smoking.

    Like

  16. Maybe she just finds Winston to be the most attractive. I suppose her leaving Henry alone means she’s not a pedophile, which I think you can count as a win as a doggie parent 🙂

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  17. Funny (or not funny, really, not in the “haha” sense) that you mention the Accused. Yeah, the incident it was based on happened in my hometown, maybe 2-3 miles away from our house. I was too young to remember it now (I think it was early 80s). Yet another shining moment for New Bedford, MA.

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  18. Lots of girl dog humping at my house, too. The 25lb skinny black dog has to hump the 55lb bulldog every once in a while for reasons I don’t even want to begin to imagine.
    Sorry about the tooth(less)ache.

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