Have you wondered where I've been all day? Or have you been going about your life, indifferent to my stupid blog?
I'll tell you where I've been all day, oh Indifferent One. I've been TRYING NOT TO BARF, that's where I've been!
Because it's not bad enough that I had a tooth extracted. It's not bad enough that I have to have a $2823456789009876534567890 implant. It wasn't dreadful enough to have a dry socket. No. I had to also HAVE A REACTION TO MY MEDICATION.
Seriously, did I kick a baby or something? Why all the bad karma?
So I have been alternating between lying very, very still on the couch or DASHING to the bathroom, pray pray praying I don't barf. Because have I mentioned I have not barfed since October of 1982? Have I mentioned I am afraid of barfing? Have I brought that up at all? Because not bringing it up is a big goal with me.
Once I drank with one of Timothy Leary's relatives. I am not making this up. We were at a big, fancy Christmas party and we commenced to drinking and there was a merry-go-round at the party and all of a sudden there were three merry-go-rounds. Three.
Thank heavens I got home thanks to some decent person at the party, because I totally lost all the people I had come with, and I totally lost Timothy Leary's relative, and anyway the POINT of my story is that was in 1992 and I really, really would have felt better the next day had I barfed. I know I would have. But I just couldn't.
And as an aside, Timothy Leary's relative showed up at my house the next day and she felt as fine as frog's fur. "Hey! Let's go to a movie!" She was all chipper.
I am not good at tuning in and turning on or whatever. Despite my hippie childhood.
So while I was lying there today, in my misery, the ice cream truck kept driving up and down my street. Okay, first of all, it's raining. Who's in the mood for ice cream on a rainy day? And forty-fifth? Kids are back in school here. So who is he TEMPTING with his truck and his little tinny "It's a Small World After All"?
You have no idea how many times I heard that song today as I clutched myself and prayed not to barf. It's a small world after all! It's a small world after all! It's a SMALL world after all! It's a small small small small world.
Cause THERE'S a song that doesn't stay in your head. It's pleasant when you're ill. Is what it is.
The only up side to this story–and thank heavens there is not an upchuck side to this story–is that Faithful Reader Shana showed me how to do this:
Want to do it? So to speak? Click here.
Heart Shana. Heart self. Heart our small world, after all.