Dear people who go to Target,
News flash. We DO NOT WANT TO HEAR YOUR PHONE CALL. Really! We don't care that "Ohhh. Ohhhhh. Oh, that's so sad. Yeahh." You know, it kind of sounds like an emo call. Maybe you could, I don't know, CONCENTRATE ON YOUR FRIEND AND NOT SHOP AT TARGET AT THE SAME TIME!
How much do you like me for saying "emo"?
Plus also, remind me to never, ever go to Target at 5:30 p.m. on a weekday ever again. When I was little, my mother said I used to sit in the grocery cart and screech, "Get out of my way!" at the crowds. I really feel exactly the same now. Maybe I'll CALL SOMEONE AND DISCUSS IT IN THE CARD AISLE.
In other news, somehow we have a slide show now when our computer rests, which happens about .0004 seconds a day. What did Marvin and I do before we had the Internet? You know what? We never did. I remember I moved in with him and he had to show me how to use it. And I found Jennycam and that was it.
Did anyone else watch that? It was this totally regular woman who had camera in her house and you could watch her all day. I.Was.OBSESSED. Ob.SESSSSSSED. with Jennycam.
Anyway, so somehow we get this slide show of our pictures and you have no idea how many times we have sat here like morons looking at all our old photos. Finally I said, "Where ARE all these pictures?" and Marvin said, "I dunno" and so I searched and found them. They were in this file called "Pictures." I know! I am Miss Marple.
Here are some pictures I found.
There's Marvin at our goodbye party in LA. Lookin' manly.
There's me. I'll bet everyone misses my bra strap.
Remember when we first moved here, and I lived here alone and Marvin had to still live in TinyTown for two months? All I had was this chair, the dog, and my computer. I totally sound like The Jerk right now. "All I need is this remote, and this thermos!" Anyway, look at who is little.
I guess most of the pictures I plucked out for you from the mysteriously titled "Pictures" file are all puppy pictures of Lu. Look how she was the same size as Winston. Winston would give his left patoo for that to still be the case. Tallulah ate that bed soon after.
Speaking of patoos, if you didn't read yesterday's post you do not know that I proposed a fabulous new idea called Make June Do It, where you have me do things you've always wondered about but for some reason didn't do. Don't annoy me like the cell people at Target; go read yesterday's post so you'll know the rules.
Anyway, it would appear that a great many of you want me to wax myself bald on my lady parts (and I use the term "lady" sort of loosely) and also use some sort of hair implement called the BumpIt. Faithful Reader Shana, you'll be pleased to hear, is sending me her BumpIt. Also too? I told Marvin I had to get a Brazilian.
"No, you don't," he said.
"Yes, I do. I said I'd do whatever as long as it wasn't scary like bungee jumping, and about 8 million people said to do it."
Don't men LIKE the Brazilian? I thought that's why women did it. I have the only husband in the world who prefers the Jiffy Pop look. Nevertheless, I'm gonna do it. Balance Day Spa does it for $50, which is $10 over budget. I will keep you posted re this important topic.
Oh! And one more thing. We are having people over this weekend, so at Target I got some wine, then as I was leaving I almost forgot it. The checkout girl said, "Don't forget your wine! I know that's important!"
Okay. Do I look like WC Fields? Do I have a bulbous red nose (don't answer that)? Why do I look like wine is important? Is it my corkscrew tattoo and "I Heart a Beaujolais Buzz" t-shirt?
She knows wine is important.
Maybe it was my cell phone ring tone that played "Red, red wine."