Insert title few people will think is funny here

Yesterday, Marvin and I drove to Winston-Salem to get up with my friend Marianne. Which you already knew if you read yesterday. But two and a half people read me on Saturday, so I am telling you again. Or maybe I am just turning into my grandmother and repeating myself constantly. Did I ever tell you how I was brought up in a gas station during the depression?

Winston-Salem is about 45 minutes from us, and as usual we argued about what we were going to listen to on the drive. Because Marvin brought a CD of the 8-track you used to get when you bought the 1969 Chrysler. This cheerful man comes on and tells you all the things you should notice as you drive your new Chrysler, like how there's a special odometer that can tell you how long you've traveled on each trip!

Do you see what I'm saying to you? Who wants to listen to that?

Finally we settled on my '70s station on Sirius, and I am sorry to tell you that  Captain and Tennille's You Never Done it Like That came on.

If you were not alive during the '70s, the Captain and Tennille were this married couple who inexplicably had many many hit songs.

Captain

You Never Done it Like That is a song about Toni Tennille and her bob being very glad that some man has pulled out some new sexual technique.

Yeah.

"I really don't want to picture the Captain and Tennille doing it," I said to Marvin. "I know," he agreed.

After a moment, he said, "So what do you think he's doing?"

And I regret to inform you that the rest of our trip, we conjured up absolutely vile things that the Captain could have been doing to Tennille. Also too? We admitted we both pictured him doing all these things in his captain's hat.

Fortunately once we got up with Marianne (how much do you like me for continuing to say "got up with"?), there was a child present and we had to stop.

Mans

Marianne and her son Lake and an upside-down drink menu.

Most of the day was spent with Marvin and Lake trying to find yo-yos. Which, should I be worried that a nine-year-old wanted the same thing as a 43-year-old?

We also went to JC Penney, which I alluded to yesterday, and if you were one of the two and a half people who read me yesterday, I am certain you were on pins and needles about if I'd really get to go.

Turns out? Since I haven't been inside a Penney's since the Captain originally did it like that? They don't have furniture there. So there was no couch buying, or even observing. But Marianne and I did decide we had better take a picture looking outlandishly excited about SOMETHING in Penney's just to prove how boring we've become.

Excited

Why I gotta be the dramatic one?

Also, we saw a kiosk at the Penney's mall–and I'm certain whoever owns that mall is kissing me for referring to it as the Penney's mall–that made dog tags with your picture on them. Okay, who immediately wanted one? Who wastes her money at every turn? Marvin refused to take a picture with me, because he SUCKS, so Marianne did.

Menma

There's the picture we took. In a mere 850 minutes, they presented me with a lovely and tasteful dog tag. And yes, of course I picked up a scorpion belt.

Medal

Won't you enjoy my bosoms and my diamond-encrusted dog tag? Nice. I have no idea why I wanted this.

Finally, we headed home, and the '70s station played Leaving on a Midnight Train to Georgia, and Marvin said, "Okay, you sing the Gladys Knight part, and I'll be a pip."

Dispute

I know you don't know Marvin, but I can tell from this picture that he is disputing something I'm saying right there. I can tell by the gesture. Sometimes I want to chop his arms clean off.

You KNOW I'm not allowed to sing in front of Marvin, so this was an exciting turn of events for yours truly.

"HE'S LEAVING!"

"Leaving."

"ON THAT MIDNIGHT TRAIN TO GEORGIA!" I think part of what offends Marvin is that not only do I sing badly, but also at the top of my lungs. Anyway, after a few minutes, Marvin started changing his parts.

"Leaving on a midnight train to get away from your voice. Woo-wooo!"

Whatever.

He should have married Toni Tennille.

59 Comments

  1. Oh my goodness, I am cursed. I mentioned Muskrat Love here, and later got in my car, and C & T started singing Muskrat Love….spooky….

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  2. We also have a JC Penney outlet near where I live. They have lots of furniture…it is on your way to Michigan June. Perhaps when you rent your UHAUL to bring home your sign, we could meet there and shop for couches.

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  3. i think the captain did the “venus butterfly” to tenille. did anyone ever figure out what that consisted off, pacifically… UMMMM…UM ….specifically?

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  5. I do not know why you are confused, Pal, when my blog clearly states I was
    looking for a couch. I could have told you about it in person had you
    allowed me into that room. Okay, who needs to DROP THE ROOM obsession?
    (And for everyone else who is not Pal, Pal emailed one of those “To 12 women
    who mean a lot to me, you are in my room of 12 women who have touched my
    life, blah blah blah” to all her CLOSE FRIENDS, and NOT ME. Do you know how
    I found out? Because her MOM sent me the email as one of HER 12 women, and I
    saw she had forwarded it from Pal from MA. I have been friends with Pal From
    MA since 1968, when we were three. But I am not allowed in her room of 12.
    Sure. Fine. I’m over it. I’M OVER IT, I said!)
    On Mon, Sep 21, 2009 at 11:32 AM, wrote:

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  6. I’m confused, Junie (not the first time, as you are aware).
    I thought you were simply looking for slipcovers for the couch you already have!

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  7. June, here in Atlanta we have a giant JC Penney furniture outlet. The slipcovered couch you want… $300. The last time I was there I couldn’t help thinking, “at prices like these, I could replace my couch yearly.” With three big stinky dogs, you begin to think like that.
    Didn’t Sears used to sell furniture or am I creating things? I could have sworn my grandparents 80’s country blue living room set came from the Sears and Roebuck but maybe it was Penney’s.

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  8. Hi June,
    I just found your blog and I love the name of it!
    But the best is reading your blog, so funny!
    I don’t know where you live but I am guessing a JC Penney store is not very close to you since you were all excited about locating one in Winston-Salem? Do you live in N.C.? We have property in Western N.C. and plan to move there some day from Florida. Enjoyed your blog!
    I’ll be back to see what you are up to next.
    JolieAnne

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  12. I used to swoon over the Captain’s eyes.
    They were so round and looked rich like brown velvet. I always wondered why he was with such a nerd like Tennille. (Like wearing a captain’s hat was hip.)
    Is it cold in NC? You all look like you’re dressed for winter. Here in Atlanta we are about to float away. This a.m. I just missed by seconds having a tree crash down on my car. It smashed right across the car in front of us. Scary.

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  15. Statler Steve – Where do you find out about ‘Talk like a pirate day’? My 10-year old son has been talking about that this weekend too.

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  16. Wow…doggin’ Captain & Tennille…they are still together, doing shows, and they are big animal rights activists. I guess it is true that as you get older the more Republican you get. Come on over, June. The water’s just fine…
    My ex would sit and listen to a song, and then out of nowhere just start blurting out lyrics…the WRONG lyrics…off-key…
    Reason 3,875…

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  17. My older sister is a singer and I would always sing the backup while she sang the lead. I know all the Pip parts and all the Aretha Franklin backups too. And those are the parts I sing when I hear those songs now.
    SU-perstar but he didn’t get far.
    Dreams don’t always come true, uh-uh, no, uh-uh.
    Love me some Pip parts!

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  19. We, too, went on a roadtrip yesterday and I did not get to go to JC Penney to get the jacket that I saw in a magazine that I had to have. We sangs 80’s songs from Sirius. He lets me sing but he corrects me on all the words because apparently I have been singing them wrong since the 80’s. You did a post on this once, remember the Hairless Whiskers/ Careless Whisper? Yep, that is indeed me. I am glad to go to hook up with (I guess that means have sex with these days) or actually meet up with your friend.

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  20. even though you want to cut his arms off, “…(you) would rather live in his world than live without him in (your) world….”
    I love singing Midnight Train to Georgia to my sweetie.

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  24. OMG, Ashlea, I was at that tag kiosk for seventeen hours! And yes, I HAVE
    heard of Lexington. Look for my hair at a BBQ place near you!
    On Sun, Sep 20, 2009 at 7:59 PM, wrote:

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  25. This must be the only blog I follow where I just have to read all the comments. And I read a lot of blogs.
    Oh, and Shelley? I now hate you. I’d totally forgotten that song, and now I’ll have to do the electroshock treatments all over again.

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  26. Ok, I’ve been a lurker until now, but I have to say I’m kind of excited and bummed at the same time. I was at Penney’s mall (better known as Hanes Mall, ha) yesterday and I did not see you. Of course it’s a pretty big place, but to think you were right there in my little town, in my little mall. I guess I didn’t realize where in NC you lived. Have you heard of Lexington? We have really good BBQ, which is the only way I know to describe it to you.

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  27. There is something hot about Donny Osmond. Also? Statler Steve? Overbite and
    her Tennille. You kill me. She was pleased with her matey, that one.
    On Sun, Sep 20, 2009 at 7:18 PM, wrote:

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  29. I was told earlier today that this weekend is officially “Talk Like a Pirate” weekend. Therefore, while I do not have any desire to know what The Captain did to overbite and her Tenille, I do imagine it happened while he was saying “AAARRRGGGH” a whole bunch.

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  31. I saw Captain and Tennille at a live concert in Atlanta back in the 70’s. They were the “pre concert” before a Mack Davis concert. How old does that make me?

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  32. oh, since we are on the subject of pronounciation, how about “temperature”. I always thought it was “temperaTSHure” with and “sh” sound after the “t”, but this one lady keeps saying it without the “sh” kind of like a “temperatoore” sound to it. Drives me crazy.

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  33. I did not even need to see Marvin’s hands, I know that expression on his face is his ‘I can not believe how completely wrong you are’ look.

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  34. I can’t decide if I really dig Marvin or just want to hit him over the head. Oh well. I laughed so hard at this one the dogs cocked their heads (I hate to even use that verb; after the Captain thing, you know.) Anyway, the dogs looked at me and I’m sure wondered if I was on the brink of some sort of spastic fit. Just wanted to say I didn’t post three remarks the other day. Typepad WOULD NOT let me leave a remark. It just sat there. By the way, I order furniture from JCPenneys online.
    Brenda

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  36. I have heard several people lately saying appreSEEate. Live and in person and in a couple different moving picture shows. And not to be funny, just pronouncing it that way. So then I had to google it because I have always said and heard said appreSHEate. And appreSEEate is an acceptable pronunciation. Beats me!

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  37. Your hair really looks great, so I am switching my allegiance to Camp Chi. Which sounds like a hippie greenie camp. But here’s how you know I’m not a total loony granola at a camp to align both energies and hair: I know from experience that JCP’s in Durham at Southpoint mall has furniture. I almost bought a chair there.

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  38. WHO says appreSEEated? I agree with Juice that I would totally start laughing and then make fun of them all night with my husband. Right now my son’s teacher has a horrible listhp (we have discussed how it’s good that she is not a kindergarten teacher teaching children to read) and anytime my husband or I talkth abouth her we do our accthents and crack each other up. And then the kids walk in the room and I tell him how he ith going straight to hell. We really need to find a babysitter and get another hobby.

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  39. My first concert was Captain and Tennille! I was in 4th grade and I BEGGED my parents to take me to see them at the Michigan State Fair. They played in the band shell and I was wearing, among other things, a blue, fringed poncho that my mom made for me. I felt so cool at my first “rock concert” (as my dad kept calling it) UNTIL my dad stuck Kleenex in his ears because he thought they were playing too loud! Could. Have. Died. To further add to my mortification, there was a thunderstorm and the blue dye from my poncho turned my skin and other clothes bright blue. Fun night, mostly.

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  40. If someone told me they appreSEEated me I would immediately snicker at his or her lisp. If we are lucky it would only be an internal snicker.
    Also too? In the 70s my second grade put on a production of Free To Be You and Me. I got to play the part of Dudley Pippen because I was the only second grader who could cry on queue. My skit was followed by the hit song “It’s Alright To Cry.”
    Feelings. I have them in spades.

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  41. “Toni Tennille and her bob…” HAHAHAHAHA!
    I’m now seeing why Bye Bye Buy was such a tough year for you. That must have been a rough 12 months with NO DIAMOND ENCRUSTED DOG TAGS! Fo shizzle.

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  42. I thought your hair looked really good there at JC Penneys.
    And I probably would be that excited at the ORECK display because I LOVE my ORECK vacuum! As sad as that is.
    And also — I tried posting this a minute ago, and it didn’t show up. So if it shows up twice now, I’m sorry. I blame my computer.

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  43. I would just like to say that I thought your hair looked really good while you were there at Penneys.
    And also, I probably would have been that excited at the Oreck display. As sad as that is. Because I LOVE my Oreck vacuum!

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  44. Once I saw the Pips on a variety show singing their part of Midnight Train to Georgia sans Gladys. It was one of the more hilarious things I’ve seen on TV. And, for no reason whatsoever, I remember reading that Captain & Tennille’s bulldogs were named Broderick and, I think, Elizabeth. Now why do I clutter my brain with that sort of info?

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  45. My grandmother said, “If a frog had wings, his ass wouldn’t bump the
    sidewalk.” But she was born in southern Ohio, so that could have something
    to do with THAT.
    On Sun, Sep 20, 2009 at 2:00 PM, wrote:

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  46. Stop…’cause I really love you
    Stop…I been thinkin’ of you
    Look in my heart and let loooovvveeee…
    Keep us togeeeether…whatever…
    I will
    I will
    I will
    Since that’s now stuck in my head, I thought I’d tell everyone so they can share my pain.
    My grandmother said NIther and EIther. Of course, she was born in England and lived there for the first 20 years of her life, so that might have something to do with it.

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  47. Jan,
    AppreSHEashun. And NEEther. The way to figure these things out is to go to my beloved m-w.com and see what they put after the word, when they list how to pronounce it. The first example they give is the preferred.
    Also? I hate the spacing issues I get when I reply to someone and it posts to this blog. DON’T THEY KNOW WHO THEY ARE DEALING WITH? I can’t have spacing issues.

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  48. Jan, I also too thought that was Lee, of the Jan’s sister Lees. I was all,
    Jan never mentioned she was babysat by Toni Tennille. As though you have
    told me just everything. Anyway, different Lee. Lucky Lee, is what I say.
    And you know what I don’t miss about the ’70s? Discussing my feelings.
    On Sun, Sep 20, 2009 at 1:43 PM, wrote:

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  49. I know this isn’t Ask June day or even the Ask June site but I need a matter solved. How does one pronounce the word “appreciation”? I say there are two ways and both are acceptable:
    appreSHEation
    or
    appreSEEation
    I would appreciate (heh) anyone that could offer their insight into this matter.
    I think it is like either and neither being pronounce EEther or Ither. NEEther or NIther.

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  50. I laughed out loud over several parts of this post, but none more loudly than ‘Sometimes I want to chop his arms clean off’. June, you are the master.
    In the excitement picture, Marianne looks less excited and more why she always gotta be the dramatic one.
    Finally, (why must I ALWAYS hijack your blog???) I was about to pubicily accuse my sister Lee of lying about being babysat by Tenille when I realized it probably wasn’t the same Lee. In the event that it is my sister Lee, YOU ARE A LIAR.

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  52. Now I will spend the rest of my day trying to figure out why “Muskrat Love” was ever a popular song. Thanks, June. Your title post, or possibly your and Marvin’s song, should be “Love Will Keep Us Together”, of course. I am having bad 70s flashbacks, and I was only in elementary school.
    Here’s a page where you can download a Muskrat Love ringtone to your cellphone. And who doesn’t want that?
    http://www.oldielyrics.com/lyrics/captain_and_tennille/muskrat_love.html

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  53. Also, you look as though that Oreck just launched into the opening bars of Freebird or something. Rock on, June.

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  59. toni tenille was my baby-sitter ONCE, around 1969 or 1970! her father frank was friends with my grandfather. they made a beer run and i was left with her for about 2 hours. i remember she kept trying to get me to talk about my feelings (my parents were divorced and feelings were hot that season!). she made me a peanut butter sandwich on a hotdog bun and we colored in my liddle kiddles coloring book until my grandfather and her father returned. no one ever believed me!
    i loved seeing her sing on her tv show. nowadays, you only see your baby-sitter on tv when dateline is doing a “to catch a pervert” episode. i totally rock at “6 degrees of toni tenille”!

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