Nonpaper chase

You guys. Seriously. We need to find out who Casey Chase is. Portugal, Turkey, Viet Nam–ALL LOOKING for fricking Casey Chase here today. And when you Google him? All you get is my stupid blog.

WHO IS HE? Everyone on earth knows about him except us. Or else he's just a regular guy who everyone in the world is trying to find. Maybe he went to a really really big high school.

And of course, the more I write about the elusive Casey Chase, the more times people looking for him are going to just find this blog. I am sorry, people of the world! But good luck on your Casey chase.

Get it?

Woo!

In the meantime, here are my feets.

Navy

In my navy blue polish. What do you think? Am I too goth? And oh, please. Please do not ask about the tattoos again. I have covered the tattoo thing many times. Go look somewhere in June of 2008. There's a whole post about them. Okay, really? Fine. Here's a link. DANG.

I just kind of skimmed that post about tattoos, and I cracked myself up by saying everyone and their mom had a tattoo in Seattle, except your mom's tattoo would just read "Self" instead on "Mom." Seriously, I slay my own self. My own mom self.

Also, yes, that is me in that baby picture. Look at the too-much-hair issue even at the tender age of whatever my tender age is. You know I have no idea. Seeing as I have no children, and my tattoo would not say "Self," I cannot tell the ages of anyone from birth to, like, 11.

And while we're up, those of you who have kids? Why do you say, "Oh, she's 44 months" instead of sort of rounding up or down to a year? Why don't you just say "She's almost four"? I have never understood the months thing. Explain, please.

So in that picture I am probably 18.045 months, but I can't be sure. What I can be sure of is I had a fashionable mop going already, didn't I? A little Ann Landers look, there. Dang.

That's my second "dang" already today.

While I was posing with my goth nails, I tried to take a group portrait with Tallulah, who is 21 months old, but here is what she did.

Menlu

She totally made out with my nose parts, and I am unsure why. Maybe it's something Casey Chase encourages people to do. We have no way or knowing.

Oh! And before I go, do not forget to get The Fountainhead finished, because September 30 at 9 p.m. Eastern is when we meet for Mince Words with June, my new official book club. And don't forget that Ding-Dongs have become the official snack food of our book club. Because we are all weird in my comments section.

Have I encouraged you to read my comments? I swear they are funnier than this blog, which, woo! What a stretch.

Okay, smell ya.

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Author: June

At one point, I was sort of hot, in a "she's 27 and probably a 7" kind of a way. Now I'm old and have to develop a charming personality. Guess how that's going.

74 thoughts on “Nonpaper chase”

  1. The months thing in kids is because some moms see it as a personal challenge to have their kids potty trained, talking, walking, reading, writing their disertation FIRST. They can’t tell if their kid is first unless you break down their year into months. You see THAT mom at the playground you run Forest run!

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  2. To do a Google search for something and *not* include results from a specific site, enter the following in the Google search field:
    “casey chase” -site:byebyepie.typepad.com
    (or you can go to Advanced Search for even more options: the link is right there next to the Search field).

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  3. Sounds like you have the makings of a book there…The strange case of Casey Chase. Technically you said dang 3 times but who’s counting.

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  4. I’m with Nithya: CHASING CASEY, the strange case of Casey Chase
    I’d read it! Of course, I’m 630 months old – and that may be why.

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  5. I am studiously reading The Fountainhead!
    Saturday’s Lesbian had to be 540 months, at least.
    Now “Saturday’s Lesbian” sounds like an entry at Pimlico. I’m betting a real mudder.

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  6. I am studiously reading The Fountainhead!
    Saturday’s Lesbian had to be 540 months, at least.
    Now “Saturday’s Lesbian” sounds like an entry at Pimlico. I’m betting a real mudder.

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  7. I am studiously reading The Fountainhead!
    Saturday’s Lesbian had to be 540 months, at least.
    Now “Saturday’s Lesbian” sounds like an entry at Pimlico. I’m betting a real mudder.

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  8. It’s like that poem about Monday’s Child…I altered it for you here:
    Monday’s lesbian is fair of face,
    Tuesday’s lesbian is full of grace,
    Wednesday’s lesbian is full of woe,
    Thursday’s lesbian has far to go,
    Friday’s lesbian is loving and giving,
    Saturday’s lesbian works hard for a living,
    But the lesbian who is born on the Sabbath Day
    Is bonny and blithe and good and gay.[1]

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  9. Is anyone else considering opening up the ding dongs and rewrapping them in foil just so that its not weird? I have never eaten a ding dong out of plastic (Hulk–there’s a joke waiting somewhere in there for you). Remember how they would have those fun little lines from the foil all over them? And you would spend lunch smoothing out your foil so it was perfect? OCD much?

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  10. Have to get my 130 month old and 91 month old on the school bus so I will comment in full later. When I am home with my 12 month and 14 days old. But I had to chime in with…
    Cum Fiesta? Only Hulk would know and be able to find that info.

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  11. Seriously? That’s you? I thought it was Suri Cruise…and I wouldn’t have put it past you to put a picture of her on your desk with all the other photos of people you don’t know. And all the resemblence to Suri thing…don’t let it get up in your head.

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  12. So I guess Tallulah does have a handle on the workings of Casey Chase. It’s a fiesta on your face.
    Yet another possible single on Paula’s first album. I can’t wait until Marvin sees the documentary.
    Thank you Amy, now I can tell the people at work tomorrow that I spent the morning reading poetry.
    My 153 month old son wants to read your blog to see what is so funny, but I don’t think I am ready to explain what a Cum Fiesta is. Or why Paula is so funny. Or why your toes are blue. I may tell him about your “Self” tatoo, very funny.

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  13. Non-Mom Kelly, I have kids (222 months and almost 252 months) and it is just as freaking annoying.
    I must confess I have never eaten a Ding Dong. (That just might explain the persistent lesbian.)

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  14. Non-Mom Kelly, I have kids (222 months and almost 252 months) and it is just as freaking annoying.
    I must confess I have never eaten a Ding Dong. (That just might explain the persistent lesbian.)

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  15. Non-Mom Kelly, I have kids (222 months and almost 252 months) and it is just as freaking annoying.
    I must confess I have never eaten a Ding Dong. (That just might explain the persistent lesbian.)

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  16. OOOOps! That comment was not from Beth! She may be annoyed with someone when she gets home from work or reads the blog from work. Beth did not use the phrase “fiesta on your face”!
    I know some of you question her decision making skills already by being married to me, but she is way too much of a princess to have made such a comment. 🙂

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  17. I used to do the month thing when my son was a baby. It’s because they are growing so fast and learning so many things that a 12 month old is really a totally different creature from an 18 month old even if they are both technically 1. I stopped doing the month thing aroudn 2 1/2. I have no idea how many months my almost four year old is. I guess if I did some math I could figure it out. I don’t like math.

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  18. Frequent reader- new poster !I think the baby month thing is only to be used until kiddos are around 2yrs old. Like Carrie said- a 12month old is a very different creature than say a 16month old. Both still 1 but so different. It very much DOES annoy me (mom to MANY)when ppl use months after 2. Sorry, I just dont count that high or something!?

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  19. Yeah, the months thing is VERY annoying! I don’t have time to do math when I’m just trying to exchange pleasantries with someone! I kinda don’t really care *that* much. I know, I’m going to hell.

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  20. I agree with the months until 2 and then enough’s enough.
    I want to know if your Goth toe polish is also on your finger nails?

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  21. I am a mother of 3.5 little people and I too find it very annoying for other moms to tell the ages of their children in MONTHS. It’s like they are just forcing us to do math in our heads and of all the families in the Multiplication Table Family, isn’t the family of Twelves the one we least want to do in our head?
    I just did the math though and I am 442 months old.

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  22. OK back in to comment and the other moms have summed it up for me. Right now I say the baby is one year old. Next month it will be 13 months. I do it until the 18 month point at which I switch to a year and a half and then almost two. And I will admit here, publicly, that I use it to show off a wee bit. Since my kids are very tall (off the charts… my baby is as tall as an average almost 2 year old) and are early walkers and talkers, I like to point out the correct age. Recently at the grocery store, Cam was wearing his Birthday Boy shirt and someone asked me if he was 2. I said “Nope, one year old today.” I like the look of shock. So kill me.

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  23. I didn’t want to comment the following smutty information in the same comment wherein I am discussing my children.
    Part of the Casey Chase problem is that her first name is spelled Kasey. Yes, I googled her. And here is the following apt description I found:
    “Kasey Chase, hot, blond, porn star TEEN”.
    That’s nice.
    I will not repeat what things it described her as doing or having done to her. But I believe Cum Fiesta would sum it up nicely.

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  24. Wow, Jan…you “Googled” her, eh? I guess everyone’s got a different name for it. I’ll bet Steve has got a whole new image in his head now…
    You weren’t drunkenly and inappropriately hitting on women in New York this past weekend, were you?
    You were in my head now…

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  25. I was going to chime in with saying your child is one is pretty vague, since there’s a huge difference between a 13 month-old, who is still pretty much a baby, and one who is almost two. I think you can stop with the month thing at 18 months though. I was going to tell you how old my kids are in months, but I’m too lazy to do the math, except my youngest is 84 months, and I remember that from the 12 times tables. The older two would require a calculator, or at least a pencil, and I’m not up to that this morning.
    So, the Paper Chase…I used to love that show. I’m just sayin’.

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  26. I like to please, Hulk, and well, I’m flattered. Why am I suddenly hungry for Mexican food???
    I wasn’t sporting any flannel or cutting my hair terribly short to go to NY this past weekend. But I guess if I was a Persistent Lesbian, I would be the girly-girl, lipstick kind. Not the Butch type. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

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  27. It seems like with children, it’s not just months that 2 is the magic number for in age, it’s also weeks. (I’m not sure that sentence made ANY sense at all…) I’ve heard baby’s ages counted in weeks, as in “She’s seven and a half weeks old”, until they are two months old, then they revert to months. I did it too, I just don’t know why. Baaahhhh (or is it bleet, as in sheep noise…)

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  28. I really wish I hadn’t googled that name. It came up with a whole bunch of triple X porn sites. Lovely. I’m probably on some government watchlist now. Eek!

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  29. Omg, I can’t believe I forgot to add this. It’s hilarious that when you google Casey Chase and all of the porn sites pop up, there is Bye Bye Pie along with them. And the snippet of blog text that is shown on the screen?
    I have the feeling Tallulah must be humping Winston again, seeing as Marvin is in there yelling, “TALU! Put it back in your pants!”
    HAHahAHAHahha!!!

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  30. I did months until they were 2 years old unless I was feeling lazy, then I’d just round to whatever half year was closest. I think it is because the milestones come so fast in that first year. My husband refused to say an age in months after 10 months (after that they became almost 1, 1, 1 1/2, 2, etc), so it’s not just people that don’t have kids that are annoyed by the month thing.
    I was going to try and use some google-fu to find Casey Chase, but Hulk’s post has turned me off to that. No pun intended.

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  31. I love Tallulah. She is such a good girl to live with all those boy-type cats. I think she just wants to bond with the only other female in the house. 🙂

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  32. I’m not as worried about being on a government watch list as I am about having to explain the spam I am sure to be getting now that I have googled Kasey Chase. I’m sure my husband will totally believe that I was doing research for Bye Bye Pie.

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  33. Yeah, Jan. As someone whose blog keeps getting looked at by the Department
    of Justice? (Hi, everyone over there!) It’s less porn and more, you know,
    mentioning a president’s name. Which I will not do. Because that’s when they
    started looking at me, was after I maybe said ‘Bill Clinton’ once. Don’t you
    think by now they’d say, “Heavenly days. June appears perfectly
    nonthreatening re Bill Clinton”? Maybe they keep accidentally finding me
    when they are looking for Casey Chase.
    On Tue, Sep 22, 2009 at 1:40 PM, wrote:

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  34. Oh, man, that month thing is so annoying (past age 2 or so). I know Crazy Anal-Retentive Mom and she knows her 5 childrens’ ages to like, the day (even when they’re in utero). “Oh, he was 6 weeks old, three days ago.” “I’ll be fourteen and a half weeks pregnant in 23 days.” Whaaat? An estimate would be work just as well. (Especially because I don’t really care. If I asked, it was probably just to be pleasant while we’re waiting to pick up our children after class.)

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  35. Now see I have the age issue thing too. Only mine is I love the way as we get old, I mean really OLD, we regress. Instead of saying I’m 104 we say I’m 104 and a half or three quarters or seven sixteenths. It is just like little kids telling you they are 48 and a HALF months. Now I can honestly say I don’t go around telling folks I’m 50 and three quarters. I am more apt to tell them I’m forty-ten.

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  36. My kids are in their 20s and often I have to think twice, or forty times, how old they are in YEARS. Anything past 23 months is super annoying; time to count by years.

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  37. Hey, Gladys…when nosy people ask how old I am on my next birthday I plan on telling them that I’m celebrating the first anniversary of my 59th birthday! The following year it will be the 2nd anniversary, etc. Or maybe it should be like 59 years and 43 months?
    FYI to June, I am developing a hernia/hemorrhoids, or something, from trying to control my laughing fits today! You really should post a warning: caution: reading this blog could be dangerous to your job and your underpants.

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  38. Just so you know how you invade our minds…I am out for a delightful day with my kids, um…almost 15 son and almost 17 daughter. We decided we need a little snackage and hit the (out in the middle of nowhere) Camp Sherman Store (Central Oregon). In the cute vintage style refrigerator case is gourmet treats. Son decides he needs the big chocolate bomb looking thing. I relent…..it kinda looks like a lava cake but it has been refrigerated. He says, “Mom-this is amazing”. Now, when someone says amazing and it’s related to chocolate, you know you gotta have a bite. So he hands it over and I dive in. The first thing I thought was…Oh-my-gosh….this thing tastes like a Ding Dong made in heaven by God himself. Then, totally out of nowhere, my brain says to me…”June would totally LOVE this”. WHAT THE HECK is up with that???? It’s not even like I keep up everyday around here and now you have a chocolate advocate in my brain, sheesh!

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  39. I think I might be a bad Mum – my baby is um… wait… counting.. 7 months. ish. I agree that people just count to compete. If my kid was an overachiever I might care more, but I think she’s going to be one of the laid back bermudan beach living rasafarian ‘hey mon’ people. Except she’s white. And Australian.
    I googled casey and got the fiesta result of Hulk, and then I googled “casey chasem pie” and it didn’t help that the description sentence was about Lula humping Winston! No wonder you’re popular.

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  40. Yeah, the toes are too Goth. They really clash with the new, improved, sleek hairo.
    And what’s with the speaker in the background? Did you know they make a thing called an Ipod now? And you can get a speaker for one of those that is about as big as a postage stamp but will blow your doors off. Just so you know. I don’t even know if they will accept speakers like that a the Goodwill drop off anymore.

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  41. Well, gee, Mary, as much as I enjoy your critique about my entire life, as
    for the speakers, we have a Victrola, several 8-track players, and a
    turntable, plus every kind of iPod there is. So the speakers are just one of
    about 5848594349 musical thingamabobs we have.
    On Tue, Sep 22, 2009 at 7:37 PM, wrote:

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  42. Casey Chase is a porn star! I just googled it! DIRTY PEOPLE ARE LOOKING AT YOUR BLOG! Okay they probably already covered that in the bajillion comments above this one, but dang it, I couldnt help it, the first thing I did was comment to tell you. Anyway, I’m off to find out about the tattoos!’

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  43. Well, I’m only 449 months, but here’s my general rule: if your kid is UNDER one year old, months seem appropriate. After that… round to the nearest 1/2 year until they’re about 3. Then they’re just the age they are because nobody wants to have to do New Math and divide it all out by 12 and carry the left overs.
    So should we assume that Suri Cruise will look like June later in life? Can’t wait to see how many hits you get from people googling Suri Cruise.

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  44. Okay. I am so with Lillysue on this. I have been at home with a sinus infection that worried my doctor. Quarantined for my own safety, it you will. Just now, I ventured from my bed to find SNAIL PORN happening in my frog tank! At first I could just hear the sweet sounds of “Boom Chikka Wow Wow” faintly in the distance…
    Seriously? I wondered out loud how many months old the two of them were…

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  45. Okay. I am so with Lillysue on this. I have been at home with a sinus infection that worried my doctor. Quarantined for my own safety, it you will. Just now, I ventured from my bed to find SNAIL PORN happening in my frog tank! At first I could just hear the sweet sounds of “Boom Chikka Wow Wow” faintly in the distance…
    Seriously? I wondered out loud how many months old the two of them were…

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  46. Okay. I am so with Lillysue on this. I have been at home with a sinus infection that worried my doctor. Quarantined for my own safety, it you will. Just now, I ventured from my bed to find SNAIL PORN happening in my frog tank! At first I could just hear the sweet sounds of “Boom Chikka Wow Wow” faintly in the distance…
    Seriously? I wondered out loud how many months old the two of them were…

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  47. I was reading some other blog, can’t remember what…or maybe it was on Facebook…but a lady said she was 39 plus shipping and handling. I’m totally using that from now on.

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  48. First they all crush on me, now someone is actually pretending to BE ME?? C’mon, Whitni…yes I am cool and hip and happening, but don’t be ashamed to BE YOURSELF! Learn to love yourself, and not just in a Kasey Chase sort of way.

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  49. Okay, I had to Google both ding-dongs and the time difference between EST and BST but I am now ready for book clubbing. Well, assuming that I manage to read the last 200 pages in a week. And also find me a British equivalent to ding-dongs. And manage to stay up til 2am on a Wednesday night…it’s not looking good is it?
    Guess I’ll weigh in next day, but in case I forget I will tell you now my brilliant observation: The Fountainhead is the book that Robbie the creep tries to foist on Baby in Dirty Dancing. I know this because I spent precious reading time watching Dirty Dancing last weekend. Probably everyone else knew this already but I’d never noticed before. I’m sure it merits much intellectual discussion.
    I’m off to read now. Or maybe watch Mad Men. Hmmm…

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