The other day Marvin tells me my iPod is corrupted, which made me think my iPod met the wrong crowd and started smoking that cocaine, but apparently it just means all your songs go away and you have to put them back on again.
Marvin was only too happy to fill my iPod.
Let me tell you a little something about Marvin. He owns every song ever invented in the history of mankind. Also? Marvin is annoying.
We had houseguests once, and after they went to bed, Marvin listened to our guest's iPod, decided all her songs on it were stupid, then proceeded to stampede to the computer to change up all her tunes. I am not making this up. Unfortunately for him, she got up about an hour later, and came out to look for said iPod, which Marvin was wholeheartedly violating with stupid songs like Strawberry Letter 23.
Did I mention our guest was 21 at the time, and in no way, shape, or form would get a kick out of hearing Strawberry Letter 23, which was probably a song before she was a zygote?
So, part of my quest to weigh 102 pounds is I'm back to my running, which if you ask Tallulah means I'm back to an annoying trot. Because I have been taking this dog, this cheetah with floppy ears, out with me, and she is so.fed.up. with my slow pace. That dog runs like the wind. So when we go out, she is forever pulling as hard as she can, then looking back at me with pity, and slowing down to this patronizing sort of fast dog walk.
Hey, one of us is two. And part Tibetan Spaniel. Is what I'm saying to you.
Naturally I am taking my iPod with us as we run, and I frankly do not know how Talu enjoys herself without an iPod. An iPawed.
Yesterday I forgot that Marvin put new songs in, because they were all regular things I like. It wasn't till today that I realized I want to cram this shiny magenta thing where the sun does not shine. And I don't mean Seattle.
Marvin. I know that you knew Michael Jackson. That does not translate to "your wife will want every Michael Jackson song ever written" in her ear. In fact, I really don't want ANY Michael Jackson songs. I am sorry.
And, yes, I know you hate the fact that I like ABBA. But Marv. I don't need eighteen ABBA songs. Give me one Dancing Queen and I'm on my way.
Do you have any idea how irritating it is to have to pull your iPod out, make the dog slam on her breaks, and plink plink plink through songs until you get one you like?
The final straw was when he added Hocus Pocus by Focus.
A) You have never heard this song unless you grew up in Saginaw, or a similarly Saginaw-y town. Do some of your townswomen wear chains connecting their wallets to their belts? The straight women? Then okay. Maybe you've heard Hocus Pocus by Focus.
B) I was careful to pick the most exciting video I could find of Hocus Pocus by Focus. Enjoy the visuals. And please, stay until they start yodeling, I beg you. Really. They're going to yodel.
So, I have big plans tonight. Until midnight I will be preparing all my glycemic index diet foods (I cannot tell you how easy this diet is, other than the having-to-bring-everything-to-work part. I was not hungry all day) and then from midnight till 5:00 I will be removing stupid songs from my iPod.
Wait. Let me get it and just randomly choose five songs. So you can feel my pain.
1 Man, 1 Woman by ABBA. Okay, you see what I mean?
Jet Airliner by The Steve Miller Band. Seriously. Have you ever heard me wax on about how I like to jam out to The Steve ridiculous Miller Band?
I Can't Help It by Michael Jackson. I can't help filing for divorce.
Wanna B Startin' Something by Michael Jackson. See above re divorce proceedings.
Temptation by New Order. Okay, I love that song.
But Marvin, they made songs after 1987, you know. Don't argue with me on this.
You wanna be startin' something?