Why do I forget that my mother's computer was first used by Methuselah? I thought I'd be clever and put Tallulah's picture on as their wallpaper, which will be funny because they won't know how to change it, so I hit "Set as wallpaper" and the computer said:
for 109 minutes.
I hate it when being obnoxious backfires on you.
Anyway, I hate everyone at airports. WHY is everyone so obsessed with their cell phones? We went millions of years without them, we've gone maybe 10 with them, and now people need to be incessantly on them. They guy across from me, as I was waiting for my delayed flight? Which I was certain was delayed because there was something very, very wrong with the wing, and they were gluing it back on? Was on his laptop and a headset, like he was selling Time/Life products or something.
"YEAH, BUDDY, heh-heh, DON'T GET THAT SOFTWARE! heh-heh! LET ME GET OVER TO YOUR NECK OF THE WOODS AND LET ME SHOW YOU WHAT YOU NEED FOR YOUR SETUP, THERE."
Thanks, Time/Life obnoxious person, for letting me in to your life involuntarily. Perhaps you should stop judging other people's software and start evaluating why you have to SCREAM INTO YOUR HEADSET.
Then he was annoyed that the airline employees had the nerve to keep announcing flights over the intercom. Don't they know he's screaming and heh-hehing into his headset?
Sitting next to me on the plane was a businessman-looking person, and he kept BREAKING THE RULES and TEXTING while they were telling us not to use any electronic equipment. Okay, really, bub, if we go down because all the pilot can hear is the boop boop of your texts, I am not pulling you from any wreckage, I can promise you that.
At any rate, I finally got here and my entire family came bursting in the door all at the same time, like on sitcoms when someone's having a party and big groups of people walk in all at once. It's the midwest. We're a timely people.
Except for my Uncle Leo, who called and said, "What time are we supposed to get there? Six or seven?" and I said, "Six, Leo, and everyone's here." Uncle Leo said, "Well, I'm parked right outside, I'm just making sure it's at six." Perhaps he thought my mother had purchased 10 cars, all of them exactly resembling the cars of the rest of her family.
My Aunt Kathy divorced my Uncle Leo about 25 years ago (see example above) and has been married to my Uncle Bill forever. But we kept Uncle Leo anyway (see example above).
Once my Uncle Leo was wearing two watches, and we asked him why, and he said, "Well, this one's broken."
Anyway, we had dinner and then we all crammed into the den to watch two Twilight Zone episodes. I guess we were being Halloween-y. We watched the horrifying Talky Tina one, and I don't know if you remember Telly Savalas was in that episode, and he was really mean. Every time he did a mean thing, my Uncle Jim was fully supportive of him. Telly Savalas had a stepdaughter in the show, and at one point he screams at her, "I'm not your father!" and my Uncle Jim said, "Well, she's gotta know."
Really, I wish you could be here to appreciate the terribleness that is my Uncle Jim.
The other Twilight Zone we watched was the one where the guy won't go to heaven unless he can take his dog with him, which is really the best one. I highly recommend it.
I must be off now to shower and start shopping for my Halloween costume. Because yes, I am the kind of person who waits for Halloween to begin shopping for her costume. All I need, though, is a gray wig, and mom needs her blonde fright wig. You will all have to wait until I return to see photos, because if you think this King Tut computer can be hooked up to a camera, you are wearing two watches.