Why do I forget that my mother's computer was first used by Methuselah? I thought I'd be clever and put Tallulah's picture on as their wallpaper, which will be funny because they won't know how to change it, so I hit "Set as wallpaper" and the computer said: "Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuggggggggggggghhh" for 109 minutes. I hate it … Continue reading I’m Talky June, and I don’t think I like cell phones
God, I hate flying. I am a nervous wreck the entire time. I guess that's why God invented iPods. And Dramamine. And wine. And Ambien. And heroin. I don't know why I keep getting kicked off the plane. I have never actually been drunk on a plane, have you? It's just never come up. On … Continue reading Silver bird takes me ‘cross the sky
It is 8:29 p.m. and I have just finished working. Which means technically I worked a 12-and-a-half-hour day. Well, a 12-hour and 29-minute day. But it's not so bad. I got done with my regularly scheduled job--which doesn't it seem like my last day is taking forever to get here?--and came home and did some … Continue reading Good-n-Shiny
Do you wanna know who's been bugging me lately? Marvin.I know I told you about how I wanted to tour that mansion on our anniversary, and he acted all into it until the day of, and then he said, "Yeah, we can tour that mansion. Unless you want to go somewhere else."Okay, Manny P. Lative … Continue reading Shining star
You know on Sunday, how I told you about going to that dinner of many bloggers, and how one faithful reader told me she figured out where TinyTown was based on stuff I said in my blog? Okay, really? You can't just SCROLL DOWN two posts from this one? You really expect a link? Puleeze, … Continue reading I won’t be IGNORED, June.
(At long last, one of my ex-boyfriends has written his scathing expose on what it was like to date me. I picked him to write this because he's an actual writer in real life, and also he is unmarried, so I figured no one would be mad if he wrote this. I mean, other than … Continue reading “I dated June. I also made her wait for this post.”
First of all, thank you everyone who tried to make me less cranky yesterday. Who knew being a Crabby Appleton could garner so many comments? It's kind of like when I was a waitress; if I was my normal irked self my tips were way better than when I feigned that I was helpful and … Continue reading An evening in which Carpool Queen touched my bra
Not really in a blogging mood. Go read my 3295737926t572456734903490 comments complaining about my new look and maybe you'll see why. But while I'm on the subject of comments, Hulk and Jan share the Commet of the Week honors. Go click on This Week's Special, there. Until I once again wish to indulge in this sometimes … Continue reading Kind of over it
Miss Doxie's back! Miss Doxie's back! Miss Doxie in the haus! Hello, Miss Doxie! She didn't post for a YEAR, and yet every month or so I'd check, even though it seemed futile. Oh, how I heart me some Doxie. And she owns a cat now! Yay! Really, that's all I need to type about this … Continue reading Return of Doxie
Because so many of you had so much to say about Vern--the man in my new masthead--yesterday, I thought I would delight you with a picture of said Vern in his Speedo. You're welcome. What says fashionable like some tighty goldies and your loafers? I don't know why I assume his...trunks...are gold, they just … Continue reading No Speedo, radio
So yes, some of you saw yesterday that I got a new look. My designer, Sadie Olive, said yesterday that we were ready to put it up but I didn't know it'd be, you know, right then. Seconds later I got an email from Faithful Reader Sleeping Beauty and I figured out it must be … Continue reading Does my new blog design make me look fat?
Mince Words with June is my book club. We meet every month-ish here on my blog. I will post what I thought of the book, and then you join in the discussion with your comments. Currently we are reading Forever by Judy Blume. Yes, we are, and calm down, Ralph. We will meet to discuss … Continue reading Mince Words with June
I tried to capture for you my cats' dramatic fight. Who's Afraid of Virginia Woof? Okay. Would have made sense had it been a dog fight. This one looks less like a throwdown and more like a passionate embrace. Which, really, isn't that what all fights are, deep down? What need for therapy? Smell it, … Continue reading The Feline-American War
We went to the State Fair on Sunday. It was effing cold. Okay, it was 48 degrees. I understand I spent the first 27 years of my life in frigid Michigan. I'm wimpy now, folks. I've lost my Michigan toughness. But not the nasal accent. Maybe I talk through my nose because I have a … Continue reading Fair weather, friends
Lula wear pink ribbon. I nice.Okay, so, my dog bit me yesterday.I wasn't gonna tell you, because I knew someone out there would say, "PIT BULL! SHE'S ONE-THIRD PIT BULL! EVILLLLLL PIT BULLLLLS!"Just like that. That's just how you'd say it.And she's one-third American Staffordshire terrier, which technically isn't Pit, but whatever. Girlfriend bit me. … Continue reading Bitey Dog
When that old man sitting next to him was done making love to his tonic and gin, wasn't it kind of more of a white Russian at that point?
In that Billy Joel song Piano Man, why does he sing, "It's a pretty good crowd for a Saturday"? Wouldn't Saturday probably be the busiest night at a bar? Anyway I just got up and I already had a lot of readers today. You all must be waiting for me to climb atop a water … Continue reading It’s a pretty good crowd for a Saturday
Okay, the most important part is I redid my Mad Men picture. Go do it. It's my world. And in my world, I get to be having a martini with Don Draper. Also, I'm thinner, and my nose is less bulbous this time. Do you think it means I have higher self-esteem today? Do you think … Continue reading Stirred, not shaken
Quit my job. Will be here probably 30 days unless they kick me out early. More later, but not much more. Don't want to trash this place. Unseemly to criticize the place that's clothed and fed you for a year and a half.
June had a horrid day yesterday. June's day today will not be much better. June cannot complain about it, lest she become Dooce. The only good news is that June MadMen'd herself. You can do it too if you click the link. Did I make my nose too bulbous? Please tell me I made my … Continue reading Mad June