Hot dogs and dead dogs

I was just boiling water to steam some broccoli when the phone rang. It was Marvin. "I'm going to Sonic. You want anything?"

Sonic! Oh! Oh, my beautiful Sonic. My beautiful wickedness. "No," I said, "I'm making my eDiets dinner."

"Yeah," said Marvin, "I figured you'd be on your eDiet."

Pause.

"Get me a footlong chili cheese dog, and don't forget the mustard and onion. And a cranberry limeaid."

Oh, what do you want from me? Sonic is my shangri-la. And did I mention I lost two pounds last week from my eDiet? That was my total weight loss goal. Two pounds.

Okay FINE. Shut up.

Also too, for those of you who watched Tallulah's dog day care on the webcam, you may remember the doggie who was always there in a wheelchair, Oscar. Yesterday when I walked in, Oscar's owners were there. Oscar died on Sunday, very peacefully, in his backyard. He was 15. The owners had come to tell day care–because Oscar was there almost every day–and to thank day care for all they did, getting that dog in and out of his little wheels all day.

As soon as Oscar's people told me, I burst into tears, which of course made them cry, and then it made Tallulah pee on the floor. It was a good time over there at dog day care. An arid moment, at any rate.

So that's my happy news. Oh, and if you clicked on the dog day care webcam just now, you may notice that they updated it and now you can't get on. At least that's what happens to me from my computer. Annoying.

Why do things have to improve?

I guess that's all I have to tell you today, except that if I hear one more word about those Gosling idiots or whoever they are, with the eight kids, I am going to shove wasps up my nethers. Which will accomplish nothing, but it was the worst thing I could think of.

Oh! And one more thing. Did anyone notice that Hulk never told us how big his TV was yesterday. Hulk! Are you one of those huge-TV people, or not?

56 Comments

  1. Sad news about Oscar!
    Sonic is DEFINTELY heaven. When me and the ex moved from MN to NM, I had a cherry limeade every day for at least 4 months. And tots! YUM!
    Speaking of man-caves, my boyfriend has his own version- the “garage-majal.” The old ratty couch, the big screen tv, his video games, and the cats all live out there in the Garage Majal. Oh, and the weird band posters and other various man-decor items. Boys are silly. Although I will admit I watch football out there, if it’s not too cold.

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  2. Damn being on the other side of the globe – whenever I click on the doggy day care link I used to get an empty room. And now I don’t get to see Oscar.
    No Sonic in Oz either. I wants it!

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  3. Hi Marleen,
    Yes! I have been living in Belgium for three years now. We came straight from Texas. Steve, for one solid year my kids and I had a pact that we would not even mention the word Target as we got waaaaay too homesick. The Carrefour just isn’t the same as awesome Target.

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  4. Extra long cheese coney + tater tots with cheese + cherry limeade slush = my favorite pig out meal.
    I didn’t know there were people who hadn’t heard of Sonic, guess it’s a Midwest thing?

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  5. A man cave can also be in the backyard, that’s where my sister’s fiancee’s is. He and his twin brother both have one, and they argue over whose is bigger. HA!

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  6. When I lived in Asheville a Sonic was 1/4 of a mile from my house. I liked their chili dogs, but was addicted to the diet cherry limeade. But gadzukes the service was painfully slow. I think they must have fallen on their heads one too many times as they skated around.
    Hey, are all you peeps from Michigan hurling over the loss tonight to Minnesota? What a game.
    Hulk did you watch it on your 147″ t.v.?

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  7. We have a Sonic somewhat close by, but since we’re on a freaking strict budget, and we also try our best to eat healthy, I’ve only been there once. Which means I have yet to realize why it’s so awesome.
    Then again, I feel that way about most fast food places. Probably because Subway is my weakness.

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  8. Hyphen Mama~ read “Fast Food Nation”. That’s even more in depth about how gross the fast food industry is (June~ did I end that sentence correctly?). That will *really* make you want to stop eating any of that stuff.
    As far as the +8 stuff: please just go away! And I don’t even have cable, just hear about it everywhere else!

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  9. We do not have any Sonics in our area. What we do have, however, are many, many Sonic commercials to taunt us with all the Sonic-y goodness we are missing out on.

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  10. Sonic, mmmmm. There’s one right down the street. During my last pregnancy (like 8 years ago), I needed a banana cream pie milkshake on a regular basis. Yes, NEEDED.

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  11. I’m flattered, Hulk, but I was hoping you could find somebody who wasn’t fifty years old and married to tart around the cave. I’m a little long in the tooth for that, but delightfully free of facial hair, despite the Furry moniker…
    Ladies, know of any younger, single, hairless women with redonkulous ‘tocks to party with Hulk in the Cave this weekend?

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  12. I’m flattered, Hulk, but I was hoping you could find somebody who wasn’t fifty years old and married to tart around the cave. I’m a little long in the tooth for that, but delightfully free of facial hair, despite the Furry moniker…
    Ladies, know of any younger, single, hairless women with redonkulous ‘tocks to party with Hulk in the Cave this weekend?

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  13. I’m flattered, Hulk, but I was hoping you could find somebody who wasn’t fifty years old and married to tart around the cave. I’m a little long in the tooth for that, but delightfully free of facial hair, despite the Furry moniker…
    Ladies, know of any younger, single, hairless women with redonkulous ‘tocks to party with Hulk in the Cave this weekend?

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  14. I forgot about the amount of commentors on Team Hulk. My apologies to Hulk and his manhood. Perhaps someone should bring him some Sonic Milkshakes to his yard for me as a form of detente. Thanks.

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  15. Nope, no Telenet. So I am still blissfully unaware of the exciting life of this family …
    Americanmom, are you living in Belgium then ?
    Hulk, I am almost seeing it, almost, … no, not al all. A man cave. A new American expression learned every day !

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  16. Poor Oscar. I’m tearing up and I didn’t even know him. LOOK AT WHAT YOUR BLOG IS DOING TO ME!
    Congratulations on the two pounds. Spend some time reading about the fast food industry and you’ll never want it again. Worked for me. Although, I could totally see you as the type to recite disgusting facts about spider parts, feces and animal hair while sitting at a fast food restaurant having a meal with friends. You can make anything entertaining.

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  17. Marleen,
    If you have Telenet you can see Jon and Kate plus 8 between four and six times a day on 503 in Belgium. Makes me proud to be an American when all of Europe sees this as one of our finest 😦 entertainment offerings.
    As for Sonic, nothing comes close over here. I am sure I will dream tonight of a Route 44 filled with good Sonic ice. The traditional Belgian drive-thru is Chicken Man. For the uninitiated, he drives a truck that he parks on the side of the road in different neighborhoods each night and sells rotisserie cooked chickens, ribs and a few sides. He cooks them right there in his truck. What a country!

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  18. June, I am so sorry to hear about the passing of Tallulah’s pal, Oscar. I did enjoy watching him on the daycare-cam.
    Sonic is the BEST!!! They have a smokey bbq sauce you can ask for on the burgers in place of mustard or mayo. That stuff is delish! Tater tots with chili and cheese is the next best thing to the Frito Pie.
    But nothing, nothing at all, compares to the fresh-squeezed limeade slushies. It is totally worth the brain freeze to get one of those. Our Sonics have drinks dirt cheap at Happy Hour from 2 – 4 p.m. Technically, that is 2 hours, but who’s quibbling?
    Also, look for the twice a year when they run junior banana splits for 99¢. Woo Hoo!!
    Steve, I think Hulk is right. You breached some sort of Man Code by outing him in front of women. I am sure there is some sort of penalty for that.

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  19. Hulk, before you invite Furry over, shouldn’t you reference the history of this blog and see what part of her body she is growing hair out of? Was she “dark like man”?
    No, wait, I think that was June.
    Just make sure your basement is wheelchair accessible in case she brings her pets.

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  20. OK…
    Steve~Thanks man. Way to violate the guy code. You only make fun of the size of another man’s TV in front of other guys. You’ve been married too long.
    Furry~Whatcha doin’ this weekend??
    Gladys~What if you have a big TV AND know how to use it? That’s gotta be a plus…
    Linda~Gimme a break. A guy thing?? And how many pairs of the SAME SHOE do you have?

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  21. When I die I want to come back as a dog in Oscar’s family. What a good life they gave him, I’ll bet he was a great dog. I would have cried too when I heard the news.
    Hulk – we have a huge Sony flat screen tv, bought a year and a half ago, and my husband keeps looking at the Sunday ads and seeing that we can now get the same size, much higher Mhz for half the price. I don’t get it – once I buy something I quit looking at the ads. Is this a guy thing?

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  22. P and S…
    They are putting the finishing touches on the only Sonic here for miles and miles. I just know that my old Sonic in the town I used to live in is going to call them and let them know I will be their sole source of income. I love love love Sonic.
    Tell Marvin I want a pancake on a stick and a cup of vanilla coffee and while he’s there go ahead and get me a Route 44 Cranberry Iced Tea. 🙂

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  23. Hey June are you like that movie where everyone that guy touched they died? If so DONT TOUCH ME!…but can I send you a list of people I would like for you to reach out and touch?
    Also and too…Hulk, it’s not the size of the TV it’s how you use it. 🙂

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  24. Hey Junie, I am on a diet and give myself two free calorie meals a week. Anything goes and I go straight for the barbeque with fries and onion rings for one of them. I’ve lost thirty pounds to date. Just get back on it today. One hot dog a week won’t make you heavy…
    Sorry about little Oscar Myer wiener on wheels. Over the years, I’ve painted about five or six portraits of rolling canines and even one cat named, “Egypt”. He was lucky to have such a long life and people who were crazy about him.
    And Hulk, what? No saucy babe in shorts that show her ‘tocks to run and fetch you a cold one from the bar? What kind of man cave is that?

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  25. Hey Junie, I am on a diet and give myself two free calorie meals a week. Anything goes and I go straight for the barbeque with fries and onion rings for one of them. I’ve lost thirty pounds to date. Just get back on it today. One hot dog a week won’t make you heavy…
    Sorry about little Oscar Myer wiener on wheels. Over the years, I’ve painted about five or six portraits of rolling canines and even one cat named, “Egypt”. He was lucky to have such a long life and people who were crazy about him.
    And Hulk, what? No saucy babe in shorts that show her ‘tocks to run and fetch you a cold one from the bar? What kind of man cave is that?

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  26. Hey Junie, I am on a diet and give myself two free calorie meals a week. Anything goes and I go straight for the barbeque with fries and onion rings for one of them. I’ve lost thirty pounds to date. Just get back on it today. One hot dog a week won’t make you heavy…
    Sorry about little Oscar Myer wiener on wheels. Over the years, I’ve painted about five or six portraits of rolling canines and even one cat named, “Egypt”. He was lucky to have such a long life and people who were crazy about him.
    And Hulk, what? No saucy babe in shorts that show her ‘tocks to run and fetch you a cold one from the bar? What kind of man cave is that?

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  27. Marleen, let me help…
    Imagine a room with pictures of flowers, vases of potpourri, and butterflies…
    Now take all that crapola and trash it; add a bar, many beer mirrors, and a big-screen TV for watching the game.
    And a bathroom so you don’t have to keep marchinmg upstairs during the commercials…

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  28. I never met Oscar and never lurked on his webcam, but the thought makes me sad, too. Poor old guy. I would have cried or peed myself too.
    No Sonics in Moscow, alas, although there is sushi in EVERY restaurant. Because, relatively speaking, sushi is cheap. I even found a place called a Sushi-teria over the weekend. Must go back and take photos.

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  29. Well, you made me google these Goslin (or however it is spelled) people … I guess we have similar shows here, a lot of people enjoy watching those.
    Also, I have never been to a Sonic. I have been a few times to the States, but never have seen one. Wait, let me google. Nope, no Sonic on this side of the ocean. My google did not even find it, I had to add “burger”.
    That kind of makes it even, no Sonic, but also no Goslins.
    And now I need to figure out what a man-cave might be …

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  30. hahahaha 16th minute calling!! I’m so over those people and their child exploitations.
    Did you ever see the movie “Supersize Me!”? That cured my fast food craving for life. Every time I think I want to go buy a big ‘ole somethingorother, I watch that and I’m nauseous when it’s over. You’d think that would mean I’m thin and trim…but alas. I hope Sonic gives you a kick back for all the good publicity you’re giving them.

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  31. Seriously those John and Kate plus eight people need to be stopped. Those poor, poor children. And, really? Who cares anymore? They need to get over themselves.
    And, sad news about Oscar. Such a cute little guy.
    A Sonic just opened nearby in Danvers, MA, and there have been traffic jams every day since it opened! I have yet to try it. I do not eat mammals or deep-fried things, so what would you recommend, Junie?!

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  32. There is a Sonic just down the street from me. I pass it everyday to/from work. So, you are telling me I should stop in? Who knew.
    Haha! 16th minute calling, good one Hulk. Guess I’m lucky, I barely know who the Gosslins are. Mostly from putting out the new People magazine at work each week. (Yes, the library where I work has dusty old books, but the latest copy of People mag.)

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  33. Oh, I love how you all are so curious about all things Hulk. Thank you for feeding my virtual ego.
    Hulk too, has a man-cave, with the requisite big-screen with which I watch the Browns (shut up, Steve). I will not note its actual size, but suffice it to say that it satisfies. You are right about me, Joanna.
    I lost the 35″ in the living room, but I upgraded and got a flat-screen even bigger (modesty prevents me from saying how big). And yes, Hulkette takes that over whenever she is there, including this weekend when we watched “Paul Blart-Mall Cop” instead of the the 2nd half of the Buckeyes game. How could I say no?

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  34. I eat at Sonic every other day for lunch. There are very few things on the menu that are gluten free, but I get the footlong chili cheese dog without the bun and with very little chili and it doesn’t make me sick. It is so good!
    My husand & I are building a house right now. He insisted on having a “man cave” and is putting a 160″ screen with a projector in it! If he adds a mini fridge, I may never see him again.
    I am so sad for Oscar’s family. He was the cutest little thing. I’m also sad that I can’t pull up the doggy day care webcam.
    Oh, and the Goslings need to make as much money as they can to pay for all the therapy their kids are going to need. Poor babies!

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  35. This Sonic of which you speak….it sounds like heaven. Does it have a playland?
    And am I the only one who is confused by the whole dog-in-a-wheelchair thing? Did he go around with an old plaid blanket on his lap, too?
    Now I’m going to hell for making fun of crippled old people. And it’s all your fault.
    Oh, but speaking of doggies on wheels, I’m thinking you could tell me – is there some new trend in doggie strollers? In the past week or so, I’ve seen 2 dogs being pushed around my suburban neighborhood in just such appurtenances. What’s up with that?

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  36. There is a new sonic in Grand Rapids (MI)…. i’ve driven by, there was a line 9,482 miles long… i didn’t realize it would have been worth the wait.

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  37. Oh I LOVE Sonic! I just found out there is one going in across from my office. I called my sister and told her I had great news…she immediately thought I was engaged or pregnant. Nope, even better – we’re getting a Sonic. 🙂

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  38. There is no Sonic near our house, but the last time we were near one Beth said we HAD to stop because June big pink puffy-hearted Sonic. Were we uncool for getting out of our vehicle to eat at a table? Were the toothless people sitting in their pick up truck judging us? (I am assuming they cannot get the chicken tenders, too much chewing).
    I have not caught up on all the comments regarding Hulk’s television, but my bet is that between alimony, having a young daughter, and being the selfless guy that I believe him to be, his tv is a mere 19″.
    Besides, why would he want to watch the Browns lose to the Bengals on anything bigger?

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  39. I am also on a diet and there is a sonic 2 minutes from my house. While buying sundaes for the kids last night (who earned them for getting flu shots, only they didn’t because my doctor is out of flu shots) I saw they now offer a chicken tender dinner. For $3.99 you get chicken tenders, fries, texas toast, ONE onion ring, cream gravy and a drink. This meal was made for me in heaven. Truly, the genius that comes up with ONE onion ring. That’s really all I want AND it makes it diet-ish. And what a value! I predict I will gain 60 pounds by Halloween.

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  40. I was just thinking that if I heard another peep about those Goslings I would rip my arm off and beat myself with the bloody end.
    Shoving wasps up my nethers would work as well.
    I have never been to Sonic. We have no Sonic up here in The Mitten.
    Oscar was so fortunate to have people who loved him and cared for him for 15 years.

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  41. OK Debbie Downer, enough with the dying (people and pets) and the burning down of favorite places. You are supposed to be a funny blogger.
    I might have to leave Team June and move to Team Marvin or Team Henry.

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  42. The Goslings! Don’t get me started! It’s time for them to fade, fade, fade into obscurity! Especially him! Puhleeese!
    Also, I got a bit teary for Oscar and his people, too.

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  43. Oh gosh I just starting crying about Oscar. I did laugh when Talu peed on the floor. This is my everyday life working at a vet clinic. It never gets easier. I bet it really meant a lot to them that you cried for Oscar. They’ll remember that you cared.
    I bet Hulks TV is huge. Men who brag about TV size are usually lying.

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