I procrastinate every day.

Okay, I've been seeing this transgression a lot again lately, so let's review.

I wear my everyday clothes every day.

I know you are sick of hearing me say that, but WHY CAN'T PEOPLE GET IT? You don't write, "This happens everyday." ACK! No! Every day, TWO WORDS when you are talking about WHEN something happens. Every day.

When you are talking about a humdrum, not-exciting occurrence, it is an everyday occurrence. So again, I wear my everyday clothes every day. Get it? Can't we stop doing it wrong, PEOPLE MAGAZINE and CNN?

Thank you. Oy.

In other news, I have finished The Glass Castle, our book for Mince Words with June. Oh, I wish we could talk about it right away, but we can't. It's a month away, for heaven's sake. I should write my review right now, shouldn't I?

I have never been good with doing things ahead of time.

When I was in college, I had an English class–which is a shock, seeing as I was an English major–and it was held Tuesday and Thursday. The professor said we absolutely had to attend every Tuesday. Each Thursday, there would be a quiz on our assigned reading. The quizzes totaled 50% of our final grade.

Now, we could attend the Thursday classes as often as we liked, but we had to remember that those quizzes. So if you did something stupid like only attend one Thursday, that one quiz would be 50% of your whole grade.

What do you think your pal June did? Did she blow off every single Thursday until the last one? And sometimes I would have even done the assigned reading, but then when Thursday got there, it just seemed like such an effort to walk to class.

The final Thursday was coming, so naturally on Wednesday I got out my–oh my God, what's that called? The thingamajig that you get in class, that lists your homework–SYLLABUS. Geez. You have no idea how that was gonna bug me.

I got out the syllabus and it said your assignment can be found at the library. I traipsed over there, only to find that our assigned reading was The Confessions of St. Augustine, which was an entire, you know, book.

I stomped on over to my professor's office. "Professor Hardarse, there's an error on the syllabus," I fumed. "Which parts of this book are we to read?"

Professor Hardarse chuckled. "I'm very sorry, Miss, but there's been no mistake." He was British. I'm not even making that up for dramatic effect. And he really did call me "Miss." "I assigned that book to teach you procrastinators. You must read the whole thing, and remember, the quiz tomorrow will count for 50% of your grade, since you didn't take any of the other quizzes."

I remember his Persian carpet getting blurry as I sat there and cried.

And do you know I took that stupid book home, and sat up almost all night and read those dreadful confessions? And let me tell you something. The confessions of a SAINT aren't that thrilling.

About a week later, the semester was over, but we could go to Prof. Hardarse's office to pick up our quizzes. I can honestly tell you one of the happiest moments of my life was when I got an A on that quiz, and in the class.

And did I learn anything about procrastination? No. Hell, no. All I learned was that St. Augustine should have whooped it up a little here and there.

I have no idea how I got on this subject.

Finally, I have been getting approached to do product reviews a lot, and I usually say no. But the Oxy-Clean people? Who were REPRESENTED BY BILLY MAYS? WHO LOVED HIM THE OXY-CLEAN, IN CASE YOU DIDN'T HEAR HIM? Offered to send me some Kaboom Shower, Tub & Tile Cleaner.

Kaboom

And I don't know about you, but I think Oxy-Clean is the best thing ever. A stray cat I took in once had six kittens on our yellow bedspread, and oh, how I wish I was blogging back then, because I had SIX BABY KITTENS and oh! Best time ever. Anyway, you can imagine how my bedspread looked, and Oxy-Clean got it out. Completely.

So I said okay, send me the Kaboom. And it worked really well! I use Tilex  usually, because that's what my cleaning lady used when I had a cleaning lady, but Kaboom worked just as well without that terrifying odor.

I told the Kaboom people I was gonna be honest even if I hated their product and they said they weren't worried, and they were right. KABOOM IS A GREAT BATHROOM CLEANER! IT WORKED ON MY COUNTERS AND IN MY SHOWER! I just yelled case you miss Billy Mays.

So there you go. And you'll be shocked to hear I put off using the Kaboom for awhile. But they told me I'd have to clean St. Augustine's bathroom if I didn't get on it, so…

43 thoughts on “I procrastinate every day.

  1. This has nothing to do with the topic, but because of the huge amount of interest the other day, I have to post an update:
    Huge windstorm Wednesday morning caused a tree branch to fall on some wires by Hulk’s house. Hulk’s neighbor came over to say he lost some major appliances due to the power surge, including his computer, air conditioner, microwave, and his TVs. “WHAAAATTT???” Hulk immediately ran inside to check the status of the TVs…THEY SURVIVED!! BOTH TVS SURVIVED!!
    Now Hulk’s furnace, not so much…But the TVs are alive and well. Way to go Hulk with the GFI outlets and surge protectors that the ex said “were a waste”.

    Like

  2. Is Kaboom safe for pets? I just found out Lysol is NOT safe for pets – it’s in little tiny print on their label. And yes, my cats eat treats off the floor sometimes so I need to check this stuff out.

    Like

  3. Oh June, I had to think of you yesterday. Not that it is bad to think of you, as you make me happy every day I read your blog, unlike my boring everyday chores. Do you love me or what? Anyways, I was on the JC Penney website to look for shoes for my son. Here is what I had to read: “Kid’s shoes, boy’s shoes, girl’s shoes”. Will have to send angry email to the company today and demand they hire you as proofreader! Those are everyday words that everyone should know how to spell every day of the year. You’re welcome.

    Like

  4. I was a mathematics major in college, so any grammer tips are much appreciated. Of course, I graduated 100 years ago, so I don’t remember any math either, but I can fill a mean endcap of Kaboom at the Target. I know there will be a rush today, so thanks for the heads up. Readers, don’t go to my store before 3:00, because that’s when I get there.
    I will also choose not to comment on that very weird sentence starting, “Now, we could attend..”, as I am sure the proof-readers from People magazine will do it for me.

    Like

  5. Oh man! The one time I’m early enough to be a top ten and I can’t think of anything keen to say. Oh well, I can say “Good morning and that I read your everyday adventures every day.”
    My personal peeve? “Whenever”

    Like

  6. Wait. St. Augustine? As in St. Augustine, Florida? The patron saint of pedophiles and alligator wrestling? How could that have been boring?

    Like

  7. Wait. St. Augustine? As in St. Augustine, Florida? The patron saint of pedophiles and alligator wrestling? How could that have been boring?

    Like

  8. Wait. St. Augustine? As in St. Augustine, Florida? The patron saint of pedophiles and alligator wrestling? How could that have been boring?

    Like

  9. I hope Carpoolqueen doesn’t read this today. Whenever she sees the word “procrastinator” I’m positive she sees my face. Our senior year of college, the powers that be declared that in order to get a pass to take final exams, every student had to be cleared with all of the different offices. Library books had to be returned, all fines had to be paid, etc. I was frantically working on my senior research papers (that I had waited until the last possible minute to start). Carpoolqueen was freaked out because she didn’t think I would get to graduate simply because I had procrastinated so she took my checkbook and returned my books, paid my overdue fines, picked up all of the paperwork I needed, and got my pass to take final exams while I worked on my papers. By the time graduation rolled around I had frayed her last nerve.
    I still procrastinate and she still loves me. Friendship is a weird and wonderful thing.

    Like

  10. TARGET STEVE: I read that “very wierd sentence” twice to see if I was missing something!
    WHIMZIE: What a great friend!
    HULK: I think you should dress up as your ex for Halloween.

    Like

  11. I thought about that, Kay-Dub. But I went to Target and could NOT find “F***ing B****” in the costume section…
    Does Kaboom work on carpet? Hulkette could spill air, I swear to God…

    Like

  12. OMG I love Hulk. Also, Hulk – you had mentioned that Hulkette made you watch Paul Blart instead of the Buckeyes game a few posts ago. But aren’t you from Michigan? Shouldn’t you hate everything crimson and grey? I could be wrong.
    June, I’m glad that the Kaboom worked well. Perhaps I should try it instead of the stuff I use now that works marginally well. I tried CLR once because I have terrible hard water build up and it didn’t hardly do anything. Waste of money.

    Like

  13. I think you and I had the same English Prof. Only he assigned WAR AND PEACE and yes I just yelled that. Do you have any idea how hard it is to read War and Peace in one night without taking handfuls of No-Doze and drinking gallons of coffee. Yeah I don’t either. Why oh why didn’t they have Red Bull or Monster or any of those other coffee on crack drinks back in the day?

    Like

  14. I use OxyClean in the laundry room, on the carpet, in the bathroom, youbetcha. It gets out everything unless you leave a bloodstain for a week because you forgot that you almost sliced an atery in the shower (a bad memory is not procrastination). It gets out some nasty stuff that I won’t get into here as it would be indelicate to mention. But I am safe here telling you that OxyClean is all we use to clean up the cat vomit gifts we get almost daily.

    Like

  15. ohgoshdarnit. My point was actually just that I will give Kaboom a try because I live in denial regarding my husband’s shower. When we had a cleaning lady, she got that thing clean and I thought she was a saint (notice the tie in to St. Augustine?). I scrub it to death with Comet and still can’t get the soap scum off.

    Like

  16. I always liked the phrase “I procrastinate, therefore I am”. I can’t imagine a life when things are done before it’s a crisis.

    Like

  17. Oh, dear Erin On The LC…
    It’s SCARLETT and gray…
    It’s Hulk’s PARENTS’ fault he lives in this Rotten State Up North…he is all Buckeye.
    “Unfeeling, Uncaring Tramp” also-not there.

    Like

  18. Linda in CO, I think that quotation is actually supposed to be longer. Like, “I procrastinate, therefore I am stressed,” or “I procrastinate, therefore I am likely to live longer because I have so much stuff that I can’t die until I finish,” or something pithy and appropriate. It’s just that since a procrastinator said it, he or she started with “I procrastinate; therefore, I am _____” and never got around to filling in the blank.

    Like

  19. KW in Atlanta, she IS the best.
    So what kind of fragrance does Kaboom have? I’m all about the smell of the cleaner. I don’t know how well Fabuloso cleans, but it makes the bathroom smell like it’s clean.

    Like

  20. I have been making my household cleaners for a couple of years now, except for the stuff you put in the toilets. I still buy that. The smell of most of them was just too much. Now I can make them smell of tea tree oil, or orange or lavender or whatever I feel like that week. It’s easy peasy to do and a spray bottle lasts me about 2 weeks. So it’s only an additional chore twice a month.
    I vote Paula H&B gets comment of the MONTH!

    Like

  21. Hulk? You seriously crack me up.
    “Unfeeling, uncaring tramp” costume?! hee
    Perhaps you could just dress up as a giant douche bag!
    I think that would do it nicely.

    Like

  22. I’m so glad I procrastinated in getting around to commenting this morning and in so doing, got to read Whimzie’s comment. Love ya’, Whimz. And I’m living proof that nerves regenerate.

    Like

  23. Is anyone else a little sad that Billy Mays seems to have been replaced by some anonymous woman’s voice? I mean, I usually muted him, but it’s sad I don’t get to hear “Billy Mays here” before I hit the button now.

    Like

  24. It’s my understanding that St. Augustine had quite a wild life before he got religion and that he would pray to be saved, “but not yet”. He didn’t like women and his influence on the church is still strongly felt.

    Like

  25. Hulk….maybe you could try a different avenue for Halloween… You’ve got Man Hands, right?
    See, just saved you 20 bucks on a costume.
    I find that Kaboom smells a bit strong for my taste… I have to open a window.

    Like

  26. Courtney, you’re not alone in your upset over the Anonymous Woman’s Voice replacing BILLY MAYS! It’s just not the same.
    Also, June, thank you for the KABOOM review. I wasn’t aware it was powered by OxiClean. Now if only they’d come out with a companion product called SHAZAM!

    Like

  27. Whoa, it feels like I haven’t been here for weeks. So much everday news to read from every day that I don’t have the energy to be funny.
    I loved the Glass Castle. Maybe I’ll have to attend the next Mince Words.

    Like

  28. The best part of being extremely nearsighted, is when I’m bathing I can’t see the state of the shower. Looks clean to me, I can’t see any dirt!
    There’s an error I see frequently at work- not so much a grammar error as a stupidity error. We get envelopes passed around with cards to sign. There’s always a list on the outside with our names, and a space to the right to indicate we’ve seen the envelope. Above that column is the word ‘initialize’. I always cross off the ‘ize’, but I don’t think our lovely office staff has gotten the message yet.

    Like

  29. My mom made me a beautiful pink nightgown for my birthday one year. Then I spilled iodine all over it. I really did cry.
    I just happened to have bought some Oxyclean a few weeks prior. I figured I had nothing to lose at this point and I was AMAZED that it really did get the iodine out!!

    Like

  30. I had to read the Confessions twice. The first time was when I was taking religion class, and then I had to read it out loud onto tape for my job at the Office for Students with Disabilities. I’m sure the dyslexic student who ended up listening to those tapes could hear how bored I was with it!

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s