The late June Gardens checks in

Me 001

I didn't have anything to blog about so I went into my photo box, shut my eyes, and selected a picture. This was New Year's Eve when it was about to be 1990. I was at my father's house; we'd just come back from a week in Mexico and Montezuma was wreaking havoc with both of our intestinal parts.

I remember we went out to a fancy dinner that night and neither one of us finished our free glass of champagne, which right there tells you something is seriously wrong. Then we went home to poop some more, and I rang in the new year from his couch.

Other than the part where all the glossy stuff is coming off this picture, I like it. I always wore all black back then. And I like my bracelets, which I bought in Mexico. You were supposed to barter, but I always wanted the shop people to like me, so those bracelets probably cost $49,000.

My father bought that statue in Fiji, I think. Or Australia. Somewhere far, anyway. It occurs to me that when he dies I will have to have that rather not-remotely-my-style statue in my house. I mean, I'm an only child, who else is he gonna give it to? You want it, Aunt Mary? Why couldn't dad be into cherubs and curlicues and pink sparkly Hello Kitty statues? I guess because dad isn't Liberace.

See? I knew grabbing a picture would get me to ramblin'.

Oh, and speaking of pictures, there's a guy at work who's gonna sell me his old digital camera. So our days of looking at June's world though cataracts may be over! I may have me a fancy camera soon!

Also too, I have convinced one of my ex-boyfriends to write a guest post, to be titled, "I dated June." I told him he could tell the ugly truth as much as he wanted. So expect that chilling tale someday soon. He is a published novelist and poet and also kind of a philanderer, so he should tell a good tale. Really, it'd be more interesting if he told his current story, "I'm dating everyone," but it's my blog so he has to talk about me.

Oh, wow, you know what? I was dating him when that picture was taken up there. I just figured that out. Well doesn't this tie up nicely.

I guess that is all I have to tell you, except oh! Remember when I got that little financial windfall a few months back and I said I was gonna get my ridiculous forehead wrinkle filled? Yeah. I didn't. I paid stupid BILLS with my windfall. Have I mentioned I wish we were rich? At any rate, I am now saving my pennies anew because I am thinking I should just have a forehead lift. Look:

Before.

Before

We won't even discuss my roots or that bulbous nose.

After.

After

Wow! I look 20 years younger! So worth it.

Okay goodbye. And remind me to tell you about Marvin changing his Facebook status to "widowed."

30 thoughts on “The late June Gardens checks in

  1. If that’s the kind of souvenir your father regularly brought home, I can see what contributed to the breakup of the marriage! I particularly like the grassy loincloth. And isn’t Marvin going to have fun with that thing … I can see him moving it around so you’ll never know where it’s lurking … dressing it up … leaving it on line for the bathroom. This will be the gift from your father that never stops giving!

    Like

  2. If that’s the kind of souvenir your father regularly brought home, I can see what contributed to the breakup of the marriage! I particularly like the grassy loincloth. And isn’t Marvin going to have fun with that thing … I can see him moving it around so you’ll never know where it’s lurking … dressing it up … leaving it on line for the bathroom. This will be the gift from your father that never stops giving!

    Like

  3. If that’s the kind of souvenir your father regularly brought home, I can see what contributed to the breakup of the marriage! I particularly like the grassy loincloth. And isn’t Marvin going to have fun with that thing … I can see him moving it around so you’ll never know where it’s lurking … dressing it up … leaving it on line for the bathroom. This will be the gift from your father that never stops giving!

    Like

  4. Paula H&B, I hope this is one of those days that Marvin fails to look at my blog. Because you are so correct. Am sending dad some vitamins so he keeps living.

    Like

  5. So, I’m guessing that someone finally answered your e-mail requests. I can’t wait to read the guest post, although I probably know most of the UGLY truth anyway.

    Like

  6. Bartering is the best part!
    In 10th grade I went on a field trip from podunk Virginia to the Big City (NYC). After a full day of walking around the city, most of us went to the little bodega near our hotel for some dinner. They had these muffins that had been advertised as “fresh baked” that morning when we were tromping out at O-dark-thirty. So I told them those suckers were no longer fresh baked and asked for half off. They agreed and I became the personal shopper for the entire group.
    Unfortunately I was too naive and sheltered to realize I probably could have bartered for H&B. Hindsight is always 20/20.

    Like

  7. How much am I loving the fact that you and your dad took a trip together, just the two of you? I don’t recall ever taking a trip with my dad without herds of younger siblings along. That is an awesome memory you created there. I am getting all teary-eyed over here wishing I had done something like that.
    If you had taken that trip one year later we could have run into each other as I was living in Mexico then. Woo Hoo!!
    And you totally could have bartered for H&B in Mexico along with your bracelets! Or some equally intriguing statues to go with their Australian counterparts. 🙂

    Like

  8. June-
    Pull your hair from the front of your face up to the top of your head. Secure with a huge pink sparkly bow.
    There! Don’t you look special! No lift needed.
    Hugs your cute-ie self.

    Like

  9. Seriously – I don’t see a huge difference in the second picture – I actually like the before better – don’t waste your moola on a forehead lift! And think about how elective surgery will affect your hypochondria. You’ll probably end up all worried about some non-existent problem after surgery. It ain’t worth it! Just get yourself some good retinoid creams or something.
    I sound like a nagging mom. Whatever.

    Like

  10. “Eunice Kennedy Shriver”…..cannot.stop. laughing! Paula Hookers & Blow should do a guest spot as well. I might have strained my recently microwaved uterus. Blame it on Sue.

    Like

  11. I just noticed that my comment didn’t show up where I was doing the laughing-silentily-but-hysterically-at-work thing at Paula’s Eunice Shriver comment.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s