Ooh baby before you bump it won’t you shake it just a little for me. (Make June Do It.)

In our second installment of Make June Do It, your faithful servant June has used the Bumpit.


The Bumpit is apparently something they advertise on infomercials, and frankly June is surprised she has not (a) seen said infomercial and (b) been wildly tempted to purchase it, because you give June EIGHT SECONDS with any infomercial and she desperately needs whatever product they’re selling.

Ohmygod, I SO.NEED. that dog dehydrator! My dog is way too wet. And what? They’re throwing in the menthol grater? MY MENTHOL HAS NEEDED GRATING FOR SUCH A LONG TIME.

Seriously, I cannot tell you how they can show me something I do not remotely need, and they have me hypnotized instantly.

Did I ever tell you about when Marvin caught me buying the Escape Your Shape videos at 4 in the morning? In one of his better lines, he said, “You’re gonna WANT to escape your shape when I get done with you! Hang up that phone!”

His menthol is so never getting grated, is all I can say.

At any rate, when several of you asked me to try the Bumpit I did not know what it was. Fortunately, Faithful Reader Shana had not only heard of it, she was sucked into buying it and gladly shipped it off to me. I forget if her hair was too silky or she never got around to it or what the story was. Whatev. The Bumpit was mine.

There are like 79 pieces to this item. It was like getting Lincoln Logs or something. I had to read the directions before I began.

Reading Who is 892 with her reading glasses? Who might as well hang it up and just join one of those Red Hat Societies, with her super super colorful busy reading glasses?

Heresabumpit Anyway, here’s one of the pieces. You pull a bunch of your hairs up and stick it in there, and because my hair is the consistency of a pipe cleaner, that’s no issue.

Hiisbumpithtere Hello? Is your Bumpit running? Do you have Prince Bumpit in a can?

Did you really think I didn’t have to fool around with it first?

Oui Ohhh, cherie! Come to zee Bumpit and we will zee Paris! (I have no idea why this is French.)

Cantseeu LaVar Burton called from the starship Enterprise. Wants his glasses back.


Okay, anyway, I finally put it in my hair. Won’t you enjoy the many natural colors of my hair? Who lives in a pineapple under my hair? Spongebumpit Squarepants.

Bumpy Aaaaaand scene. There it is. Wow.

Reflect I see you! You look all bumpy!


Really? It wasn’t that dramatic. I kind of have Heather Locklear hair. Right after this I slept with Tommy Lee.

Bump Here’s the Bumpit the next morning after my walk of shame from Tommy Lee’s house.

Yeah. So, I tried the Bumpit. I can see where it might be kind of cute if you didn’t have enormous hair like I do. It wasn’t so noticeable on me.

There were also little Bumpits? That apparently you added to the side of your hair? Yeah. Didn’t stay in my head.

I hope you’ve enjoyed your journey with June. I hope you’ve enjoyed making June Do It. Enjoy your bump day! Get it? Cause it’s Wednesday?

Oh, bumpit.

43 thoughts on “Ooh baby before you bump it won’t you shake it just a little for me. (Make June Do It.)

  1. Spongebumpit Squarepants? hahahahahahaha. snort.
    Maybe you could stack all those little bumpits and make a bigger bump? A “Bump Tower” if you will.


  2. I actually like how subtle it looks on you. I have to say, I actually bought the dumb things, because my hair is super fine, and I thought I could use a lift… but, my hair is so thin that I could see the bumpit in my hair, and it looked like a mile high (not the big ‘hollywood’ one, just the regular bumpit).
    The worst part was that I bought it in front of my kids, and they often ask me how the bumpit is working out – I just tell them to never buy anything you see on TV.


  3. But what about the Brazilian you were getting???? Do you realise that means that apart from the hair above your neck all the rest has to be waxed off??? As my daughter discribed it “back, crack and sack” oh .. wait .. that was her father getting a brazillian that she was talking about .. the idea of which he was NOT open to .. bloody wus he is.


  4. oooh, phasejumper, I bought the egg peeler, too! It never worked, dammit. I read the directions and all, but for the love of Pete, how hard should it be?? Anyway, I’m not allowed to buy anything either and that includes the PediPaws that I actually did buy and hid (and also does not work). Good thing my hair is too short for bumpit because I’m certain it would be in my “as seen on tv” closet along with the Ronco in-the-egg-scrambler.


  5. do you know they have an entire website devoted to every “as seen on tv” product EVEAHHHHH…….!!!??????? just type in: as seen on tv. don’t get the battery powered mascara wand, it spins SO slow it would take a week of Sundays to get your lashes coated! Oh how i love ASOT items….


  6. Yeah well my kids still tease me about my Wonder Mop. Hey, I’m still using that thing 10 years later. It isn’t quite the wonder they made it out to be, but it does the job.
    And Smooth Away works too.


  7. Boy, that was anticlimactic, wasn’t it? I saw a girl in her early 20’s with one on. I think she felt so pretty and girly, but she looked silly.
    Expectresse: That Bundt It video was a hoot, and so clever. June, you would love it.
    My husband orders crap off the t.v. I think I may have mentioned before he bought not one, but TWO Neckline Slimmers. The shipping was like $1000. He hasn’t even used his. But I have, and now I’m referred to as “pencil neck”.


  8. Ha!! Tommy Lee just wishes he was that lucky!
    And you my friend, you just keep your bumpit-ed hair and all the rest of you at home with Sr. Salad Gardens. At least you know where he has been lo these last 10 years. 🙂


  9. The nine year old son of a friend of mine told her he was giving her the Bumpits for her birthday “so her hair would FINALLY be pretty”. His friend agreed, saying that she could really use the help.
    Yeah. Too bad he’s homeless now…


  10. The nine year old son of a friend of mine told her he was giving her the Bumpits for her birthday “so her hair would FINALLY be pretty”. His friend agreed, saying that she could really use the help.
    Yeah. Too bad he’s homeless now…


  11. The nine year old son of a friend of mine told her he was giving her the Bumpits for her birthday “so her hair would FINALLY be pretty”. His friend agreed, saying that she could really use the help.
    Yeah. Too bad he’s homeless now…


  12. The only thing I’ve ever had ASOT was an 80’s rock ballad CD that my freshman roomie and I bought together in 2000. We were freshman rebels up there in Boone, NC. Expressing our teenage angst through ASOT purchases at 2:00am. 🙂


  13. Dear June,
    Thank you for saving me from buying a bumpit. I was so tempted since I am forever teasing my hair. I poke it, and make fun of it and it just lies there ignoring me. Anyway I wanted one, a bump it but was on the fence. Now I know. I just need more hair.
    Could you demonstrate those hair extension thingies? Oh WAIT you have too much hair.
    Well if you’ll excuse me I have to go put some more Smooth on my brillo pad hair.
    Did Marvin think it was going to be some kind of kinky sex toy? Kahuna thought I was talking sexy when I told him I wanted a bump-it.


  14. You simply must give us a tour of your cute little dressing table. Please show us: what products are on it, what nail polish colors you have there, what’s inside the little drawers, and where you got it (any history or a great find in a junk store?)
    Also, I didn’t think you were supposed to sleep in the BumpIt. Are you? Is that what the directions say? I thought you just put it in your hair for the day or a night on the town.


  15. So, here’s a suggestion for Make June Do It: The Brazilian Episode. Since the Brow Palace or whatever it was called was so rude and you’re never going back, I challenge you to buy a Sally Hansen All-Over Body Hair Remover Kit and give YOURSELF a Brazilian. And don’t all look so shocked, I’ve been doing it myself for about 5 years now. Never had a professional one, I just buy that kit and do it myself. Much cheaper, and you can take a break if it hurts too much. I’ve tried many kits and that one is hands-down the best and least painful. (Just make sure you trim the hair first per the directions, if it’s too long all it’ll do is pull.)


  16. You know, I totally saw the commercial for these things a few months back and was totally intrigued. I have that same urge to buy infomercial stuff, but I always talk myself out of it. Anyway, I get the feeling those bumpits only work if you have lots ‘o hair.
    Plus, like, what if someone good-naturedly “tousled” you head (ok, weird combo of words). They’d be like: “What’s this hard bump on your head.” Just seems unnatural. I can hardly get myself to wear makeup nevermind insert a plastic half-moon shape under my hair.


  17. Hey June,
    sorry to interrupt the bumpit convo, but I wanted to tell you I just got an email about the H3N8 flu that is the new flu that is affecting dogs. Apparently it started as an equine flu and has mutated to now affecting doggies. The CDC has a page of info on it. Why am I telling you? It says the dogs most likely to be infected are those that attend day care and that are in close proximity to large numbers of dogs. There is a vaccine for this. Just a word to the wise.


  18. I would just like to comment on the fantastic pictures. Someone has camera skills because your whole face is in the picture.


  19. Other Erin? “You can take a break if it hurts too much?” Yes, I think I’ll take a break until I can make braids that would make Rapuzel envious.


  20. Wait a minute. I need more Bumpit info. Did you sleep in it? Did you wear it to work? Did it stay in? I thought you looked good in it. If not, please wear it all day and tell us how it went. Also when I think your reading glasses are sassy. They look perfect for you.


  21. I hope that for your next make June do it you will try the Wen hair care system (as seen on TV). I hope it works because I want to buy it.


  22. Can I just say that I think it looks cute on you. You should wear it to work and see if anyone notices. Did it really take all of 10 seconds like it does in the infomercial though? They make it look easy.


  23. Oh my goodness, I just looked up what you said about Melissa Gilbert and Wen, because I was thinking, no it’s made by some guy named Chaz. I had no idea that the lady on the infomercial was Laura Ingalls Wilder from the Little House on the Prairie show. She looks really different now.


  24. I feel like a celebrity, what with my bumpits appearing on the infamous Bye Bye Pie. To clarify, I was more than willing to send you my bumpit because when I used it for 30 seconds, I looked like a bumpy headed freak. Which, in retrospect, I guess was the goal when I purchased said bumpit. One of those things where the reality is just not as glamorous as promised (see marriage, motherhood and career).


  25. Hey this Chaz dude is the same guy who’s been on Bravo’s Flipping Out with Jeff Lewis all season. Chaz had a homeless person named Spirit living on his porch who just died. I am not making this stuff up. Tuesday nights 10pm.


  26. Just the other day, I saw my first bumpit-in-use. You know how you can’t stop staring at a bad toupee? Well, it was the same kind of experience. I wanted to look into her eyes, but the whole time I was looking at this rounded area on the top of her head thinking, “Is it? I think it is. I think I have my first Bumpit sighting.” I hope she wasn’t telling me something important because I have no idea what she said.


  27. A girl from my high school used them in her wedding. She and all her bridesmaids wore them, and I couldn’t help it, I just stared at her sister, thinking “you already have a loooooong face and a weird looking head, you really want to add a big bump?” She looked horrendous. worst. idea. ever.


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