Stirred, not shaken

Okay,  the most important part is I redid my Mad Men picture. Go do it.

Madmen_standard 
It's my world. And in my world, I get to be having a martini with Don Draper.

Also, I'm thinner, and my nose is less bulbous this time. Do you think it means I have higher self-esteem today? Do you think Don will make passes at cartoons who wear glasses?

+ also 2, I know I made my dramatic chipmunk announcement yesterday that I quit my job.

Oh, just go look at the dramatic chipmunk link if you've never seen it. It is literally five seconds long.

Anyway, I feel like I can't say a lot because I am still there until next month and I don't wish for them to HATE hate me. I'm sure they mildly hate me already, for leaving. But here's how every friend and family member reacted when I told them what lead to me quitting.

"Mmm-hmm. Oh! Oh, dear! Oh no. No. You can't stay. No."

So just pretend you've heard the whole story, and trust me, you'd have the above reaction.

Also too, I have already got some freelance work lined up, which will be great when it actually, you know, GETS HERE. Because the scary part about freelance work? Is the iffy part.

Nevertheless, I love love loved freelancing. I did it for years. I'd love to make it work again. Make it work. Am I Tim Gunn?

After I gave my notice, I immediately emailed my favorite coworker Tank, the miracle angel baby. I have done nothing but make you look at links today, haven't I? I am linkin' continental.

That made no sense.

In case you are sick to death of my links, and didn't look at this last one– the missing link, as it were–Tank and I used to carpool together. Also, he weighed like .000004 ounces when he was born or something. You can imagine how many catalogs he had to sit on when it was his turn to drive. BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

So I emailed Tank that I was leaving our company and he wrote back, "You did what what?" and at this juncture I'd like to point out that Tank is a professional editor. Anyway the point of my story is we had lunch at our favorite restaurant today, the one where you can get chicken fried chicken, and I told him the whole sordid tale while I also ate fried green tomatoes and Coke out of a glass bottle.

God, I love the South.

So sorry I can't be more forthcoming. I hope I don't end up homeless. And without access to chicken fried chicken. And martinis with Don Draper. Have you ever actually had a martini in your life? I mean, not a Cosmo or some other easy-to-drink martini-esque thing, but a straight–not chocolate–martini?

Me either.

Okay bye. And my ex-boyfriend says his "I dated June" post is being worked on. Okay, I take eight seconds to write these posts. How hard can it be? June was the bomb. No woman will ever compare with June. I comb the streets, knowing I won't find her replacement. The end.

Whatev.

Advertisements

Author: June

At one point, I was sort of hot, in a "she's 27 and probably a 7" kind of a way. Now I'm old and have to develop a charming personality. Guess how that's going.

73 thoughts on “Stirred, not shaken”

  1. much better madmen you. The first thing I thought with the last one was “her hair is blonde” then I thought “she’s thinner than that” then I thought absolutely nothing about your nose which is not bulbous. 🙂

    Like

  2. I madmened myself but didn’t feel any of the backgrounds suited my character. FYI
    I’ve had a martini at a friends house. YUCK. Double yuck actually. And gross.
    I hope all the best for you June Gardens.

    Like

  3. “Dramatic Chipmunk”…I’m sure. The things you come up with…
    I wish I could “Seinfeld” myself. I’d be sitting at the coffee shop, trading barbs with Jerry…
    Or “Cheers” myself…that would be cool, hanging with Norm, ragging on Cliff, Sam and me hitting on the hot chicks…

    Like

  4. I followed your lead and quit also, okay no I didn’t, that would be crazy. But I did do the Mad Men cartoon as well and I came out looking like a rather large man in drag. Not flattering. Maybe I really do look like that and no one wants to tell me. Great, now something else to worry about all day.
    BTW, you’re going to be just fine and a much happier person.

    Like

  5. That ain’t no chipmunk, Lady. THAT is a Prairie Dog like my sweet ZuZu Petals!
    Love the Madmen. Changed my clothes all day. And drank dirty martinis last night at the soft opening of a new fried chicken restaurant.
    Welcome to the freelance dark side. We have chicken and booze.

    Like

  6. That ain’t no chipmunk, Lady. THAT is a Prairie Dog like my sweet ZuZu Petals!
    Love the Madmen. Changed my clothes all day. And drank dirty martinis last night at the soft opening of a new fried chicken restaurant.
    Welcome to the freelance dark side. We have chicken and booze.

    Like

  7. That ain’t no chipmunk, Lady. THAT is a Prairie Dog like my sweet ZuZu Petals!
    Love the Madmen. Changed my clothes all day. And drank dirty martinis last night at the soft opening of a new fried chicken restaurant.
    Welcome to the freelance dark side. We have chicken and booze.

    Like

  8. Yeah, FG, I know it isn’t a chipmunk. Did you ever see that picture of me with the 20 chipmunks crawling on me, from my chilodhood? That was a poor sentence. Won’t you hire me to be your freelance editor? Anyway, even tho it’s a prarie dog, they call that the dramatic chipmunk. What can I tell you? People are stupid. Oh, and “We have chicken and booze” is my new slogan.

    Like

  9. I figure you quit because:
    1. You were traumatized by the blood that splashed all over you when someone’s foot was run over by a lawn tractor driven by a drunken secretary, or
    2. You were sick of the constant sexual demands placed on you by your bosses who would have parties and then make you sit on their laps, or
    3. You couldn’t stand the smoke and the REAL martini’s.
    🙂 Hope your day is better Miss June.

    Like

  10. “June was the bomb. No woman will ever compare with June. I comb the streets, knowing I won’t find her replacement. The end.”
    Hahaha, I love it.

    Like

  11. I hope Tank, MAB will continue to grace us occasionally with the miracle of his presence.
    Does this have to do with baby kittens, the maintenance man and your mirror, mirror on the wall? hhmmm… Oh no, you couldn’t stay.

    Like

  12. You probably would have quit months ago had you gotten the Dr.Pepper monkey off your back sooner. Caffeine and sugar make things seem better than they are.
    I hear the editors at People magazine are looking for an every day freelance proofer that can work everyday.
    Good luck, this will be a long month for a dramatic lame duck.

    Like

  13. I just realized that I need to hire you to work for me in Electronics for the Christmas season. I know of your extensive knowledge of cameras, I-Pods, and computer accessories. You are a perfect fit. For $7.50 an hour, I can make your Christmakka season wonderful. I will be looking for your e-application soon.
    Hulk, I would be Jerry…you can be Cosmo.

    Like

  14. Your new cartoon you is so you. Good job.
    Speaking as a SAHW (stay at home wife) welcome to the club and let me tell you our little secret: we have chicken and booze! All day!
    Make sure you stock up on pens, notepads and staples during the short time you have left.

    Like

  15. Now see, without the dirty details, I feared I wouldn’t be able to stomp about my workplace in righteous indignation on your behalf. But it seems to be going swimmingly! Oooooh, I love a good thundercloud mood.

    Like

  16. Now see, without the dirty details, I feared I wouldn’t be able to stomp about my workplace in righteous indignation on your behalf. But it seems to be going swimmingly! Oooooh, I love a good thundercloud mood.

    Like

  17. Now see, without the dirty details, I feared I wouldn’t be able to stomp about my workplace in righteous indignation on your behalf. But it seems to be going swimmingly! Oooooh, I love a good thundercloud mood.

    Like

  18. I literally gasped out loud when I read you quit your job. Now I have so many scenarios playing through my mind as to why you HAD to quit.
    1. Did your boss tell you your nose was too bulbuous?
    2. Did they make you take your mirror down?
    3. Did they tell you you must not read your blog comments at work?
    4. Have you been secretely keeping a box of kittens in your desk drawer?
    5. Did they insist you do a presentation on June Gets a Brazillian?
    6. Was it a MJDI I missed?
    Okay, I’ll stop.
    Damn,I have to fly to Niagara Falls today and won’t have access to a computer for three days. I hope this story unfolds in soap opera fashion, where the story line is revealed in slow motion so I won’t miss out on the drama.
    I so wish you had taped Marvin’s reaction when you told him. I just know he would have had a pricelessly droll comment!

    Like

  19. A good martini requires Bombay Sapphire gin, just a splash of dry vermouth, and a good shake with ice. I usually put olives (but not brine) in mine, owing to my inability to hold my drink. One martini sipped for a long while is plenty. Perhaps you could have a martini for the next Make June Do It?
    Sorry to hear your untold tale of woe. Obviously you have to leave that place, proximity to fried green tomatoes notwithstanding.

    Like

  20. First, Cannot wait to hear the sordid details after the month is up. You will tell us the sordid details after you’ve officially left, right? (oh I crack myself up every day)
    Second, I misread Hulk’s comment and thought he wanted Sam to hit on him… oh it was a funny thought.
    Third, I’ve never had a real martini and seeing as how I’ve been pregnant for 27 months out of the last 5 years (I know that is weird math) I may never get to have one. Or maybe I will. Fetal alcohol syndrome can’t be that bad, can it?
    Fourth, I did MadMen myself and hated it. The option for the ‘curvy’ shaped gal just looks hideous no matter how you accessorize her.
    The end.

    Like

  21. I like dirty martinis, but I can’t bring myself to have one straight. This world of chicken and booze sounds rather appealing – a fantasy job, really…but now I have to get out of bed and go to my real job. No chicken, no booze, a LOT of misplaced semicolons. *sigh*

    Like

  22. June, I think the new change in employment will work out well. I have a good feeling about it. No dread, no dispair, no gloom, none of that other crap in that Hee-Haw song!
    I have had many martinis in my lifetime. I am a vodka martini drinker, while my husband likes them the old fashioned way with gin. So we have separate (but equal) shakers in which to shake and not stir our martinis.
    Here’s how I order them in a restaurant “Grey Goose martini, slightly dirty with 3 olives”. And if the olives are stuffed with garlic or blue cheese, so much the better! Seriously, you should have a Martini Tasting MFDI! I would love to come and help you with that endeavor. Think how much fun it would be, I will bring all my martini shakers and some local hand-made vodka, we can invite Paula with her hookers and her blow, but you will need to steal the big mirror from work for the hookers to snort the blow off of.
    Henry might need to be blindfolded for this event is what I am thinking. 🙂

    Like

  23. can’t wait to hear all the details. i couldn’t get your second cont’l link to work. maybe it’s just me.
    and. go you. you’ll be fine.

    Like

  24. I’m assuming that once you’re officially not at the job anymore, we’ll get the gory details? Cuz, you know, we’re all DYING here, waiting to find out. At our chicken-less, booze-less jobs that most of us probably also wish we could quit.

    Like

  25. Also, I just saw Hulk’s comment offering to help me with the at-home Brazilian … to which I must tell you, Hulk, that were I to take you up on this, it would turn you off of women forever. Sexy though the Brazilian itself may be, it loses much of the appeal when you actually witness the hair-ripping, profanity-you-never-even-knew-existed event in person. And I wouldn’t want to turn you off women and make all the other ladies hate me 😉

    Like

  26. I madmen’d myself and ended up looking at lot like June #2 – with darker hair and more accessories. What can I say – I like the bling.
    I quit quite a few jobs before I started this job I’m chained to for life (mom of 3) and it’s always agonizing. “Will they make my last weeks miserable? Will this day ever end so I can go home and start my new life?”
    Now those thoughts are a daily part of my job.

    Like

  27. Well, if Hulk and Steve get to be Cosmo and Jerry, I need to be Elaine!
    On a more important note, Junie, you did the right thing. Your Faithful Readers, though they may not know the gory details, have hit the proverbial nail on the head. You will find something better that will make you happier. I’m sure freelancing will be a smashing success for you again.
    You got the Hookers and Blow on the one hand and then the Chicken and Booze on the other hand! How could anything go wrong?

    Like

  28. Maybe this is an opportunity for you make a few bucks by installing a Pay-Per-View Henrycam at home; we can watch him nap all day while you snack on chicken and booze.
    P.S. Love your new Madmen!

    Like

  29. Pal from MA, you realize you have to pay double during our bet? Also, I think we can do”that” and still keep “this”. ;0
    We are still looking for a George and a Newman along with the extras.

    Like

  30. Why, no, June, I have not had the pleasure of seeing you smothered by a blanket of chipmunks. I am intrigued. Please post a link…
    Were you drinking dirty vodka martinis at the time? Crunching some fried chicken?

    Like

  31. Why, no, June, I have not had the pleasure of seeing you smothered by a blanket of chipmunks. I am intrigued. Please post a link…
    Were you drinking dirty vodka martinis at the time? Crunching some fried chicken?

    Like

  32. Why, no, June, I have not had the pleasure of seeing you smothered by a blanket of chipmunks. I am intrigued. Please post a link…
    Were you drinking dirty vodka martinis at the time? Crunching some fried chicken?

    Like

  33. OK, Jan, Jenny, and June: Flattery will get you everywhere.
    I am distraught that my lunches with June and our correspondences about sentence structure are about to become more rare. Alas, carpool days, farewell… farewell…
    Just to seem current: Martinis are gross. That (not a) chipmunk thing is hilarious. I’d rather watch Deadwood and Battlestar Galactica on DVD than Mad Men. The chicken fried chicken looked better than the regular grilled chicken, which was rather small. Speaking of—I weighed 1 pound, 15 ounces, at birth, and 1.5 lbs. at 2 days old. Have gained 183.5 since then. I love the South too.
    Update: My stepson graduated and moved to Detroit, but got cut from the Americorps program he moved there for. He’s doing urban renewal and community service (not the convicted felon kind, at least yet) and lives with a bunch of socialist vegans. Don’t know whether to be angry or really jealous. Just signed up to run the Bi-Lo Marathon on February 13th in Myrtle Beach, SC. Meet me there, ya’ll! Got a new little nephew in April, and a sister-in-law from Laos in June. Those familial events happened to different brothers of mine. I can see how that might be confusing. My mom got laid off yesterday, 10 days before her 25th anniversary at her job. Wife is all up in local politics, and guess who she has proofreading all kinds of political stuff? Yep. And who hates politics? I do. Oh, and, our house was broken in to recently and they took everything that was portable and valuable. Very disconcerting and upsetting experience. Use your dead-bolts, people. Even if you live in an awesome place. Because so do I.
    Enough about me, let’s talk about June!
    Tank, MAB

    Like

  34. June,
    My imagination is working triple-time here, and I’m dying to know whether my guess as to your quitting is right. I’m proud of you, tho, for being brave enough to go for it. I’d better be more diligent clicking those google ads to keep Lula in dog food.

    Like

  35. even though i’m in my forties, can’t get a martini past my lips, yuck. one night at happy hour the description of an apple martini sounded so delish. one sip, that glass sat there all evening while i drank beer. guess i’m not fancy in my old age.
    i mad-men’d myself and all i kept thinking, (even with my auburn hair), Mrs. Tate from “Bewitched”. i’ll have to go back and choose something besides the evening gown.

    Like

  36. Vodka martini, straight up with a twist (I hate olives). I don’t care if it’s shaken or stirred as long as it’s ice cold. Cold as in “break through the ice that’s formed on top” cold.

    Like

  37. Tank, buddy… did you actually grow up in the south or are you a transplant or was that a typo? It’s Y’all, not Ya’ll. Now, write that 100 times so you won’t mess it up anymore.
    OK, kidding aside I’m sorry for your mom’s job loss and your stuff loss.

    Like

  38. Oh my. I am sorry to hear that you had this “situation” whatever it may be. Now, I am the type where I probably would just suck up whatever situation it was until I found another less crappy job. However, that being said, I have never had anything really bad happen at a job. Well, actually, I had a mondo-paranoid manager that played a lot of mind games with people (I took the brunt of it) at one job, but I suffered with it until they moved him and also until I sold my house (I was very aware of the impending doom of the Inland Empire Real Estate Meltdown).

    Like

  39. Thanks for pointing that out to everybody, Cristy. I was just in a hurry. Lunch hour and all. And I’m trying to keep my job here, unlike someone we know. 😉
    To answer your question, I’m local. Southern to point of redneck, M.A. in Literature notwithstanding. Born in NC, raised in NC, eddycayted in NC, lived 15 years in Greensboro. Thanks for the kind words.

    Like

  40. Good lord, the comments are as long as your post today! I’ll have to come back later to read. My only comment is that your new Mad Men self is muuuuuch better than earlier version!

    Like

  41. My one and only martini was when I attended a cocktail party with your father when we were in our early 20’s. Neither of us had experience at drinking. I asked for a martini because that was the only thing I had ever heard or seen anyone drink in a movie. IT WAS AWFUL. I eventually dumped it out in a potted plant. It wouldn’t surprise me if the plant died.

    Like

  42. First and most important…I love martinis or I should say loved martinis before I drank 6 in one night. Yes that is basically like drinking a bottle of vodka in one gulp. Let’s just say they don’t taste so good anymore.
    Second and not so important – your Madmen character is much better.

    Like

  43. Ohhh, Gladys. I had the same experience with a loveable gay man and a sneaky mean bottle of peppermint schnapps on night in college. The next day? We had to attend a very long drawing lab. Everybody kept asking, “What smells so good?”
    That’s right. It was my hangover seeping through my pores.

    Like

  44. Ohhh, Gladys. I had the same experience with a loveable gay man and a sneaky mean bottle of peppermint schnapps on night in college. The next day? We had to attend a very long drawing lab. Everybody kept asking, “What smells so good?”
    That’s right. It was my hangover seeping through my pores.

    Like

  45. Ohhh, Gladys. I had the same experience with a loveable gay man and a sneaky mean bottle of peppermint schnapps on night in college. The next day? We had to attend a very long drawing lab. Everybody kept asking, “What smells so good?”
    That’s right. It was my hangover seeping through my pores.

    Like

  46. Yes, if you just ordered drinks you see in movies (well, movies pre-1980s or so), you would end up with some pretty vile drinks. Scotch and soda, Pink Ladies (there’s an EGG in there, people!), martinis…glamorous movie characters drink some pretty vile stuff.

    Like

  47. Ahhh, I now get the Dooce reference in your “Mad June” post from yesterday. I hope it all works out for you! And I hope starting over with freelancing provides a breath of fresh air. 🙂

    Like

  48. Dramatic Chipmunk is a profoundly funny little clip – one my children and I have liked for while. Perhaps you can post the extended version where he has a light saber, does James Bond. It lasts only about 12 second more but it’s worth it. Dah-dah-dah!

    Like

  49. Cristy,
    I just googled the pink lady drink and aarrrggghh does it sound horrid! I would not, could not drink that in a boat or with a goat or here or there or anywhere. I am mentally gagging just thinking about it.
    My dad taught me to drink my liquor straight or with soda or water. None of that fussy stuff for us! And no, I am not an alcoholic. I can quit any time I want to! 🙂

    Like

  50. The first and last time I had a martini (or three) was when I skipped school for the day to hang out at a friend’s house…no parental supervision there! I remember waking up on the bathroom floor. I later found out the school called my mom & she spent most of the day tracking me down. Did I mention that I was 15? I don’t drink much at all now & never a martini!

    Like

  51. OK. Someone has to say it. It’s time for Marvin to MAN UP and give up this pansy wansy teaching stuff and get a manly man job, you know, like working construction, or demolition, or building airplanes. You know, man work, so June can be a lady of leisure (oh, imagine the crafting that would ensue!).
    Seriously? Teacher schmeacher, children schmildren. Enough with the molding of young minds and ensuring a better future for mankind yada yada yada. Go work a jackhammer so your wife can retire already!

    Like

  52. Sorry to hear about the job, but congrats on your return to freelancing, and the fact that you lined up some proofing so quickly. I’ve quit a few editing jobs myself, so I know how totally liberating and terrifying it is. If you want to trade war stories or freelancing tips, we totally can, since we live parallel lives and all.

    Like

  53. Argh! Can’t believe I missed all this drama while I was internetless. Hope you’re okay.
    I had a martini once, on holiday in Florida and it turns out that I can’t drink what’s basically neat vodka with an itty bitty dribble of flavour added. Odd, because I can drink neat tequila no problem.
    I love the redesign btw.

    Like

Comments are closed.