Lula wear pink ribbon. I nice.
Okay, so, my dog bit me yesterday.
I wasn't gonna tell you, because I knew someone out there would say, "PIT BULL! SHE'S ONE-THIRD PIT BULL! EVILLLLLL PIT BULLLLLS!"
Just like that. That's just how you'd say it.
And she's one-third American Staffordshire terrier, which technically isn't Pit, but whatever. Girlfriend bit me. She didn't CLAMP DOWN, though.
Here's what happened. There are two dogs who live on the other side of our fence, and she loves to run up and down the fence line with them. She gets really agitated about it, though, and was bowing and wagging and bark bark bark bark barking, which was obnoxious.
The trainer said to snap her collar quickly and say, "Quiet." But I was supposed to do that with a LEASH attached to the collar. I didn't HAVE a leash, though, because we were in the backyard. So I reached over while she was barking and grabbed her collar, and she turned around, growled, and put her teeth on my wrist.
And I mean really, she placed her teeth there. It didn't remotely hurt. But I was stunned. I was so stunned I turned around and went inside, which was dumb, because now she has no idea that biting me is wrong.
I spoke with two friends who have always had dogs, and they reminded me that our trainer told me Tallulah has no CLUE she isn't the pack leader, that I'm not just a Cocker spaniel who she can put in her place when she needs to.
Really, if I were a dog I'd totally be a Cocker spaniel, wouldn't I? Wavy hair, pleasantly chubby, bad with kids.
So my friends and I decided I really need to establish dominance, which means Tallulah cannot get on the couch anymore, and she can't sleep with us. When I got home from shopping yesterday I made that dog get off the couch. And she.was.baffled.
She kept trying to go over and crawl on Marvin's lap, but I would not have it. I made her a little nest of blankets on the floor and she was all, "Seriously? Have you met me? Pack Leader Lu? WTF?"
Then at bedtime, oh. We shut the door and she slumped outside the door over and over, going, "MMMMMMMMmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!" in the saddest voice you ever heard.
And do you know what Marvin did? Are you READY to hear what Marvin did? He GOT UP and slept with her in the guest bed. He SLEPT WITH THE DOG WHO BIT ME in the guest bed.
Maybe I should ban Marvin from the couch.
I was going to write "Advice, please" but that seems unnecessary. Like you aren't already stampeding for the comment box.