I didn't have any pictures to show you today, so I did the thing where I looked at pictures we already have, and I found this cute one of Winston warming Marvin's fellas, if you know what I'm sayin' to you.
I adore Winston. Have I mentioned he's a flawless creature? Have I mentioned I ripped him from the jaws of death, as he was going to be put down THAT VERY NIGHT? Have I mentioned that is a travesty and everyone needs to ADOPT FROM SHELTERS rather than purchase their animals? Because this cat is worth 7 million dollars. (I wish literally, because if that were true I'd be selling him to the glue factory so fast that time would actually spin backwards.)
Anyway, I think I'm getting a cold. And I don't mean that in a my-grandmother kind of a way. When my grandmother first started getting the dementia, she started to be unable to come up with words, and when this happened she'd say, "I'm getting a cold, I have to sneeze." Which was a brilliant way of interrupting her own sentence and hiding the fact that she couldn't come up with the word.
Really, I did think that was pretty impressive of a save. Poor Grammy. Getting dementia would have been the last thing on her list she'd have wanted to get. She enjoyed coming up with the pithy, not-nice-very-often thing to say.
I have a tape of people leaving me messages from my old answering machine. (Before I had a blog to bug people, I had my outgoing message on my answering machine. Oh, I enjoyed holding you captive while you listened to the ridiculousness I had going on. Sometimes I'd just tape part of a movie. I had Dennis Hopper in Blue Velvet saying, "Heineken!? F*** that shit. PABST BLUE RIBBON!"
Sometimes I would just read descriptions of dog breeds.
Oh! And one of my favorites was I had the coroner Munchkin singing about the witch being dead. "As coroner, I vouch for her. I've thoroughly examined her. And she's not only merely dead, she's really most sincerely dead." And then after was my voice: "Or maybe I'm just not home."
People hated me.)
(One time I just screamed, for as long as I could, and that was my entire outgoing message.)
Anyway, I had some ludicrous outgoing message when my grandmother called, and I have her on tape saying, "This is your grandmother. And I just listened to a bunch of horse shit." *click*
I have used the "s" word a lot today.
Getting back to my POINT, which was eleven hundred paragraphs ago, I think I'm getting a cold and I'm annoyed. I catch more colds than anyone else on the planet. It couldn't be because of my diet, could it? I mean, Filet-O-Fish is an antioxidant, right?
Speaking of which, my coworker had Peanut Butter Cups today and I heard him go into my boss's office and ask if she wanted one. Naturally she said no, because my boss NEVER eats anything unhealthy and I do not know why said coworker even asked her, and without any discussion whatsoever he walked into my office and I already had my hand out without taking my eyes from my screen.
The real question is, who SHARES their Peanut Butter Cups? Also too? I have a friend? She eats ONE of the Pop Tarts. She saves the other for the next day. And again, ?.
So I'm irritated about the cold. Oh! And the electric company came and it turns out our power outage was their fault and it cost us nothing and yay! I can have a cold under bright lights rather than that Abraham Lincoln doing our homework on the back of a shovel thing we had going all weekend.
I will keep you abreast of my impending illness. Sometimes it feels like a cold is coming on and the next day you are fine. Does that ever happen to you? It does me, but you may be shocked to hear I am hyper aware of every symptom, so.
This is you, and you just read a bunch of horse shit.