Hon
 

You guys don't ask for obligatory Henry pictures anymore, now that he's a catten. When he was a teensy thing you clamored for shots of him all the time. And look down there–there's Frannie's head. Aw. Poor Fran.

Also too, that horrid mess on the table back there? It was all our bathroom stuff because we're redoing the bathroom. Messes like that? Make me very tense. Marvin does not feel keyed up about stuff like that, so you can imagine how well we get along.

And what a stellar idea, to redo the bathroom when I'm quitting my job during the worst economy ever.

Speaking of my job, today is my last day. I feel bad, because yesterday I got a bunch of emails from people where they told me how much they like me. But maybe it's like when someone's dead and you only think about the good times.

We had my goodbye lunch–my celebrity roast, as someone at work called it. I got chicken fried chicken again. Why the high cholesterol?

Then when I got back to the office, I started deleting any un-worky emails, which Marvin says they can still see anyway. Whatever. At any rate, I went through my Sent file and even though I usually had no context, I deleted things that clearly hadn't been word-related. And I have to tell you I cracked myself up.

I wrote things like, "That Bible! It's full of the quotes!" Okay, WHAT had I been talking about? I also liked, "I'd write you back but I'm missing a finger."

Hunh.

Then I really cracked myself up with, "I had no idea I was in a probationary period. I'd have stopped bringing my gun."

Really, it's kind of a miracle I lasted at that job for as long as I did.

I must go get ready to look super cute for my last day, so everyone regrets that  hottie like me is leaving that place, but before I go I have to tell you something about Hulk.

Faithful Reader Hulk's mom got married yesterday. I know it was a Thursday. It was a low-key affair at the courthouse. Hulk took a few hours off work to witness.

When he returned, he emailed me. He had to sign the paper saying yes, I really saw this person get married she is not lying, but unfortunately? He signed the wrong line. And now kind of technically? Hulk is married to his mom.

Oh, how this slays me. This is one of those times you should be glad you're not friends with me in real life, because oh, how I'm not gonna let this drop. 

So let's all congratulate Hulk on his wedded bliss, shall we?

Okay, talk to you when I'm jobless.

66 thoughts on “Whose stupid idea was it to quit my job, anyway?

  1. Terraplane says:

    Welcome to self-unemployment, June. The benefits suck but the hours are great, since you are always on call. And there is always time for chicken and booze.

    Like

  2. Hulk says:

    Oh, that was a blast. Hope you all got your jollys. Like none of you ever married a blood relative by accident.

    Like

  3. Hyphen Mama says:

    Awe shucks, I should have read this post this morning!!! Then I could have chortled to myself all day.
    Registered at Mommy & Me….. BWAHAHAHAHA
    Hulk, next time you date somebody will you be required to fess up that you’re already married to your mama? OH, the mother-in-law drama THAT’ll cause!

    Like

  4. Jan says:

    Cosmo’s Dad… LMAO. F*** YEAH!!!
    This whole post and the comments within deserve Post and Comments of the Year.
    Furry… DY-ing.
    Thank you, Hulk. No, really. Thank you. I have had a stessful week and next week promises to be as stressful, if not more, and you marrying your momma totally took my mind off of all my troubles today. So again, I thank you.
    Last comment/question of the night… Who will you turn to and who will you run home to when you and your newly wedded bride have a row? You can’t really go home to your mother’s when your mother is the bride you are running away from… That’s a pickle.

    Like

  5. KW in Atlanta says:

    This brings new meaning to “I WANT MY MOMMY”!

    Like

  6. The Chief says:

    I realize that I am not the foremost authority on marriage, but I always thought the bride and groom signed BEFORE the witnesses.

    Like

  7. SarBear says:

    CONGRATS, Hulk!!! Ah, how this post made me laugh, as usual. June, I have to say, I would most definitely keep the gun. You never know when some quack might marry you off to your mom.

    Like

  8. Debbie says:

    ok seriously, it is Friday night at 8pm and I am waiting on a June status update.

    Like

  9. Paula H&B says:

    Um, Hulk, I believe you are your own stepfather.

    Like

  10. Paula H&B says:

    Um, Hulk, I believe you are your own stepfather.

    Like

  11. Paula H&B says:

    Um, Hulk, I believe you are your own stepfather.

    Like

  12. Alright. Everybody settle down. We wouldn’t ant Hulk to get all upset.
    AND RUN HOME TO HIS MOMMY!
    *snort* Oh, my day is probably coming and it’s gonna’ hurt so good…
    Love the wedding announcement. Dy.ing.

    Like

  13. Alright. Everybody settle down. We wouldn’t ant Hulk to get all upset.
    AND RUN HOME TO HIS MOMMY!
    *snort* Oh, my day is probably coming and it’s gonna’ hurt so good…
    Love the wedding announcement. Dy.ing.

    Like

  14. Alright. Everybody settle down. We wouldn’t ant Hulk to get all upset.
    AND RUN HOME TO HIS MOMMY!
    *snort* Oh, my day is probably coming and it’s gonna’ hurt so good…
    Love the wedding announcement. Dy.ing.

    Like

  15. June, whose friends marry their moms says:

    OMG, Cosmo’s Dad. I just saw your wedding announcement comment. I am in pain.

    Like

  16. June Gardens says:

    At least neither one of them will have to remonogram anything.

    Like

  17. bell says:

    Did Hulk and Mommy do the bride & groom’s dance first or the mother & son dance? Or did it really matter?

    Like

  18. Cosmo's Dad says:

    Saginaw News wedding announcements for 11.13.09
    By Wendy C. Fisher
    November 13, 2009, 11:11AM
    The Saginaw News is happy to publish information about your wedding.
    Please submit your information no later than six months after your wedding.
    Couples announcing their weddings this week are:
    Mr. Hulk and Mrs. Hulk-Hulk
    Hulk and Mrs. Hulk (his mother)became husband and wife in a wedding ceremony.
    The bride is the daughter of the Grandmother and Grandfather of the Groom.
    The groom is the son of Mrs. Hulk. the bride.
    Maid of honor was a friend of Hulk’s mother, the bride.
    Best man was a friend of Hulk the groom, the son of the bride.
    The couple honeymooned at Saginaw. They are living in Saginaw.

    Like

  19. LisaPie says:

    Oh Jan, how you crack me up! I swear I have sprayed my monitor more today and than any other Reading-June-Gardens-Day in recent history.
    Awesome bit to work with, Hulk angling to be the Most Eligible Bachelor on the Blog and ends up married. Accidentally. To his own mother. You just can’t write ’em any better than reality, can you?
    Keep it up! F@#$ Yeah!!!

    Like

  20. Jan says:

    OH, yes. I am having fun. Fun, fun, fun, fun.
    Now ladies and gentlemen, let’s welcome to the floor the beaming bride and her son, er… um… husband, for their first, er… ummm… mother-son, er…. uummm… first mother-son/husband-wife dance. Everyone put your hands together for the happy couple….

    Like

  21. Hulk says:

    I told Junie this but it bears repeating…
    The reason I signed on the wrong line is because the judge distracted me. I was wearing my Ohio State watch, and when he asked me if I was a fan, I yelled “GUILTY!!”
    Who loves himself?

    Like

  22. Hulk says:

    Are you all having fun?

    Like

  23. Cosmo's Dad says:

    Hmmm… let’s see, Hulk’s mother in law is his Grandmother, hulkette is now his granddaughter, aunts/uncles=brothers/sister inlaws, cousins=neices/nephews. Sounds like “wild and wonderful West Virginia” the state motto. A co-worker’s husband’s first wife actually did marry, after their divorce, her cousin. Yes this was in West Virginia.

    Like

  24. Linda in CO says:

    Oh, and congratulations Hulk. Women around the world are swooning in disappointment at your lack of availability.

    Like

  25. Linda in CO says:

    Henry looks like he’s not too happy either about the clutter in the background. Perhaps it’s filling up HIS sunning spot?
    I’m wishing you all the best in your new job endeavor. I think you just to put out the word that you’re freelancing and the jobs will come pouring in, as in “if you build it, they will come”. I would.

    Like

  26. Ain't Susi - I may be Southern, but at least I'm not conflicted says:

    Congratulations to Junie! Of course everybody liked you – you’re too hilarious for words, girl. Happy Friday the 13th, you’re free at last day!
    Henry still looks cute as a button to me, catten stage or not.
    And Oedihulk honey? Why didn’t you tell us you really, REALLY are a mama’s boy? Yikes! Heeeeheeeeeheee

    Like

  27. KR says:

    Congratulations, June! Enjoy your new job in your pjs with all the furry babes all over you. And your work. That sounds heavenly.

    Like

  28. Henry looks like one angsty Tween there. He is ordering you to go buy him some black kohl guy-liner and blue faux-hawk-tip dye for streaks in his fur. Orange and white are not going to get him anywhere in goth and in all his angst-y-ness. Unless he dyes all his white fur black, then maybe…
    LOL, looking at the picture again I soooo think you need to dye (or temporarily color to be more precise) the little patch of orange under his chinny-chin-chin black. A little soul patch, si vous plait.

    Like

  29. arlene, coff, coff, hack says:

    Dang gum it people! I am just recovering from a bronchial virus and the cough *was* about gone. After reading through these comments, it’s back!
    I don’t think there is a thing I can say to top the comments already posted. Oh, and thanks for the obligatory shot O’Henry.

    Like

  30. Kara says:

    “Who’s your Daddy??” LMAO!!

    Like

  31. Hey, Hulk, who’s your Daddy?
    Bwahahahaha!

    Like

  32. Hey, Hulk, who’s your Daddy?
    Bwahahahaha!

    Like

  33. Hey, Hulk, who’s your Daddy?
    Bwahahahaha!

    Like

  34. Paula, H&B says:

    Oh, Hulk. “Come to Mama” INDEED.

    Like

  35. Paula, H&B says:

    Oh, Hulk. “Come to Mama” INDEED.

    Like

  36. Paula, H&B says:

    Oh, Hulk. “Come to Mama” INDEED.

    Like

  37. LisaPie says:

    1. I love Henry! He is so precious. thanks for the Oblig. Shot of Henry.
    2. Is Marvin taking you out after work to celebrate last day of work?
    3. Hulk. Oh. My. Talk about a humbling experience! My. Oh. My.
    4. Chicken fried chicken. Yum! Good call on your choice of a meal.

    Like

  38. Shelley says:

    Hey, all you people that are quitting your jobs…can my husband or I have one of them? *sigh*
    On the bright side…Hulk is married to his mom! Heeeeeeeeeee!

    Like

  39. Hulk says:

    I didn’t know if I should sit on the groom side or the bride side…
    And by the way, my mom is NOT going to fix the license, because she too is DY-ING over my error. Thank you, thank you very much…

    Like

  40. Tiffaney says:

    Ah Hulk. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: love ya, don’t ever change. Cuz then I’d have nothing to giggle about.

    Like

  41. Jan says:

    PaPaw… DY-ing.
    I also refrained from honeymoon jokes because ew.
    And also, lastly, June… Congratulations. You are a free woman. A broke woman, true, but a free woman. Would you rather die broke and full of your integrity or rich and full of rage, spite and hatred? I pray lots of freelance work comes your way (along with the chicken and booze). I fully expect we will have two to four blogs posts daily and that you will comment on each of the posts at least 33 times. Looking forward to it.
    I guess I’ll go shower now. It’s 10:53am here and I am still in my pj’s, with bed head, no bra and slippers. I’m pretty. Thank goodness the mailman didn’t have to deliver a package today. I might have scared him when I answered the door.
    (See what fun you have to look forward to starting next week?!?!?!?!?!?!)

    Like

  42. KW in Atlanta says:

    Congrats June! No matter what happens after this, it will never be as bad as it got for Jeannette Walls. That should comfort you.
    Hulk, I will refrain from making any honeymoon jokes because that would be too creepy.
    Will Hulkette be calling you, “PaPaw”?

    Like

  43. June Gardens says:

    Lauren, I hear theyre registered at Mommy Me.

    Like

  44. lauren says:

    oh goodness. how rude of me not to congrat you on your last day juney.
    you’ll be a free woman. woop!

    Like

  45. lauren says:

    what is with henry’s attitude these days? he’s a handsome guy but geez…could we get a ‘tude adjustment, please?
    hulk. must send obligatory congratulatory presents. please let us know where you and your mom registered.
    *snort*

    Like

  46. Omom says:

    I love Henry’s liitle brown/orange chin. It’s like he had coffee for breakfast.

    Like

  47. Oh, and Hen and his little soul patch? Handsome.

    Like

  48. Oh, and Hen and his little soul patch? Handsome.

    Like

  49. Oh, and Hen and his little soul patch? Handsome.

    Like

  50. Bwahahahahahah! Guess Hulk is now the incredible Oedihulk! Whew. Do you think that you and your new step-dad will get along? Oh, wait! It’s you! Bwahahahahah!
    Ohhhh, I’m gonna’ laugh about that all day.
    Congrats on your descent into freelancing from a fellow new co-worker. Your chicken and booze will be arriving shortly, June.

    Like

  51. Bwahahahahahah! Guess Hulk is now the incredible Oedihulk! Whew. Do you think that you and your new step-dad will get along? Oh, wait! It’s you! Bwahahahahah!
    Ohhhh, I’m gonna’ laugh about that all day.
    Congrats on your descent into freelancing from a fellow new co-worker. Your chicken and booze will be arriving shortly, June.

    Like

  52. Bwahahahahahah! Guess Hulk is now the incredible Oedihulk! Whew. Do you think that you and your new step-dad will get along? Oh, wait! It’s you! Bwahahahahah!
    Ohhhh, I’m gonna’ laugh about that all day.
    Congrats on your descent into freelancing from a fellow new co-worker. Your chicken and booze will be arriving shortly, June.

    Like

  53. Cristy says:

    and to think that Hulk wanted to tease people for not having cable. at least i didn’t marry my mom. which would be illegal anyway.
    June, you should totally ask to take your mirror with you. What’s the worst thing they’ll do? Fire you?

    Like

  54. Joann Mannix says:

    Sorry didn’t mean to post twice. Duh.

    Like

  55. Gladys says:

    Hey Hulk Edipus much?
    June Happy Last Day of Work, day. Also and too what are you doing to your postage stamp bathroom? I thought you were painting. Is Marvin building on a second wing to the mansion?

    Like

  56. Joann Mannix says:

    Congrats on your last day of work. You can now join the ranks of those of us who work in our jammies with our bed-head hair. Although, I can just imagine, June, what sort of life your bed-head hair takes on.
    And kudos to Hulk for keeping southern traditions alive. As the wise sage, Britney Spears, said, “That’s how we do it in the South, y’all.” Congratulations, Hulk. Jerry Springer awaits your call.

    Like

  57. Joann Mannix says:

    Congrats on the last day at work. You now will be able to join the ranks of us who work in their jammies with bed-head hair. I bet ya your bed-head hair, June, is really something!
    And good for Hulk, keeping southern traditions alive. Congratulations, Hulk! As the wise sage Britney Spears said, “That’s how we do it in the South, y’all!” Jerry Springer awaits your call.

    Like

  58. Joylynn says:

    Today is my last day of work too! Although it’s because my husband, baby in utero and I are moving back to our home state of Michigan. But what a coincidence. I wonder how many other people in the U.S. are experiencing (perhaps not celebrating) their last day of work on Friday, November 13th.

    Like

  59. Lindy says:

    Oedipus Complex much?
    June, I think I love you. In a “you’re my hero and you you make me laugh every day” kind of way.

    Like

  60. Hulk says:

    Oh, one more thing, Junie…please don’t tell anyone I signed the wrong line and am married to my mom. It’s kind of embarrassing. Especially on your blog. Thank you so much for keeping that between you and…
    WHAT?!?!?!?

    Like

  61. duffylou says:

    Jan ~ Hulk’s his own step-father. Bwahahaha! Genius!
    June, it’s Friday the 13th. Your last day will be fantastical!
    Look how many exclamation points I used today!
    Awesome!!

    Like

  62. Mary Vogel says:

    Hulk, while we may have not become closely bonded friends, I must express the horror I am feeling at your “i-married-my-mom” predicament. Freud would have a field day!
    June, enjoy your unemployment – at least until you are forced to live in a cardboard box.

    Like

  63. Erin says:

    Ahahaha. Oh Hulk. You’re a laugh a day.

    Like

  64. Rebekah says:

    Oh! I can’t wait to remind Hulk this time next year that the traditional first anniversary present is paper! I may have to go write it down on the calendar so I don’t forget. I’d really hate for him to miss his anniversary. But I love that now all his guilt trips will only have to come from one source. Instead of having to be nagged from a wife AND his mom now she can do both!

    Like

  65. Jan says:

    I’m sure your friendly maintenance man is going to miss the dickens out of you. What was his name? Dennis? Who cares? The point is is that he will miss you. As will Tank and Hammy. Do you get to bring home your Mirror, Mirror on the Wall?
    So Hulk married his mom? Really. Is he shopping a reality show? Can he call Dr. Drew? Could he not take the pressure of all of these women crushing on him? But come on. It’s a little extreme.
    Hulk~ you could have told us to leave you alone. Jeez. Mr. Extreme. So I guess technically you are your own step-father.

    Like

  66. Tarheel says:

    You should have went in late today in your pajamas, then leave early to beat the Friday rush to Sonic. And tell Hulk if he moves down by you he won’t have to live with that Northern shame of having married his mother, as it is perfectly acceptable behavior in the South.

    Like

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