At last

Wouldn’t it be hilarious if I called in sick to my old job right now?


So, here I am. Day one of being unemployed. If anyone DOES send me work today, I won’t get it until at least 11:00, because that’s 8:00 in Los Angeles. So, sigh.


The first thing that happened was I heard Marvin getting ready, which usually means my alarm will go off any second, but today I burrowed further into the blankets and Tallulah flapped her lips across my calf a little more and we both went, “Hmmmmmmmmmmm.”


Then I slept in…till 7:30! I know, right!?


After I got up from that long sleep, I shot off a terse email to ITT Tech. First of all, how much do you want to bet that one of the Ts in ITT already stands for “tech”? It’s probably the Institute of Technological Technology Tech, right? But that is not why I wrote them. I WROTE them because I saw a commercial this weekend where one of their graduates says “theirselves.”


Theirselves!


They are an EDUCATIONAL institution and they have someone saying THEIRSELVES in their ad?


You can imagine how this set me off.


You know I never hear from any of these companies that I email. They just see a bitter old school marm somewhere alone with 17 cats. In other words, they totally picture me. And they do not take me seriously. I DID hear from the Vermont Country Store when I wrote them because they said they were open “everyday.”


Yes, I did tell them “I wear my everyday clothes every day.” When DON’T I say that?


Anyway, they wrote me back and for that I will be forever grateful. They have not changed that “everyday,” however.


My other big plan for today is to do something with our new shelf in the bathroom. It is called an etagere, and do Marvin and I go to great lengths to mispronounce it at all? The “ate a girl,” the “Etta James,” the “Edmund Fitzgerald.” Who needs a hobby? Is it Marvin and me?


Anyway, here is what Marvin did to the shelf so far.


Etta 
Yeah, hi. When they call it the library, they don’t really mean it, Marvin. Plus, are we going to plant geraniums?


Shelf Fortunately, I have this ridiculous shelf of stuff that I can transfer to the edamame shelf. I was thinking I could just put pretty things in the shelf. Like that attractive bottle of eyeglass cleaner.


The Polydent is to clean my sexy night guard. I know someone’s gonna stare at all this stuff and ask. I remember when I showed you my fridge.


Anyway, that’s what I’ve got planned for today. Yoga is on FitTV at 8:30, so namaste.

78 Comments

  1. I am not into that FitTV yoga – yoga should not be interrupted every 10 minutes so I can be sold Special K cereal or whatever.
    Anyway, what else was I going say… damn in…

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  4. Now that you’ve quit your job, I guess you’re going to sleep in every morning and skip the early blog post. I read your blog every morning and this morning I go there and what do I find? Yesterday’s blog! What’s up with that? JK, of course. It’s a freak of nature that I’m up this early – I usually read you about 10:00 am. Sleep in and enjoy!

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  5. June, as I’m sure you must be aware given your crazed-fan-information-pipeline, but Barry Gibb will be on Dancing with the Stars this evening. If I had your phone number I would have called immediately last night when they announced it, but alas, you have stalkers 🙂

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  6. We had an etagere (french for “over the terlet”) in out bathroom when I was growing up. Yours is much nicer and also classier as there is no visable enema bag. Hmm, it’s not on the shelf either. You must store yours somewhere else….

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  8. Goodwill? Memphis is under the gun tonight because City employee uniforms showed up there. Wait for it—turned in by the City of Memphis! So, June, you could fake being a city employee if you can find the right Goodwill and make extra cash. I doubt they do that crap at Tarjay.

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  9. Goodwill? Memphis is under the gun tonight because City employee uniforms showed up there. Wait for it—turned in by the City of Memphis! So, June, you could fake being a city employee if you can find the right Goodwill and make extra cash. I doubt they do that crap at Tarjay.

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  10. Goodwill? Memphis is under the gun tonight because City employee uniforms showed up there. Wait for it—turned in by the City of Memphis! So, June, you could fake being a city employee if you can find the right Goodwill and make extra cash. I doubt they do that crap at Tarjay.

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  12. mylanta. who woulda thought that so many ocd peoples stalk your blog. and now i totally think about how i leave comments. don’t edit me june. (sung to cry for me argentina)

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  13. Thanks, Steve, for the explanation as well as the great tip that Goodwill receives all the final clearance items.
    May the force be with you on Black Friday!

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  14. Good Lord people, you all are so utterly obsessed with June’s stuff. What is the deal? Atleast with the doggie cam there were living, breathing things to stare at all day. But WHO CARES about June’s crap, and the “pink thingies” on top of her eatachair? They are CANDLES! Geez Louise.

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  15. Marvin decorating reminds me of the time I came home from shopping and my shelf I had left empty in my living room was decorated with soup cans. My husband couldn’t stand that I had left it empty for a few days while I was redecorating.

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  17. Tiffaney,
    As you know, Target.com carries more items on line than we carry in the store. Sometimes, the exact item you were looking for (as it is a conspiracy) will be discontinued in the store, but will continue to be available on line. Therefore, we clearance it out in the store to get rid of it and make room for whatever exciting new item is taking its place.
    The other possible explanation, is that somebody effffed up.

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  18. Ohhhhh June and Mr. Marvin…. you need to get “Tired Old Ass Soak” from VT. Country Store. Tis the best!!! F### Yeah!!! Especially now as a LADY of leasure. And they have “Fizzies”, drop one of those in a glass of cold water for an afternoon pick-me-up. No more Dr. P. for you 10-2-4.

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  19. The whole e-mailing companies thing? So me. Once, I found a message scratched into the changeroom door at dance that read, “How are you!” I actually scratched at it until the ‘!’ was changed into a ‘?’. And yet, I wonder why my friends call me a nerd.

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  21. Ooooh, oooh, oooh – it’s pronounced at-tar-zhay, since that’s where you bought it, right? I’m so relieved tha I can now speak of this in public without fear of ridicule.

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  22. Ummm… my OCD kicked into high gear and I have been hiding from this blog allday. 😉
    My first question thought when I started reading was ‘why in the hell is June already up?’ If I were unemployed I would sleep to noon everyday.
    We have to know what’s in the Vicky’s Secret bag. And please! please! please! post pictures of the newly organized at-tar-gay. I will think about it allday, everyday until you do so.

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  23. June, I work for the Vermont Country Store in Copy and would be happy to fix “everyday.” Could you please tell me where you saw it? Thanks.

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  24. June,
    You are not alone. My husband and I (mostly him, but he’s corrupting me) do the same thing and mispronounce all kinds of stuff. I’ll never be able to look at a futon without thinking – look at the crouton. Oh, and while driving to the Boundary Waters in MN, he told me to hang a left onto the Gunflint Trail when we got to Giant Amaryllis (Grand Marais). Someone needs to take his co-piloting duties a little more seriously. Anyway, love your ectoplasm.

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  25. Steve, I have a Target question. Is there some super-secret corporate-wide reason that I can find something on clearance in the store, but the same product isn’t marked down to clearance on the website? Inquiring minds want to know….
    June, I’ll see your Namaste and raise you a Shanti.

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  26. Okay. I, too, like the tangerine. I’m also quite concerned with the pink things on top. Scootch them in. Symmetry is not your friend in decorating.
    Water bottles creep me out. Ever watched Sybil? The people, the people.
    I think your year of not shopping kind of sent you over the hoarding edge.
    Where’s the new paint color?

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  27. I don’t care what people are saying. I love your new estrogenree… And your crap is craptastically placed in the cabinet. Don’t you just hate it when your “jazz” sensibilities get stuck in someone else’s “classical”?
    I am never showing you any of my cabinets or counter tops. My mother is OCD. It has made me the crap collector I am today. Welcome to the future of your children, OCD ladies…

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  28. I don’t care what people are saying. I love your new estrogenree… And your crap is craptastically placed in the cabinet. Don’t you just hate it when your “jazz” sensibilities get stuck in someone else’s “classical”?
    I am never showing you any of my cabinets or counter tops. My mother is OCD. It has made me the crap collector I am today. Welcome to the future of your children, OCD ladies…

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  29. I don’t care what people are saying. I love your new estrogenree… And your crap is craptastically placed in the cabinet. Don’t you just hate it when your “jazz” sensibilities get stuck in someone else’s “classical”?
    I am never showing you any of my cabinets or counter tops. My mother is OCD. It has made me the crap collector I am today. Welcome to the future of your children, OCD ladies…

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  30. Pink and white towels, rolled up like logs, in the geranium planter. (That was supposed to be a sentence and the commas kept jumping in…and perhaps it could have been haiku, but I can never remember the syllable counts.)
    What are the pink things on top of your etta-whoee-majigger? I’m guessing Marvin was the one who placed them up there? My husband, the photographer/designer who should know better, arranges things that way. I have to go around behind him and push stuff off-center and cozy things up together so they look like decor.
    Finally, let me just say this: you may be unemployed, you may be a bitter schoolmarm sending spelling and grammar critiques out into the ether, but I ENVY the heck out of you for being able to put your toothbrushes behind glass. Germaphobe heaven, that glass is.

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  32. I like the geranium planter and you can use that as an organizer. Plus also too baskets and/or ‘purty’ boxes.
    When you’re done will you post a new picture of your Et Cetera?

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  33. I like the geranium planter and you can use that as an organizer. Plus also too baskets and/or ‘purty’ boxes.
    When you’re done will you post a new picture of your Et Cetera?

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  34. I like the geranium planter and you can use that as an organizer. Plus also too baskets and/or ‘purty’ boxes.
    When you’re done will you post a new picture of your Et Cetera?

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  36. Wendy, I found it! It wasnt in the paper catalog (or catalogue, as you guys so fancily put it), it was online. When you go into Contact Us, under Operators on Duty, at the bottom there, it says open everyday. Ack!

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  37. I also don’t know about keeping your toothbrushes behind glass. I think they need air circulation or something to dry and not get FUNKY. But if you keep them behind glass and not out where crap particles can hit them when you flush the toilet, that’s better. I saw some kind of gizmo where you store your toothbrushes and it uses UV light to clean them. I so want one of those. I’m OCD, can you tell?

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  38. June, can I come organize your closets? I think I have started breaking out into hives. Group like with like. I use plastic ice bins for the freezer that our about $1 at Target or Wal-mart. They are labeled with a label maker things like “Medication”, “Hair”, “Face”, “Nails”, “Bathroom Cleaner”. I like lots of lotions and potions as well, but your cabinet is giving me heart palpitations.
    Glass jars and bathrooms don’t mix. If you are even slightly clumsy that is an accident waiting to happen. Trust me, I know from experience.

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  39. Looking forward to everyday postings in your new line of work 🙂
    And I have an etagere, but I’m thinking of ripping it out because there’s no discreet way to hide the unmentionables from company.

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  42. Linda in CO said douche bag and I can’t stop laughing! June, you have a reader that works at the Vermont Country Store! You must be giddy!

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  44. June, I work for The Vermont Country Store in Copy and would be happy to take care of “everyday”! Would you please let me know where you saw it? Thanks!

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  45. You could begin by displaying your ,soon to be, newly acquired pottery collection on the “toilet thingy”.

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  46. I’m at lunch and couldn’t resist commenting today. First thing when I saw the post title – LOVE that song, happy it will be playing in my head the rest of the day. Also, plus, too? Love your thingamabobby over le toilet, June, but I studied French and even I ain’t tryin’ to pronounce that one. 🙂 Linda in CO: kitties love chewing on toothbrushes, so cat people have learned to keep it behind glass, or get used to cat butt taste on your toothbrush. Bwahahaha

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  47. Yep, the first thing that caught my eye was the Polident. Thank you for clarifying that before 1,000 questions came out with accompanying high-class suggestions. 🙂
    Your problem isn’t that you have too few shelves or Edgar Buchanans; it is that you have too many THINGS! Seriously, your cabinet looks as bad as mine. I have way too much crap under my sink. (See, the namaste thing is working. The crap-collector in my recognizes the crap-collector in you.)
    Pare it down. Use it up. Give to homeless shelters. I swear that if you have 1/10th of the bottles, they seem to organize themselves.
    My Goodwill has loads of clearanced-Target treasures. Guess who just bought herself a new-to-me Backstreet Boys cd at Goodwill? Guess who has been listening to the same song on repeat for about a week now? Not annoying at all, is it?
    Oh, and I have 2 dove-tailing careers as a massage therapist and a birth doula, and that hot water bottle you have there? It’s worth it’s weight in GOLD!! I carry 2 of them to every birth. The most-used items I take with me. Hold that bottle up and be proud. It’s a humble object that brings great comfort and relief.
    F@#& Yeah!

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  51. I see words in print all the time and pronounce them in a way that seems natural to me, and sometimes I am WAY off. I pronounce that etta-zhair. Am I close?
    And are your toothbrushes going to stay in the etta? For some reason seeing them behind glass made me chuckle.
    Thirdly, the water bottle really took me back, I too haven’t seen one in years. I haven’t seen a douche bag in years either, not that you have one in your picture, I was just reminded of things I once had in my bathroom.
    Fourth, I see you have what looks to be peroxide and rubbing alcohol there, my husband’s two favorite bathroom necessities. He gargles daily with the peroxide (ick).
    Isn’t namaste the new “catch you on the other side”?

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  52. I love that Marvyn is “trying” to help organize.
    You need some glass jars and open all the soaps and put them in the jar. The crammed victoria secret bag? Funny!

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  53. Maybe some pretty towels rolled up on the bottom shelf?
    Why the bubbles in your closet? Is the VS bag harboring your sexy hot once a year outfit that Marvin sees on his birthday only?
    Or is it an everyday thing?

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  54. p.s. I’m glad to see that you’ve jumped on the namaste bandwagon, June. I really feel it’s an underused cliche at this juncture and with your help, you can push it right into mainstream.
    namaste

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  59. Steve, don’t get me wrong, I love Target. Just watching out for Junie’s pocketbook!
    Love that you donate to Goodwill. There is a Target a mile from the Goodwill that is a couple of miles from my house in Atlanta. Would you please call them and tell them to donate their clearance items? Thanks, you rock.

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  60. KW, I was going to send you a Target gift card for all your great comments and suggestions, but now I think one of those tiny little shopping carts that Goodwill has will suffice.
    Actually, all our clearance that doesn’t sell gets donated to Goodwill here, so I do heart their cause. I think a Jonas Brothers back pack (one word?)full of candy corn will look great in June’s bathroom.

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  61. I like all the new pronunciations for your shelf. Whenever we would go over to my aunt and uncle’s house we had to turn onto a street called Bob Bettis. Every time we got to that street we would make up a new name for Bob. Robert Eugene Bettis. Robert Ulysses Bettis. Bobby Joe Bettis. …Yeah. Definitely losing something in the translation right now.

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  63. JUNE, WAIT!! Go to a Goodwill or Salvation Army and look for those jars. The ones in Atlanta have them all the time, dirt cheap.
    Now that you are unemployed, Goodwill is your friend. Sorry Target Steve.

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  68. Ribbons, tissue paper, cute boxes. Its for presents. But it clearly needs a more sturdy container. Or else maybe I could just stop shoving 9398 things in that closet.

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  69. One day I was at the Walgreen’s, and they had a printed sign from a computer that said, “Ask about our new perscription plan!” It was on both front doors. I told the guy at the register that “prescription” was misspelled on the doors. He went and looked, and was shocked to see that indeed, it was. I asked how long the signs had been up. He said about three days. I said, “And I’m the first person to say anything?” Yes, I was. So he was going to find out who did the signs and inform the manager.
    Next day I went by there? Same signs. Sigh. Wouldn’t you think that someone who works in a pharmacy might be able to spell prescription correctly?

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  70. I heart you, KW in Atlanta! Thats a great idea! Theres a really inexpensive crafty kind of store here that also sells dishes and stuff. On my way. Because what better way to be unemployed than to, you know, go buy stuff?

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  72. It’s about time you woke up June!
    I checked in first thing this a.m. as usual, and you had not posted. I thought, “Uh huh, June is going to sleep until noon every day now. We will all have to wait on her arse to get out of bed!
    7:30 is not bad at all. Up and at ’em. Good girl.
    You should have hidden something ridiculous in that closet to see if any of your nosey readers spotted it! (Hey, that reminds me… Do you know what I’m talking about?)
    Ideas for your RichardGere:
    You could buy some pretty glass jars and fill them with Qtips, cotton balls, bar soap. I did that and it really looks good, and it practical as well.

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  73. Oh my word! I’m breaking out in hives over that closet. My OCD is so bad that I have all my lotion bottles lined up according to size and they all face the same direction. My husband’s sock drawer is even organized. I need professional help! 🙂

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  77. I have a 4 day weekend, yet I just spent an hour reading emails from work that are making me regret having a day off. Just thought you may use this story to appreciate your new found independence.
    As for Marvin’s decorating “skills”, I think we can be assured that he will never guest host on any of those home decorating shows. (I was going to say that he doesn’t have a queer eye, but I didn’t want to offend anyone. Parentheses means only you can see this comment, right June?)
    Like Beth and myself, you guys may qualify for one of those removing clutter shows though.

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