My Thanksgiving, by June Gardens Gardensalad GonnaEatThat Cutoff Cash. Oh, just say June.

I hope y’all are satisfated. Which is a combo of satisfied and sated. I know I am. In fact, I could drift right off. I promise we are not about to have a dream sequence.

Cleanitupbitch
I did a lot of cleaning before the family got here. Henry supervised. He was a tough critic. As someone who bathes his harble with his own disgusting tongue, I think he has his nerve.

Fam Finally, everyone arrived, and quickly messed up everything I spent 250 hours cleaning. From left is my stepfather Harry, Marvin, my father-in-law and my mother-in-law. They have names, but I call them mother-in-law and father-in-law. Marvin made them watch some movie which started out with a sex scene involving all of us having to see Phillip Seymour Hoffman naked. Which really, really, reminded one of a raw turkey a little too much.

Momscookin

Technically, I was supposed to be making the dinner. Here’s mom, making the dinner.

Someonesinthekitchenwithlula

Oh look, here’s everyone else making the dinner. Hunh. Look, I was PHOTOGRAPHING. For POSTERITY. Note Lula bein’ all helpful. You have never seen such shameless begging.

Minebone

Finally, I gave Tallulah the enormous bone I bought for her, so she’d obsessively chew it and leave us the Sam Hill alone. It worked for several hours. Every time I came near her to photograph her, she was all, “GET HELL AWAY FROM LU! MINE BONE!” Like I’d want that spitty bone.

Closetedfran Our less social animals spent Thanksgiving in the back of the closet. Come out of the closet, Fran. Your family is here for you. Let me pet your–ow!

Henrythanksgiving If you’re gonna have Thanksgiving with me, you just have to accept the fact that a cat’s gonna sit on me at the table. Look how happy everyone is to be associated with me.

Zzzzz
Afterward, Henry slept it off.

Lulahelpits420 Since it was 4:20, everyone rushed right out to smoke a doob. You know how they are. This just left Lula and me to clean up. “Lula help? With her lips?”

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

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Author: June

At one point, I was sort of hot, in a "she's 27 and probably a 7" kind of a way. Now I'm old and have to develop a charming personality. Guess how that's going.