Holy shiite. I go away for ONE DAY and come back to drama in the comments. Steve said something that hurt Jan, who got weepy, and then Lee came on to defend Jan and she was gonna cut Steve, who promptly sent Starbucks to Jan, somehow.
I am sincerely hoping everyone has embraced their forgivenessy feelings, and we are fresh and clean like new-mown hay in our love for one another.
In the meantime, I sat at this computer checking my statistics book for EIGHT AND A HALF HOURS. I never got up from here. I did not pee. I did not eat. I was determined to get done, dammit, and I did. In fact, I photographed my pretty self the minute I was done:
Mmmm! What berserk hair? Won’t you come try to run your talons through it?
I even for some reason showed you the pen I used. It was important that you see the pen. Yes, I used kind of a peacock blue, and in fact am waiting for a terse message from the publishing company about ONLY using red in the future. I know they like red. Do not ask me why I went wild with the blue. Proofreaders gone wild! Let me show you my semi-colon!
In case it isn’t evident, I am typing this mere seconds after I got back from a dark, rapey Fed Ex drop box, because once I finish a book, I like to get it in that box immediately, even though no one will pick it up till tomorrow. I don’t care. I want it GONE! GONE in 60 seconds. Which is about how long it took to get to a FedEx drop box.
Isn’t FedEx wonderful? Really. They’re so efficient. And convenient. And have you ever noticed the white arrow between the E and the x? Look at their logo next time. It will pop out and kiss you now that I’ve told you about it. You will never unsee it again.
Perhaps you wonder what took me EIGHT AND A HALF HOURS here on my computer. Perhaps you couldn’t care less and want to hear more about my comment drama.
First of all, the company has style thingies it likes us to check for. Like, they don’t like the word “since” if you can use “because.” Obviously this doesn’t always work, as you cannot say “I have been berserk because 9 o’clock this morning when I started checking things on the computer.” But you CAN say, “Because I am berserk, I am writing in my blog so others may enjoy my berserkedness.”
So, I have to do a search for every instance of “since” in the whole book and replace it with “because” when possible.
That is ONE OF THIRTY-TWO things I have to search for.
Plus also too, when I am proofreading, I write notes to myself. “Dear June, you look hot in that sweatshirt.” No, no. I write, “Hey, didn’t it say ‘Sample Research Question’ in the subheads in chapter 5 or so? Cause now it’s saying just ‘Research Question.'” So then I have to go through the WHOLE BOOK to see if it should be “Sample” or just “Research.”
Are you SURE you want to be a nightclub comedian?
See what I did there? I was going to ask you if you were sure you wanted to be a proofreader, but instead I stole a line from Arthur. Which continues to amuse me 47 viewings later.
Not only am I celebrating the demise of my statistics textbook by blogging, I also made some peppermint tea. In a Christmassy mug.
I know, right!? You’re saying, “How can I throw down like June? I have too much oven control.”
Oh! And the other thing before I–I don’t know–brush my hair or something. I got invited to my department’s Christmas lunch. Which is great except it isn’t my department anymore. I called the secretary to ask her about it, and the head of the department said to invite me. So I’m going! Lunch on my workplace! Wooooo! Should I totally get tanked?
Maybe I’ll bring my Christmas mug.