No, I’m not insane. Why do you ask?

Holy shiite. I go away for ONE DAY and come back to drama in the comments. Steve said something that hurt Jan, who got weepy, and then Lee came on to defend Jan and she was gonna cut Steve, who promptly sent Starbucks to Jan, somehow.

Wow.

I am sincerely hoping everyone has embraced their forgivenessy feelings, and we are fresh and clean like new-mown hay in our love for one another.

In the meantime, I sat at this computer checking my statistics book for EIGHT AND A HALF HOURS. I never got up from here. I did not pee. I did not eat. I was determined to get done, dammit, and I did. In fact, I photographed my pretty self the minute I was done:

Doneplushair 

Mmmm! What berserk hair? Won’t you come try to run your talons through it?

I even for some reason showed you the pen I used. It was important that you see the pen. Yes, I used kind of a peacock blue, and in fact am waiting for a terse message from the publishing company about ONLY using red in the future. I know they like red. Do not ask me why I went wild with the blue. Proofreaders gone wild! Let me show you my semi-colon!

In case it isn’t evident, I am typing this mere seconds after I got back from a dark, rapey Fed Ex drop box, because once I finish a book, I like to get it in that box immediately, even though no one will pick it up till tomorrow. I don’t care. I want it GONE! GONE in 60 seconds. Which is about how long it took to get to a FedEx drop box.

Isn’t FedEx wonderful? Really. They’re so efficient. And convenient. And have you ever noticed the white arrow between the E and the x? Look at their logo next time. It will pop out and kiss you now that I’ve told you about it. You will never unsee it again.

Perhaps you wonder what took me EIGHT AND A HALF HOURS here on my computer. Perhaps you couldn’t care less and want to hear more about my comment drama.

First of all, the company has style thingies it likes us to check for. Like, they don’t like the word “since” if you can use “because.” Obviously this doesn’t always work, as you cannot say “I have been berserk because 9 o’clock this morning when I started checking things on the computer.” But you CAN say, “Because I am berserk, I am writing in my blog so others may enjoy my berserkedness.”

So, I have to do a search for every instance of “since” in the whole book and replace it with “because” when possible.

That is ONE OF THIRTY-TWO things I have to search for.

Plus also too, when I am proofreading, I write notes to myself. “Dear June, you look hot in that sweatshirt.” No, no. I write, “Hey, didn’t it say ‘Sample Research Question’ in the subheads in chapter 5 or so? Cause now it’s saying just ‘Research Question.'” So then I have to go through the WHOLE BOOK to see if it should be “Sample” or just “Research.”

Are you SURE you want to be a nightclub comedian?

See what I did there? I was going to ask you if you were sure you wanted to be a proofreader, but instead I stole a line from Arthur. Which continues to amuse me 47 viewings later.

Not only am I celebrating the demise of my statistics textbook by blogging, I also made some peppermint tea. In a Christmassy mug.

Teaforme

I know, right!? You’re saying, “How can I throw down like June? I have too much oven control.”

Oh! And the other thing before I–I don’t know–brush my hair or something. I got invited to my department’s Christmas lunch. Which is great except it isn’t my department anymore. I called the secretary to ask her about it, and the head of the department said to invite me. So I’m going! Lunch on my workplace! Wooooo! Should I totally get tanked?

Maybe I’ll bring my Christmas mug.

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Author: June

At one point, I was sort of hot, in a "she's 27 and probably a 7" kind of a way. Now I'm old and have to develop a charming personality. Guess how that's going.

65 thoughts on “No, I’m not insane. Why do you ask?”

  1. Congratulations! Great feeling being done. I thought I’d share my 10 year old daughter’s comment when she walked by and saw me reading your blog. She said “Who’s that? Why is her hair like that?” I said “What’s wrong with her hair?”
    Hope you get some new work soon!

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  2. That appears to be an RSVP pen, which are my preferred pens! I like the purple ones best.. If I ever have anything that needs to be proofed (which is unlikely in the near future, sorry) I will send you a purple pen to proof it with and then you can keep it when you’re done. Because apparently I have to foist my pen preferences on others.
    I know I’m a couple days late, but if that Tarva radish seed thing hasn’t been sorted out yet, I have some I could send her, AND she’s my RAK buddy, so it would be extra cool! Except then I suppose it’d be an AK, and those aren’t particularly friendly, from what I understand.

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  3. I thought orange was your color for proofreading.
    Oh, you are going to get Tank. Be nice to the man, you never want to burn bridges with your former carpoolers (or previous employers).

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  4. My hair looks like that any time it rains. Although I envy you since, I mean because, you have such thick hair.
    Also, go you for the invite to the department lunch. Goes to show the relationship you have with co-workers and management. No bridges burned was a marvelous idea.

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  5. I was one that thought proofreading might not be bad, but you have convinced me otherwise. I still have a weird desire to ask for a Chicago Manual of Style for Christmas, though. What does that mean?

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  6. My 7 year old just came in here and stopped in her tracks and asked “who is that?” I replied “June.” “What’s going on with her hair?” Me: “She has awesome hair.”
    Is that what Tank calls it these days? Getting Tank-ed? And? Pray tell what will you and Tank be doing with your Christmas mug exactly?

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  7. “Good morning June and friends”, Lee says sheepishly from the fetal position. Got those of you who missed it, I wrote an apology for my ever so slight (insert sarcasm) over reaction to Steve’s hurting of my sister’s feelings yesterday. If you care to read it, its towards the end of comments on the next thread down. 🙂
    My hair looks like that today, although in a shorter version, because I am pms-y. Or since I am pms-y. Apparently the hormones go wild in my scalp as well. Not just in my fingers when I type furiously to a stranger for hurting my sissies feelings.
    I am diggin that you can go to your department lunch, get tanked, make inappropriate comments, pinch a few arses and totally not get fired! Oh what fun.
    One last thing….Furry Godmother….it was you that snapped me out of my hormonal rage yesterday and I need to send a shout out to you for slapping me back into reality. Thank you.

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  8. I thought, “What is June talking about? There is no arrow in FedEx.” I went to Google Images and searched “FedEx”… didn’t see the arrow. So I thought they must have a new logo and searched “FedEx logo”. Same thing. Finally figured it out.
    I will now point it out to everyone. Thank you, June.

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  9. Doesn’t “blue pencil” mean to correct stuff? But you’re supposed to use a red pen? WTF?
    Also, Arthur is a MAGNIFICENT movie, one of my all-time favorites. Very quotable. Annoyingly so, actually.
    I like your mug but I covet your unstained, unbesmirched stove top.

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  10. Doesn’t “blue pencil” mean to correct stuff? But you’re supposed to use a red pen? WTF?
    Also, Arthur is a MAGNIFICENT movie, one of my all-time favorites. Very quotable. Annoyingly so, actually.
    I like your mug but I covet your unstained, unbesmirched stove top.

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  11. Doesn’t “blue pencil” mean to correct stuff? But you’re supposed to use a red pen? WTF?
    Also, Arthur is a MAGNIFICENT movie, one of my all-time favorites. Very quotable. Annoyingly so, actually.
    I like your mug but I covet your unstained, unbesmirched stove top.

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  12. Furry Godmother: I suppose I was associating “random” with anonymous, and while I don’t really know Tarva, it feels like none of us around here are really strangers. You’re right though, random is much more like unexpected, than anonymous, though the sneaky anonymous acts of kindness are my favorite.

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  13. Dang, I missed the drama, too! I’ve got to get busy scrolling! I hope everyone and everything’s o.k. It’s all about the tingly, feel-good random kindness guys! I’m in on the group hug, whatever the problem. In the wise words of Frank Costanza: Serenity Now, Y’all!

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  14. Congratulations on finishing your statistics book!
    RAK update – I gave my umbrella to a woman waiting at the bus stop on Wednesday. I think I scared her with my own rain-induced wild woman hairdo, so I am determined to perform another RAK without traumatizing the next recipient.
    Enjoy your Christmas lunch and I think your hair is lovely.

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  15. So I guess we never will hear the why of why you quit your job, because you will forever be holding out for another invitation for a free meal.
    I long ago gave up any hope of getting the pet psychic story.
    And small children always see the Fed Ex arrow. Because they can’t read.

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  16. Two cheers for my partner in RAK the Furry Godmother!!! Boy did I luck out getting partnered with her! Glad all is well with everyone in Juneland. I’m also very particular about the pen I use at work, must be blue, must be medium point and only ONE pen can be on my desk.EVER. OCD anyone?? Still looking for a RAK that is worthy of such a peace maker!! LOL

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  17. I hate to tell you guys this, but Tank didn’t work in my department. He won’t be at my Christmas lunch in which I get tanked.

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  18. June!
    You are no longer employed, so go for the Chardonnay at 10a. Why the heck not? It’s Friday, you finished proofreading, your hair is PMS-ing. Drink I say!
    Mary Vogel and I have decided to donate kids clothes and toys, she younger, me tweens, to local groups who need them. We will keep you posted as we get this RAK done.
    Thanks for the suggestion! Syndicate it baby.
    Lynn

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  19. Sleeping Beauty: You have been on a RAK roll! I’m so proud of my partmer in good deeds.
    I tried to buy a scarf and some hand warmers for the Salvation Army lady ringing her bell, but she WOULD NOT take them, so I’m giving them to a single mother I work with.
    Have fun at your lunch, June. I’m going to e-mail you my Christmas photo this year. You will pee your pants when you see my dog!

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  20. Please ignore the next two comments from me. I’m trying to do a RAK for Jan by figuring out the name thing in the comments.

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  21. Sorry, Jan, my theory didn’t pan out. I was going to suggest that you type in your name before your comment, then click refresh, then type in your comment and send it, but my name updated automatically with my first comment (which, from what I understand, yours is not doing). I wonder what the heck is happening with your computer?
    Still no RAK from me to anyone. I think I’m making this harder than it needs to be…

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  22. Hiya, I’m posting a totally unrelated comment hehehe. I just discovered this blog http://margaretandhelen.wordpress.com/ Margaret and Helen about 2 old ladies that have known one another over 60 years and they’re really funny… thought you might like reading them! (oh, is this ‘thought you might like reading them’ going to get your hackles up for not being correct English :)? I think I should have said ‘like reading their blog’ or ‘like reading about them’…
    Off I go, to read their archives…

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  23. Lee, you are welcome. I was afraid that it was all exasperated by something else. Glad we are all a happy stinking family again!
    The ball is in your court, Paula. Today, the Terraplane and I went out to our favorite BBQ restaurant. The place was packed, but our regular waiter had saved us a booth. He knew we’d be there and gave the kitchen our order when we came through the door. Yeah, we’re randomly spontaneous like that. The table next to us had been there for a while and our food came before theirs. Rob explained made his excuses to them about us being regulars. They were polite, but we could tell they were a little put out. When Rob returned to our table, I asked him to secretly put some money on their tab for waiting as an RAK.
    So they were no longer upset at Rob, got some cash off their bill and I got to be both spontaneous AND anonymous! Three birds, one stone.
    Oh and Katie, I meant how random is it to send radish seeds to a stranger? Can it get any more random than that?

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  24. Whew, I am SO glad Jan and Lee came back so quickly to offer up an apology to Steve.
    Thanks Furry!
    I admire the sisterly love, but I wanted so badly to come to Steve’s defense because I just knew he would not mean to be unkind or to hurt Jan’s feelings,but I didn’t want to contribute to the drama. I HATE drama. And I don’t like reading snippy comments going back and forth, so I was really impressed that that didn’t happen.
    June, I think you’ve got first class readers here. I also think we have come to like one another despite that fact that most of us have never met.
    So Steve, Jan and Lee, so glad you didn’t take a hike from this blog. Your comments and humor would be sorely missed.
    Peace on Earth (And on June’s blog.)

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  25. Sorry June, forgot to tell you congrats for finishing your job!
    I had a horrible, horrible dream last night that would make a fabulous book. If I write it, I will hire you to proofread it.

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  26. Sorry June, forgot to tell you congrats for finishing your job!
    I had a horrible, horrible dream last night that would make a fabulous book. If I write it, I will hire you to proofread it.

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  27. Sorry June, forgot to tell you congrats for finishing your job!
    I had a horrible, horrible dream last night that would make a fabulous book. If I write it, I will hire you to proofread it.

    Like

  28. Wow, the pressure is on now! LOL That was a great RAK & SAK!!! I’m actively seeking to spread the cheer. I will report in soon ❤ (as the kids say)

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  29. Wow, the pressure is on now! LOL That was a great RAK & SAK!!! I’m actively seeking to spread the cheer. I will report in soon ❤ (as the kids say)

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  30. Wow, the pressure is on now! LOL That was a great RAK & SAK!!! I’m actively seeking to spread the cheer. I will report in soon ❤ (as the kids say)

    Like

  31. The Furry G did not mention that she was thrilled today to learn that she does not have a fat back…a RAK from her diagnostician. Seems that all of Memphis is getting with the RAKs, except, of course, the drivers, who still have exceptionally seasonally unadjusted badditudes.

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  32. Sorry, but I loved the Blog-O-Rama Drama yesterday. Let’s make it a weekly “June Stirs the Shit” feature and offer a prize for the best stranger bicker-fest. Who else is in?

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  33. If you are still wondering about Christmas cards there is a website called http://www.mistlemail.com that you can use to send out e-cards. You can choose upload your own picture and enclose a letter and import your contacts from e-mail. It is a really great service! It’s a lot cheaper than mailing them too! And you should totally get tanked! 🙂

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  34. Working with Our Miss June’s title topic today (love the aliteration) “I’m not insane. Why do you ask?”. How do you tell if your dog’s extra nipple is really a skin tag? Or is she just extra special.

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  35. That is so cool that your old department invited you to lunch. I went by my old workplace yesterday and they acted like I had rolled in dogshit. Yeah, and I used to work for my brother-in-law. Kind of shows you what my family is like.

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  36. Oh my gosh. I’ve been using FedEx for years and have never seen that arrow until now. When I read that I ran over to my shipping envelopes and sure enough it popped out, like one of those 3-D pictures at the mall.

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  37. RAK report.
    Gave a street scammer all my cash ($30). “I’m trying to get to Seattle. . . ”
    Spent 45 minutes helping an old woman carry her groceries home.
    (20 minutes walking to and from; 15 minutes putting them away in her kitchen and chatting).
    Withdrew $200 in 20s; walked around downtown; gave money to whomever asked. I had only 2 hours to spare. Last person to ask 5 minutes before deadline got $120. SUPER fun!
    Might make a lifestyle of this!

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  38. I am having a hard time not biting off the heads of all these children who keep calling me ‘Mommy’. Or really, screaming, wailing, and whining “MOOOOOOMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!” while throwing toys, rubbing snot on my knees, and turning all splotchy in the face, while I am trying to cook supper, or wipe someone’s butt, or use the bathroom, or pack a lunch, or remind the 6 year old to pick up his books off the floor for the 152nd time in an hour, or recover the eye make-up applicators my slick-fingered 5 year old tagged for herself THREE WEEKS AGO, or drag fif-frickin-teen 120# boxes of Christmas decorations from the attic, or listen to The Man explain why he’ll be gone yet another 2 weeks, if he’s lucky.
    And to top it off, the 2 year old, in the middle of her crying fit, now turns to the 1 year old, in the middle of HIS crying fit, and says, “No, I’M crying! Noooo!, IIII’MMM crying! WAAAHAHAHAH!!!”
    So, RAKs by me? Zero.
    Unless you count not pulling an Andrea Yates an RAK.
    Hey Jan, when are you headed to Starbucks again? Can you swing by Houston?

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  39. Does keeping the drama content high and also keeping almost everyone amused count as a RAK??? Just wondering. 😉
    I have to second K-Dub. I love everyone here. You are all my friends that I have never met (and probably never will). And you all crack me up! Thanks for the love!

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  40. Hahaa! Yes, I have no back fat! Mentioned to the diagnostician in casual conversation while she was smooshing my tata that the only thing that hurt about a mammogram was the sharp edge of the plate in my underarm. She said, “Mmmmm, that’s because you don’t have any back fat.” Yay! It’s the small stuff,right? That and having a clean prognosis. I’ll let you be the leader in getting those tests this year, June. That makes only four for me…And I don’t have to go back for SIX MONTHS! Score!
    We heart you too, Jan. Be happy! That’s an order!

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  41. Hahaa! Yes, I have no back fat! Mentioned to the diagnostician in casual conversation while she was smooshing my tata that the only thing that hurt about a mammogram was the sharp edge of the plate in my underarm. She said, “Mmmmm, that’s because you don’t have any back fat.” Yay! It’s the small stuff,right? That and having a clean prognosis. I’ll let you be the leader in getting those tests this year, June. That makes only four for me…And I don’t have to go back for SIX MONTHS! Score!
    We heart you too, Jan. Be happy! That’s an order!

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  42. Hahaa! Yes, I have no back fat! Mentioned to the diagnostician in casual conversation while she was smooshing my tata that the only thing that hurt about a mammogram was the sharp edge of the plate in my underarm. She said, “Mmmmm, that’s because you don’t have any back fat.” Yay! It’s the small stuff,right? That and having a clean prognosis. I’ll let you be the leader in getting those tests this year, June. That makes only four for me…And I don’t have to go back for SIX MONTHS! Score!
    We heart you too, Jan. Be happy! That’s an order!

    Like

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