‘Doville

I had a voice mail from my mother-in-law. She told me to call her. I knew if I didn't do it right then I'd never get to it because I was running 394957847596038284.09 errands. I'll bet you wonder what the .09 errand was.

So I rang her, as Barry Gibb would say. Unlike Barry Gibb, however, I had not yet blown my hair dry. "Hello, mother-in-law," I said. "I can't talk long because my hair is wet and I have to dry it before it gets funny."

Then somehow 20 minutes went by and as we were speaking, I caught a glimpse of myself in the toaster. Oh, mother of pearl. It was like King Louis XIV

Louis141

mated with Gene Wilder.

Genegenedancingmachine

And their love child had been caught in a rain storm. And electrocuted. With a spiral perm.

"Mother-in-law, I have to go," I told her. "You can't even begin to understand how stupid my hair is, and I have to run errands."

"Wear a hat," she advised.

So I did. I took that stupid, stupid, damp unbelievably curly 'do and put a knit cap on it, ran my 394957847596038284.09 errands, got caught IN THE RAIN, and oh. Oh, how I wish I could show you my hair. I tried to take a picture with the webcam? And it won't email the image to me. I tried my regular camera? Out of batteries. It's like God is trying to spare all of you the pain. Oh, it's dumb hair.

Someone told me that on Thanksgiving, her hair was particularly poufy and she was complaining about it and one of her dinner guests said, "You sound like that one woman who always talks about her hair on her blog. You know, the cherry pie lady."

Cherry pie lady's got some redunkulous Shirley-Temple-the-morning-after hair. That is what I'm telling you.

But that is not why I gathered you all here today. Last night Marvin and I watched Radio Days, which is yet another excellent Woody Allen movie, and you know how I am about Woody Allen, but really this is one of his best. I mean, Marvin has a Woody Allen quote engraved in his wedding ring ("We need the eggs"). Really, he's sort of more married to Woody Allen than me.

After enjoying said movie for the 49th time, I came in here to check Facebook, because it's imperative that I do that 72 times daily, and Marvin said, "You have to come back in here."

I hate it when Marvin calls me away from whatever task. It irks me. Rarely does it turn out to be worth my while. Not once has Marvin called me into a room and once I got there did I find Taye Diggs and a pile of Mallow Cups. For example.

But last night? Was worth it. Because apparently? In the '30s or something? They used to make these shorts–these movie shorts, not bloomers–and they took dogs and made them act like people and probably today PETA would be all over that mess but oh! It is ludicrous and yet somehow so appealing.

Here's a YouTube of said short. It's only two minutes long. But it's two minutes of ridiculousness.

Which I wish could also be said of my follicles.

41 Comments

  1. You know they really used to use electricity to give perms? I don’t know if that was a coincidence that you said that or not. But really. The machines they used? Ridiculous. As a cosmetology major I am contantly amazed at the lengths people will go to for their “perfect” hairdo.

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  2. june. thank you for being hilarious. i’m away at a “work week” and can only read 2.3 things when i’m used to reading 2,345,675,090.08 things every day. you? you, i read. because you make me laugh. and in this most of the time hard world, you make me laugh.
    thanks june.

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  3. Rainy, poofy days for me mean the hair gets twisted up into a bun. Because I’m 27 going on 88, apparently. 🙂

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  4. RAK alert, walking the friendly boxers this eve and Cosmo goes off to sniff a natvity scene, happily comes back and drops something at my feet, Lucy grabs IT, runs off, I chase, grab her and retrieve the item, and place The Baby Jesus back in his cradle thingy. I hope none of the neighbors were watching, I know Santa is.

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  5. Hi June! I have been “lurking” your blog for almost two years, but have never commented before now. I love reading your blog, and find it amazing how many things we both like and dislike. BUT, when I read your post this morning, I had to tell you that I was actually WATCHING this last night. I am 45, and have grown up watching old movies from the 30’s on up, but had never seen this particular short before. A little racy for dogs, don’t you say?

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  6. D-Lou, way-to-go! I was just coming over to tell you that I fulfilled mine on Monday! I had to go through the toll booth twice on Monday on my way to the Pioneer Woman book signing and I paid for the driver behind me each time.
    And, I’m with you, Taye Diggs and ANY type of food and I’m on the way over.

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  7. June, did you hear that they are testing a pill that will make curly hair straight? I heard about it on the radio this morning and I thought of you. I wonder what the side effects will be (other than straight hair)?

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  8. Dear King Louis & Gene W’s Love Child,
    Having done the Keratin treatment once, would you consider doing it again? I’m thinking of trying it, and was just wonderin’ your opinion on how it grows out/fades away…
    Your sister,
    The Fuzzy Folicle

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  9. Wow, we were tuned in too. Cosmo licked the TV, he kinda has the hots for Queenie. Lucy then hauled off and hit him, she thinks he’s two-timing her.

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  10. Dear Vicky I,
     
    Is there a Vicky II? At any rate, thank you for enjoying my stupid blogs, and also too, my email is on the right-hand column of this blog.
     
    XO,
    June I

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  11. Dear June- I wish I could have emailed you this but I couldn’t find your email address. I just spent the last 2 days ( mostly at work!) reading your 2007 blog like it’s heroine and I’m a junkie! Ha…I’m just an overly sarcastic 43 yr old woman in Delaware laughing so hard at your twisted tales of LA traffic and pink tinted roots I had to change out my office chair when my middle aged incontinence kicks in ….all because you make me laugh so freakin’ hard..at you, at me and the world in general ( And Marvin Gardens too). Seriously,thanks for making me laugh and giving me solace knowing I’m not the only one with a sarcastic, dry retort playing in my brain to everyone I come in contact with all day everyday. Have you thought of writing a book? I’d buy it. And I’d buy it new..not “gently used” off of Amazon with strange stains. Thanks for the laughs!ANd
    NO, I’m not a stalker(yet). –Vicky

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  12. That clip was funny but bizarre!
    HULK: Maybe the villain dog thought is was
    a game of Poke-her.
    The image in the bottle looked like there was some real humping going on.
    Hate to have missed your hair shot, June.
    (Eew, that sounded like a Britney Spears joke.)

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  13. Love “Radio Days” — the sweet side of Woody.
    Sorry I left TCM before the dog show! Eeeek.
    I was watching to see Neko Case (guest of the evening) actually — check out her music if you don’t know it!

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  14. That was amazing. I thought that I was the only one that could see criminal activity in the reflection of a bottle of booze. Incredible.
    AND, while I was looking at the film, I saw another that featured a dog milking a goat. Wow. So I had to blog about that. I linked back to you though. So be prepared for my millions (or tens) of followers to flock to your blog. Your server may crash. Well he might, if he slips on a banana peel.

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  15. Sorry, but I thought the clip was hilarious. I needed a good belly laugh today as my morning has not started as well as expected. Although, I must admit the thought of Taye Diggs in a pile of Mallow cups would make me come running into a room.
    On another note: Rebekah, my RAK has been fulfilled. Today is garbage day in my neighborhood. We have winds gusting up to 45 mph, so you can imagine the havoc it is playing with the plastic-type garbage cans.
    I have retrieved several of my neighbors cans and placed them into their driveways.

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  16. The evil laugh is the best. Bwhahahahahhaha.
    I have 24534534534566376.06 errands to run today but it’s not raining. The temperature is going to drop from the balmy 34 that it is right now to about 15 throughout the day. Goody!
    The man I take care of used to work with me before he got sick. He had a saying when one of us girls came in with some bad hair. He would look us up and down and then start fussing with our hair and say “Look at you, walking around with your mammy maid hair-do.” Except it was less enunciated. More like “Look at yo, walkin’ around wish yor mammy maid hair-do.”

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  17. I wonder if they used fake (dead dog) “arms” in that clip? Those dogs were doing really undoglike things with their “arms.”
    It reminded me of something gross I saw during a Christmas past. About fifteen or twenty years ago, we had a Russian-themed store in our town that sold samovars, those doll in a doll in a doll things, and pictures of the Kremlin, to name a few products. One Christmas this store featured a tableau of stuffed kittens (real ones) playing tiny instruments in its display window. I couldn’t have been more shocked and horrified if they had a display of stuffed people playing instruments in the window. (Of course, I was a brand new card carrying cat lady at the time.)

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  18. Oh my! That would just be too much drama for my girls to watch. They much prefer Scooby-doo.
    I wish I could help you with your hair issues, but other than that one wave I have in mine, I can’t relate. Okay, not so much of a wave as a cowlick, but whatever.

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  19. That was such a head-screw! When people say “watch this clip of animals acting like people” you expect tea parties/pram pushing. Not attempted rape and psychic whisky-scrying drunks! I did love the evil heheheheheheh laugh though 😀

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