Pet peeves

Here's something I didn't think about: if I spend all day with my pets? My animal companions? My feline- and canine-Americans? MAYBE I MIGHT GET SICK OF THEM.

Oh my shattered arse. Okay, first of all, who is obsessed with the Christmas tree and all the decorations?

BadallthetimeHenry not obsessed. Henry just warming yer presentz. Henry not have big obsessed glowy eyes.

See the little pieces of white on the floor? Yeah. That's parts of the TREE because Henry keeps CLIMBING the dang thing so that he can BREAK all the ornaments.

Plus incidentally too? Last night I was just drifting off when I heard ting, ting, ta-ting and right there I knew the ornaments were being jostled. I STOMPED out of bed, and do you know who was climbing the tree like a howler monkey? Do you know?

WINSTON! Winston, my perfect cat, was climbing the tree.

MrinnocentWinston!?!? Big Hair accuse Winston of climbing tree? Winston the GOOD one! Winston not climb. Pay no attention to climby thing Win on right now.

This is the fourth Christmas I have spent with this cat and it's the FIRST Christmas he's climbed the tree. So I continue to blame Henry. That Henry is a demon seed. An orange demon seed.

My tree is all messed up, because at first I had the ornaments arranged so nicely, and now I wake up every morning to find 35 ornaments on the floor, and I just slap 'em back up there at this point. So now you have 72 magenta ones all crammed together and five feet of blank space. Whatever.

Ibegoodsanta

Henry clean ornament glitter off paw. Not know how it got there. Also Henry leave bit of dung on yer in-box.

And this DOG. For heaven's sake. Is it possible to give your dog TOO much attention? I stupidly told her we'd go to the dog park today, and I meant after I'd showered, put on makeup, watched a pressing episode of Roxanne, gotten a FedEx from a publisher (see what I did there? I mentioned FedEx again), ate a piece of banana bread, and so forth.

Yeah. No. As soon as this creature heard "dog park," she followed me relentlessly and bore her eyes into my soul.

Okay, fine. So we WENT to the dog park, and let me tell you what. It's a long, long, walk to the dog park part of this park, and alliteration is my friend why do you ask. So after that long walk, which involves climbing steps, we finally get there, and whoosh! That is all I see of my dog for the next 40 minutes. Whoosh!

That creature tears around the dog park faster than anything you have ever seen in your life. She ran to Rome, ate a pasta dinner, giggled at the David statue, and got back before I even noticed.

There were two, not one but TWO, puppies at the park, both around six months old. BOTH of those puppies tried to run with her for awhile, but after 20 minutes of whoosh! they were both like, eff it, and played calmly amongst themselves. Puppies did not have enough energy for this ludicrous dog. PUPPIES.

After we got home, she went to her water bowl–flap-floop-flap-floop-floop-flup–and slept awhile, but then she got up and this is what she does. While I am trying to proofread. Here it is. She hangs her head low at me, makes her eyebrows go all cockeldy, and says, "MmmmMMMmmm!" in this whiny, growly way. "MmmMMMmmm!"

You have no idea how many times a day I hear this. So I GOT UP from my proofreading, played with her and her FREAKING reindeer squeak toy, chased her all around the house with it, played tug-of-war, and now that I am sitting here trying to blog?

"MmmMMMmmm."

I mean, HOW MUCH ATTENTION does this dog NEED?

Who inVENted all these pets, anyway? Why do we have 62 of them? That Marvin. Always bringing home pet after pet. That's how it went, right?

So that's all I have to say about that. Oh, and one more thing?

MmmmmMMMMmmm!

58 thoughts on “Pet peeves

  1. Not sure if Lee is a man or woman, but sure could use some love today. Pucker up!!!! LOL Hulk, you too. Although since I’m married, I probably shouldn’t lead you on too much. Sorry 😉 I am currently working on a great lead for a family that is truly struggling and a bunch of us are thinking up some useful ways of helping out. I agree with the others, if you are thinking about helping a family please don’t wait until Christmas day. Having been on the other end of poverty growing up and receiving some gifts from anonymous people, the stress that is relieved is immense. Peace.

    Like

  2. Not sure if Lee is a man or woman, but sure could use some love today. Pucker up!!!! LOL Hulk, you too. Although since I’m married, I probably shouldn’t lead you on too much. Sorry 😉 I am currently working on a great lead for a family that is truly struggling and a bunch of us are thinking up some useful ways of helping out. I agree with the others, if you are thinking about helping a family please don’t wait until Christmas day. Having been on the other end of poverty growing up and receiving some gifts from anonymous people, the stress that is relieved is immense. Peace.

    Like

  3. Not sure if Lee is a man or woman, but sure could use some love today. Pucker up!!!! LOL Hulk, you too. Although since I’m married, I probably shouldn’t lead you on too much. Sorry 😉 I am currently working on a great lead for a family that is truly struggling and a bunch of us are thinking up some useful ways of helping out. I agree with the others, if you are thinking about helping a family please don’t wait until Christmas day. Having been on the other end of poverty growing up and receiving some gifts from anonymous people, the stress that is relieved is immense. Peace.

    Like

  4. Henry thinks you put that tree in the house just for him. Poor Winston has been led astray by that teenager. All cats think you are there to serve them and of course the d.o.g. thinks you are there to play. Think how boring and lonely life would be without you animals. You would have to proofread all day long. Now that is boring!

    Like

  5. Wow…wonderful RAoK doing the battery replacement….that’s a heart-tugger. My RAoK is two-fold: left a $20 tip for a $9 meal today and planning on slipping anon. some $$ tm to a coworker whose paycheck is woefully inadequate …her hubby has been out of work with a broken and a not healing foot for almost 6 months…and I just now found out. Had no idea that they were struggling. Hope to help a wee bit. But the heart-tugger RAoKs are the best I think. One more time: THANKS for you blog!

    Like

  6. Wow, Lula needs a new buddy, and gosh Christmas is the time for giving, right Marv, Mr. Salads. Anyway, my Lucy arrived on our back patio one night in October 2004, a skinny stray 45 lbs boxer maybe 7 month old baby girl with lyme disease, and horribly emaciated. Now she is Cosmo’s, he is the big 90lb boy now at 7 years old, play thing…. and she will rip him a new one if she has to. Just think you could RAK at the SPCA or such, for Tallulah as a playmate and gift for the Gardens family. Cats beware!

    Like

  7. When my dog even starts to whine I give him a quick “ssshhh”, like Cesar does. That shuts him up for about two seconds. Dogs are a pain in the butt; so clingy and needy.
    I am leaving town the day after Christmas, so I put up a tree that I can easily take down before we go, because I don’t trust my cat alone with a decorated tree.

    Like

  8. PAULA~ Oh. my. word. Not worthy of being listend amongst other great acts? Oh how I disagree STRONGLY with that statement. I love love love to cook…and if I do say so myself, am a very good cook. But I HATE to bake. HATE IT. Its too putsy for me. People who bake and decorate baked goods are my heros. If someone were to drop off freshly baked and decorated goods at my home just because they thought it would be nice, I might have to kiss them full on the mouth.
    Paula ~ EXCELLENT RAoK. Excellent!

    Like

  9. For the wonderful person who is giving presents to the woman at work for her family, I would suggest your son or the boss, or someone tell her that things are being bought for the kids. She is probably worrying about it, selling things or whatever to get them gifts. It will be a relief to know it’s being taken care of for her and even if she objects to being given something, you can do it anyway. Speaking as someone who used to be poor, it will be an especially joy producing thing to not have to worry about her kids getting something for Christmas. Thanks for doing this.

    Like

  10. We can’t even have a full tree anymore. We have a little one that is up on a high table but of course the cats can still reach that… so we have to tie a rope around the tree and secure the ends to the wall.
    *sigh*
    Oh animals. The joy, love and aggravation you all bring!
    (As bad as cats and dogs are… try ferrets! They’ll rock your world.) But I also have a needy/high maintenance apple headed siamese cat. She’s a doll and I love her but she WANTS ATTENTION. She’s an ATTENTION WHORE. She’ll get up onto your shoulder while you’re working on the computer and then fling herself over your shoulder and you have NO CHOICE but to catch her and then she demands cuddling.

    Like

  11. That’s been my LIFE for the past few years now that I write full-time. Honestly, sometimes I have to escape to a cafe or the library so I don’t have to get up every 3 minutes to feed/play/water the cats. (Yes, water, one refuses to drink out of her bowl, needs water FRESH from the tap. And if she doesn’t get it? She’ll gnaw on whatever plant happens to be across from me, with an Oh yeah, take that! gleam in her eye.
    The hardest thing is trying to wrestle them and my writing and a laptop in my lap, because of course that’s the only place they want to sit. This shows how I spend all day, every day:
    http://twitpic.com/sy624

    Like

  12. I don’t have cats but I have 3 dogs. I was up at 2 AM yes as in the MORNING. I was in the middle of a hotflash and a Barry Gibb dream when I felt Barry breathing in my face. I said “Barry your breath smells like kibble” that is when he stuck his tongue in my eye. I of course woke up to find my Boxer’s big slobbering face in my face. I got up and took him outside in the cold. Oh shut up you know 45 degrees is cold in SoCal. Anyway I got back in bed only for a few minutes later the toodle Boz started whining. I got up and took him out and crawled back in bed trying to will Barry back into my dreams when you guessed it dog #3 comes in wanting to go outside. Between Barry, Boxers and Hotflashes I didn’t sleep last night.

    Like

  13. My dog does the same thing. Drives me insane. Especially if you’re sitting at the computer desk, she just sits like 2 inches from the chair and talks at you. And then tries to squeeze herself under the desk where your legs are just in case you didn’t know she was *right there* next to the chair. And paws your legs. Any which way to get attention.

    Like

  14. Paula*<with has been knee deep in butter, flour and sugar for the past few days-hopefully still partnered up with Furry Godmother!!! says:

    Does leaving boxes of freshly baked goodies around the neighborhood count as a RAoK?? Just saying…… Spent the last 4 DAYS, yes 4 days, measuring, mixing, baking, cooling, frosting and decorating hundreds of different baked goods. Doesn’t feel like an act truly worthy of being listed amongst other great acts. Will keep searching……….

    Like

  15. Paula*<with has been knee deep in butter, flour and sugar for the past few days-hopefully still partnered up with Furry Godmother!!! says:

    Does leaving boxes of freshly baked goodies around the neighborhood count as a RAoK?? Just saying…… Spent the last 4 DAYS, yes 4 days, measuring, mixing, baking, cooling, frosting and decorating hundreds of different baked goods. Doesn’t feel like an act truly worthy of being listed amongst other great acts. Will keep searching……….

    Like

  16. Paula*<with has been knee deep in butter, flour and sugar for the past few days-hopefully still partnered up with Furry Godmother!!! says:

    Does leaving boxes of freshly baked goodies around the neighborhood count as a RAoK?? Just saying…… Spent the last 4 DAYS, yes 4 days, measuring, mixing, baking, cooling, frosting and decorating hundreds of different baked goods. Doesn’t feel like an act truly worthy of being listed amongst other great acts. Will keep searching……….

    Like

  17. I think Henry called our cat Maxie last night and they decided to do the same exact trick. It must have been funny to watch me wake in horror and run like mad woman to the tree. Three times.

    Like

  18. Too funny!!! Our Lab pulls ornaments off the tree too, and also the bows off presents. Just like having toddlers in the house!! gotta luv em tho!

    Like

  19. Sorry, Junie…should have said either “ALL of these acts…are great…” or “Every one of these acts…IS great…”. Mark me up with your special pen. Then stick it up your orange arse.

    Like

  20. Awesome Dawn-Coach Tressel would be impressed. BTW, Hulkette and I are making your Buckeye candies this weekend.
    LisaPie-That is great. Great RAoK. We adopt families here at work, and the stories of how grateful they are for everything is very inspiring. And they KNOW they are adopted. I can’t imagine how happy this woman is going to be with this surprise!
    Every one of these acts that I have read about are great. Don’t discount yours just because it is simple, or didn’t cost you anything. Junie hit a gold mine with this one.
    What? Hulk has feelings too…does he ALWAYS have to be just funny???

    Like

  21. Zoe, my orange 83 pound pain in the arse has already chewed up three presents. I would kill her but I’m too lazy to dig a hole that big.
    Our cat, Myshkin used to scale the tree and ride it to the ground for hahas. We finally wired it to the crown moulding. Then? She would scale it and nest like a vulture in the top. Sigh.

    Like

  22. My son came home from work the other day talking about this woman he works with who is a single mom of 2, no car, etc. who was saying that since WalMart discontinued their lay away plan she didn’t know how she was going to get Christmas for her kids. So, he and I are secretly adopting her family for Christmas. We are going to wrap everything and leave it in the office and the owner is going to tell her that someone dropped it off for her.
    We have had a lot of fun picking out games and things for the kids. I don’t know if this counts as a RAoK since it’s not truly “random”, but I will stay on the lookout!

    Like

  23. Dawn, that is a fantastic RAoK! I still haven’t found my perfect random moment (can there be one?), but we are donating a bunch of supplies to the no-kill shelter in town and delivering meals to homebound seniors on Christmas Eve. Not so random, but still good. Don’t worry Erin, I’ll do something random soon.

    Like

  24. Geez, Dawn, way to do something GOOD and rain on my parade. GOD! No, really, that was a fabulous one, wasnt it? Soon I will do a post where I list them all. Which is going to be a pain in my orange ass. Oh. I forgot that mine is not orange. Henrys is.

    Like

  25. I just have dogs and they don’t climb the tree. They do, however, like to pull ornaments off it. Mr., my Weimaraner, likes to try and “mark” the tree as well. Luckily he has bad aim.

    Like

  26. We were at a lovely Christmas party a few years back, having a merry time, when the babysitter called to say our darling cat had climbed the tree. Since it was a tree the size of a redwood, the whole thing came crashing to the ground. She did it 3 more times in the years to come and then I finally caved to my husband’s constant pleas to go artificial. Best decision I ever made. The cat doesn’t climb. The tree comes with lights. You just plug the dang thing in. No pine needles. No traipsing around town looking for the perfect tree, until we’re all sniping at each other in the true Christmas spirit. Oh, how I love me some artificial. The only thing missing is the smell and Yankee Candles in the Christmas tree scent takes care of that.

    Like

  27. I think if you scare the sh** out of the stupid cat when it is doing that, it will cure the problem.. The Ex’s cat used to mess with ornaments, and one day as I was sitting in the chair by the tree, the damn thing was trying to pull one of Hulkette’s preschool ornaments down and I screamed, “KNOCK IT OFF!!!”. And that thing JUMPED…never bothered the tree again. Plus I LAUGHED…
    That was what I call a “win-win”…
    One more thing. My RAoK for Lee:
    Dick Giggles, Porn Superstar.

    Like

  28. June ~ Thanks for the laugh this morning. I satyed up too late and am very tired this morning. I blame Sue for Winston’s out of character behavior.
    Amy ~ Just have to ask…why weren’t you going to comment? If I’m not mistaken, June loves to see that comment traffic add up up up. (Am I speaking out of turn here, Junie??)
    Dawn ~ I, too, got a little teary eyed. And your Aunt? My word…bless her heart. Brain injury AND lung cancer? Enough for that poor woman already!

    Like

  29. DAWN! I came in here to leave June yet another sarcastic ass comment about trees, dogs and the captions one gets when they mouse over her photos (which crack me up) and then…. That was the best RAoK yet! Great job. That’s what it’s all about. It made me a little verklempt. I’m sure all of those people feel loved today. 🙂

    Like

  30. Expatresse, you will be happy to know it is 19 degrees and blustery today in a suburb of Cleveland, (Ohio). You should feel right at home when you come to Columbus next week.
    Back to the animals. I stopped putting up a tree when my son adopted the sweetest devil kitten a few months before Christmas. When we put up the tree we would constantly pick up ornaments and I’d have to vacuum the needles. At this time I also had another cat and three dogs who never bothered the tree. Well one night I heard a crash, big crash. Devil kitty had knocked over the tree. I mean on the floor knocked over. That was the end of Christmas trees in our house.

    Like

  31. Expatresse, you will be happy to know it is 19 degrees and blustery today in a suburb of Cleveland, (Ohio). You should feel right at home when you come to Columbus next week.
    Back to the animals. I stopped putting up a tree when my son adopted the sweetest devil kitten a few months before Christmas. When we put up the tree we would constantly pick up ornaments and I’d have to vacuum the needles. At this time I also had another cat and three dogs who never bothered the tree. Well one night I heard a crash, big crash. Devil kitty had knocked over the tree. I mean on the floor knocked over. That was the end of Christmas trees in our house.

    Like

  32. Expatresse, you will be happy to know it is 19 degrees and blustery today in a suburb of Cleveland, (Ohio). You should feel right at home when you come to Columbus next week.
    Back to the animals. I stopped putting up a tree when my son adopted the sweetest devil kitten a few months before Christmas. When we put up the tree we would constantly pick up ornaments and I’d have to vacuum the needles. At this time I also had another cat and three dogs who never bothered the tree. Well one night I heard a crash, big crash. Devil kitty had knocked over the tree. I mean on the floor knocked over. That was the end of Christmas trees in our house.

    Like

  33. Welcome to my life. I stay at home with two dogs. We had issues with the presents this year. Seems one of the dogs,(Phoebe the phat one)thought the presents were chew toys and went searching for the squeaker. rewrap, rewrap, rewrap, and pardon the bite marks on your new leather purse
    On another note, I have accomplished my RAoK! Yay!
    My aunt, who was brain damaged in an auto accident over 30 years ago, lives alone in a small apartment. The complex has many other disabled people living there and they all look out for one another. My aunt has just finished chemo and radiation for lung cancer.
    Occasionally, people from the state come by to do an inspection. They’re just checking to make sure people are eating, that their heat is on, things are clean and everyone is safe.
    Yesterday, my aunt’s neighbor had an inspection. She was quite proud of the fact that she has been living there for 13 years and has never had a violation. But today she got a violation for having a smoke detector with a weak battery (how can they tell??). She had two days to fix it.
    She was so upset over getting a violation that she cried. I told her I would install new batteries for her. But that wasn’t the problem. She didn’t have the money for batteries.
    I ran out to the General Dollar, bought her 2 batteries for both alarms as well as 2 for my aunt, might as well do hers, too.
    While I was there, I thought about all the other folks who live there on very limited incomes and decided to get everyone new batteries.
    Because many are disabled physically as well as mentally, rather than just leave the batteries on their doorstep with a note, I knocked on each door and installed the batteries for everyone.
    It was a good day.

    Like

  34. This is why I have put up our tree, nor have I decorated it with the lovely, hand-made, glass ornaments my daughter bought during the class field trip to the ornament factory out in the wilds of Russia. C-A-T-S. That’s why.
    When we get to the Winter Dacha in My Ancestral Village (Columbus, Ohio) on Dec 19, we will decorate a tree there in a Cat-Free Zone.
    That is all.

    Like

  35. I wasn’t gonna comment, but you got me with your MmmmmMMMmmm…
    Can you train them to watch tv? It works on kids…it’s like baby heroin.

    Like

Comments are closed.