First and foremost, here is my Christmas mug of the day. Du jour of the day. When I waitressed, I used to love it when people asked what the soup du jour of the day was. I never felt superior or anything. It's hard to feel superior in a brown polyester dress that zips up the front, but I managed it.
That stupid Michigan license plate really showed up, didn't it? When Marvin and I first moved in together and he was getting the cow for free, I had to explain to him why license plates in the living room weren't gonna work. It was kind of like that scene in When Harry Met Sally where Carrie Fisher makes Bruno Kirby throw out the wagon wheel coffee table.
"I want you to know, that I will never want that wagon wheel coffee table."
I should have required films that you must view before reading this blog. That one, Annie Hall, It's a Wonderful Life and Arthur. That way, at least you'll know what I'm talking about half the time.
There are many things I wish to cover today, and all of them must be brief, because not only did I get a migraine yesterday which seriously hampered how many pages I proofread and now I have to catch up and because I'm gonna READ so much you know I'll get another one, I also have to go to the post office.
Which, remember how I was gonna complain about my Friday two Fridays ago? One of the things I was gonna tell you is that I had to go to the post office that day and the man in front of me, who had JUST KVETCHED to me about how long the line was, bought a $278 money order IN QUARTERS. I am not making this up. QUARTERS. And he COUNTED them all. "One, twooo…"
So I'm really looking forward to returning there, and given that Christmas is in 11 days I am certain it will not be ludicrous or anything. And they have ONE EMPLOYEE working there. He's the nicest guy. Maybe I should bring him something today. Like a gun. Or, you know, cookies.
Okay, so I really have to go. I have an idea. Why don't I list for you all the things I need to discuss and you can remind me. And I always tell you guys to remind me and instead what you do is you DON'T remind me and then you complain six months later that you never heard about the whooandsoo that YOU NEVER REMINDED ME ABOUT. Geez, I ask for one tiny favor.
Here're topics I need to discuss when there's more time:
1. What was wrong with Oprah's left eye yesterday in the special where she interviewed the Obamas?
2. Did Stedman hit her? I doubt he'd mess with that money train. Did Gayle? Did she get pinkeye from letting her friend pierce her nose, because that's how my friend got pinkeye. Okay, see, instead of a list I am instead starting to discuss Oprah's eye and that's not what I wanted to do.
3. Oprah asked the Obamas an interesting question. She asked what their favorite Christmas gift was. I think we should discuss our favorites at a later date. Good blog topic.
5. Good deeds. I have to list all your good deeds you've done so far and then link to you and the thought of starting this task sounds worse than standing behind Mr. 278 x 4 quarters.
6. I want to do a little survey of all of you. Ask you questions about this blog, how you came to it, what you like about it, that sort of thing.
7. My pets are cute. This was yesterday when I had the migraine. They like it when I'm in bed all day. And yes, sometimes I try to bring Francis in and he immediately waddles back to his pink chair, quite kerfuffled about being moved. Poor Fran.
8. I have to tell you how I am not the alpha in this pack. Nor is Marvin. I think you can guess who is. She is staring at you in Personal Growth, up there. See? That wasn't funny unless you've seen When Harry Met Sally.
Okay. Off to begin all these tasks. I also have to wrap Marvin's gifts, because he keeps finding reasons to walk into my closet, a place he has never found remotely interesting before, and one of his gifts is three feet tall so it's getting hard to hide. Yes, I did get Marvin an Oompa Loompa. Who doesn't want a preachy short orange person around? I mean, other than Henry.