Food and Drink, Friends, June's stupid life

No room at the inn or at the grocery store

Henry is looking out the window again, chittering his teefs at birds.

Chitter 

He is truly unconcerned with the shape of my blinds. Which is fine because I CANNOT WAIT to get a cute curtain there. Do you think Santa brought me a cute curtain? Aaaannnnd cue the part where my mother leaps off her roof, because she just spent the last two months asking me what I wanted for Christmas and I never mentioned the blind.

I tried to take a picture of the birds at the bird feeder, but of course as soon as my camera lens clicked on the window, they all flew off. They're high-strung that way. And it's a shame, because there was a cardinal and also Mrs. Cardinal, who is stuck being mostly brown through life while her husband gets to be all red and handsome and earn more money.

My soldier made fun of me for writing to him about my birds at the bird feeder. Hey, I had to write him once a week; pretty soon you start writing about the trivial things.

You knew I had a soldier, right? I'm pretty sure I mentioned him. I volunteered with this organization to write once a week and send a care package (read: Maxim magazine) every month. I am pleased to announce that Eddie, my personal soldier, is done being in Iraq and is home. Well, home-ish. Last I heard he was in Germany and all I can see on his Facebook page is an unbelievably cute message from his Nana which is about to kill me. She even signed it. "Love, Nana." I want to pinch her cheeks.

At any rate, fortunately I was assigned a soldier who had a sense of humor, so he found me funny and not berserk. And he'd write me back and ask when I turned 80, with the entire letter about what kind of birds were at my feeder. And you should have HEARD the guffaws when I took up knitting.

Speaking of being old, I went to my fancy tea yesterday with The Other June.

Ohenry
There's a hoity-toity hotel in town, called the O'Henry. It is not named after my cat. They have afternoon tea. With clotted cream. If you told me there was an all-afternoon vomit, jazz, and inappropriate apostrophe fest that also had clotted cream, I would still attend for the clotted cream.

Every single person at the tea was female. Do men hate tea? I know Barry Gibb drinks tea. Why so tea-shy, men?

China
They serve you with unmatched china, which I think is adorable. Also too, what are those little peppercorn-looking red berry things called? I used to work for a flower company and I had to proofread flower recipes, and we used those red things in every winter bouquet and now for the life of me I cannot think what they're called and I'm irritated with my own self.

Usedtobefood

Yeah. So. I meant to photograph all the pretty food when it came, but I forgot until just two lonely cookies were left. Don't worry, they got eaten, too.

Puttingonairs

See, you CAN take me anywhere.

At any rate, I am off to (gasp) go to the grocery store. I have no choice. We are having salmon tomorrow and you have to get it pretty close to when you're gonna eat it. I know the store is going to be a nightmare. Shut up.

This evening we are going to TinyTown, to have dinner with some friends and then go to the midnight mass, which starts at 10:30. What can I tell you? Midnight mass sounds better than 10:30 mass.

It is my guess that 32 people will read me today and tomorrow, but I said that last year and people read this dumb blog, so what do I know?

Merry Christmas, everyone who celebrates it! And if you don't, will you stay out of my grocery store today? It's gonna be bad enough. Thanks.

82 thoughts on “No room at the inn or at the grocery store”

  1. Those are hypericum berries. I’m not a tea lover, but adore the O’Henry, the Green Valley Grill & their rooms – have you seen their rooms? I could live there, especially the bathrooms – gorgeous. We had our wedding reception at the O’Henry in the pavillion area December 28th, it was perfection. Merry Christmas!

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  2. Happy Belated Birthday Carpool Queen! You share my Grandpa’s birthday. He lived to be 101, here’s wishing you the same!

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  3. It is now Christmas day. Merry Christmas June! And Merry Christmas to all you faithfull readers.
    This is the one blog that I turn to each day for a good belly laugh. With the stresses life can bring it is comforting to know that lives can be touched even by people who may never meet.
    To those of you who have had a difficult year, I sincerely hope that 2010 will bring you happiness and health.
    Now I have to go chase my cat around the house so that I can put one of those silly Santa hats on her and take her picture whilst laughing my arse of at her.

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  4. I will be putting up signs in my store tomorrow at 4am for the 7am opening. I will give you an extra special Bye Bye Pie discount, but only in Cincinnati. See you soon. No snow here, just wind and rain…festive.

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  5. Merry Christmas June!!! I hear you are low on oregano also. Was also out shopping yesterday and no crowds in WI-although the HUGE snow/rain storm that we are experiencing could be part of the reason. Stopped in the visit Steve at Target but couldn’t find him anywhere 😉 Note to Steve-put that Christmas sh*t on clearance! Cmon-what are you waiting for 😉

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  6. Merry Christmas to everyone. June,thank you for bringing me joy everytime I read your blog.Everyone else, thank you for the great comments, this is the “blog that keeps on giving”, not only do I get to enjoy the actual blog of the day, but lots of funny and entertaining comments everytime I come back to check.
    I am stuck at my in-laws’ house for Christmas, while for the first time in a gazillion years there is a lot of snow where we live. Great. And not even any alcohol here. Bah Humbug.

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  7. English food names always confuse me. Until last year, I thought Welsh Rarebit was Welsh Rabbit, on the rare side.
    Have yourself a merry little Christmas everyone, and especially our lovely hostess June, who is probably at 10:30 mass as I type this (its been a long day). Ho ho ho…
    My name is not ‘ho.’ Stop calling me ‘ho.’

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  8. Merry Christmas, all!
    June, did you hear the NPR “Talk of the Nation” piece on It’s a Wonderful Life this afternoon? Here’s the link: http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=121871188
    I had high tea only once, but it was at Harrod’s in London. Wow! Lovely experience. Each of us got to order the tea of our choice from the menu. Mmmmmm…finger sandwiches — egg salad, cucumber, smoked salmon, and ham. I was the only one who ate smoked salmon so got all of them. Middle plate had scones awaiting the clotted cream and jam, and the top plate had pastries of all sorts. We ate it all and asked for more pastries. I think the four of us need a trip to the O’Henry to relive the experience.
    I’ll end with the words of Walt Kelly’s Pogo:
    Deck us all with Boston Charlie
    Walla Walla, Wash., and Kalamazoo!
    Nora’s freezin’ on the trolley
    Swaller dollar cauliflower alley-garoo!
    Don’t we know archaic barrel
    Lullaby Lilla Boy, Louisville Lou?
    Trolley Molly don’t love Harold
    Boola boola Pensacoola hullabaloo!
    Target Steve’s co-workers won’t remember that, I bet. Maybe Steve won’t either.
    Have a merry one!

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  9. As someone whose dad and brother are tea-obsessed, I promise you that men do tea. What they don’t do is fancy shmancy little bone china cups. They will go through the tiny cup pain if they get a scone with jam and cream. It’s part of the nationality requirements, I think.
    It is now officially Christmas Day here so I’m off to bed. The sooner I sleep, the sooner I get to open prezzies. Yay! Merry Christmas, x

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  10. poor Fran.
    Merry Christmas, Lee.
    I haven’t been commenting as much because Steve sometimes hovers and then mocks me (I know, can you believe it?) for how long it takes for me to decide if my comment is grammatical or on topic or funny. And sometimes everyone else is soooo funny, I can’t even begin to comment.
    Oh, I love Christmas Eve.

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  11. Merry Christmas everyone!!!!!!
    SO glad to see Steve and Beth commenting. Again, I am so so so sorry for my ri-dic-u-lous rant on Jan’s behalf. Yes, Hulk, I took your dingity dangity dollar and bought a sense of humor!
    Carpoolqueen ~ Happiest of birthdays TO YOU!
    For a long time after Jan and I started reading this blog I was a bit sad because it didn’t seem as if the commentors were connecting and oh how I wished we would connect. Well WAHHH LAAAAHHHH, connect we did. This blog makes my day and when life is too hard to deal with, I always have all y’all!
    I have not had too many eggnogs, but also am sentimental on Christmas Eve. After I finish wrapping the 243,875,309 presents I have left to wrap, I will partake in some sort of alcoholic beverage. Shall we all meet back here at midnight and toast?
    Merry Christmas, June. Marvin. Tallulah. Winston. Henry. and …oh crap I am having a brain fart. The other one. I’ll remember as soon as I hit submit on this dang comment….

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  12. Happy Holidays to everyone in Junersville. And a big thank you to everyone, too. This year was a sad one for me and coming here was a welcome respite. June would start the ball rolling with her excellent, funny and DAILY updates, and then the comments would often take on a life of their own. A lot of times I had to muffle my giggles at work. (And I work in a bank. We don’t giggle.)
    THANK YOU and Happy Holidays!!
    Love,

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  13. Happy Holidays to everyone in Junersville. And a big thank you to everyone, too. This year was a sad one for me and coming here was a welcome respite. June would start the ball rolling with her excellent, funny and DAILY updates, and then the comments would often take on a life of their own. A lot of times I had to muffle my giggles at work. (And I work in a bank. We don’t giggle.)
    THANK YOU and Happy Holidays!!
    Love,

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  14. Happy Holidays to everyone in Junersville. And a big thank you to everyone, too. This year was a sad one for me and coming here was a welcome respite. June would start the ball rolling with her excellent, funny and DAILY updates, and then the comments would often take on a life of their own. A lot of times I had to muffle my giggles at work. (And I work in a bank. We don’t giggle.)
    THANK YOU and Happy Holidays!!
    Love,

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  15. Merry Christmas Bloggy Friends! It is snowing here. Only the third white Christmas in my lifetime! I love the High Tea picture the other June took of you. Thanks for the daily giggle.

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  16. Merry Christmas everyone, and June, a very heartfelt thank you for providing this assemblage of off-the-wall and heart-of-gold people. Words cannot express how much joy you are giving to us. Well at least to me!
    Happy, happy birthday to the Queen of the Carpool!!!!
    PS: June, great pinkie usage!

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  17. Happy birthday Carpoolqueen. Did you spend your whole life feeling gypped or feeling special? We think you’re pretty special!

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  18. Merry Christmas to all my piefriends! I wish I could find a way to put into words how much I enjoy this blog…and all of the connected peoples.
    Love to all!

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  19. Merry Christmas to June and Marvin and the herd. Merry Christmas to Hulk, furry G., Paula H&B, Jan, Lee, Gladys, Steve, Beth, and all the wonderful, witty and sometimes wise commenters. You people have truly made this year fabulous for me. You have stimulated my creativity, you have made me snort and spit hot tea all over my poor computer, you have made me get out and do more RAoKs and I appreciate all of you.
    I picture it like we are all in the same beautiful pool of water and Miss June tossed in a beautiful stone that has caused ripples to go out further and further to reach all of us, even that expatresse in sunny Moscow!
    So, I am raising my glass (which is really a giant Tony Parker Spurs mug full of tea) to all of you, especially June for all the happiness and bits of joy you have created this year. Thanks so much!

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  20. Steve's wife, Beth, who is still reading BBB. Favorite quote: She left in a huff, her favorite mode of transportation says:

    Merry Christmas, everyone!
    This has been our favorite place to hang this year. And, no, we’re not getting matching L tatoos on our foreheads.
    Oh, Jan, Steve is putting up the 50 percent off signs after they close the doors tonight.
    I’m not sure who should cut you a bigger check, June, Target or FedEx? And, yeah, Steve needed the circle to find the arrow. That arrow would’ve poked him in the eye before he found it.

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  21. Steve's wife, Beth, who is still reading BBB. Favorite quote: She left in a huff, her favorite mode of transportation says:

    Merry Christmas, everyone!
    This has been our favorite place to hang this year. And, no, we’re not getting matching L tatoos on our foreheads.
    Oh, Jan, Steve is putting up the 50 percent off signs after they close the doors tonight.
    I’m not sure who should cut you a bigger check, June, Target or FedEx? And, yeah, Steve needed the circle to find the arrow. That arrow would’ve poked him in the eye before he found it.

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  22. Steve's wife, Beth, who is still reading BBB. Favorite quote: She left in a huff, her favorite mode of transportation says:

    Merry Christmas, everyone!
    This has been our favorite place to hang this year. And, no, we’re not getting matching L tatoos on our foreheads.
    Oh, Jan, Steve is putting up the 50 percent off signs after they close the doors tonight.
    I’m not sure who should cut you a bigger check, June, Target or FedEx? And, yeah, Steve needed the circle to find the arrow. That arrow would’ve poked him in the eye before he found it.

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  23. Merry Christmas, June-pinky-fingers! And to Marv, Henry, Lu, Fran, your mom, Eddie, Hulk, The Other Erin, DuffyLou, Furry, Cosmo’s Dad, Your Pal from MA and all my other favorite comment peeps! (See what I did there?) 2009 has been a better place because of all of you!

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  24. I went to Uncle Sam’s Club yesterday here in sunny southern California where it was a tit bit nipply 58 degrees. The staff was a bit frazzled but most helpful and the customers were, well a bit less amiable. I had to stock up on fruit and nuts, hey what can I say I LIVE IN CALIFORNIA!

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  25. Target Steve I will not got to Target today! WILL NOT!!! No matter how hard you try to woo me with your Target charms. Stop trying to entice me. I won’t go to Target, not even for some oregano.
    I came home from the grocery store where I did my last grocery shopping before Christmas FOR THE THIRD TIME. When I got home I announced that if we ran out of milk/bread/eggs/angel hair pasta/oxygen I did not care and would not be returning to the store until closer to the new year.
    Merry, Merry Christmas to all of my crazy friends here at June’s blog.
    And a very Merry, Merry Christmas to June, Marvin, Tallulah, Francis, Winston and Henry.

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  26. 10am here, pajama pants on.Wrapping knitted stuffs. The guy is out getting the hot water bottles i forgot to buy ( cause i haz 5 kitty cat hwb covers which are naked inside)
    Cheers June Marvin pets and commentors!!! Merry Merry!!!

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  27. I’m with carpoolqueen on the clotted cream. Just makes me gaggy thinking about it. Like some people and blue cheese.
    Suburban: you are crazy.
    My husband is a manager at B and N. He looks like a zombie this time of year. Work, eat, sleep, repeat.

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  28. Merry Christmas, I went to our grocery store, no one was there, but they were out of everything too. BUT-everyone was actually nice today, unlike other days….

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  29. Merry Christmas to all you goofballs out there. Glad Junie found me and I started reading this dang thing.
    Thanks for all the crushing. As silly as it seemed to me, it did help take my mind off things…
    Thanks for all the kind words about Hulkette and I. Someday I will have her read this so she can go, “What is WRONG with all these women? And what is gay porn Santa??”
    Thanks for making me laugh out loud as well. Screw Junie-WE should all write a book!
    Thanks to everyone who takes all these comments for what they are worth. To those who take them too seriously, Merry Christmas to you. Now here’s a dollar-go buy a sense of humor.
    Have a good one, everybody!!

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  30. Jess,
    Have you tried any of the local thrift shops? I’d mail you ours if it weren’t Christmas Eve. My kids are out of their minds (in a good way) today, cleaning up the house for Santa like they never would for me. I’m heading out to Costco today, for batteries and toilet paper. I looked under the sink last night and noticed there were only three rolls left, which sadly may not last us thru the weekend, and no way am I braving Costco on return weekend. And I might trip on over to Target for a pair of their $15 pj sets to wrap for myself and put under the tree from Santa, because my youngest is worried I won’t have a lot of presents under the tree. My new pc and cd changer (yes, I’m a dinosaur) won’t be under the tree so it might look like I don’t have any presents.
    Happy holidays June, Marvin, Francis, Winston, Henry, Lula and all the commenters and lurkers out there. This blog has been one of the highlights of my year. And I will be checking in all weekend, June, but don’t feel like you have to post just for me.

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  31. Seeing the words “clotted cream” makes me hurl. How dainty is that? Don’t you want to go have tea with me now?
    I fixed my salmon already. I channeled by inner June Cleaver and made them into croquettes because 1957 called.
    Have a VERY Merry Christmas – You’ve been the gift of laughter to me this year.

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  32. Oh, Jess, you made me snort. Good luck finding that elusive dinosaur.
    Precocious-in-the-friend-picking-department June, I’m going over to BBB to read It’s a Wonderful Life titled posts. I am wont to do that this time of year.

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  33. Hey, isn’t it Hypericum? Just kidding; I read the comments. Off to Wal-Mart…I know, it is one of the rings of Dante’s Inferno and I usually avoid it like the plague, but it is my last hope for a &*%$ Barney doll for my two-year-old.

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  34. I win – I patronized Harris Teeter, Best Buy, Barnes and Noble, and Starbucks this morning.
    With 4 children in tow.
    Yes, I am amazing. And to the person who decided that this was a good day to drive your car onto the sidewalk in front of Harris Teeter and smash in the front end – thanks! My kids loved watching the tow truck.

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  35. Pal from MA:
    Hypericum! That is IT! I read that word 485 times a day. Oh thank HEAVENS.
    Let’s all sit back and see how many people won’t read the comments, yet will leave a comment re what type of plant that is.

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  36. Coming over from my Google Reader just to prove I read today. I will see your grocery store and raise you one: I had to go to Best Buy today. How many men were there buying last minute big screen TVs?

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  37. I want to write to a solider, I am Googling that right now!
    Also, do you guys have a Wegmans down there, or other kind of fancy grocery store? (I think Wegmans is too northern, but perhaps Ukrops? That may be too Virginia.) I’ve bought clotted cream at Wegmans before. You can also make it yourself, it’s apparently not too hard — I think all you do is put heavy cream in a coffee filter over a bowl in the fridge, and eventually all the water will leak out through the filter, leaving behind the lovely clotted cream. I haven’t tried this though, I just go to Wegmans.
    Now I want tea. Merry Christmas!!

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  38. Thank you, June. I followed your link and lead and just adopted a soldier. This is gonna be FUN, as well as an excuse to use some of the 267385681783 and 2/3rds notecards I have laying around. I wonder if they need bay leaves in Iraq?

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  39. “Inappropriate apostrophe fest”…HA! That was excellent!
    I was at our grocery store at 7:30 am – it was a zoo – but a very friendly zoo. Everyone was very cheery while being jostled about.
    Merry Christmas to you!

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  40. Hi Junie et al!
    Are those the winterberries or hypericum berries? My bet is hypericum. They are cute.
    Good luck at the grocery store. I also have to go there today. Spent yesterday all afternoon wrapping gifts and managed to get them ALL done! Yaaay for me!”
    Merry Ho Ho to all!

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  41. june. lived in england for 5 years. the best thing they did second only to getting their butts beat by americans is inventing clotted cream. ohmylanta i love me some clotted cream. i have been fooled by some tea houses – they think that whip cream will suffice. not.
    steve. i think i might have to visit tarjay (do you hate it that we’ve nicknamed your store?)today for last minute stocking stuffers. i promise to be in and out – and not even in your store. oh. and when i worked for starbucks i would randomly quote “negative ghost rider the pattern is full” or “we’re going ballistic man!” and the stupid teenagers would just stare at me. really? not seen that movie? shheeesh.
    i love that my rak partner thinks that not giving bad drivers the ‘what for’ is a rak. cuz. yeah. we’re twins like that.
    back to you june. i heart you for adopting a soldier.
    merry christmas y’all. you’ve made these last several months hilarious for me.

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  42. I don’t think those are nandinas, they grow in clumps like grapes and those appear to be single berries.
    Don’t forget the pasta when you go to the grocery store.
    Merry Christmas to the entire Gardens household, sorry Marvin, I know you are Jewish, but enjoy the day.

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  43. I cannot remember the name of the berry but growing up we had a bush full of them. The birds would eat them and then sit on the telephone lines across the street and leave red droppings all over the neighbors sidewalk and car. Poor Mrs. Lee and her white with red polka dots VW bug!
    Also, I went to a tea this year and had clotted cream for the first time, definitely wonderful!
    Merry Christmas to the Gardens family, the peanut gallery in the comments section, and all the lurkers too!

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  44. Yeah, the return season…
    I was just thinking that some not-so-anonymous sex may be a good idea for some stress relief before work. Beth, can you get off the phone? Just for a couple minutes anyway? Tempting, right?
    Did you ever notice that some people who are setting up plans to see one another need to talk on the phone for an hour before they are about to see each other?
    Going to go boil some water for tea. Have a good Christmas everyone, be safe, and be appreciative of what you have.

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  45. Kudos, Steve, for hanging in like Gunga Din through the Christmas season. I went to Macy’s yesterday and found the staff lovely to deal with and the customers stressed to the max. Traffic was terrible and I saved a novice driver from having his first wreck. It was a RAK that I did not get out of the truck, smack him with a glove and challenge him to a duel. That one was for you, lauren.
    Ah, Christmas. So nice inside the house; such a mess out there.

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  46. Happy Holidays, Seasons Greetings, and Merry Christmas to June & Co. (and all of her faithful readers). Y’all crack me up.

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  47. As I opened the store yesterday, I quoted Ricardo Mantalban over the walkie to my team, “smiles everyone, smiles. Welcome to Fantasy Island!” Unfortunately, my older team members had to help out the yoounger ones with the reference. I forget how old I must seem to these young whipper snappers.
    I am glad you saw some smiling faces in Pleasantville.
    BTW, my local channel 5 interviewed me for their newscast. Want my autograph?

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  48. Henry has a beautiful backside- I love me some orange and white kitty cat!
    What the heck is at the end of his tail? That pinkish thing that looks like a beanie baby gone wrong?
    Good luck at the store and don’t forget tea (it’s on your list). I am heading there also, but only after 5,567,890 cups of coffee.

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  49. Target Steve, I went to “my” Target yesterday (only for laundry detergent, but who gets out of there with only laundry detergent?), expecting a horrible crowd and testy worker bees, and was very surprised by all the well-behaved customers and extremely nice, courteous and chatty store employees. Merry Christmas to all, and a special holiday greeting to June-who-will-be-blogging-her-way-through-the-Christmas-weekend, long suffering Marvin Gardens, Henry VIII, Winston, Francis, and especially Tallulah Blueberry Gardens.

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  50. If you are having salmon that makes you a pescetarian, because last time I checked, fish is not a vegetable… Consider it may own twitchy way of checking your statistics. Although if you eat eggs and milk that makes you ovo-lacto as well. Once in my cups at the Rhodes Drinking Club I called someone an “ovo-lacto-Presbetyrian”. So, whatever to the implications with that…
    Don’t you need some oregano plus also too?

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  51. If you are having salmon that makes you a pescetarian, because last time I checked, fish is not a vegetable… Consider it may own twitchy way of checking your statistics. Although if you eat eggs and milk that makes you ovo-lacto as well. Once in my cups at the Rhodes Drinking Club I called someone an “ovo-lacto-Presbetyrian”. So, whatever to the implications with that…
    Don’t you need some oregano plus also too?

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  52. If you are having salmon that makes you a pescetarian, because last time I checked, fish is not a vegetable… Consider it may own twitchy way of checking your statistics. Although if you eat eggs and milk that makes you ovo-lacto as well. Once in my cups at the Rhodes Drinking Club I called someone an “ovo-lacto-Presbetyrian”. So, whatever to the implications with that…
    Don’t you need some oregano plus also too?

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  53. Cyndi: Google Soldiers Angels. Yes, its a cheezy name, but thats who I did it through. You sign up and they assign you someone. Also, Jen, I think I need to pick up some thin spaghetti, too. Thanks for the reminder.

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  54. Oh, June, do be careful at the grocery store. Avoid those pre-Christmas stampedes! Also, make sure you pick up some vanilla. I hear you’re running low.

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  55. Sorry, I turned into Tarzan for a second there (if it make vomit taste better). Better than Nell I suppose. OOOOOOh, NAAAAAH.

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  56. Apparently I must try this clotted cream stuff. If it make vomit taste better…
    I am off to work at the Target in a couple hours, so as a reminder to all of you who are putting off your shopping until today, GET IT DONE NOW! Quit reading and get to the store now! At 7:00, I want to see only your asses and elbows as you leave the store. I DON’T hate to see you go, and I DO love to watch you leave. Have I been working a little too much? You betcha.

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  57. Taking a leap in to the abyss, I am guessing that the red berries are nandina. The Furry G thinks that they are the scourge of the Hudarosa plantation here and I pretty much agree with her. The birds seem to enjoy eating and pooping them hither and yon, so I reckon they have a reason to be.
    Kudos on writing the soldier and turning 80 with your mother still alive. That is some accomplishment:)
    Merry Christmas from the captain of the Rhodes College Drinking Team. Eggnog for everyone.

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