Who thinks he's hilarious that he got me a Snuggie?
But I am way ahead of myself. Allow me to tell you about our Christmas Eve and Christmas day so far. Because we haven't gotten to the part where we go to the movies, which is in half an hour so I have to stampede through nine thousand pictures.
And I wasn't even being facetious. I tried to take this photo for you of how pretty TinyTown looked all lit up for Christmas, and there were CONSTANTLY cars going up and down the main street, here. Oh, I was irked. Marvin had to kind of laugh at me. Because hi. We moved here from LA. And I'm complaining about the 10 cars in my way.
We had just a beautiful evening at the gracious home of our friends R and J, and yes, we do feel sorry for them for having such short names. Their daughter and brand-new fiance were also in attendance, and two brilliant men who are lifelong friends of R and J. Oh, they were fun to talk to. That's the thing about TinyTown. Everyone there has the gift of gab. Because you have to visit. You can't say, Let's all hop in the car and check out that hot new club. I mean, you could, but the TRAFFIC on the main street…
I have been married to Marvin for 11 and a half years, and this is the first time I have noticed he eats the bottom of the asparagus. He doesn't like the tops. I could have saved tens of dollars the five times I've cooked asparagus by digging in people's garbage for their asparagus bottoms.
We didn't get in the car until well after midnight, but as soon as we shut the doors, a terrible odor filled the vehicle. Marvin had stepped in dog poo. I tried to take a festive photo of him scraping the poop in a parking lot, but this is as far as I got before he got cranky about the whole thing.
We went to bed at 2:30, so how delighted was I with Jewish Marvin when he woke me at 8 a.m. screeching, "IT'S CHRISTMAS! IT'S CHRISTMAS!" Tallulah picked out her own gift, weeks ago at PetSmart. I let her go up and down the aisles, then I went back and bought her the thing she had sniffed the hardest. It was a bone with beef on the outside and pork on the inside. Mmmm! This pretty much encapsulates what she did all day.
I got luggage! I no longer have to use the Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman flowered satchel I got 15 years ago. Yay. It is three pieces altogether, and yes, they are pink. Have you met me?
I remember last year that several commenters were unnaturally interested in what Marvin got for Christmas, and I didn't mention it because, hello, boring. Here is what Marvin gets every year: (1) CDs of bands you've never heard of (2) DVDs of bands you've never heard of (3) DVD/CD combos of either bands you've never heard of or musicians you cannot believe Marvin could learn anything new about, such as our good friend Buddy Holly above, who even I already know better than this mother knew him. Oh, and (E) musical instruments that annoy me.
For ages now, I have begged for earphones for my iPod that actually, you know, FIT in my ear. Either I have defective ear holes or they make those earphones for Tinkerbell. So. Got some. Can't wait to cram them in my ear and jam out to some Bee Gees. I know you envy me.
My Aunt Mary likes to send you all kinds of gifts within the gift, such as this pretty little bag. Always look inside every nook and cranny of Aunt Mary gifts, because she'll stick 'em just anywhere. She is master of suspense, that Aunt Mary. She is Alfred Hitchchristmas.
Does anyone remember Thanksgiving, when Henry sat on my lap through dinner? This time it was Winston, who it turns out? Is kind of fond of the salmon. And crap. I am not wearing the Snuggie and have already ruined my plan. Oh, but it's not 2010 yet. Cool. I took this picture myself, hence the part where it SUCKS, but still. At least you get the gist.
As I type this, Marvin is finally showering so we can go to the movies, and it is crucial that I show you his pretty hair during Christmas dinner. Apparently there was a shark in there or something. Must have been attracted to the salmon.
Okay, then! Merry Christmas, everybody! Hope you are as lovely as we are, and also as laden down with gifts and food.