Shark week

I'm certain you were on pins and needles, but here is my nice floor after cleaning with the Shark steamer:


It got so clean it sprouted a kitten! And do you see that little white spot over by the baseboard? That's paint, and who's annoyed with the slobbeldy slob who got paint on my floor before I moved in here? You know I want to sit there and scrape at it, but I have to proofread things today.

Isn't it funny how Henry matches the floor? If he didn't have any white, I'd probably step on him all the time. He's like a little chameleon. Well, really, he'd be a pretty big chameleon.

Also plus, you know how I said I put away all my Christmas decorations the other day?


I got those nice plastic bins for storage, and I crammed everything in there, and then I just had to keep ONE tiny cardboard box to shove a few remaining things (no, the candles did not go in the attic. Those are in a Christmas bag in my closet, and will you remind me of that next December?) (Kind of like how you never remind me to blog about the things I ask you to remind me of, but instead just complain in the comments that I never blogged about whatever?).

Do you have any idea how many TIMES since then that I have found more decorations in this house, and had to traipse back up to that cold, low-beams-that-give-me-concussions-attic? First it was the Santa hand towel in the bathroom. That went easily in the cardboard box. THEN it was the holly-edged kitchen towels that were in the laundry. Crap.

Then that DANG gay porn Santa was glowing merrily on my porch; I had forgotten about him. THAT time I had to reopen one of the plastic bins and navigate his O-mouthed self in.

Finally, last night, I found a nightlight sort of thing in the dining room. It's shaped like a Christmas tree, and when you plug it in, sparkles swirl inside the tree–so pretty! Because the Ice Capades called. Want their subtlety back.

So I unplugged that thing, and using every swear word you have ever heard, jammed it into the cardboard box. "Okay," I thought. "That is IT. I will see you next December, boxes."

This morning I found a little Christmas serving plate under another dish.


And I'd like to thank my MOTHER, who is practically Mrs. Claus, for all these things. She sends me pre-Christmas gifts of Christmas decorations, and then she goes shopping AFTER Christmas and sends me more Christmas things, and I think she only sends me things because HER house is completely loaded with Christmas stuff and probably my stepfather said he'd strangle her with holly  if she brought in another thing.

Okay, the thought of my calm stepfather threatening to strangle anyone is killing me. But you don't know him so it's not slaying you like it's slaying me.

You know, I did not mean to get off on this tangent. I meant to write about the running club I'm going to join, but I guess I'll have to discuss that pertinent matter tomorrow.

Also I was going to talk about my new year's resolution, but at this point you have peed down your own leg and missed all of your children's graduation ceremonies.

Does anyone have any new year's resolutions? I mean, other than to get away from this particular post? Do tell.

72 thoughts on “Shark week

  1. As I understand it, one of the reasons Our Miss Junnie and Our Uncle Marvin had to leave California is because their “joints” hurt. But with it being medicinal now… that means its healthy.


  2. Last year I completed two of my three resolutions, which were to make peach freezer jam, and win a blue ribbon at the fair for knitting socks. I can’t remember what the third one was, for all I know I did it!
    This year I want to make pickles with cucumbers and dill that I grew, have more muscles and less fat, and wash my dishes every night. Huzzah!


  3. First, I resolve to find out who the poser Lee is. We need clarification between Lees.
    Second, I resolve to run like the wind with my sissy Jan. She thinks I am blwoing smoke up her arse, but when I breeze past her in the Chicago Marathon, who will be laughing then? HUH?
    I was afraid to run because my girls are quite….um….buxom….and I was afraid the running would just tear those poor girls right off my chest wall. Then I spoke to another buxom runner who said she wears a sport bra AND her regular bra to keep those girls high and tight. Any other suggestion from big buxom runners? June? Oh, I cracked my own self up on that one.
    Third, I resolve to be one of the ones to meet Hulk in person, however, not to bang him. Believe me, he will be the relieved one about that. I’ve already told my husband that we will be hosting Hulk and Hulkette one weekend as my sissy Jan, her children and me and my children will be taking them all around Chicago. I’m pretty sure Hulkette’s Mom will have no issue with Hulk taking their daughter to Chicago to meet two women he met on June’s blog and then spend the weekend at one of their homes. Yeah, pretty sure she’d be all over that.
    And lastly, I resolve to read ever single comment on June’s blog. One can miss SO much if one doesn’t read the comments.


  4. I resolve to stop linking actual real-time events to television or movie excerpts during conversations for the benefit of the poor people trying to talk to me. (like the Mary Catherine Molly Shannon Character on Sat. Night Live) Oops – see how I need to work on this ( purely unintentional- honest).


  5. Amy, I am going to look for that couch potato book. Thanks! I don’t want to heave my ass off the sofa, run around the block and drop dead of a heart attack. Especially if I have also sh*t my pants. Oh, the shame.


  6. Amy, I am going to look for that couch potato book. Thanks! I don’t want to heave my ass off the sofa, run around the block and drop dead of a heart attack. Especially if I have also sh*t my pants. Oh, the shame.


  7. Amy, I am going to look for that couch potato book. Thanks! I don’t want to heave my ass off the sofa, run around the block and drop dead of a heart attack. Especially if I have also sh*t my pants. Oh, the shame.


  8. I’m declaring 2010 the year of travel. My goal has been to leave the country at least once a year and I failed to go anywhere but Ft Lauderdale in 2009. I suppose there is still time to drive to the border, but nevertheless, in 2010 I resolve to travel to at least 3 places.


  9. KW,
    The right knee acts up every now and again, but I don’t run on pavement any more. I gave that up in my early 50s and am glad that I did. So no more road races, just getting out five days a week and enjoying the changes in the weather.
    I think that the fast walking thing sounds pretty good.


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