I think Jessica Simpson is a big fan of wave particle duality

Yesterday was cold, so during our walk I made Tallulah wear her sweater.

Sweatergirl

Talu humiliate.

Actually, she didn't seem to mind. Until we walked past a bunch of other dogs whose parents didn't make them wear sweaters like a bunch of pansies. Normally she jumps and wags her tail and engages with those dogs, but yesterday she just looked the other way, like she was busy contemplating wave particle duality. And who isn't?

Thanks, everybody, for telling me your new year's resolutions yesterday. I still like the person who said she was going to wear more aggressive jewelry. I love unusual resolutions. I also liked the person who was gonna leave the country this year if it slap killed her. I would do the same if I weren't agoraphobic. Which makes it hard to go to Target, much less Fiji.

Okay, I'm really fine at Target. But leaving the country gives me hives.

My new year's resolution? No more celebrity gossip. It's not even necessarily true, and if it is it's none of our business; it rots your brain and crams it up with useless facts when you could be considering wave particle duality.

On my home page? I have not one but THREE celebrity gossip sites. The other day I was perusing that intellectual TMZ? And I can't even remember what celebrity we were discussing, but one of the comments said "He was a guiness." She meant GENIUS. Which is kind of ironic.

Do I really need to be hanging around a crowd that spells "genius" "guiness"? I do not. And I also watch the TMZ show, I am sorry to tell you. And they are honestly baffled, these TMZ-ers, when they stand outside a restaurant or a doctor's office, and the person they are stalking is rude. I mean, they really act like they don't get it. "Our cameramen were so nice to Brad Pitt. They just kept saying what big fans they were, both when he went into the doctor's office and when he came back out."

Okay, you know what would be really nice? If you really cared about Brad Pitt? Which I don't because he's a cheaty cheaterpants from Cheattown? If you really cared, you'd LET HIM LIVE HIS LIFE without your intrusiveness! Are they really that far gone that they can't see this?

So that is why I am done with celebrity gossip for 2010. Which I am going to call "two-thousand AND ten" instead of "twenty-ten" simply because it annoys Faithful Reader Hulk.

I will not renew my Star magazine subscription. I will remove my tawdry sites from my home page and replace them with something deep like BarryGibb.com. (Oh, yes there is.) And I will not watch TMZ on TV.

I will be deep and meaningful.

Tune in January 1 when I discuss wave particle duality.

34 thoughts on “I think Jessica Simpson is a big fan of wave particle duality

  1. Since I am the first to comment, I assume I did not get the memo about your readers protesting the new-and-improved Deep June.
    You might want to reconsider, right? Would you rather be more meaningful or have lots of readers? It’s quite the conundrum.

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  2. cute sweater.
    maybe that was a reference to a beer? not intelligence? otherwise i’m totally with you on that resolution. could i BE any happier that Kate is off the ding dang tv??
    all flustered on trying to plan a last minute trip to hawaii without going bankrupt. (gah – my grammar SUCKS. so glad you don’t proof us)

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  3. Roxie's Mom, who still hasn't finished Walter Isaacson's biography of Einstein two (2) whole ding dang years after she bought it says:

    Oh, dear. I know nothing from nothing about the last many decades of pop culture or celebrities. I always depended on you to throw out some bizarre factoid or quote from some movie or song I was clearly supposed to recognize but didn’t. Then I would Google myself to an acceptable level of pop culture cred.
    You were my guide, my guru, my Yoda (yes, I stopped at Star Wars). Now I’ll have nothing to do but read The Elegant Universe(*sigh*). “Chapter 12. Beyond Strings. Before the developments of the mid-1990s, the possibility of such a grand version of duality was one of those wishful ideas that physicists might harbor but about which they would rarely if ever speak, . . .”
    Please reconsider.

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  4. You are a “guiness” if you call it “two thousand AND ten…
    You are going to give up celebrity gossip. Yeah. OK. And I will give up sports, beer, and trying to get laid. We’ll see who caves first.

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  5. Oh now, I like celebrity gossip! (C’mon, Charlie Sheen? WTF? Why do these stupid women keep marrying him? Don’t answer that.) As far as the press being intrusive, pah. Celebrities’ publicists call the press every time the celeb (*cough* media whore *cough*) leaves the house. Or at least the ones that thrive on that. You never see Meryl Streep leaving her doctor’s office. She lives her life in relative obscurity and raises a family and is never seen sharing a magazine cover with an 40 lb. alien baby that looks like Elvis. Brad Pitt, on the other hand, has to rely on getting his picture taken when he’s getting his feet scraped because he’s not going anywhere on his “talent”, which, of late, seems to be carrying around orphans while Angelina is doing God only knows what.

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  6. Oh now, I like celebrity gossip! (C’mon, Charlie Sheen? WTF? Why do these stupid women keep marrying him? Don’t answer that.) As far as the press being intrusive, pah. Celebrities’ publicists call the press every time the celeb (*cough* media whore *cough*) leaves the house. Or at least the ones that thrive on that. You never see Meryl Streep leaving her doctor’s office. She lives her life in relative obscurity and raises a family and is never seen sharing a magazine cover with an 40 lb. alien baby that looks like Elvis. Brad Pitt, on the other hand, has to rely on getting his picture taken when he’s getting his feet scraped because he’s not going anywhere on his “talent”, which, of late, seems to be carrying around orphans while Angelina is doing God only knows what.

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  7. Oh now, I like celebrity gossip! (C’mon, Charlie Sheen? WTF? Why do these stupid women keep marrying him? Don’t answer that.) As far as the press being intrusive, pah. Celebrities’ publicists call the press every time the celeb (*cough* media whore *cough*) leaves the house. Or at least the ones that thrive on that. You never see Meryl Streep leaving her doctor’s office. She lives her life in relative obscurity and raises a family and is never seen sharing a magazine cover with an 40 lb. alien baby that looks like Elvis. Brad Pitt, on the other hand, has to rely on getting his picture taken when he’s getting his feet scraped because he’s not going anywhere on his “talent”, which, of late, seems to be carrying around orphans while Angelina is doing God only knows what.

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  8. OMG! I have the BEST idea….
    See, I was pondering the resolution of running in two thousand AND ten, remembering when last could honestly call myself a runner (it was before kids. surprised? no?). I loved running. It was MY time when I could think. Sort things out. Come up with new ideas, like labeling the laundry hampers so my husband could sort his dirty clothes automatically when he took them off. Brilliant!! It totally worked!
    And I had no spontaneous poop issues while running, though (running will not give you the runs, Paula–was it Paula who was wondering that? not sure now—but, as I was saying, running and crapping are not usually related).
    Now, of course, I DON’T run and the ONLY time I have time to my self is when I’m on the toilet (except I’m not usually completely to myself, you know–but it happens on rare occasions and I get more new ideas—For example, the laundry hampers are now numbered, so the kids can sort their own clothes (white in #1, darks in #2, etc.) and I just tell them in what numbered bag to put their clothes).
    And this morning I WAS enjoying the bathroom moment to myself, thanks to my over-achieving mother-in-law who took ALL of my kids for the day and night, and I was actually able to THINK and sort things out and come up with new ideas. Just like in my running days.
    And while I was, *ahem*, THINKING, it hit me like the sh*t hits the fan.
    June, you simply MUST have a line of mugs for all our Teams! A Team Henry mug, a Team Tallulah mug, Francis, Winston…every one of you….it can be a WHOLE SERIES! We can collect all six!
    Wouldn’t that be fun? You know we would all totally buy them all!
    See? I told you I had good ideas when I could be alone to think. All I needed was some open space to let it all out.
    Wow. I guess running and crapping ARE related.

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  9. If we are to follow June’s lead, does that mean I can’t pick up the Us magazine and read Tiger’s texts anymore like (as?) I did two weeks ago at the dentist’s office? Sigh…it’ll be hard picking up Better Homes and Gardens instead, but I’ll try. I live in CO so Charlie Sheen is front page news here – it’ll be tough to avoid that. And I agree – WTF?
    I love Lula’s sweater.

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  10. I was thinking the same thing as Your Pal from MA – that your readers may not tune in for deep June….we’re just not the deep type, in case you didn’t notice.

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  11. Off topic, whatever happened to MJDI? I know there were issues and whatnot with booking a salon, but I enjoyed the concept very much, I say!

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  12. The thing is, Whitney, I quit my job, so I cant even do a $40 Make June Do It. That was our previous dollar limit. So now itd have to be free things. Which I would do if anyone could think of anything. And no, I will not have a PayPal button for people to contribute.

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  13. Since the comments section has once again turned to “crap”, I have a story I would like to share. Pull your chairs around.
    Yesterday my husband had a routine colonoscopy. Evidently it is something one must do upon turning fifty.
    So all week he has been telling anyone who will listen, “Since I’ve met my deductable, I’m going to go ahead and get it in the rear-end before the year-end.” And then he howls with glee. Then I commence to say, “He’s reamming in the New Year.” And then we both howl with glee.
    So yesterday it was “bottoms up”, “If the fingers don’t fit, you must acquit.”, “I’ll be glad when this crap is over.” On and on with ourselves. But this is not the funny part. I’m sure you all find that hard to believe.
    Being the supportive wife that I am, I announced that I would do the fasting with him. He could only drink clear liquids starting the a.m of the day BEFORE so it was like not eating for a day and a half.
    It was all going fine. He took his two “cleansing” horse pills, and we went about our business. Around 2:00 we were starving, so we devoured some tasty chicken broth. He then mixed up his 1/2 gal. of make.me.poop.all.night cocktail. Just as he was about to drnk his first glass, I walked by the calendar and my eyes bugged out like Marty Feldman’s…his appt. was not until TWO DAYS LATER. We had started the fast a day too early! Of course we first started to blame the other, and then we both jumped up and said in unison,”We can EAT!”
    So, Monday a.m. we start the whole fasting over the next day and a half. Which was hard, by the way. And what do you think we did while we fasted? We watched the damn Food Channel!
    After the procedure the Dr. said no spicy or greasy food. And no alcohol. Of course not, Doctor. We get in the car and go straight to a restaurant and drink a nice big BEER whilst we wait for our HAMBURGER.
    My husband is fine by the way. Arse is clean as a whistle.
    Yesterday I mentioned I turn the big 50 on Jan. 8th. My husband made me an appointment. Isn’t he sweet?
    The. End.

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  14. June, we need mugs. With all the proceeds you could either quite proofreading statistics books or send Marvin out of the country so you could live vicariously through him.
    I love the aggressive jewelry resolution. I want to do that too. So far I only have a crab shaped sweater pin and a pair of earrings shaped like safety pins. Of course the crab is pink and sparkly and the safety pins have hearts on them. Perhaps I should rethink that until I come across a line of shark or Christian Bale baubles.

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  15. Hey Fawn, it’s quantum physics so we will have to wait for June to explain wave particle duality to us. I should be able to since everybody in my family is a guiness. Seriously. My brother is a rocket scientist. For reals. My father was a gas/mass spectromitrist. Don’t ask. My mom is an Egyptologist. And me? I draw funny animals.
    I stopped needing reality when I discovered negative space time continuums.

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  16. I am so against this resolution. Really. If you do not keep abreast of celebrity gossip, you will be missing a huge chunk of fodder and pop cultural references. You’ll be like one of those moms at the park who is all, like, “Hanna Montana? Oh, my daughter doesn’t know who that is. We don’t have a TV.” Except with a dog and eleventeen cats instead of a kid. And, all, “Oh, really? I didn’t even realize Johnny Depp once dated a restaurant hostess. I don’t read Perez Hilton.”
    Also, I am assuming that this does not apply to “Robin’s News,” or celebrity gossip on the Stern show?

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  17. You are going to find this incredibly funny, I just know it. But I finally had had enough of the Barry Gibb talk, so I Googled his name. Yes, that means I had no idea who this person is that you keep referring to every day (not everyday, right?). Anyway, so now I finally know he’s the Bee Gees guy and now I see why you love the Bee Gees so much. I guess I felt like I needed to find out who BG was in order to continue reading your site. I feel so much better now that I know. Go on, laugh at me. It’s okay, I can take it. 🙂

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  18. I must confess that a few years ago I gave up celebrity gossip sites for Lent. No more Perez, no more superficial.com. And it worked. I felt much cleaner and more emotionally healthy. Then I discovered crazydaysandnights.net I read it through my blogroll (it’s one way to get around the filter at work) and I appreciate that the guy who writes it isn’t an asshole. He’s actually nice and seems to have a relatively straight moral compass. So, that’s my weakness. But I have never gone back to Perez. It was really all about him anyways.
    🙂 Haven’t come up with my resolutions for 2010, yet. I’m sure that it will involve the word “gym”, since I already have the membership and all.

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  19. I’m so glad that I’m not the only one who is fed up with Brad Pitt. I’ve never really understood his allure anyway, and then when he cheated and we were just supposed to sit back and accept it and welcome Angelina with open arms? Puh-leeze. Maybe I should join you in your ban on celebrity gossip. After all, People.com is the first news source I check every day, sadly.

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  20. jenny who needs more jewelry points, did you mean christian audiger (the ed hardy guy) instead of christian bale? i don’t think that nasty potty-mouthed christian bale makes sparkly jewelry, and if he dd, it would probably be bat shaped.

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  21. I explained the ins and outs of a rectal exam during a physical to my 13 year old son one day (don’t remember what brought up that topic), and he was pretty sure that he wanted the doctor to remove said hand from said rectum (rectum…nearly killed ’em) before the doctor gave the thumbs up. I am not sure where he learned sarcasm. I think from Beth.

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  22. “I know this may come as a shock? But I dont do things in my life based on whether I get readers or not.” shoot ding dang… I justed watched that moving pictures on the lap machine and they said that in North Carolinia a named month was kind of getting…oh well now relaxed in a good way, the way it should be every day….everyday. I’m mixing vanilla, oregano and green tea together, into the super heros bong …hmm it looks like Hulk!!

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  23. The year Princess Diana was killed, I cancelled my subscription to PEOPLE magazine. I felt like paying to read about her, in some way contributed to her death. So I totally understand your resolution. You and I must be really sensitive and deep thinkers. Ahem.

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