Hey, it's a new year! Did you notice?
Everything here seems about the same, except my hair smells like smoke. Because Marvin and I went to a bar. I know you're sick and tired of hearing about Marvin and me at a bar. Happens so much.
One of his friends was playing in a band at some bar called the…the…crap. It was the [Adjective Noun]. CRAP! It was some word that was in the warm-color family, I remember that, and then the noun was like something small and maybe cute. I wasn't even drunk, I just can't recall the dang name. I want to say the Rusty Parrot, but I really think that's where Blanche Devereaux drank in The Golden Girls, and I often get my reality mixed up with The Golden Girls'.
Anyway, here's Marv and me before we left.
So, the thing is, I never really hang out at bars anymore, because I'm, you know, middle-aged. And married. It just doesn't really come up anymore. And yet I still think of myself as someone who goes to bars, probably because from 1987 to 1992, I was in one every night. Which is also something Grace Kelly could say.
Even when I moved to Seattle in 1992, I still went to the bar a lot, because did I ever tell you how on my first day in Seattle I took the bus downtown to open a checking account, got to talking to the banker guy, and was offered a job on the twelfth floor as a receptionist for one of the bank's departments?
I ended up taking the job because (1) it was there and (6) the building was lovely, but mostly because (Q) there was a bar in the lobby. I know. I am too married to my career. I have to be more Funyuns and less Responsibilityuns.
And it turned out that was the most Funyuns job ever. I found my first Official Gay Friend in Seattle, one of many, and let's call him Jehoshaphat, which seeing as it isn't 1712 was not really his name. Sometimes Jehoshaphat and I would be giggling so hard that when the phone rang at my RECEPTIONIST's desk, he'd just pick it up and slam it down so we could continue.
Again. Responsibilityuns. Which I stole from an article in The Onion, by the way. "Funyuns still outselling Responsibilityuns." I heart The Onion.
At any rate, Jehoshaphat had a real job in said department, so he could leave before 5:00, which I could not because I was receptionist. Jehoshaphat was one of the first people I knew who had a cell phone, because his boyfriend was a fancy stock broker or something. Anyway, he'd call me at around 4:50.
"Hoity-toity bank. How may I direct your call?"
"Psssssssssss…You hear that? That's me, peeing out the first drink! Get down here!"
Oh, I loved that job.
I have no idea how I got off on this tangent.
Oh! Bars! So yeah, I feel like I still go to them, but I really stopped about 15 years ago, and last night I was a little worried I wouldn't have the right thing to wear. I just read that boot-cut jeans are way out of style now, and I have no skinny jeans or whatever is in right now.
But when we got to the Copper Kettle or wherever? Turns out I needn't have worried. Because first of all, everyone was my age, which I didn't expect. And also, I saw:
*a hair scrunchie
*a shirt consisting entirely of skulls, and
*a leather miniskirt
Fortunately not on the same person. And I know I am not one to be dolling out the fashion advice, with my fine wardrobe of yoga pants and 2 for $10 tshirts from Old Navy. But I think we can all agree that no middle-aged woman should be wearing a leather miniskirt. I mean, Rhianna can. She's 20. And Tina Turner can. Because she's Tina Turner. But Sally Jo from over in accounting should not be rocking the leather mini at age 47.
So my point is, my unfashionable jeans were fine over there at the Terra Cotta Cupcake or whatever.
And we met some nice people, who told us about a good Indian restaurant, and also, are ya sittin' down? The band? After they had just played some song that the chorus went: "God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" and everyone in the room knew this song but us? After that? The lead singer said, "This song goes out to my buddy Marvin's wife, who is a big Bee Gees fan."
I thought they were all gonna pummel me with Bud bottles. But the song they played was To Love Somebody, and seeing as somebody recently commented here that she HAD TO GOOGLE BARRY GIBB finally, (yeesch!) I am going to assume you do not know that song. But it's pre-disco Bee Gees, and yes, there was pre-disco Bee Gees. About 10 years' worth of songs, in fact, and To Love Somebody is one of them and fortunately everyone in the room sang along and I am still alive to bore you with this tale.
Anyway, we went home at 11:00. Because somebody had TWO vodka cranberries and had to go home.
Somebody needs some Funyuns.