Lend me some sugar, I AM YOUR NEIGHBOR!

This is one of those days where I have several things to tell you and I must dash out the door because I'm meeting my friend Marianne. Well. Obviously I have met her before, otherwise how could we be friends? And how'd she get into my wedding? But I am GETTING TOGETHER with my friend Marianne, I should say. Shut up. Geez.

So before I delve into several rambling topics, do let me remind you that tomorrow is book club day! Join me to Mince Words with June at 7 p.m. Eastern Time, so that we may discuss that pleasant Serena, star of the book aptly titled Serena, by Ron Rash.

Again, just scratched myself because I said, "rash."

And if you didn't read the book yet, I read it in a span of 24 hours when I should have been working, and it's only Saturday morning, so you can get it done by 7 tomorrow night, easy. I mean, if you get obsessed with books like I do.

My whole childhood can be summed up in one sentence: "Let me just finish this chapter." Oh, how it annoyed everyone that I was always reading a book. Except for Grammy, who used to have to literally read with a flashlight under her blankets, because there were little windows above her bedroom door, so her parents could see if the light was still on. She was the only one who felt me on reading 87 hours a day and not playing at all.

Have I mentioned I'm turning into her and am really looking forward to pulling on my first pair of lilac-colored pants with an elastic waist?

Oh! And speaking of old people, Faithful Reader Sugar Mommy, who apparently is a mother to sugar, and I do not even want to hear about her courtship and honeymoon with a bag of sugar but now it's burned in my brain and there's nothing I can do, sent me a huge

FEDEX!!!

package Thursday.

Here it is.

Fedex
It came with a cat attached! It was just what I needed.

Sugar Mommy emailed me several weeks ago and said she had some of her grandmother's things, and they weren't her style but she knew I was all over the old lady stuff, and would I like it.

I ran out my door and headed to Sugar Mommy's on foot, but she said she'd, you know, mail everything.

Vase

There were bowls and plates and oh! Such pretty things that were so me!

Ironsgalore
Look at the little irons! And Henry's cute foot on the right, there. He had a pressing need to see my knickknacks. BAH!

Iron
Everybody's a comedian. But everyone isn't necessarily funny.

Anyway, thanks Sugar Mommy.

Are you picturing her giving birth to a little yellow box of sugar, or just a simple small grain of it? Or maybe a sugar cube. She is such a square. BAH.

I am full of the "BAH" today.

Also too, about a month ago I had coffee with a woman who owns this running club. Yes, that is her picture on her site and yes, I did feel like a big puffy later-in-years Elvis having coffee with her. And I didn't get a scone, because hi. LOOK at her.

Anyway, I have joined her running club and I know you are dying because I am such a stellar runner. My escargot called, wants me to hurry up.

Fortunately, when you join this club you run with people of your own pace, so apparently there are some 97-year-olds and people with one leg and people stuck in molasses and also from Pompeii who have joined this club. Do you think that was too many examples of people who might be slow? Do I ever know when to quit?

Does anyone in Greensboro want to join me? Not using slow examples, I mean running. We start January 9! Woooo! Running! Woooo!

Anyone? Anyone?

I'll bet Sugar Mommy's husband would join me. He is full of natural energy.

40 thoughts on “Lend me some sugar, I AM YOUR NEIGHBOR!

  1. i have fantasized about being a runner. but i have crappy knees that go crunch crunch crunch just going up the stairs. and need i remind you how old i will be on KW’s birthday? i would like to hang on to my knees thank you very much.
    i have not read the book and i’m concerned for june. like i could go back and time and say ‘hey, june! i read this review that said the book was chock a block full of grammatical errors!’
    speaking of…i’m going to hawaii in a week. woot! totally out of the blue. but what i need are book suggestions for lounging at the pool. (notice how i avoided the whole lie/lay thing that confounds me). my only caveat is that it cannot have tons of s@xual content. and yes, i have already read time traveler’s wife.
    oh! love the doo dads.

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  2. The runner lady? Did she have some sort of surgery to remove non essential organs? Like one of her kidneys, half her liver, several feet of intestine? Where are her internal organs? SHE IS TINY! Do internal organs shrink when you are a runner? Or does she run so much and poop so much there is absolutely no bloat? Again, I ask, where are her innards????
    Me thinks Marvin is hysterical.

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  3. Totally stealing this line, “Everybody’s a comedian. But everyone isn’t necessarily funny.” That so fits my spouse, but he isn’t even really remotely funny, Marvin is, but, I realize, probably not always funny to you. I would totally do the Pompeiian running with you if I didn’t, you know, live in Texas.

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  4. I get excited when I see that you are yelling in the title. Can you have a post titled “Shake it like a polaroid picture” this year?
    June, you cracked me up today. If I had been reading you a year ago and known of your penchant for grandmother-like things, I could have sent you lots of stuff. My grandmother also had a pair of elastic waist lilac pants! After my grandmother died, we gave my best friend the majority of my grandmother’s clothes because she loved her style. It cracks me up to see my grandmother’s clothes on my best friend.
    My grandmother had quite the sense of humor. She was very tiny and sweet and southern but she also told dirty jokes and kept miniature kit-kat bars up her shirt sleeve that she would pull out and eat when no one was looking.

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  5. June I would join your running club but I don’t run, unless someone or something is chasing me. You know I wouldn’t run even then. I mean Bigfoot chasing me? Yeah go ahead Sasqwatch have a leg or two. Alien Monsters chasing me? Yeah let me bend over for my probe. Zombies chasing me? Here ya go some salt for that finger sandwich. I don’t run EVER. Now walk? I will walk you into the ground, well not literally but you know figuratively.

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  6. Oy, I wish I could still run, Junie. After I injured my foot and knee so badly in college, the doctors told me I should NEVER run again unless I wanted to face surgery. Running scares me now.
    Power walking? I do that! And, we’ve gotten so much snow in the last couple of days I’m going to dig out my cross-country skis today and go for a spin!
    Happy New Year, June!
    Love your little doo dads…When my Gramma (that’s how she spells it) dies you can have all of her knick knacks! And 400 of the quilts she’s crocheted!

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  7. I am still considering taking up running, now that my spontaneous poopage fears have been allayed.
    I assume Sugar Mommy has a Sugar Daddy? And Sugar Babies? Heh.

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  8. I am still considering taking up running, now that my spontaneous poopage fears have been allayed.
    I assume Sugar Mommy has a Sugar Daddy? And Sugar Babies? Heh.

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  9. I am still considering taking up running, now that my spontaneous poopage fears have been allayed.
    I assume Sugar Mommy has a Sugar Daddy? And Sugar Babies? Heh.

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  10. “My whole childhood can be summed up in one sentence: “Let me just finish this chapter.”” Ha ha ha – that’s awesome – can I borrow it for my facebook status???
    Happy new year to you and Marvin. Your blog is hysterical. I laughed (out loud, no less!) TWICE during this post. Excellent work!

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  11. Liz is rather unfortunate looking. Running, huh. No, Beth, I would not join a running club even if it meant chasing Liz.
    Are we allowed to mention camels and their digits on your blog?

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  12. Target Steve, you are SO bad!!
    Good luck with the running club June. Is Marvin kvetching about the club fee?
    After all the talk about running a few days ago, I went out for my walk and decided to step it up a notch and run part of the way.
    I suprised myself at how well I did. However the next day my inner thighs felt like I had coupled with an oil tanker.

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  13. June, I love you. I can always come here and count on laughing. I want to run with people who are stuck in molasses. I’ll look like a superstar. And picture me saying that with my arms in the air, Molly Shannon style: “SUPERSTAR!”

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  14. Honest to John, June; I get more inspiration from you than any single person I know! I am totally joining a local running club in SF next week (next round starts on Jan 9th). Just think of me as your annoying little sister who’s always copying you. Except I won’t steal your favorite sweater or listen in on your phone conversations because that would be just plain creepy.

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  15. My grandma had the lilac pants, too. And also too the lime green and the lemon yellow!
    What I wonder, though, is if you will wear yours the way she did? Apparently her butt flattened out with age and the weight shifted to her belly…so she wore her pants backward.
    Which might not have been noticeable except that they were the polyester doubleknit pastel numbers with stitched-down creases. Creases which were supposed to run down the fronts of her legs and were instead traveling down her butt and the backs of her legs…

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  16. June, why are you doing the Gay Porn Santa face at the Carnival glass candy dish?
    My Grandmother Becky’s pants were fine. It was her wig that KILLED me. She pulled the front down over her eyebrows like a baseball cap exposing the entire back of her balding head.
    And don’t get me started on the way she drew her lipstick into little points that touched the bottom of her nose. BAH.

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  17. June, why are you doing the Gay Porn Santa face at the Carnival glass candy dish?
    My Grandmother Becky’s pants were fine. It was her wig that KILLED me. She pulled the front down over her eyebrows like a baseball cap exposing the entire back of her balding head.
    And don’t get me started on the way she drew her lipstick into little points that touched the bottom of her nose. BAH.

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  18. June, why are you doing the Gay Porn Santa face at the Carnival glass candy dish?
    My Grandmother Becky’s pants were fine. It was her wig that KILLED me. She pulled the front down over her eyebrows like a baseball cap exposing the entire back of her balding head.
    And don’t get me started on the way she drew her lipstick into little points that touched the bottom of her nose. BAH.

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  19. I am aware that people make a living off of their blogs. I am also aware that there is plenty of free stuff that some bloggers receive because they will mention the item on the blog. However, I had no idea that people would send you old stuff from their grandmother simply because they read your blog. That does it. I am starting a blog tomorrow! Old stuff rocks. I want the salt and pepper shakers (add them to my list please).

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  20. My escargot thinks I run a bit leisurely as well, but he is getting more forgiving in his dotage. As am I.
    When my grandfather passed, my crazy grandmother gave me nothing of his except his suits. He was about a size 36, while I am a 42. There wasn’t enough material in those suits to make me a pair of pants. Geez.

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  21. Running…what is that? I’m still working on eating cake and smoking my carton of Winstons, I am reolute with my resolutions. And coughing…Winstons taste good like in the commercials. No, not your cat. I think those little salt and pepper shakers are from airplanes.

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  22. Maybe since you’ve joined she’ll change the web page to say “June’s on the run” in your honor.
    When I used to run (using that word lightly) I rarely finished any race at a sub-10-minute-mile pace. And I have a TON of t-shirts to show for those years, all in X-large so I could wear them over running tights and cover my voluminous rear. It was a fun time in my life, but now I have incredibly bad knees that don’t even go up and down stairs easily sometimes. Have fun on your youthful knees.
    I love Marvin ironing his shirt, and I love the irons too. And the crystal salt and pepper shakers.

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  23. I won’t be joining your running club. Before having total hip replacement the doc told me I could no longer run or jump after surgery. What’s the big deal, I didn’t do that before surgery? Try walking and don’t ruin your hip and knee joints–replacement surgery is the pits!
    Is that a new shirt Marvin is wearing? LOL!

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  24. My mom had a little tiny iron like those that she stood upright and filled with toothpicks. I bet she is still using that same toothpick holder/iron.
    Alternate uses for so many teeny irons might be individual little baby bud vases at each place setting or a place to stand up your chop sticks or maybe interesting little shot glasses?
    Very nice loot you received from Miss Sugar Mommy.
    I am cracking up over here at the stories of everyone’s Grandmas. Oh Lordy! Myself, I had an Aunt Helen who had curly blue (or lavender) poodle hair. I don’t know what the hell her hairdresser was doing but the curly blue poodle look couldn’t have ever been in style, could it?
    Marvin is the best. Every time I see a pic of him I say “Aaaawwwww”. He’s a keeper!

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  25. Oh Lisa Pie….my Grandma Nick…she used to buy “Party Rinse” hair color. Lavender, pink, blue, I even think there was a turquoise or is that aqua? Anywho…she also made potato chip cookies.
    Sweet and salty…yeah thats the way I like it uh huh.,uh huh…

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  26. I would totally join you but I’m kind of thousands of miles away. I will be with you in spirit – I’m going to run a 15K in Mission Bay on the 9th. I hope it doesn’t suck. If only all this running I’m doing equaled that woman’s body, but, alas, no dice.

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  27. Memories… I would read by the light of the dial on my electric blanket. My stupid parents took it away in summer and I was totally screwed. My backup plan, eating cat food and gaining super night vision, sadly, did not work.

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  28. This sentence… “Oh! And speaking of old people, Faithful Reader Sugar Mommy”… had me thinking you were going to talk about Sugar Mommy being old, and I was thinking, woah, June, not cool. But you recovered. Nice save.
    I was in a running group last year. It starts up again in April. I was in the group from April through June, ran a half-marathon in June, and then bailed on the group as they continued training for the full marathon in October. Because, hello, 13.1 miles is way more than any sane person needs to run, and 26 miles? Well, dang, that’s just plain crazy.
    That said, I’ll be rejoining in April and hopefully running the marathon in October. Because? Just plain crazy.
    Happy New Year to you, June, and Marvin as well. And your fur babies. BAH!

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  29. I’ve always said I wanted “Yay…more time to read” on my tombstone. I’ve changed my mind – “Wait, let me finish this chapter” is my new favorite. And also too? Your description of your running speed? It drives my husband crazy when I laugh out loud and he doesn’t know why. Even though it’s a short drive, I appreciate the assistance.

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