Food and Drink, Friends, June's stupid life, Marvin

Oregano, Peg, Henry in the in box

Last night my neighbor had a dinner party, and I told her if she needed any help yesterday, just call, because I have no work and nothing to do because clearly I suck.

About 3 p.m., the phone rang and it was Peg, the neighbor.

"June, do you have any oregano?"

Oreganomaybe
Hmmm. I might.

I loaned her some, but told her she would have to return every flake that wasn't used at the end of the evening. She'd have to pick it all out of the rice.

Anyway, it was delicious, the dinner, I mean, and we had some sort of Puerto Rican dish that apparently involved oregano. Also, there was an interior designer there–well, there were a bunch of them there, because that's what my neighbor Peg does, and yes she DOES think our collection of 48 guitars is a lovely accent to our home–and where was I?

Oh, right. There was one particular designer there who just moved back home from New York, and he told wonderful stories about decorating for the rich and famous, including a Saudi Arabian princess who wore a full burka with Dolce & Gabbana sunglasses and Jimmy Choo shoes.

I had 48 glasses of Coke and could not sleep, in a shocking turn of events. Not that I was trying to sleep at the party. "Could you all keep it down? I'm trying to nap on Peg's bed, in here."

Remember parties in high school where it was perfectly acceptable to just wander off to a bedroom and make out? Why aren't parties like that anymore?

In other news…

Incat

How long do you give him before he's too big to sleep in the in box? Also, I keep trying to proofread him but can't find anything wrong.

So, hey, thanks to everyone who bought my new merch yesterday! How much do you like me for saying "merch"? In a reverse turn of stalky events, when you buy something, I can see your full name. I can't see your credit card info, which is disappointing. I really wanted a new couch. But it's thrilling to see everyone's real name. I mean, thrilling in a one-has-been-sitting-around-with-no-work-for-three-days kind of thrilling.

Speaking of thrills, last weekend Marvin was going to the grocery store and asked if I needed anything. "Yes, coffee," I said.

"What do you mean, 'coffee'? Didn't I just GET coffee?"

"Perhaps you did," I said, growing antsy, "but I'm running low."

"No, I don't want to get you coffee. It's expensive."

I gave Marvin The Look. The "don't-you-go-there-buster-with-your-I'm-40-maybe-I'll-go-back-to-school-and-get-a-teaching-certificate-so-I-can-make-less-than-half-what-I-used-to-self-talking-to-me-about-my-9-dollar-bag-of-coffee-and-don't-THINK-I-don't-know-you-have-10,000-songs-on-your-iPod-which-means-you've-spent-$10,000-on-depressing-and/or-frenetic-songs" look.

You know that look.

So Marvin got the coffee, and at this point he is well-versed in what to get. Starbucks ground french roast and for HEAVEN'S sake don't get decaf.

Yesterday, I finished the old bag of coffee and I thought, "Goodness, June, you look cute today" and I also thought, "Why there art? Why there not just kibble all the time?" and eventually I thought, "You know, I could use just a titch more coffee here. I'll open the new bag."

The bag? WHOLE BEANS. Oh, Marvin is lucky I was in a "titch more" stage and not a "it's morning and I have no coffee" stage. I gave my bean grinder to my old workplace, because they needed a new one and I never use a grinder because it's messy. Especially when you place Marvin's medulla oblongata in there.

So last night when whole-bean Marv got home from work, I said, "Oh, crap! Before we go to Peg's party, I have to run to the store and buy a bean grinder. I forgot!"

And Marvin said,  [Are ya sittin' down? Are ya ready for this?]

"Can't you just go one morning without coffee?"

…..!

I don't know what to tell you about Marvin.

Winnieissad
Winston is disgusted with him, too. Not me and my frosty eye shadow.

75 thoughts on “Oregano, Peg, Henry in the in box”

  1. And hello?? here I am, Sabrina Duncan. Guest appearance. I am over the blog, but I just got chastised for not reading it.

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  2. Yesterday I was searching my spice cabinet HIGH and LOW for chili powder. I had none. But I do have four containers of ginger. I do not ever, in my entire life, recall making anything that had ginger in it. I know this is earth shattering news. You’re welcome. Mostly I just wanted to leave a comment to see if my new “avatar” is working in typepad. Again, you’re welcome.

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  3. Lee who finds herself laughing at the thought of my family's questioning looks when they see my faithful reader mug. says:

    Coffee is nectar of the gods.
    As funny as you are, June, these commments tonight are ON FIRE! Anyone not reading them is missing out.
    Hulk, Steve? The horse isn’t dead….I am riding him full throttle to the coffee pot right now because the mere mention of it makes me want it. Since I don’t believe in decaf, I will add a little Kaluah to cut the caffeine. And I do mean cut.

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  4. If there is no coffee in the house in the morning, Yankee will drive to Starbucks to avoid dealing with his coffeeless monster wife.

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  5. I LOVE mugs, even though I don’t drink coffee and I hardly ever drink tea, so there is no reason I should have 39487 mugs.
    I don’t drink coffee because I’m allergic to caffeine, and I’m convinced that even if I wasn’t, I still wouldn’t drink it because it tastes gross.
    Which is interesting, because I love how it smells. I get up early every day to make my husband coffee before he goes to work. It’s the perfect start to my day!

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  6. Yes, Marvin, you WILL still have all those songs. They will be found UP YOUR ASS.
    XO,
    Your loving wife,
    June

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  7. Now, now, now…it is now 6:53 est. We should all be on our second or third cocktail by now. West coasters, whip out the bong….its only 4pm your time. Gosh Marv, after you bought MJ some Haines, I’m suprised you would ever be a hesitant shopper. June is bestest ever.

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  8. Apparently Marvin, you have not heard of quitting while your are behind. I hope you can still pull up your playlist with an arrow through your eye. Bob and weave Marvin, serpentine, stop, drop and roll. Something, but be careful.

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  9. Oh please. I already owned the 10,000 songs. And decades from now, I will still have those songs. Where will all your coffee be?

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  10. Jan wants to buy all of these mugs. Or everyone could chip in to buy her a set for her birthday next month. says:

    YOU HAVE TO DO A LINE OF FAITHFUL READER MUGS!!! I am cracking up over all the suggestions. We could also include:
    Sleeping Beauty They All Die In The End
    On the front a large sugar cube with several smaller sugar cubes around her, on the back simply ‘Sugar Mommy’.
    A picture of a shoe or purse or vegetables on the front and ‘The Other June’ on the back.

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  11. Jan wants to buy all of these mugs. Or everyone could chip in to buy her a set for her birthday next month. says:

    YOU HAVE TO DO A LINE OF FAITHFUL READER MUGS!!! I am cracking up over all the suggestions. We could also include:
    Sleeping Beauty They All Die In The End
    On the front a large sugar cube with several smaller sugar cubes around her, on the back simply ‘Sugar Mommy’.
    A picture of a shoe or purse or vegetables on the front and ‘The Other June’ on the back.

    Like

  12. Jan wants to buy all of these mugs. Or everyone could chip in to buy her a set for her birthday next month. says:

    YOU HAVE TO DO A LINE OF FAITHFUL READER MUGS!!! I am cracking up over all the suggestions. We could also include:
    Sleeping Beauty They All Die In The End
    On the front a large sugar cube with several smaller sugar cubes around her, on the back simply ‘Sugar Mommy’.
    A picture of a shoe or purse or vegetables on the front and ‘The Other June’ on the back.

    Like

  13. So we had 4 inches of snow here in Cincinnati today (aka blizzard in Southern Ohio). Before I left the Target, I decided that Beth needed some coffee since she was snowbound all day. I bought two gas station coffees on the way home as 99 cents is right in line with my allowance. Upon arriving home, I find that Hulk has reopened a wound that MY VERY OWN BETH feels the need to cut me for!!!! By the time I read her comment, said coffee was already gone, and someone looked a bit sheepish. She makes for a very cute sheep though.
    I think a line of faithful readers mugs would be awesome. A musical version sung by the Persistent Lesbians. A picture of The Other Beth’s Grandma’s backward outfit. Bartles and James Bond. Furry’s chicken and vodka club. (Or something like that.)

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  14. I cannot wait for my new everyday mug to arrive 🙂
    My mother in law drinks her coffee with just sugar. I have never met anyone who takes it with JUST sugar. Just milk/cream, yes, but just sugar? I think it’s very weird. It also means I don’t drink coffee at her house because she never has cream, and I need my cream.

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  15. I’m really liking the idea of faithful reader collectors edition mugs. The t-shirts are cool, and a coffee mug for my desk at work would at least give me something to look forward to each day. However. Jan 1st begins our life with Damn Ramsey. No buying anything that is not absolutely essential. You know, like electricity & food. I’m stashing the gift cards I received as Christmas presents, so I can have a shopping experience, guilt free in the next few months. I just know I’ll find myself in a bidding war on ebay months from now trying to get an everyday Bye Bye Pie mug. Happy New Year. Bah!

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  16. June – Could we have a Special Edition Commemorative Mug of the Month? Collect all 12, Hulk’s wedding, Hulk’s tux modeling, etc.
    Until then, sign me up for an everyday mug so I can drink my tea from it every day. I have learned so much from reading your blog!

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  17. Marvin clearly isn’t as smart as I imagined. Plus also too, he doesn’t have a caffiene addiction, either. Some people!

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  18. I think I’d like a mug with the wedding photo of Hulk and his bride/mom. And maybe one of Steve in front of his Target?

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  19. True coffee addict confession of the day: It snowed in Memphis, which means that everyone is supposed to have already rushed to the store and bought, at a minimum, all the bread, beer and milk their truck can hold. All of my colleagues at this wonderful new job had me absolutely convinced that school would be closed today; I mean Fred Smith is one of our alumni, and FredEx (insert your own ding dang arrow here) had promised 1-3 inches of snow. I awoke at 4 am to check and yes, there was actual snow on the ground and so, quite naturally, I assumed that we would be closed. I returned to the rack and continued my long winter’s nap. The Furry Godmother rattled me awake less than an hour before I was due to be at work and asked me what was I thinking? OMG. I cleaned up, dressed, had no coffee hour, left my packets of oatmeal on the counter and drove to work in my sleep. Yes, we have free unlimited coffee here and yes, it was made when I got here, so yes, I finally woke up and began working about two hours after my arrival.
    I will be entering some sort of 12 step program as soon as the snow melts. Or not. I’m just sayin’, this coffee stuff is for real addictive. And Marvin needs to watch his back.

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  20. I can relate to your feelings regarding having a ready supply on hand. I brought back five pounds of my various local favorites from Michigan. The “Purse” suggested that might be excessive, until I reminded her of the tragedy that is the absence of Diet Coke around here in the morning. I would gladly share, but alas you have no grinder, and in my humble opinion whole bean is the way to go. Know though that there is always a hot cup here for you anytime you would like.

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  21. I should sell Faithful Reader mugs. Lee: Shell carelessly cut you and laugh while youre bleeding. Paula: Promoting hookers and blow since 2009. Hulk: Go ahead and build on that rainforest. Okay, maybe Im the only one who remembers when we all got in a fight with Hulk about new property.

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  22. I’m *dying* over Hulk’s comment, “Jesus don’t tell Steve you had Marvin buy you Starbucks…”
    I really want that on a mug.
    Please don’t hurt me, Lee. I called you a man once, too, I think. I’m asking for it, aren’t I?

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  23. Jan, we had a Sabrina Duncan back when I was Bye Bye Buy. But the friend who ID as Sabrina got over this blog. As so many do. And Sleeping Beauty, do you ENJOY being critical? I mean, is it your hobby? Who is gonna look/buy at my merch other than people who READ ME ALREADY? Geez.

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  24. That’s it. I’m cutting Steve when he gets home.

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  25. Maybe the cockroach parts are part of the reason it tastes so ding dang good. I would probably drink it even if I had to skim the live roaches off of the top before adding my cream. I’m just sayin’.
    Jill Munroe! Who’s next? Sabrina Duncan?

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  26. Before Target Steve chimes in, let me note that “my” Target carries Starbucks. In fact, it has a much better selection than the Starbucks store. And Target occasionally puts it on sale.
    (Steve, where’s my commission?)

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  27. An interesting turn of events. Marvin= spawn of satan. Seriously…don’t mess with the morning joe.

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  28. Ever since I read how many cockroach parts are in ground coffee (google cockroaches in coffee, it’s grossifiying), I have always opted for whole bean coffee that I grind at the store. I’m not really a coffee purist, I just prefer to only drink the bean juice and not the bonus parts.
    I just ordered a mug and t-shirt. I want more mugs but am waiting for additional styles – I absolultely wat one that says something that includes ding and also dang, maybe a Team whatever one, and one that has plus also too on it (all with a little trademark byebyepie label underneath them). Am I asking too much?

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  29. I never ask my husband to get me anything because it’s like asking in a foreign tongue.
    I have a very bad cold and today, on the 11th day of this cold I asked him to bring home orange juice. I should not have given any details but asked for “Fresh Squeezed” rather than “from concentrate”.
    He replied, “So you want crushed orange juice and what else?” I said I would take anything he found.

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  30. Arrow through the eye and cutting are both justifiable reactions to that sort of bad-husband comment.
    Why, Marvin? You’re always so good.
    June, how ’bout an accidental shove to that Ipod while you just happening to be standing over the loo and then an innocent, “Can’t you just go forever without your 10,000 songs, Hmm?”
    Coffee is crack, the best ding-dang crack in the whole, wide world and anyone who loves them some crack knows you can’t go a morning without it. For Shame, Marvin.

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  31. Well June Gardens, thanks to our mutual friend from Seattle, you have quickly become part of my morning habit…along with my large mug o’java. And your merch on Cafe Press was irresistible. One long sleeved, brown, Bye Bye Pie shirt coming up!
    As for Marvin, I don’t know. Not understanding a coffee drinker’s need for coffee in the morning is like not understanding the need for a bathroom after your 4th beer. It should be a given!
    Good luck with that.

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  32. Is Marvin alive today? If so, is he walking around on two sound legs? I would have CUT my husband if he suggested such a thing. Marvin better be thankful that you were in a “titch more” mood.
    Is the French Roast good? I always (YES, STEVE) get the Breakfast Blend or House Blend. For Christmas, my sister, not Lee, the other one, got me some Breakfast Blend and a bag of Christmas Blend. It is delightful. I always try to get the whole bean… it just tastes better to me.

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  33. Hey June, Love the mugs and shirts. I can’t decide which shirt I want. I won’t be buying a mug because I’m not a coffee drinker…. yet. Okay… you have a friend who sells face lotions. Your mother gave me some called Corina. IT IS THE BEST EVER!!!!!! I LOVE IT!!!!! I want more. How do I get more? Everyone should try it. It is good stuff I tell you.

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  34. I can’t go a morning without coffee. I don’t understand how to Mormons do it. My Dad has one of those fancy Cuisinart coffee pots that grinds the beans for you and then brews the coffee. I think if I am going to shell out $100 for a coffee pot it had better cook me breakfast and bring it to me in bed.
    How do you drink your coffee, June? Do you like fancy pantsy flavored creamers or just plain milk and sugar?

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  35. Jesus don’t tell Steve you had Marvin buy you Starbucks…

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  36. I have been rocking along here thinking how wonderful Marvin is, he helps you get your stuff for sale on Cafe Press, he wrote you a lovely little ditty for your photo montage (and that makes you larger than life still stuck in my head), and he is just so darn cute!
    And then he did two bone-headed things in a row? Not good husbanding there, Marv.
    Dawn in Austin seems to have the best grasp of this Huband-to-English translation so I would run with that.

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  37. Dawn, congratulations. There is no way this will not be comment of the week. Killing me. And blinding Marv!

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  38. My husband said that to me once. He’s now living in a shallow grave in the Pacific Northwest. I’m kidding of course. Kinda.

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