Last night my neighbor had a dinner party, and I told her if she needed any help yesterday, just call, because I have no work and nothing to do because clearly I suck.

About 3 p.m., the phone rang and it was Peg, the neighbor.

"June, do you have any oregano?"

Oreganomaybe
Hmmm. I might.

I loaned her some, but told her she would have to return every flake that wasn't used at the end of the evening. She'd have to pick it all out of the rice.

Anyway, it was delicious, the dinner, I mean, and we had some sort of Puerto Rican dish that apparently involved oregano. Also, there was an interior designer there–well, there were a bunch of them there, because that's what my neighbor Peg does, and yes she DOES think our collection of 48 guitars is a lovely accent to our home–and where was I?

Oh, right. There was one particular designer there who just moved back home from New York, and he told wonderful stories about decorating for the rich and famous, including a Saudi Arabian princess who wore a full burka with Dolce & Gabbana sunglasses and Jimmy Choo shoes.

I had 48 glasses of Coke and could not sleep, in a shocking turn of events. Not that I was trying to sleep at the party. "Could you all keep it down? I'm trying to nap on Peg's bed, in here."

Remember parties in high school where it was perfectly acceptable to just wander off to a bedroom and make out? Why aren't parties like that anymore?

In other news…

Incat

How long do you give him before he's too big to sleep in the in box? Also, I keep trying to proofread him but can't find anything wrong.

So, hey, thanks to everyone who bought my new merch yesterday! How much do you like me for saying "merch"? In a reverse turn of stalky events, when you buy something, I can see your full name. I can't see your credit card info, which is disappointing. I really wanted a new couch. But it's thrilling to see everyone's real name. I mean, thrilling in a one-has-been-sitting-around-with-no-work-for-three-days kind of thrilling.

Speaking of thrills, last weekend Marvin was going to the grocery store and asked if I needed anything. "Yes, coffee," I said.

"What do you mean, 'coffee'? Didn't I just GET coffee?"

"Perhaps you did," I said, growing antsy, "but I'm running low."

"No, I don't want to get you coffee. It's expensive."

I gave Marvin The Look. The "don't-you-go-there-buster-with-your-I'm-40-maybe-I'll-go-back-to-school-and-get-a-teaching-certificate-so-I-can-make-less-than-half-what-I-used-to-self-talking-to-me-about-my-9-dollar-bag-of-coffee-and-don't-THINK-I-don't-know-you-have-10,000-songs-on-your-iPod-which-means-you've-spent-$10,000-on-depressing-and/or-frenetic-songs" look.

You know that look.

So Marvin got the coffee, and at this point he is well-versed in what to get. Starbucks ground french roast and for HEAVEN'S sake don't get decaf.

Yesterday, I finished the old bag of coffee and I thought, "Goodness, June, you look cute today" and I also thought, "Why there art? Why there not just kibble all the time?" and eventually I thought, "You know, I could use just a titch more coffee here. I'll open the new bag."

The bag? WHOLE BEANS. Oh, Marvin is lucky I was in a "titch more" stage and not a "it's morning and I have no coffee" stage. I gave my bean grinder to my old workplace, because they needed a new one and I never use a grinder because it's messy. Especially when you place Marvin's medulla oblongata in there.

So last night when whole-bean Marv got home from work, I said, "Oh, crap! Before we go to Peg's party, I have to run to the store and buy a bean grinder. I forgot!"

And Marvin said,  [Are ya sittin' down? Are ya ready for this?]

"Can't you just go one morning without coffee?"

…..!

I don't know what to tell you about Marvin.

Winnieissad
Winston is disgusted with him, too. Not me and my frosty eye shadow.

75 thoughts on “Oregano, Peg, Henry in the in box

  1. Susan says:

    He likes living on the edge, doesn’t he?

    Like

  2. June Gardens says:

    See, again, if youd have KEPT UP with this blog, that burning Q would be answered. And really going to bed now. For real. Totally. For sure.

    Like

  3. sabrina duncan says:

    And hello?? here I am, Sabrina Duncan. Guest appearance. I am over the blog, but I just got chastised for not reading it.

    Like

  4. sabrina duncan says:

    WHY do you have 57 bottles of oregano when you don’t cook?

    Like

  5. Shana says:

    And the answer is know. What up, typepad? Why you buggin’?

    Like

  6. Shana says:

    Yesterday I was searching my spice cabinet HIGH and LOW for chili powder. I had none. But I do have four containers of ginger. I do not ever, in my entire life, recall making anything that had ginger in it. I know this is earth shattering news. You’re welcome. Mostly I just wanted to leave a comment to see if my new “avatar” is working in typepad. Again, you’re welcome.

    Like

  7. Cristy says:

    Paula for COTW

    Like

  8. The Spouse is as addicted to coffee as I am . . . this is how we have survived being married 22 years (as of tomorrow, that is . . . assuming I don’t kill him before . . . as he has a cold and is feeling lousy and we are trying to travel and got stuck in a Holiday Inn in DC . . .)

    Like

  9. Lee who finds herself laughing at the thought of my family's questioning looks when they see my faithful reader mug. says:

    Coffee is nectar of the gods.
    As funny as you are, June, these commments tonight are ON FIRE! Anyone not reading them is missing out.
    Hulk, Steve? The horse isn’t dead….I am riding him full throttle to the coffee pot right now because the mere mention of it makes me want it. Since I don’t believe in decaf, I will add a little Kaluah to cut the caffeine. And I do mean cut.

    Like

  10. Diane says:

    This is completely unrelated to the coffee discussion (although I am in favor of the mugs and other merch). A friend sent me this link to I Can Has Cheezburger and I immediately thought of you June. Then you mentioned trying to proofread the adorable Henry as he sleeps in the inbox, so that was even better.
    http://icanhascheezburger.com/2010/01/07/funny-pictures-editor-kitty/

    Like

  11. Cat says:

    If there is no coffee in the house in the morning, Yankee will drive to Starbucks to avoid dealing with his coffeeless monster wife.

    Like

  12. “That’s going to affect the sound quality.”
    bwaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaa

    Like

  13. June Gardens says:

    Seriously? Youre seriously allergic to caffeine? Oh thats my worst nightmare. How can you tell?

    Like

  14. Jenene says:

    I LOVE mugs, even though I don’t drink coffee and I hardly ever drink tea, so there is no reason I should have 39487 mugs.
    I don’t drink coffee because I’m allergic to caffeine, and I’m convinced that even if I wasn’t, I still wouldn’t drink it because it tastes gross.
    Which is interesting, because I love how it smells. I get up early every day to make my husband coffee before he goes to work. It’s the perfect start to my day!

    Like

  15. Cosmo's Dad Berklee School of Music says:

    Marv was a sound mixer…. yowzah… I can hear the cat calls now….

    Like

  16. Paula H&B says:

    That’s going to affect the sound quality.

    Like

  17. Paula H&B says:

    That’s going to affect the sound quality.

    Like

  18. Paula H&B says:

    That’s going to affect the sound quality.

    Like

  19. June, sticking it where the sun don't shine. says:

    Yes, Marvin, you WILL still have all those songs. They will be found UP YOUR ASS.
    XO,
    Your loving wife,
    June

    Like

  20. Cosmo's Dad I borrowed you pin says:

    Now, now, now…it is now 6:53 est. We should all be on our second or third cocktail by now. West coasters, whip out the bong….its only 4pm your time. Gosh Marv, after you bought MJ some Haines, I’m suprised you would ever be a hesitant shopper. June is bestest ever.

    Like

  21. Steve (who is laying under Hulk's dead horse) says:

    Apparently Marvin, you have not heard of quitting while your are behind. I hope you can still pull up your playlist with an arrow through your eye. Bob and weave Marvin, serpentine, stop, drop and roll. Something, but be careful.

    Like

  22. Marvin says:

    Oh please. I already owned the 10,000 songs. And decades from now, I will still have those songs. Where will all your coffee be?

    Like

  23. Julie says:

    Gertrude – Thanks for asking about Corina! You can call our toll free number 877-252-2517 or you can go to this website and create an account and order online: http://www.blackandblacksurgical.com/corina.php
    Julie

    Like

  24. Cristy says:

    oh and how about “Cristy: not a faithful enough reader to have anything cute on a mug”

    Like

  25. Jan wants to buy all of these mugs. Or everyone could chip in to buy her a set for her birthday next month. says:

    YOU HAVE TO DO A LINE OF FAITHFUL READER MUGS!!! I am cracking up over all the suggestions. We could also include:
    Sleeping Beauty They All Die In The End
    On the front a large sugar cube with several smaller sugar cubes around her, on the back simply ‘Sugar Mommy’.
    A picture of a shoe or purse or vegetables on the front and ‘The Other June’ on the back.

    Like

  26. Jan wants to buy all of these mugs. Or everyone could chip in to buy her a set for her birthday next month. says:

    YOU HAVE TO DO A LINE OF FAITHFUL READER MUGS!!! I am cracking up over all the suggestions. We could also include:
    Sleeping Beauty They All Die In The End
    On the front a large sugar cube with several smaller sugar cubes around her, on the back simply ‘Sugar Mommy’.
    A picture of a shoe or purse or vegetables on the front and ‘The Other June’ on the back.

    Like

  27. Jan wants to buy all of these mugs. Or everyone could chip in to buy her a set for her birthday next month. says:

    YOU HAVE TO DO A LINE OF FAITHFUL READER MUGS!!! I am cracking up over all the suggestions. We could also include:
    Sleeping Beauty They All Die In The End
    On the front a large sugar cube with several smaller sugar cubes around her, on the back simply ‘Sugar Mommy’.
    A picture of a shoe or purse or vegetables on the front and ‘The Other June’ on the back.

    Like

  28. Cristy says:

    how about a mug that says
    “1972 called, wants its hairstyle back”

    Like

  29. Steve (who is laying under Hulk's dead horse) says:

    So we had 4 inches of snow here in Cincinnati today (aka blizzard in Southern Ohio). Before I left the Target, I decided that Beth needed some coffee since she was snowbound all day. I bought two gas station coffees on the way home as 99 cents is right in line with my allowance. Upon arriving home, I find that Hulk has reopened a wound that MY VERY OWN BETH feels the need to cut me for!!!! By the time I read her comment, said coffee was already gone, and someone looked a bit sheepish. She makes for a very cute sheep though.
    I think a line of faithful readers mugs would be awesome. A musical version sung by the Persistent Lesbians. A picture of The Other Beth’s Grandma’s backward outfit. Bartles and James Bond. Furry’s chicken and vodka club. (Or something like that.)

    Like

  30. I cannot wait for my new everyday mug to arrive 🙂
    My mother in law drinks her coffee with just sugar. I have never met anyone who takes it with JUST sugar. Just milk/cream, yes, but just sugar? I think it’s very weird. It also means I don’t drink coffee at her house because she never has cream, and I need my cream.

    Like

  31. Maureen in IL says:

    I’m really liking the idea of faithful reader collectors edition mugs. The t-shirts are cool, and a coffee mug for my desk at work would at least give me something to look forward to each day. However. Jan 1st begins our life with Damn Ramsey. No buying anything that is not absolutely essential. You know, like electricity & food. I’m stashing the gift cards I received as Christmas presents, so I can have a shopping experience, guilt free in the next few months. I just know I’ll find myself in a bidding war on ebay months from now trying to get an everyday Bye Bye Pie mug. Happy New Year. Bah!

    Like

  32. DB in MD says:

    June – Could we have a Special Edition Commemorative Mug of the Month? Collect all 12, Hulk’s wedding, Hulk’s tux modeling, etc.
    Until then, sign me up for an everyday mug so I can drink my tea from it every day. I have learned so much from reading your blog!

    Like

  33. Laurie (the promise of coffee is all that gets me out of bed in the mornings) says:

    Marvin clearly isn’t as smart as I imagined. Plus also too, he doesn’t have a caffiene addiction, either. Some people!

    Like

  34. blink.
    Does M know just how close to death he came right then?

    Like

  35. June Gardens says:

    Maybe in June we could do a nice Hulk tux 84 mug.

    Like

  36. June Gardens says:

    DB, I already thought of that for a Very Special June Christmas mug.

    Like

  37. arlene, still giggling on the sidelines - and freezing her bunzillas off says:

    I think I’d like a mug with the wedding photo of Hulk and his bride/mom. And maybe one of Steve in front of his Target?

    Like

  38. DB in MD says:

    I am anxiously awaiting the Gay Porn Santa mug.

    Like

  39. June Gardens says:

    Yes! Sleeping Beauty: Everyone dies in the end. Oh, we are so doing collectors edition mugs.

    Like

  40. Hulk (Who saw 'Titanic' even though he knew how it ended) says:

    AW DAMMIT! THANKS A LOT, DAWN! I WAS GONNA READ THAT!

    Like

  41. oooh, I like the idea of Faithful Reader mugs. When I first came upon Bye Bye Pie, Sleeping Beauty was being cursed at for telling the end of the book, where everyone dies. Her cup would definitly be a collector’s item.

    Like

  42. A morning without coffee? I’m sorry, I’m confused. My brain can not compute what that even means. That’s like saying “can’t you just leave the chocolate chips out of the cookies?” It’s just wrong. On so many levels.
    Is it weird that coffee is the thing that makes me delurk?

    Like

  43. True coffee addict confession of the day: It snowed in Memphis, which means that everyone is supposed to have already rushed to the store and bought, at a minimum, all the bread, beer and milk their truck can hold. All of my colleagues at this wonderful new job had me absolutely convinced that school would be closed today; I mean Fred Smith is one of our alumni, and FredEx (insert your own ding dang arrow here) had promised 1-3 inches of snow. I awoke at 4 am to check and yes, there was actual snow on the ground and so, quite naturally, I assumed that we would be closed. I returned to the rack and continued my long winter’s nap. The Furry Godmother rattled me awake less than an hour before I was due to be at work and asked me what was I thinking? OMG. I cleaned up, dressed, had no coffee hour, left my packets of oatmeal on the counter and drove to work in my sleep. Yes, we have free unlimited coffee here and yes, it was made when I got here, so yes, I finally woke up and began working about two hours after my arrival.
    I will be entering some sort of 12 step program as soon as the snow melts. Or not. I’m just sayin’, this coffee stuff is for real addictive. And Marvin needs to watch his back.

    Like

  44. Tarheel says:

    I can relate to your feelings regarding having a ready supply on hand. I brought back five pounds of my various local favorites from Michigan. The “Purse” suggested that might be excessive, until I reminded her of the tragedy that is the absence of Diet Coke around here in the morning. I would gladly share, but alas you have no grinder, and in my humble opinion whole bean is the way to go. Know though that there is always a hot cup here for you anytime you would like.

    Like

  45. June Gardens says:

    I should sell Faithful Reader mugs. Lee: Shell carelessly cut you and laugh while youre bleeding. Paula: Promoting hookers and blow since 2009. Hulk: Go ahead and build on that rainforest. Okay, maybe Im the only one who remembers when we all got in a fight with Hulk about new property.

    Like

  46. Jessica says:

    I’m *dying* over Hulk’s comment, “Jesus don’t tell Steve you had Marvin buy you Starbucks…”
    I really want that on a mug.
    Please don’t hurt me, Lee. I called you a man once, too, I think. I’m asking for it, aren’t I?

    Like

  47. June Gardens says:

    Jan, we had a Sabrina Duncan back when I was Bye Bye Buy. But the friend who ID as Sabrina got over this blog. As so many do. And Sleeping Beauty, do you ENJOY being critical? I mean, is it your hobby? Who is gonna look/buy at my merch other than people who READ ME ALREADY? Geez.

    Like

  48. Steve's wife, Beth who is home 'cause the school where I work is having a SNOW DAY!!!!!!!!! says:

    That’s it. I’m cutting Steve when he gets home.

    Like

  49. Tiffaney says:

    “medulla oblongata.” I can’t stop giggling like a 13 yr old.

    Like

  50. Jan who would probably be more a Kate than a Jill or a Sabrina says:

    Maybe the cockroach parts are part of the reason it tastes so ding dang good. I would probably drink it even if I had to skim the live roaches off of the top before adding my cream. I’m just sayin’.
    Jill Munroe! Who’s next? Sabrina Duncan?

    Like

  51. Roxie's Mom says:

    Before Target Steve chimes in, let me note that “my” Target carries Starbucks. In fact, it has a much better selection than the Starbucks store. And Target occasionally puts it on sale.
    (Steve, where’s my commission?)

    Like

  52. d-lou snow snow snow! says:

    An interesting turn of events. Marvin= spawn of satan. Seriously…don’t mess with the morning joe.

    Like

  53. Hulk says:

    I want a “I am crushing on myself” mug.
    F*@% YEAH!

    Like

  54. Jill Munroe not ordering from the grave says:

    You may stalk with my blessings.

    Like

  55. Linda in CO says:

    Ever since I read how many cockroach parts are in ground coffee (google cockroaches in coffee, it’s grossifiying), I have always opted for whole bean coffee that I grind at the store. I’m not really a coffee purist, I just prefer to only drink the bean juice and not the bonus parts.
    I just ordered a mug and t-shirt. I want more mugs but am waiting for additional styles – I absolultely wat one that says something that includes ding and also dang, maybe a Team whatever one, and one that has plus also too on it (all with a little trademark byebyepie label underneath them). Am I asking too much?

    Like

  56. Still has a cold says:

    I never ask my husband to get me anything because it’s like asking in a foreign tongue.
    I have a very bad cold and today, on the 11th day of this cold I asked him to bring home orange juice. I should not have given any details but asked for “Fresh Squeezed” rather than “from concentrate”.
    He replied, “So you want crushed orange juice and what else?” I said I would take anything he found.

    Like

  57. June Gardens says:

    Luckily for me, I get to go on CafePress now and see who this is. Unless it really is Jill Munroe, ordering from the grave…

    Like

  58. Joann Mannix says:

    Arrow through the eye and cutting are both justifiable reactions to that sort of bad-husband comment.
    Why, Marvin? You’re always so good.
    June, how ’bout an accidental shove to that Ipod while you just happening to be standing over the loo and then an innocent, “Can’t you just go forever without your 10,000 songs, Hmm?”
    Coffee is crack, the best ding-dang crack in the whole, wide world and anyone who loves them some crack knows you can’t go a morning without it. For Shame, Marvin.

    Like

  59. Jill Munroe says:

    Well June Gardens, thanks to our mutual friend from Seattle, you have quickly become part of my morning habit…along with my large mug o’java. And your merch on Cafe Press was irresistible. One long sleeved, brown, Bye Bye Pie shirt coming up!
    As for Marvin, I don’t know. Not understanding a coffee drinker’s need for coffee in the morning is like not understanding the need for a bathroom after your 4th beer. It should be a given!
    Good luck with that.

    Like

  60. June Gardens says:

    Lindy,
     
    I drink it black. Like my moods.

    Like

  61. Jan DON'T BE MESSING WITH MY MORNING CUP OF COFFEE says:

    Is Marvin alive today? If so, is he walking around on two sound legs? I would have CUT my husband if he suggested such a thing. Marvin better be thankful that you were in a “titch more” mood.
    Is the French Roast good? I always (YES, STEVE) get the Breakfast Blend or House Blend. For Christmas, my sister, not Lee, the other one, got me some Breakfast Blend and a bag of Christmas Blend. It is delightful. I always try to get the whole bean… it just tastes better to me.

    Like

  62. Gertrude says:

    Hey June, Love the mugs and shirts. I can’t decide which shirt I want. I won’t be buying a mug because I’m not a coffee drinker…. yet. Okay… you have a friend who sells face lotions. Your mother gave me some called Corina. IT IS THE BEST EVER!!!!!! I LOVE IT!!!!! I want more. How do I get more? Everyone should try it. It is good stuff I tell you.

    Like

  63. I can’t go a morning without coffee. I don’t understand how to Mormons do it. My Dad has one of those fancy Cuisinart coffee pots that grinds the beans for you and then brews the coffee. I think if I am going to shell out $100 for a coffee pot it had better cook me breakfast and bring it to me in bed.
    How do you drink your coffee, June? Do you like fancy pantsy flavored creamers or just plain milk and sugar?

    Like

  64. Paula H&B says:

    Well if that doesn’t belong on a Bye Bye Pie mug, I don’t know what does.

    Like

  65. Paula H&B says:

    Well if that doesn’t belong on a Bye Bye Pie mug, I don’t know what does.

    Like

  66. Paula H&B says:

    Well if that doesn’t belong on a Bye Bye Pie mug, I don’t know what does.

    Like

  67. Hulk (who loves Lee but loves beating this dead horse even more...) says:

    Jesus don’t tell Steve you had Marvin buy you Starbucks…

    Like

  68. I have been rocking along here thinking how wonderful Marvin is, he helps you get your stuff for sale on Cafe Press, he wrote you a lovely little ditty for your photo montage (and that makes you larger than life still stuck in my head), and he is just so darn cute!
    And then he did two bone-headed things in a row? Not good husbanding there, Marv.
    Dawn in Austin seems to have the best grasp of this Huband-to-English translation so I would run with that.

    Like

  69. i’m just trying to work up the idea of taking my coffee black. give it up? well. okay. if you want mush for brains for a wife. gah.
    oh and then hen is quite the handsome man.

    Like

  70. I can quit any time June says:

    Dawn, congratulations. There is no way this will not be comment of the week. Killing me. And blinding Marv!

    Like

  71. “Can’t you just go one morning without coffee?” is in fact another way of saying, “Could you please just put an arrow through my eye, right now?”. Give the man what’s he’s clearly asking for!

    Like

  72. Erin on the West Coast says:

    My husband said that to me once. He’s now living in a shallow grave in the Pacific Northwest. I’m kidding of course. Kinda.

    Like

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