Don’t know why I brought it up

My desktop on my computer is not what you'd call tidy, necessarily. I saw this tiny picture and clicked on it. Has it been here since June, when I went on this trip?

Seafoam
That's me, this past summer, after I'd just gotten off my hog on the left, there.

You know, one time I was walking this older woman out of a building, I can't remember if it was somewhere I worked or what, but we came upon this huge motorcycle, and I thought I was hilarious when I said, "Well, here's your hog."

And then she strapped on her helmet and got on it! Oh, I liked to have died. I sincerely in a million years did not think it was really her hog. Do you wish I'd stop saying "hog" now?

And look! The Swedish Chef was also staying at the glamorous Sea Foam motel!

Did I ever tell y'all how I came to stay at this motel? First of all, if you just tuned in, last summer my old friend Sleeping Beauty and I decided to meet in North Carolina's outer banks for many days of lying motionless on the beach.

Beach
Which we did.

But originally, I was supposed to stay at this big house Sleeping had rented with a bunch of her friends.

The morning of the trip, my phone rang early. It was Sleeping Beauty.

"I've been walking up and down the beach for an hour, debating whether I should tell you," she said. "But I had to call and tell you. There's throwing up at this house." Then she added, "I just saw a dolphin! [Insert hatred for Sleeping Beauty here, as I obsessively combed the waters for hours and never even saw anything close to a dolphin.]"

One of the kids staying at the house had been throwing up all morning. Not because of the dolphin.

Well.

You know how I am. I have a phobia. No, really. A phobia. You know how you say, "Oh, I HATE throwing up! I hate it!" Yeah, you hate it. But did you remove the vow "in sickness and in health" from your wedding ceremony, because in fact you will NOT be there in sickness? Marvin and I have a vomit evacuation plan. If he gets barf sick, I evacuate. Immediately.

I have not barfed since 1982, and at that juncture I was drunk on Andre pink champagne, because nothing but the best for my 17-year-old self, and the point is I was half out of it in a corn field and riding in my friend Kim's car, so who cares? But since that time, I have obsessively tried not to barf. And I have succeeded.

[knock wood]

Sleeping Beauty knew this about me. Hell, everyone knows it about me, as I have abandoned many a sick pal in their hour of need. I am not proud.

So I got on the phone and found this '50s-looking motel a mile down from Sleeping Beauty's barfy rental house, and you know it worked out great? I had a little kitchen in my room, so there was coffee and cheese and peaches, which pretty much is all I need to stay happy. Oh, and strawberries.

This whole post is making me wish it were summer. I mean, you know, a summer without nausea.

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Author: June

At one point, I was sort of hot, in a "she's 27 and probably a 7" kind of a way. Now I'm old and have to develop a charming personality. Guess how that's going.

91 thoughts on “Don’t know why I brought it up”

  1. Holy crap! I have that exact same fear! I avoid family members who are sick or who have been around someone vomitting. I calculate incubation periods and wait it out. I want to have kids one day, but the vomitting they do scares me the most. My family teases me about my fear, but I don’t care. If I start feeling slightly queasy, I take a phenergan and go straight to bed. It’s a sickness.

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  2. I hate to comment on my own post, especially because I appear to be first, which is humiliating, but all my Google ads are for rental houses in the outer banks. Not one is for anti-nausea pills or anything.

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  3. We live next door to a woman who took up “hogging” when she turned 50. Now, we live to dread Saturday mornings when all of her “hog” friends come over with their annoying “hoggy” loudness. We have all come to an agreement that there will be no noise before 9am…if she keeps her end of the deal, we will let her live.
    and…I am a fan of your vomit evacuation plan!

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  4. Phenergan is a MUST HAVE anti-nausea pill. It works like magic & puts you out for several hours.

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  5. Did you see that not-very-great movie with Vince Vaughn called Four Christmases? There’s a hilarious vomit scene in there that was worth the price of admission. Besides which, you get to see Vince Vaughn.
    My ads were were all outer banks rentals as well with one exception: Ask a Dog Vet online now. Dog Vet? Aren’t vets classified as small animal (dog, cat, housepets) and large animal (horse, cow, farm animals)?
    I adore old 1950’s motels. I have my eye on one locally and if I ever win a huge lottery I will buy it and fix it right up. And you can come stay for free in your room fully stocked with coffee, peaches, coffee, cheese, coffee, and strawberries. And coffee.

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  6. LisaPie, thats something else Id like to bring up, so to speak. Why does EVERY movie have to show barfing? I mean, I get shaky and upset during those scenes. They never amuse me. Your 50s motel, however, would amuse me greatly. Please get rich soon.

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  7. I was really old (and started knowing people who owned Harleys) before I was told that HOGs are members of the Harleys Owners Group, and heaven forbid you call a Honda Gold Wing a Hog. I had a friend who owned a Fat Boy and he would occasionally give me a ride home from work, but I always made him bring a helmit for me because Harley owners seem to have this thing against wearing helmits (I call it a death wish).
    I think you had the best of both worlds on your vacation, friends to visit but a place to sleep alone at night. It sounds wonderful.
    I wonder how my Google ad for Macy’s Wedding Registration got associated with your post?

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  8. And, June, I really think you should read my scintillating vomit posts as a sort of immunization technique against your vomit-o-phobia. Particularly the one where I reference salisbury steak:
    http://suburbancorrespondent.blogspot.com/2007/02/veni-vici-regurgitati.html
    If I do say so myself, it’s a classic of that genre. Although, I have a sort of fondness for the vomit posts involving the bunkbeds – so many fond memories!
    http://suburbancorrespondent.blogspot.com/2008/05/why-bunkbeds-are-bad-idea.html
    Is it strange that I pride myself on my vomit writings? I can’t help it. It’s my one accomplishment. I am a star when it comes to puke narrations. I mean, look what I do with scrambled eggs:
    http://suburbancorrespondent.blogspot.com/2007/10/vomit-makes-me-want-to-puke.html
    I am a master.

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  9. I also think that dog and cat vomit isn’t contagious. Human vomit caused by a stomach virus is. My dogs can puke all day and I don’t worry about catching it. A human being pukes and I sterilize everything in sight and avoid that person like the plague.
    Did Marvin get sick a lot when he started teaching? I hear that happens because of all of the kids and their germs and our bodies not having the immunity to fight it. That would have been one hell of a first year of teaching if he did get sick a lot.

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  10. I stupidly watched the Bengals game this weekend (lowlights on Sports Center) and did other things besides reading your blog, while Beth regaled me with the hilarity. I caught up this morning and just want you to know that my son thinks you are a bad influence.
    Most of the weekend he got to hear Beth and I say things like, you know who likes French Fries, EEEENRIIII. This manipulated itself into, Come on Bengals, win this one for Chris HEEEENRIII.
    So then, as I was getting to the Sunday crossword in the Cincinnati Enquirer entitled, Just Do It, I noticed that 40 Down is: To have, to Henri.
    Another example of how June makes the world go round. (Anyone know French for, to have?)

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  11. I stupidly watched the Bengals game this weekend (lowlights on Sports Center) and did other things besides reading your blog, while Beth regaled me with the hilarity. I caught up this morning and just want you to know that my son thinks you are a bad influence.
    Most of the weekend he got to hear Beth and I say things like, you know who likes French Fries, EEEENRIIII. This manipulated itself into, Come on Bengals, win this one for Chris HEEEENRIII.
    So then, as I was getting to the Sunday crossword in the Cincinnati Enquirer entitled, Just Do It, I noticed that 40 Down is: To have, to Henri.
    Another example of how June makes the world go round. (Anyone know French for, to have?)

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  12. I stupidly watched the Bengals game this weekend (lowlights on Sports Center) and did other things besides reading your blog, while Beth regaled me with the hilarity. I caught up this morning and just want you to know that my son thinks you are a bad influence.
    Most of the weekend he got to hear Beth and I say things like, you know who likes French Fries, EEEENRIIII. This manipulated itself into, Come on Bengals, win this one for Chris HEEEENRIII.
    So then, as I was getting to the Sunday crossword in the Cincinnati Enquirer entitled, Just Do It, I noticed that 40 Down is: To have, to Henri.
    Another example of how June makes the world go round. (Anyone know French for, to have?)

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  13. As for today’s post, Beth never considers it a good House episode unless someone pukes up some blood. They hardly ever disappoint.

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  14. As for today’s post, Beth never considers it a good House episode unless someone pukes up some blood. They hardly ever disappoint.

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  15. As for today’s post, Beth never considers it a good House episode unless someone pukes up some blood. They hardly ever disappoint.

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  16. I seriously have the very best dad in the whole entire world. When I was a little kid and got sick (in the middle of the night of course), he would come into the bathroom and rub the sides of my torso (minds out of the gutter, people). I don’t know why that works, but it helps SO MUCH. Maybe its a physical distraction, maybe its the commraderie, who knows. Perhaps Onnn-reee would be willing to provide such a service due to the evacuation plan (hysterically dying over here!!)

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  17. There is a candy my grandma used to get at Christmas in Bay City called sea foam. It was like a soft malted milk ball-type center dipped in chocolate. Best. Candy. Ever. End of contest. THAT’S what I thought of when I saw that picture.
    For Junie: Hulkette still laughs about the time she was sleeping in my bed and had to puke, but wasn’t going to make it to the bathroom, so she puked in my hands.
    He shoots, He SCORES!!

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  18. I went to Cannon Beach, OR a couple months ago. Anyhow, they sell a candy called sea foam. That’s the first thing that popped into my head when I saw your picture. It was good stuff, the sea foam! I don’t know how to decribe it…but its was dipped in chocolate and I ate alot of it 😉

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  19. Juin, (see what I did there) I grew up in Kentucky where some people barely speak English.

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  20. Juin, (see what I did there) I grew up in Kentucky where some people barely speak English.

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  21. Juin, (see what I did there) I grew up in Kentucky where some people barely speak English.

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  22. Yeah Leah…sounds like the same stuff. Like a whipped, malted type of inside, chocolate outside. kind of cubed-shaped. AWESOME.

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  23. “But did you remove the vow “in sickness and in health” from your wedding ceremony, because in fact you will NOT be there in sickness?”
    I can’t stop laughing at this. I don’t know why. I guess I’m just picturing you running down the street, away from a puking Marvin.
    When I was a kid, if anyone threw up, it made me throw up. I was in the backyard and the dog hurled, and I went right inside and did it myself. After I had kids though…I guess you just get immune to it. My middle daughter (age 15) has the same repulsion toward it as you do though. She hasn’t thrown up since she was 7, and she’s very proud of that. She was spending the night at a friend’s house on New Year’s Eve, and one of her brilliant friends decided to get drunk and start puking. She called us at 1am to come get her. Not because her friend was drinking, but because she couldn’t handle the puking.

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  24. My husband has the same phobia you have, June. I am a cancer patient going through my third chemo protocol in five years and the poor man feels so guilty for not being able to stand behind me and hold my hair (oh, wait–that’s not a problem anymore, lol). Instead, he stands outside the bathroom and reaches in, having opened the door only JUST enough, and hands me warm, wet washcloths. This is an improvement, as it used to be that he would have to leave the area altogether, lol.
    By the way, I don’t know if I’ve ever commented on your blog, but yours is one of the first I read every morning. Thanks for all the giggles & guffaws.

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  25. I’m with you on the puking. I always tell everyone that that is the closest I am to death, when I am puking. I lay flat on my back and will the puke to stay in my stomach. My husband thinks I’m crazy, he always tells me to just puke, I’d feel alot better. But I don’t think so. Ok, I have to stop typing and thinking about it, I’m getting sweaty.

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  26. Loretta, I’m smiling as I picture your husband blindly waving the wash cloths at you! He sounds like a sweetie. Sorry for your ordeal.

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  27. Oh, Loretta. I am so sorry you are going through chemo. I am so not coming over to hold your head, though. One of my friends had a husband who went through chemo and she said every time he barfed she thought of me. Which is lovely, really, isnt it?

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  28. So glad that you found June’s blog, Loretta! I know it helps to laugh. I am the designated chemo driver for one of my friends who has breast cancer. I hope you’re puking less real soon.
    Okay. Quick story as I am apparently trying to avoid my life in favor of this blog: In school many many years ago, my fourth grade class all stood on the stage in the cafeteria for a Christmas assembly. One of the kids in the back row had stomach flu and ralphed on head of the kid in front of him. He barfed on the one in front of him and so on and so on until the entire class and half the audience was awash in holiday vomit.
    This is one of the many reasons I did not enjoy childhood. Gurgle.

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  29. So glad that you found June’s blog, Loretta! I know it helps to laugh. I am the designated chemo driver for one of my friends who has breast cancer. I hope you’re puking less real soon.
    Okay. Quick story as I am apparently trying to avoid my life in favor of this blog: In school many many years ago, my fourth grade class all stood on the stage in the cafeteria for a Christmas assembly. One of the kids in the back row had stomach flu and ralphed on head of the kid in front of him. He barfed on the one in front of him and so on and so on until the entire class and half the audience was awash in holiday vomit.
    This is one of the many reasons I did not enjoy childhood. Gurgle.

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  30. So glad that you found June’s blog, Loretta! I know it helps to laugh. I am the designated chemo driver for one of my friends who has breast cancer. I hope you’re puking less real soon.
    Okay. Quick story as I am apparently trying to avoid my life in favor of this blog: In school many many years ago, my fourth grade class all stood on the stage in the cafeteria for a Christmas assembly. One of the kids in the back row had stomach flu and ralphed on head of the kid in front of him. He barfed on the one in front of him and so on and so on until the entire class and half the audience was awash in holiday vomit.
    This is one of the many reasons I did not enjoy childhood. Gurgle.

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  31. I got over the whole barfing thing during pregnancy number one. I would rather just get it over with and even know the best foods to make it not the most horrible experience ever.

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  32. Two things? What in the world are you holding that picture? At first glance I thought you had a 5 ft. loaf of french bread. Is it a window blind? Did you have to bring your own blinds to the Sea Foam?
    How have you kept yourself from vomiting? You haven’t gotten a stomach virus since 1982??? I understand not drinking to the point that you are a puking mess but I can’t understand how you haven’t gotten a virus. (Knock Wood.) I threw up last year when I had strep throat and believe me, there was nothing I could do to prevent it.

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  33. Funny you should bring up puking. I had a stomach virus all weekend and threw my guts up from Thursday evening until Saturday afternoon. AND I am 6 weeks pregnant. I have never felt so bad!

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  34. MY BBP MUGS HAVE ARRIVED! They’re big and beautiful and freezing cold.

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  35. MY BBP MUGS HAVE ARRIVED! They’re big and beautiful and freezing cold.

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  36. MY BBP MUGS HAVE ARRIVED! They’re big and beautiful and freezing cold.

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  37. June, I just love your blog!! I save it until last so then I can read all the funny comments.
    I would also like to send Loretta good thoughts and prayers in her fight to beat cancer.
    Now a puking story. My uncle was subbing while he was trying to get a teaching job. He was on recess duty and he was talking to the principal. A first grade student walked up and puked on his shoes and then he in turn puked on top of the students head. All this in front of the man he was trying to get a job from. Needless to say he did not get the job.
    I laughed out loud at your evacuation plan. TOO FUNNY!!!

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  38. My ads are for Overstock.com…beauty products. Is big brother watching me??
    I remember that trip. Somehow you didn’t get burnt. What kind of sunscreen do you use?

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  39. Indeed she is humorless. I spoke to Lee a few minutes ago and she yelled at her son. She is watching my baby tomorrow so I asked her if I needed to worry about her SCREAMING at him tomorrow. Totally joking. As if she would really scream at the baby. And she told me that if I was worried about how she was going to treat him don’t bring him over. Sensitive? Perhaps.

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  40. Tiffaney, my Dad was also the heroic, get-up-in-the-middle-of-the-night-with-puking-kids sort. His special trick was to hold my head tightly in both his hands (front to back). It was amazing. I believe, like Hulk, he has even made his own hands available to one of my sisters when nothing else was. My husband, on the other hand, has a full-on evacuation plan for when I am sick, and we don’t even have kids yet. I am already planning to be the head-holder.

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  41. Can totally relate to the non puking record going on-June I might have you beat with the exception of one delivery in 1995 I have been vomit free since the late 70’s!!! Can’t see it, smell it or hear it, I will think about joining in. My poor husband has had to clean up after our children if they have been so silly as to throw up. My daughter once threw up so much, she burst the veins in her eyes! It was GROSS! Done talking about it now

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  42. “A Summer Without Nausea” would be a great book title. I would buy that book.

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  43. All of you who hate the barfing thing? You should never, ever, ever work aboard a commercial whale watching boat. I did that for nearly 20 years and even wrote a speech about the different types of barf we would regularly see. It was seriously a disgusting job for all the barfing.
    Whales were cool, but the people barfing were really not. Even on the calmest of days it would happen.
    Oy, I do NOT miss that!

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  44. I will do ANYTHING to avoid vomiting. I told a friend of mine when I was trying to loose weight that I could never be a super model because you know I couldn’t force myself to vomit all those glorious meals they get taken out to. Well that and the fact I’m 50 something and I’m only 5’2″ and totally built like a whiskey barrel but other than that I think the only thing holding me back is the vomiting, from the whole supermodel thing.

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  45. I barfed on the first day of first grade. Julie Spina would never play with me after that.
    I had a roommate who was bulimic, we called her Lisa vomit face.

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  46. I looked at that photo forever trying to figure out the Swedish Chef reference. Finally I saw the license plate and I have the exact same one on the front of my car!

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  47. 2 of my kids have been puking since I read this today. Before I read it they had no sign of illness. I will never make them eat spinach ravioli again.

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  48. I was using one of those little two-tiered grocery carts tonight, and when I bent over to put something on the lower tier, I noticed it was covered in frozen barf. I just stared at it in total disbelief. I was so tired (lazy) I actually spent time trying to discern whether it was truly vomit before I walked to the front to get a new cart.
    Frozen barf definitely better than thawed-out barf.

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  49. Another anti-puker here! One reason I didn’t become a teacher – puking students. I work in a school now, I usually know where the pukers did their deed and can avoid it until it is cleaned up.
    Haven’t puked since ’92. Lucky for me, I had a non-puking child. Even my current dog has gone about a year without puking inddors. I’m golden!

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  50. Let’s see: I am 24 years old and I haven’t puked in over 14 years. I have always hated it and been afraid of it, even as a very young child. I knew, even at that age, to not puke on the floor (or my mom’s hands, or someone’s shoes, or anywhere else kids seem to do that).
    I want to have kids someday, and I’ve already told my husband that he is on barf-duty. Cause I just don’t do that.

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  51. Thanks, June (I totally understand that you won’t be washcloth-holding for me, lol) and everyone else who commented to me. I am so excited–I feel like I’m famous or something, lol. Yes, SteveandBeth, laughter really is the best medicine; it gets me through each day. 🙂
    Have a good and puke-free day, y’all.

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