But that June keeps a-movin’, and that’s what tortures Lu

My new Bye Bye, Pie mug is here! Merry Christmas, you wonderful old Building & Loan!

My father has never seen It’s a Wonderful Life, and never gets my references. I do not understand his kind.

Byebye!
Don’t THINK CafePress gives these mugs to me free. I have to buy them like all y’all all. Okay, I really have to stop saying “all y’all all,” because it’s one of those things I say thinking I’m amuuuuusing, and then I’ll say it in a job interview or something.

I discovered my mug on the porch after I came home from my pressing lunch at the Mellow Mushroom, where I met with my book club, only to discover that not ONE of us had read the book this time. And by the way, the bruschetta at The Mellow Mushroom is delish. Get it.

But you know what? Our selection for next month is The Help, which is what we’re reading over here for OUR book club. Honestly. Will the surprises and suspense ever end on Bye Bye, Pie? (Click on Mince Words with June if you want to know about my book club.)

EverydaynoseeverydayAs you can see, me and my nose tore into my CafePress box as soon as I got in the door. I did not even remove my coat. And let’s discuss my gray roots, can we? Geez Louise, I just had my roots done the week before Christmas. Isn’t your hair supposed to slow its growth during the winter months?

The other thing I did today was my run, which NO, I did not do at 6 a.m., because are ya high? Are ya Whitney Houston, over there? Crack is whack. So is getting up to run at 6 a.m. in the dead of winter. So is making a Whitney Houston joke from 1999.

No, I decided to run in the afternoon, that bruschetta weighing heavy on my innards, and I said, hey! Why not take crone’s best friend, my faithful dog?

Once I finally got my coat off and my running ensemble on, I noted our efficient watchdog had not shown herself to me at all that afternoon. So I went in search…

Ganjadog …of old high-on Lu, over there. Who was baked? And feel free to just lounge on the inside of my robe. I don’t mind. No we DON’T have any chocolate-covered Doritos, geez.

ZzzwhaShe really didn’t seem enthused about the idea of our whip-fast run. In fact, she kept suggesting we watch Wizard of Oz with the sound down, while we also play Dark Side of the Moon.

But I just.said.no., and off we went.

And okay.

You know how you see people running with their dogs? And the dog runs right at their side, usually some simpering breed that actually MINDS, such as a yellow Lab or a golden Retriever?

Have I ever told you how much it bugs me when people say, “golden Lab”? THERE IS NO SUCH THING. It’s either a golden RETRIEVER or a yellow LAB. DANG.

Anyway. Noble man and beast, running as one, like the wind. It’s almost like poetry.

Yeah. Tallulah and me? Not so much. First of all, she would PULL, as hard as she could, to get to the next inch of grass. Because apparently that next inch is gonna be where the action is. She’s like a New Yorker or something. Always looking for the next new thing. And when she stopped doing that, she’d put on her brakes, because something needed a LOT more sniffing. It was not a blow and go, no, sir. It needed careful investigation.

At any rate, we ran through four songs on my iPod, which I was using to time us (I kept adding up the length of each song. Johnny Cash has really short songs), until my stupid iPod ran out of power. Why does everything run out of power after eight seconds?

So then I had to run and count minutes in my head and pull and catch up to the dog and basically it was a really good time. Remind me to take old Bong Hit Lula out with me next run.

Hatemomhair Here we are after. I punish the dog by sticking her in the eye with my hair. The Dog Whisperer recommends it.

There are two pictures of Mr. Horkheimer in the background of this photo.

Anyway. I am selling the dog and also my wares on CafePress, and for those of you who already got your shirts and such, email me a photo and I will expose you on my blog! You could even put on your new t-shirt and come sleep inside my robe! That makes for an excellent photo.

P.S. Just as I wrapped up this fine post, Faithful Reader Paula Hookers & Blow (see what you miss when you don’t check the comments?) sent in a photo of her caffeine-addicted cat, Simon, and his Bye Bye, Pie! mug.

Simon & BBPSimon hate. Coffee cup empty. Simon whine endlessly and look at you cross-eyed. Simon Siamese. If you pleeze.

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Author: June

At one point, I was sort of hot, in a "she's 27 and probably a 7" kind of a way. Now I'm old and have to develop a charming personality. Guess how that's going.

67 thoughts on “But that June keeps a-movin’, and that’s what tortures Lu”

  1. FIRST! FIRST! FIRST! I have always wanted to say that. Hopefully, someone doesn’t beat me to the punch by typing faster.
    Man, am I the only loser still watching American Idol at night and then going straight to bed because my life is as scintillating as Gladys’s? Everybody was talking on the comments last night while I was watching all the mentally unbalanced get shot down by Simon.
    I HATE running without my Ipod. It just gives me another ding-dang excuse not to run.
    Lee, I am praying for your little ones and all of Haiti. Have you heard anything more?

    Like

  2. Good morning June! I have a chocolate lab, and he is the worst puller/stopper/sniffer dog, walking him is a nightmare. I got one of those gentle lead collars and it has worked wonders for us.
    http://www.buygentleleader.com/View.aspx?page=dogs/products/behavior/gentleleader/description
    I did the dog whisperer thing, put his regular collar all the way up, did my calm and assertive walk and all that jazz…nothing, pull pull pull all the way around the lake.
    So the gentle leader was purchased and I now recommend it to everyone.
    Have a happy Wednesday!

    Like

  3. Why you mock my crossed eyes? Crossed eyes not even in picture, Simon look demurely away. Simon glad he not have harelip for you to point out to the world.
    (Stupid) Hoomin will probably now send picture of my crossed eyes. She mocks me too. Bitch.

    Like

  4. Why you mock my crossed eyes? Crossed eyes not even in picture, Simon look demurely away. Simon glad he not have harelip for you to point out to the world.
    (Stupid) Hoomin will probably now send picture of my crossed eyes. She mocks me too. Bitch.

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  5. Why you mock my crossed eyes? Crossed eyes not even in picture, Simon look demurely away. Simon glad he not have harelip for you to point out to the world.
    (Stupid) Hoomin will probably now send picture of my crossed eyes. She mocks me too. Bitch.

    Like

  6. Hark the Harelip Angels sing… Hi Simon.
    In reference to Whitney jokes… I all too frequently just shout “BOBBAY!!!” and “IT’S SUMMERSTIMES!!!” randomly, without provacation. Both Whitney quotes. Both crack me up.
    When is Lula going to change her name to Spicoli?

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  7. Thank you Dawn in Austin! I am also a background nazi. Oh, I tried to crop, you have no idea. (Hi printer!) But since I took the picture with my phone, no dice. Note that Simon has AGAIN removed the holdback from the curtain so he can see out the window. Also there is a wild and dying plant trying to get into the shot. And those are Simon’s toys under his perch. He needs to neaten them up. Oh, I need Photoshop!!

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  8. Thank you Dawn in Austin! I am also a background nazi. Oh, I tried to crop, you have no idea. (Hi printer!) But since I took the picture with my phone, no dice. Note that Simon has AGAIN removed the holdback from the curtain so he can see out the window. Also there is a wild and dying plant trying to get into the shot. And those are Simon’s toys under his perch. He needs to neaten them up. Oh, I need Photoshop!!

    Like

  9. Thank you Dawn in Austin! I am also a background nazi. Oh, I tried to crop, you have no idea. (Hi printer!) But since I took the picture with my phone, no dice. Note that Simon has AGAIN removed the holdback from the curtain so he can see out the window. Also there is a wild and dying plant trying to get into the shot. And those are Simon’s toys under his perch. He needs to neaten them up. Oh, I need Photoshop!!

    Like

  10. Thank you Dawn in Austin! I am also a background nazi. Oh, I tried to crop, you have no idea. (Hi printer!) But since I took the picture with my phone, no dice. Note that Simon has AGAIN removed the holdback from the curtain so he can see out the window. Also there is a wild and dying plant trying to get into the shot. And those are Simon’s toys under his perch. He needs to neaten them up. Oh, I need Photoshop!!

    Like

  11. Thank you Dawn in Austin! I am also a background nazi. Oh, I tried to crop, you have no idea. (Hi printer!) But since I took the picture with my phone, no dice. Note that Simon has AGAIN removed the holdback from the curtain so he can see out the window. Also there is a wild and dying plant trying to get into the shot. And those are Simon’s toys under his perch. He needs to neaten them up. Oh, I need Photoshop!!

    Like

  12. Thank you Dawn in Austin! I am also a background nazi. Oh, I tried to crop, you have no idea. (Hi printer!) But since I took the picture with my phone, no dice. Note that Simon has AGAIN removed the holdback from the curtain so he can see out the window. Also there is a wild and dying plant trying to get into the shot. And those are Simon’s toys under his perch. He needs to neaten them up. Oh, I need Photoshop!!

    Like

  13. I give you many, many points for running regardless of the time.
    I too have never seen It’s A Wonderful Life in its entirety. I’ve also never made it all the way through The Wizard of Oz and I’d rather have Lee come and cut my eyes out before I’ll watch Charlie & The Chocolate Factory. But, you will find me glued to the tv every. single. time. Dodgeball comes on. Oompa Loompas indeed.

    Like

  14. Hulk (Who runs after basketball practice but hates it and would rather keel over and die out of his big green Laz-E-Boy like the hypnotist in 'Office Space' than while running...) says:

    I never understood running as an exercise. You never see anyone running and looking like they are having fun. They always have this pained look on their face like they are running through a razor-blade meadow.
    And then all these runners who are in terrific shape always drop dead of a heart attack while they are running.

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  15. Lula is so cute! And just look at Paula H&B’s little offspring, what a very proper young gentleman he appears to be! Most impressive.
    My BBP stuff? Who knows. Is this stuff coming UPS or USPS?
    June, We used to live in Minnesota and I would take our idiot poorly-behaved dogs walking around a lake every day. Since there are 10,00 of them to choose from it was easy to do. I was always amazed at how well-behaved and trained every. single. other. dog we came across was except for my idiots who always acted like they had just been broken out after serving 20 years of a life without parole sentence. Probably for being ill-mannered idiots.
    I don’t live in Minn. anymore but I do still walk the dogs.

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  16. Hulk, I will confess to a lot of things, one of which is that I love to run with my dog. This is what happens to a person who does something five or six days a week for 30 years: either he learns to love it, or he considers it a slog through the razor blade meadow and quits after doing it for some period of time that can never end soon enough.
    As my friend the 72 year old track star says, “Enjoy life. Every year is a victory lap.” I couldn’t have said it better.
    Or hate it and lie in the La-Z-Boy and drink a beer. Hey, that sounds pretty good. We should have that during free period at school.
    And Lee, please keep us posted about the girls. You have our prayers and our rapt attention. We may fool around a good deal but we care a lot.

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  17. Lee: Forgot to mention that I will keep your girls in my thoughts and prayers. So sad to see such devastation happen to the poorest country in the world.
    June, why don’t you try one of those DIY root kits? It could be a MJDI.

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  18. Hulk (Who runs after basketball practice but hates it and would rather keel over and die out of his big green Laz-E-Boy like the hypnotist in 'Office Space' than while running...) says:

    Oh, I don’t knock anyone for running, just saying I don’t get it. Hell, run a mile for me…
    I say jog to your heart’s content…until it explodes, that is.

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  19. I wish I could run…I’m not really a “big” gal, but every time I run, I feel every single jiggle and wiggle and feel as though I weigh at least 500 pounds. I mean really. I see people sprinting around, looking light and springy as a feather, and I feel like I am made of lead. Jiggly lead. So props to anyone who can do this. I’ll stick with my dated MTV Grind Hip Hop Aerobics and free weights in my living room, where the only people who laugh at me are the kids.

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  20. Oh, yes… nice color and drapes Paula. It appears to wear well, given all the hookers and blow that it has hosted.
    I am in the process of organizing/cleaning/painting/redecorating. Would you come help?

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  21. June darling, I’m absolutely DYING over here over Lu’s afternoon bakefest. DYING!! Thank you for bringing up that “Golden Lab” business. Nothing irks me more than people making up breeds when they don’t know what they’re talking about. However, being a volunteer at Guide Dogs for the Blind, I can say that we do cross a golden retriever and yellow lab (just once), so yes, a Golden Lab does technically exist. But only under these specific and intentional circumstances. Most of the time, though, people just don’t know what they’re talking about and it makes me bananas. BANANAS, I tell all ya’ll all!!

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  22. I’m happy to hear that “baked Lu” is very much like my brood in the running companion department. I have never owned a good running dog. Our dearly departed Great Dane, Myrtle, used to dog whisper kick me during our infrequent runs together. She was quite the ninja about the whole thing…very impressive.
    BBP swag photo coming soon…I’ve always wanted to be exposed!

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  23. I know I am late in the game about a couple of things, but here goes… I am super excited about ordering my BBP mug today and can’t wait to pour a nice hot cup of coffee into that big ol’ vat!! Also, too, Jan…I am praying for your girls. I lived in Haiti as a teacher in 2004, helped out in the orphanages as well, and am contemplating going down there to do some relief work (although now I have two babies, so there’s a little more planning to go into that). I cannot get in touch with any of my friends down there, or with the director of the school, which was just down the road from the now-completely-demolished presidential palace. I cannot imagine that the school is still standing if the palace collapsed. That country can’t catch a break…so sad.

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  24. June may I suggest you call Ceasar Milan ze Dog Whispererer. He can work wonders. Our friends had a Jack Russel, a Pit Bull and a mutt that they just couldn’t get the walk down. Guess what Ceasar said? “It is not the dog it is you, now give me your Jack Russel and I will teach you the walk.” He taught them the walk and you can now see Jack on Ceasar’s show regularly. No really he took the Jack Russel because they were bad Jack Russel owners. 🙂

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  25. Do you know there are chocolate-covered potato chips? I saw them at figis.com. Milk AND dark chocolate.
    You are a beast for even going running in the bitter Carolina winter.

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  26. Hulk…you make me laugh as much as June ~ “running through a razor blade meadow”…brilliant!
    Our sweet Penny’s mom was a Golden Retriever who had a fine time whoring it up with a coyote clan. Then, bibbidi bobbidi boo…Penny was born.

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  27. CRYING over here….from laughter! Thanks June! Needed it this morning.
    COVER YOUR EYES SISSY JAN: BIRTHDAY GIFT SPOILER AHEAD:
    Like she isn’t gonna look.
    I cannot WAIT to get pictures of Sissy Jan and I with our matching T’s and coffee mugs to send to you. Yes, I will be getting Sissy Jan as much June Wear as I can afford for her birthday. Oh happy day.
    Thank you to everyone praying for our girls and for all the people of Haiti. The last we’ve been able to hear is that the Orphanage sustained some damage and one of the outer walls surround it collapsed, posing a safety issue. The director of the O has guns and also has armed guards. The kids all slept outside last night because it was unsure if their builing was safe to be in and there were still significant aftershocks. We know 130+ kids are safe and being cared for. My heart is breaking for the kids who live on teh street (literally THOUSANDS) who have NO ONE to care for them. If you want to help and are unsure what to do, here is the website to the Orphanage we are adopting from and you can rest assure any donation is 100% used for teh care of the children. The directors live right there with them and are the most wonderful people you could ever know. I feel no need to cut them. 😉 http://www.hishomeforchildren.com We have grown to love Haiti…its people, culture…and its very surreal to see the places we’ve been flattened. It is going to be a long haul. Before this happened, I booked a flight to Haiti to see my girls the first part of February. I don’t know what will happen now.
    You guys are the best!

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  28. Simon is like my cat, Blackie. She’s not necessarily addicted to caffeine. More like she’s addicted to anything I am currently trying to put into my mouth without inhaling her dander.
    Golden Lab? I agree. There are too many dog breeds, people don’t need MORE confusing breeds made by mixing the breed names. It looks like a poodle. It sounds like a poodle. It is NOT a Cockapoo, it is a MINIATURE POODLE (Yes, poodle sizes also annoy me).

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  29. Lee-prayers for your girls! I say you get them girls over here and have Jan babysit on Wednesdays AND Thursdays!

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  30. Back from a long day out and guess what? My BBP stuff is here!!
    Now June, if you were to explain it to me (and Denzel Washington) like I was a 3rd grader, how would I go about sending you a photo of my fabulous mug and t-shirt?
    Lee- I would love to do something to help out the orphanage for you and the girls. Please feel free to email me if you know of something specific.
    Off to make tea in my new Every Day Mug!

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  31. Hulk-Gross me out the door! Stop taunting me with that awful C word.
    Lee-God Bless You and your girls. You have my prayers. How heartbreaking. I will donate to your orphanage right away.
    And since I’ll have my credit card out, I’m getting myself some mugs and t’s. I don’t want to be the only one without a picture.
    And Erin, chocolate covered potato chips are just about one of the best things in the world. Our local candy shop makes them and Dear God, they are crack.

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  32. Prayers and love to Lee & her girls, and all Haitians.
    Guide Dogs ROCKS. I have SO much respect for those puppy raisers. They get the pup at 14 weeks old (can you say C.U.T.E), do all the heavy lifting of potty training, obedience training, etc., and then when the dog is 14 months old, they have to give it back. Heart wrenching. The do have first right of adoption if the dog doesn’t make it into the program, or at other times in the dogs life (i.e., retirement at 8 yrs old). I wish you guys were here in CA, I’d personally give you a campus tour. I’m so proud of our organization. You should totally be a puppy-raiser, June, now that you’re home during the day and can devote time to a pup. DoItDoItDoItDoIt….

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