Three topics. All briefly touched on. Because you know June is nothing if not brief.

There are three pressing topics I wish to cover today, and if I were remotely disciplined I’d cover one today and then have blog topics for Tuesday and Wednesday. But have you met me? Disciplined. Oh, that’s a hoot.

Also, you know by tomorrow I will be on some other idea and will forget, because I tend to be a little scattered. Not Drew-Barrymore-at-the-Golden-Globes scattered, but still. 

Perhaps I should giggle at myself nervously every other sentence throughout this (he he!) post. (HEE!)

Or perhaps that’s annoying and once Drew watches herself on TIVO she will be as mortified as the rest of us. (giggle!) [hold mouth open really wide] (giggle!)

Who got on my nerves at the Golden Globes? Can you hazard a guess?

Okay. So first. Other than my obsession with becoming a drag queen, I am similarly obsessed with acquiring this particular animal, although I never will really do so, because it is one of those designer animals and I do not really cotton to that sort of thing. But oh! I wish I did cotton to this sort of a thing.

Piggylipton Have you heard about these teacup pigs? Some farmer in England bred them, and again DO NOT COTTON to this kind of thing, but LOOK HOW CUTE! Oh, I wish I could have me a teacup pig. They grow to the size of a spaniel, are hypoallergenic, and can be litter trained.

I have named my imaginary designer pet Piggy Lipton, but Marvin wants to name it Constant Gruntment or Camosqueal. And right there is reason enough why we do not deserve these UNBELIEVABLY CUTE teacup pigs.

You know, if some rich reader out there were to send me a teacup pig, what could I do but keep it? That’s all I’m saying.

Weee weee weee-ing all the way to our next topic, which involves the very not-designer Henry, does anyone else think he has stopped growing? I know you do not live here, and if you did could you empty the dishwasher? But here is photographic evidence of our Hen, and tell me if you think he didn’t stop growing months ago:

Henryisnew APRIL. Let’s discuss how much I miss Topamax.

Maywlu MAY. Okay, he has grown. And the pajamas are Nick and Nora.

Juneinwindow JUNE. Henry lords over the Lazy Susan. “Henry say get to work, Susan!”

AugusttwistycatAUGUST. I jumped to when he kind of gets a cat face and not a kitten face. Also, he begins to defy gravity at this point.

September SEPTEMBER. Pretty dramatic growth in September. Probably because September is Barry Gibb’s birthday month, which means important things must happen.

OctoberkittyhatesmomOCTOBER. A) Henry wish mom would eff off. B) Henry little bigger but not much.

Novemberfeastcat

NOVEMBER. Hi, Henry look the same as October.

DecembercenterfoldDECEMBER. It Christmas. Henry too busy to grow.

JANUARY

TODAY. Henry have a dream. Henry dream he ever grow past October.

Is it just me? Is he stuck in teen mode forever? By the way, two seconds later, Henry got his nongrowing arse kicked by Winston, which anyone who has cats can probably tell is about to happen based on the flicky tails and Henry’s “please beat me” ears.

Winstonrules
Because Winston actually grew into an adult, the results of this match were obvious.

Should I inject Henry with a growth hormone? Because I just happen to have one lying around. Which explains why I no longer look like I did in April. Oh, April. Oh, Topamax. Oh, food, which has become not only interesting again, but the most fascinating person of 2010.

And look! I managed to get us to topic number three without droning on for 150 hours.

Faithful readers have been sending in photos of themselves with their new Bye Bye, Pie cups! I heart everyone. You know. Other than Drew Barrymore.

Lauranhermug

Faithful Reader Laura not only likes RENT, apparently, but also her large-ass BBP mug.

DawnwcupDawn in Austin does not understand why her mug hasn’t protected her from the elements.

And finally, Faithful Reader and this week’s commentor of the week Paula H&B took her mug out for an adventure.

Ride to work mug
She drove it…

Interview mug
…to an interview. She wasn’t gonna just let it sit in the cupboard, not earning its keep. No sir.

You, too, can purchase Bye Bye, Pie stuff and make it work for you! Or work it. Either way.

38 thoughts on “Three topics. All briefly touched on. Because you know June is nothing if not brief.

  1. oh, my, if I type this fast enough I’ll be first! :p
    You do NOT want one of those designer pigs. Yes it is cute now…but have you seen an adult! It is a HOG! A fat, rolls of fat, HOG.
    That is all.

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  2. I think Henri’ is DEFINITELY bigger and more mature-looking between Oct. and Nov. He is sooo turning into a cat now. Good thing Winston is there to keep him in check or his ego might be inflating hourly. : )
    And now that you have shown me the teacup piglets with the cutest pigtails, I want one too!! So cute, I just want to hold and snuggle and nuzzle their cute little selves and put them in my pocket. I wonder if breeding pigs down to teacup size makes them as neurotic as teacup dogs tend to be?
    Oh, and I scoped out a few of the pig breeders’ websites and they want $800 – $1000 for each hoglet. That is a LOT of moola for a small amount of pork.
    I have to send you a photo of my BBP swag in action. Damn, I should have taken it to the hockey game yesterday. That would have been a good photo-op.
    Have a great day in Bye Bye Pie-land all you commenters! I am heading out and about today.

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  3. I love that you mentioned that I like RENT but not that I like Angeline Jolie. That’s who’s on all those magnets there, in case you couldn’t see them well enough. I know how much you just *love* her. 😀
    Thanks for posting my mug and my mug on your lovely blog! I’m clearly not a fan. Not at all.

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  4. I wonder if the cats wouldn’t fight as much if they weren’t so aggravated by having pictures taken every 15 seconds.
    And props to me, because the picture of the cat in your lap? How many dirty jokes popped into my head IMMEDIATELY?? The cleanest being about kitty porn (in the spirit of the weekend’s festivities that I was unable to partake in-stupid cable company)? And I didn’t post any of them??Yeah.

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  5. Oh my GOOD Lord a-living! I must have one of those piglets. I love regular piglets, but a teacup piglet? Oy. MUST HAVE!
    Some day I would seriously like to have a few pigs and some chickens to lay eggs. Does that work with our spinster lifestyle after our husbands kick off, Junie? You could procure as many kitties as you like, too!

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  6. I think we need to talk about pet psychics. I’m considering calling one…for my cat, not for me. Unless it would help. That Sonya lady on Animal Planet seems to work wonders on the human kind too. Maybe it’s just the accent that does us in though. You can tell me anything with an accent and I’ll believe you.

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  7. I love how Winston’s tail serves as a modesty patch for Henry; isn’t he thoughtful (*snicker*). Drew Barrymore? It’s time to grow past your arrested development adolescence because its not cute or charming anymore. Mo’nique? As much as I love you, this isn’t the Oscars. Thanks for teacup-hogging all the air time and twisting everyone’s panties for the rest of the show. Mine are still in a bunch, but I’m sure I hide it well.

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  8. Henry most definitely has hit a stopping place.
    OK I have a most important question for you, June!!
    I am 37, and I hate my job. HATE. I work in an office and do accounting-y things. My dream job since high school has been to be an editor at a magazine. Since there aren’t any of those here, I feel pretty sure if I want to do any sort of editing, it will be of the book persuasion, which I am fine with. BUT MY QUESTION, and yes I have one, is what is the best route to get there? Is a degree absolutely necessary? (I am guessing it is). And if so, what kind?? English? Do I have to take all those literature classes that I detest? Because really, all I want to do is find the errors in the grammar and spelling. I don’t want to analyze The Odyssey or Shakespeare. Nuh uh. What do you think? I’ve only completed about two semesters worth of college but I’m all for going back if you think that’s what I need to do. I’m all ears, June!! Oh, and sorry for sticking this in your comments section but you don’t know me on Facebook so I cannot ask there. And TY in advance!!!

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  9. Dear Fawn: I talk about proofreading as a career–which is not the same as editing as a career–in detail at some point in this blog. Look under the proofreading category. And yes, you will need a degree in journalism or English!

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  10. Two things. One. Go ahead and post it already, Hulk. You know we can read your mind like a cheap trashy novel. And it can’t be any worse than what I’m already thinking…
    Two. I get to tell my pig story! You know I have one.
    Terra and I went to my friend Allison’s Halloween party many years ago. It was hot in the party, so we stepped into the backyard for some fresh air. I heard a low bark and wondered when she got a dog. I called it over and it was a giant ass pig weighing several hundred pounds! She was was a sweet giant ass pig. Allison said that she was given the pig as a gift. It was supposed to be a baby pot bellied pig, raised with some puppies the lady’s dog had. (ie: the barking in lieu of oinking) It turned out to be some sort of real pork variety pig and was getting bigger by the day. She gave Ginger her own room on the second floor with a water bed. This lasted for about four or five years. Everybody was happy until the day that Ginger’s girth became so large that she became lodged on the staircase. Three hours and two bags of Double Stuff Oreos later, Allison decided that Ginger had to move to the country. A safe place that would not make her bacon.
    A new friend came over to help her move the water bed to Ginger’s new place.
    “Your roommate stayed in here?” he asked. “Yes, Ginger stayed in here.”she nodded.
    “Wow, she must have been a real pig.”
    And scene…

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  11. Two things. One. Go ahead and post it already, Hulk. You know we can read your mind like a cheap trashy novel. And it can’t be any worse than what I’m already thinking…
    Two. I get to tell my pig story! You know I have one.
    Terra and I went to my friend Allison’s Halloween party many years ago. It was hot in the party, so we stepped into the backyard for some fresh air. I heard a low bark and wondered when she got a dog. I called it over and it was a giant ass pig weighing several hundred pounds! She was was a sweet giant ass pig. Allison said that she was given the pig as a gift. It was supposed to be a baby pot bellied pig, raised with some puppies the lady’s dog had. (ie: the barking in lieu of oinking) It turned out to be some sort of real pork variety pig and was getting bigger by the day. She gave Ginger her own room on the second floor with a water bed. This lasted for about four or five years. Everybody was happy until the day that Ginger’s girth became so large that she became lodged on the staircase. Three hours and two bags of Double Stuff Oreos later, Allison decided that Ginger had to move to the country. A safe place that would not make her bacon.
    A new friend came over to help her move the water bed to Ginger’s new place.
    “Your roommate stayed in here?” he asked. “Yes, Ginger stayed in here.”she nodded.
    “Wow, she must have been a real pig.”
    And scene…

    Like

  12. Two things. One. Go ahead and post it already, Hulk. You know we can read your mind like a cheap trashy novel. And it can’t be any worse than what I’m already thinking…
    Two. I get to tell my pig story! You know I have one.
    Terra and I went to my friend Allison’s Halloween party many years ago. It was hot in the party, so we stepped into the backyard for some fresh air. I heard a low bark and wondered when she got a dog. I called it over and it was a giant ass pig weighing several hundred pounds! She was was a sweet giant ass pig. Allison said that she was given the pig as a gift. It was supposed to be a baby pot bellied pig, raised with some puppies the lady’s dog had. (ie: the barking in lieu of oinking) It turned out to be some sort of real pork variety pig and was getting bigger by the day. She gave Ginger her own room on the second floor with a water bed. This lasted for about four or five years. Everybody was happy until the day that Ginger’s girth became so large that she became lodged on the staircase. Three hours and two bags of Double Stuff Oreos later, Allison decided that Ginger had to move to the country. A safe place that would not make her bacon.
    A new friend came over to help her move the water bed to Ginger’s new place.
    “Your roommate stayed in here?” he asked. “Yes, Ginger stayed in here.”she nodded.
    “Wow, she must have been a real pig.”
    And scene…

    Like

  13. Love it, Furry!
    I really want a teacup pig. How cute! I would carry around all day in my purse, like the Midwestern version of Paris Hilton, minus the money and insipid stupidity.
    I think that Henry has stopped growing but is looking more mature. He growing into his big boy kitty face.
    Laura and Dawn in Austin! You are both adorable. Paula H&B, nice mug shots… when are you going to photograph the mug on the back of a hooker, next to a pile of blow? I will send in a photo… my sister says not to order a mug because she is getting me one for my birthday. If she doesn’t, I will order one the very next day.
    Hulk… thank goodness you are back. I was afraid you may have been caught in the drag queen gang wars (I vividly remember a picture of you on this blog with your drag queen wig upon your head…) With all that was going on and you weren’t chiming in AND you live in the most violent city in the USA, I was sure you got a stiletto cap in the ass.

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  14. Hulk stop being such a pussy. See, it doesn’t hurt, pussy, pussy, pussy, Onrie, Fran, Winston. June and her three pussies. Yee haw!

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  15. Well, I was gonna say little pink flower pot in the backround which I barely noticed due to the huge RACK…but DANG, Cosmo.
    BTW, DY. ING. over here right now…

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  16. That picture of Winston and Ohnree looks almost obscene. It’s a good thing we know that they are both boys and that cats don’t do missionary, otherwise you’d be turned in to the blog police for kitty porn. Maybe they’re Mennonite cats? I can just see one of H&B’s captions on that picture.
    I think Hen is looking older in the face, but all that fetching is keeping him lean and mean.

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  17. I just can’t…too many images of pulling pork, hey nice hog, the derision that Marvin will take… and he’s a vegeterinian (Armenian doesn’t eat meat). Hey, June, and your little piggy. It’s a teacup pig…how about a nice glass of swine. Oink, I just hurt myself, I heart myself too.

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  18. Not want to pig out on this topic but you just have to remember the Hogg family of Texas. Govenor James Hogg had three daughters, Ima, Urah, and Bea. There is a plantation style mansion house near Houston and Galveston.

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  19. What a pretty, pretty, pussy…and Hen looks great too! He does seem to have stalled, but is absolutely gorgeous. He is like a lanky high schooler who’s gonna put on the freshmen 15 in college.

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  20. Wow, what would the famous Arnold, the pig, star of Green Acres think of this. I’m sure that Lisa Douglas was an Episcapalianiana of the Hungarian descent, she wore a tirahrahrah. The Ziffel family of Hooterville (hooters, cracking myself up, I’m not a boob) were quite respectful. We (that’s me and all of the other voices that are speaking in my head)under any sort of pretense would not think ever of upsetting your family members and frankly, any of your members.

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  21. Wow. You really do miss a lot when you don’t read the comments. I’m a little concerned for Cosmo’s Dad’s sanity.

    Like

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