Romper

I sat here for three solid hours last night, as opposed to liquid hours, adding categories to all of my posts. I still haven't finished; I think I have February through May of 2009 to get done.

And here's what I have to say after skimming, if not downright reading, almost all of my posts. OMG, I am so ANNOYING! How do any of you even like me? Ugh!

Anyway, if you are a masochist and still here, thanks.

The part where I had time to sit here for three gaseous hours and add categories to my posts may tell you that hey! I still have no work to do. Have been sending my resume just everywhere. So sick of writing about what a stellar copy editor I am. If I were so stellar, wouldn't I be inundated with work? Hmmm?

Everyone please think jobby thoughts for me. And if you are looking for work, too, post a comment here so we can all think jobby thoughts for you, as well.

Even more important, could everyone also send some good thoughts out to my Uncle Jim, whose cancer has returned? Stupid effing horrid cancer. Hate you, stupid cancer. Hate. He had his first chemo yesterday. I mean, his first chemo this time around. It really did the trick last time, so let's hope it gets rid of it this time, too. And FOR GOOD. If I met cancer I would slap its mamma. That's how much I hate it.

As opposed to all those people who just adore it.

The good news is I get to run today. And yes, oddly I am already back at that point, where I think of it as I "get" to run. Yes, I still feel like I'm gonna die or barf or die barfing when I run, but oh, I feel glorious when it's over.

When I was busy going through all my old annoying posts last night, I read the part where I was training for that half marathon last year. Did anyone notice I was like a hummingbird, with the energy and vim and oomph and such? I made my lunches for the ENTIRE WEEK and I also ironed that week's clothes and set them all out. Does anyone remember that Rain-Man-okay-calm-down -sister moment?

Of course, that might have been the period where I was way into the meth. I can't be sure.

Oh! And by the way, my running instructor told me she really didn't think I should run with the dog anymore. Because of the part where she pulls and lags and then pulls. The dog, not the running instructor. Liz, the running instructor, the one with the perfect body who probably did not have waffles for breakfast like yours truly over here, said I need to get into my flow. So far it's less of a flow and more of a jolt/stop/jolt/fall over.

I will go now, so I can put on my flattering running clothes and delight the neighborhood with my flow. I leave you with my dream last night: I had a dream that Marvin, his sister, and I all went to a restaurant where you had the option of dressing like a drag queen during dinner. They had tons of wigs and shoes and clothes. Marvin's sister stampeded for the dressing room, which I really don't see her doing in real life, and when I woke up I was eyeing a gold lame romper and am really angry I didn't get to see myself in it.

Someone has been bitten by the drag queen bug. I got the sweetest hangover. I don't want to get over.

Okay, bye.

48 Comments

  1. My thoughts and prayers for all y’all all.. my mom’s been fighting colon cancer on and off four times since 1998. Ooh, you’ll like this one.. her online support group/news and info listserv thing, they are self-referentially the “semi colons”… humor keeps up the morale.
    I’m flying tomorrow (arms tired, etc.) so I’ll gather up all the positive thinking here and let it go while I’m up there… closer to the big guy and all.
    Oh, and also, I have to disrupt the somber tone of the comments just to say that “three gaseous hours”.. I’m not going to even bother cause it’s almost midnight and I need to get to bed, but oh man, do you kill me.. 🙂

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  2. F*@& CANCER. F*@& CANCER. F*@& CANCER.
    Took my dad. I hate it and fight against it by volunteering with the American Cancer Society. Tell Uncle Jim I’m an Ambassador and went to Washington D.C. with Relay for Life several years ago for folks just like him….tell him we will kick cancer’s ass together. Those of us with strong bodies will do the walkin’ and the talkin’…he just needs to do the livin’.

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  3. Every morning when I make my coffee I think about how you gave up coffee when Uncle Jim had to. Here’s hoping he kicks cancer’s ass again, no caffeine withdrawals necessary.

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  4. If cancer had a sense of humor, you and Uncle Jim could kick it’s rear for sure! As one who has lost all of my family of origin to cancer of one kind or another, I’d love to give it a big kick myself. Prayers for Uncle Jim!

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  5. Thank you, ME. Even tho he has got the cancer again, he is still funny. Said all kinds of inappropriate things when I talked to him. Appropriate people make me nervous.

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  6. Hey June, there’s a super popular over night radio show on the AM dial that takes prayer requests on Friday nights. I’ll send one along for Uncle Jim…

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  7. Arse kicking, good wishing, prayer sending thoughts for Uncle Jim.
    Jobby thoughts for June? Whichever job Junie wants, I hope she receives.
    BTW,you have much better drag shows in your neck of the woods. My son recently went to a show in Cleveland where the audience was packed in a room like sardines in a can. Well they weren’t in oil. I’m sure that’s on another night. Ba-dum-dum

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  8. If only you could get a nickel every time you spotted the phrase “loose weight” this time of year. Or any time of year. But, alas, no such check will be arriving in your Ooooonri box. So I’m sending out a jobby vibe for you and for all.
    Maybe a big, juicy science textbook to complement your vast knowledge of the stages of matter.

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  9. If only you could get a nickel every time you spotted the phrase “loose weight” this time of year. Or any time of year. But, alas, no such check will be arriving in your Ooooonri box. So I’m sending out a jobby vibe for you and for all.
    Maybe a big, juicy science textbook to complement your vast knowledge of the stages of matter.

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  10. If only you could get a nickel every time you spotted the phrase “loose weight” this time of year. Or any time of year. But, alas, no such check will be arriving in your Ooooonri box. So I’m sending out a jobby vibe for you and for all.
    Maybe a big, juicy science textbook to complement your vast knowledge of the stages of matter.

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  11. Prayers and good wishes for Uncle Jim? Check.
    Jobby thoughts for June? Check.
    Gay Porn Santa, Mennonite Porn and Drag Queen Bingo? PRICELESS.

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  12. Laura who is not witty: but you are BRAVE! You sent a picture of yourself with your new mug; I don’t know if I’m that brave…
    Prayers to Uncle Jim, and lucrative employment happy thought balloons in the air for you, June. And I meant to mention yesterday that I love your Nick & Nora pjs. Here’s to many happy days proofreading in them.
    IO just figured out that when I click on one of your new labels like the one that says Uncle Jim, it brings up all the posts about him. Good work.

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  13. Prayers for Uncle Jim.
    P.S. You are so not annoying. You are hilarious and witty and I hate you.

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  14. Prayers for Uncle Jim and Sue, too.
    Ahem, Excuse me, Father? Cover your eyes…
    F*** CANCER! It’s stupid and mean and ugly and F***ed up. Hate it, too.

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  15. Paula, how do you do it? Crack me up every time! And Furry how cute you are back at your birth weight ;^)
    And prayers for Uncle Jim, not fair and sucks big time.

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  16. Sending good thoughts to your Uncle Jim. Kick its ass, Uncle Jim.
    I am holding a retirement ceremony for my old (and I do mean old – 10 years old!)mug since my new BBP mug arrived today. Bye Bye, Pyramid mug was hilarious June! Flow on.

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  17. You should try running with one of the cats. Bet you could yank/jerk one of those suckers right into your flow.
    Here’s some work for you: could you edit/proofread this comment somebody put on my FB status?
    “Auh, I bet your a good choach.”
    Yeah.

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  18. First of all, let me join the swelling throng of those who are sending good wishes to Uncle Jim; he should indeed be surrounded by white light, as should all of those out there who are afflicted by this nasty disease.
    And secondly, let me apologize to Cosmo’s Dad, who I left out of the Bye Bye Pie boys club yesterday. My short term memory is as fleeting as the lightness of Furry’s being these days.
    And third, a modest proposal. Since we are all so gosh-darn witty, why don’t we cash in on our wittiness with some sort of anthology of our greatest hits? I’m just sayin’ that there has to be a market for liberating nonsense such as ours.
    And wrapping it up, what is your priest’s take on your meth period?

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  19. I’m so sorry to hear that your Uncle’s cancer is back. Sending lots of prayers his way.
    And June, you are not annoying at all. As a matter of fact I really like you b/c you have a lot more going for you than other people. You’re smart, NOT ugly, nice hands and a nice house. And let’s face it, that expensive stereo and pretty class ring pretty much seals the deal. 🙂

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  20. Furry, you only weigh 10 pounds? Losing these last 10 pounds would explain the running yourself into the ground comment I have always wondered about.
    My prayers to Uncle Jim for another recovery.
    On the lighter side (even lighter than Furry), Beth wants to take our picture with our mugs today. What to wear, what to wear…..
    Definitely not drag. I don’t even like shaving my face, much less all the male/need to look like female parts.

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  21. Good luck Uncle Jim, all my best to you. Last year my husband and father in law were both diagnosed with cancer.I spit on yur grave, stupid cancer.
    You know what’s weird? I dreamed you and Marvin owned a carpet store.? Maybe I smoked a funny cigarette last night and ate too many doritos or something.

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  22. My best to your Unca Jim. I don’t think Sue should take the blame for this one. This is all that carpy cancer’s fault.
    I HATE it when I don’t get to finish the good part of a dream. I usually blame the cat for that. Her and her stupid need to tease my hair so I look like the chick from Dilbert every morning.
    And yes, you are annoying, June. I, who swore I would never run again after I left the high school track team unless a monkey wielding a machete was chasing me because I ordered the wrong wine for dinner, am running again. It’s your constant bragging/whining about your lightning fast speed that made me do it. I blame you.
    You are sooooo annoying.

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  23. My best to your Unca Jim. I don’t think Sue should take the blame for this one. This is all that carpy cancer’s fault.
    I HATE it when I don’t get to finish the good part of a dream. I usually blame the cat for that. Her and her stupid need to tease my hair so I look like the chick from Dilbert every morning.
    And yes, you are annoying, June. I, who swore I would never run again after I left the high school track team unless a monkey wielding a machete was chasing me because I ordered the wrong wine for dinner, am running again. It’s your constant bragging/whining about your lightning fast speed that made me do it. I blame you.
    You are sooooo annoying.

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  24. My best to your Unca Jim. I don’t think Sue should take the blame for this one. This is all that carpy cancer’s fault.
    I HATE it when I don’t get to finish the good part of a dream. I usually blame the cat for that. Her and her stupid need to tease my hair so I look like the chick from Dilbert every morning.
    And yes, you are annoying, June. I, who swore I would never run again after I left the high school track team unless a monkey wielding a machete was chasing me because I ordered the wrong wine for dinner, am running again. It’s your constant bragging/whining about your lightning fast speed that made me do it. I blame you.
    You are sooooo annoying.

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  25. Good thoughts going out for Uncle Jim & our mutual friend. I am in total agreement with your statement: “If I met cancer I would slap its mamma. That’s how much I hate it.”
    After you slap its mama, I will kick its grandma in the spleen…that’s how much I hate it!
    K.M.A.C. ~ Kiss My A$$ Cancer
    it should be a bumper sticker
    Good luck with your flow!

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