As you may or may not know, and I hate it when I say that because effectively that phrase means absolutely nothing, I have had no work to do since January 5, when I dropped my last statistics book off in the

FEDEX

box.

This, to put it mildly, has disturbed me. I kept picturing us all on the street, wearing barrels. And really, why would a cat need to wear a barrel? But there they were. In my mind.

Barrelcat

And I know what y0u're thinking. You're thinking, June. With your talent at the Paint program, how could you be without work for even one day? Because that barrel doesn't at all look like a football with a hole in it. Or anything.

So I was gettin' a tad antsy about the no-work thing, and was totally ready to sell my body to the night. Roxanne. Except for the part where who is out there getting their debit card ready for a chubby 44-year-old?

But the good news is, this morning I got a call and tomorrow I have an interview for a part-time job, and oh! how I wish I could tell you what it is, because you would say, June. Other than creating photos using Paint, this job is redunkulously perfect for you. And it's a funny kind of a job, too, and I hate this part where I have to kind of be anonymous.

Crap.

So then I was all running around the house trying to fashion together something to wear to said interview–

and oh, let's talk.

I own one suit, because I had an interview somewhere fancy once in 2002 and I ended up getting that job and working there a day and three hours but let's not talk about that because Marvin STILL hates me for that one. But anyway, I put on said suit today and oh, my. The pants.

The pants. They splooted and sploomed across my hiptual area, and I realize I have just completely ceased making sense, but oh, dear God. They were so tight.

I looked like Tom Jones. Seriously. It's not unusual to be interviewing someone's ovaries. I mean, hello. They were not looking roomy, is what I'm saying.

What's new Pussycat, indeed.

Ooohh, woah, woah.

Anyway, I cobbled together an interview ensemble which will be fine as long as I can convince my new boss that it's 1999, and in the meantime I got an email from the publishing company, and they are sending me a new book to proofread. Tomorrow.

Then I got another email from another person saying, "I'm sending you some work."

So okay. I guess I'm good now, workwise.

I'll let you know if I bowl them over tomorrow. In my fashionable ensemble. At least if I get this job, I will be too busy to keep eating all the time, and maybe I'll fit back into those interview pants. Which will be useless because I will have already gotten the job.

I hope I can convince them I'm a lady. Oh-oh-oh, I'm a lady. 

60 thoughts on “What a difference a day makes

  1. Drag queen fluffer?
    Bedazzling tiny pink dog sweaters?
    Proofreading bathroom graffiti? (My all time fav–“Jesus is saving souls and redeeming them for valuable prizes.”)
    Because we all know your affection for all things scatological.

    Like

  2. Okay major fail for me with the 7:57 photos. I got some 5:36 ones. Plus, also too, I’m a FABULOUS photographer. Ha.

    Like

  3. Okay major fail for me with the 7:57 photos. I got some 5:36 ones. Plus, also too, I’m a FABULOUS photographer. Ha.

    Like

  4. Okay major fail for me with the 7:57 photos. I got some 5:36 ones. Plus, also too, I’m a FABULOUS photographer. Ha.

    Like

  5. d-lou tgif says:

    Miss Junie will definitely be working the camera at doggie day care or something to do with animals. Best of luck to you JuneGardens…the animals could be so lucky!

    Like

  6. Jules says:

    It’s obvious from the pictures that June has been called to be an artist. Someone high up has discovered her mad skills in paint.
    Good luck, June! I hope it goes well for you.

    Like

  7. Paula H&B says:

    Sonic carhop?

    Like

  8. Paula H&B says:

    Sonic carhop?

    Like

  9. Paula H&B says:

    Sonic carhop?

    Like

  10. chacha says:

    Good luck on the interview! I think my husband may be ending up looking for part-time, too, work when his unemployment runs out. Stupid crappy economy.

    Like

  11. annieology says:

    You get me every time. Or just to bug you everytime. Well, it’s not a Grammy or an Emmy or even a SAG but I gave you an award, but it was purely for selfish reasons.

    Like

  12. June Gardens says:

    Jan, I canot begin to tell you how glad I am you finally put on a brassiere.

    Like

  13. Paula H&B says:

    Pet psychic?

    Like

  14. Paula H&B says:

    Pet psychic?

    Like

  15. Paula H&B says:

    Pet psychic?

    Like

  16. Jan~finally reigned the girls in. says:

    Marvin’s teacher aide.

    Like

  17. arlene, joining in on the "guess June's job interview" game says:

    My guess is that she is going to artificially inseminate chickens in the new job. That could be fun. Or not.
    Or you could be applying to be the official wine tester at the local brewery/distillery/whatever-makes-wine place. Go June!

    Like

  18. Kelly says:

    I will be so jealous if you get a job naming paint colors. Because that would be an awesome job along with coming up with street names. 2 jobs I would totally excel at. And yes, I ended that sentence with a preposition because I’m a rebel that way.

    Like

  19. Duffy-laura-Lou says:

    *snarf* Pants so tight you could tell what religion he was. Paula H&B you slay me. My Mom always told me it was a sock. Of course that was because my sisters were 12 and 14 years older than me. I could hear them talking about his packaging so my Mom broke in to give my virgin ears her version of the story.
    Furry, I wanna come part with you!

    Like

  20. Doodles says:

    June, you make me laugh out loud every day in my everyday pants. Good luck on the interview…I think it’s either a newspaper or radio gig.

    Like

  21. Terraplane says:

    I’m guessing photographing babies at Wal Mart.

    Like

  22. Paula H&B says:

    Ring card girl at the local fights?

    Like

  23. Paula H&B says:

    Ring card girl at the local fights?

    Like

  24. Paula H&B says:

    Ring card girl at the local fights?

    Like

  25. I just hate it when I pull something out of the closet after several years and it doesn’t fit right. I blame the cleaners. You should definitely blame Sue.
    On first glance I thought Winston was wearing a sweater that made him look a bit rotund. Blame Sue.
    My first thought after reading you now have two new proofreading gigs is that maybe you aren’t meant to have the other job? Maybe the universe wants you to continue focusing on your freelancing?
    I wish you great luck with the interview. Do share with us how it goes!

    Like

  26. I just hate it when I pull something out of the closet after several years and it doesn’t fit right. I blame the cleaners. You should definitely blame Sue.
    On first glance I thought Winston was wearing a sweater that made him look a bit rotund. Blame Sue.
    My first thought after reading you now have two new proofreading gigs is that maybe you aren’t meant to have the other job? Maybe the universe wants you to continue focusing on your freelancing?
    I wish you great luck with the interview. Do share with us how it goes!

    Like

  27. I just hate it when I pull something out of the closet after several years and it doesn’t fit right. I blame the cleaners. You should definitely blame Sue.
    On first glance I thought Winston was wearing a sweater that made him look a bit rotund. Blame Sue.
    My first thought after reading you now have two new proofreading gigs is that maybe you aren’t meant to have the other job? Maybe the universe wants you to continue focusing on your freelancing?
    I wish you great luck with the interview. Do share with us how it goes!

    Like

  28. June Gardens says:

    What parts have to be Chicago? All of it? Or just the bibliography?

    Like

  29. Linda in CO, 3 chapters into The Help and already wanting to b*slap half the women in the book says:

    I’m guessing she had so much fun in Tinytown that she’s applying to bne a church secretary again at a closer church.
    And thanks to June, It’s Not Unusual is now spinning madly around my brain. It happens every day. No matter what they say…

    Like

  30. What goes up, must come down, spinnin’ wheel got to go ’round…
    Don’t leave us hanging on your ovary pants. Why not just wear the barrel? Maybe you could get the sympathy hire.
    Poor Junie. I think you really need to have a steady job if long spaces of time in which you can while your time aimlessly away, trying on evening shoes while vacuuming makes you anxious. Me? I just pour a glass of wine, tart up one of the dogs and enjoy the show.
    But I’ve been doing this freelance gig a long time.

    Like

  31. What goes up, must come down, spinnin’ wheel got to go ’round…
    Don’t leave us hanging on your ovary pants. Why not just wear the barrel? Maybe you could get the sympathy hire.
    Poor Junie. I think you really need to have a steady job if long spaces of time in which you can while your time aimlessly away, trying on evening shoes while vacuuming makes you anxious. Me? I just pour a glass of wine, tart up one of the dogs and enjoy the show.
    But I’ve been doing this freelance gig a long time.

    Like

  32. What goes up, must come down, spinnin’ wheel got to go ’round…
    Don’t leave us hanging on your ovary pants. Why not just wear the barrel? Maybe you could get the sympathy hire.
    Poor Junie. I think you really need to have a steady job if long spaces of time in which you can while your time aimlessly away, trying on evening shoes while vacuuming makes you anxious. Me? I just pour a glass of wine, tart up one of the dogs and enjoy the show.
    But I’ve been doing this freelance gig a long time.

    Like

  33. O Mom says:

    remember not to say all y’all.

    Like

  34. Paula H&B says:

    OMG, Tom Jones. His pants were so tight you could tell what religion he was.
    I’m going to guess your new job is … testing and editing recipes! Oh, I crack myself up.
    GOOD LUCK on the interview! Report back!

    Like

  35. Paula H&B says:

    OMG, Tom Jones. His pants were so tight you could tell what religion he was.
    I’m going to guess your new job is … testing and editing recipes! Oh, I crack myself up.
    GOOD LUCK on the interview! Report back!

    Like

  36. Paula H&B says:

    OMG, Tom Jones. His pants were so tight you could tell what religion he was.
    I’m going to guess your new job is … testing and editing recipes! Oh, I crack myself up.
    GOOD LUCK on the interview! Report back!

    Like

  37. Jan~still bra free. Going on 10 am Chicago time. says:

    I get you, June. I do think that all bosses, higher ups, whatever, should get a humor and understand that people, you know, talk about their jobs but that doesn’t mean they don’t value their jobs. But I get you. Don’t worry… I won’t let it slip that you are going to be Dooce’s personal assistant. Oh. Oops.

    Like

  38. Jan~still bra free. Going on 10 am Chicago time. says:

    I get you, June. I do think that all bosses, higher ups, whatever, should get a humor and understand that people, you know, talk about their jobs but that doesn’t mean they don’t value their jobs. But I get you. Don’t worry… I won’t let it slip that you are going to be Dooce’s personal assistant. Oh. Oops.

    Like

  39. Jan~still bra free. Going on 10 am Chicago time. says:

    I get you, June. I do think that all bosses, higher ups, whatever, should get a humor and understand that people, you know, talk about their jobs but that doesn’t mean they don’t value their jobs. But I get you. Don’t worry… I won’t let it slip that you are going to be Dooce’s personal assistant. Oh. Oops.

    Like

  40. Tiffaney says:

    “What’s new Pussycat, indeed.” June, you slay me. Give ’em hell today.

    Like

  41. Shannon says:

    But did you do the Tom Jones DANCE? Otherwise, it was all for naught.

    Like

  42. CarpoolQueen says:

    Mr. CPQ enjoys pretending to be Tom Jones. I don’t think he realizes that it does NOTHING for my ovaries.

    Like

  43. Carrie says:

    And also too? Love the barrel picture, I think for your next Christmas card the entire family should be in barrels! And please post a picture of the ovary interviewing pants because that is hilarious 🙂

    Like

  44. Good luck on your interview, June. I would hate to see Winston spending the winter in a barrel.
    I posted on my blog what was going on at 7:57 at my house last night.
    Not nearly as exciting as Hulk getting propositioned, but a fun night, nonetheless.

    Like

  45. Carrie says:

    So, June, I have a question about the proofreading. No, it’s not “do you think I’d make a good one because I like to read” though I know you love that question. When you are proofing something, say in APA format, and it needs to be in Chicago, do you change it to Chicago? Because I’m trying to get this article published, I’m a doctoral student that writes in APA even in her emails. But this journal wants it in Chicago. I do not know Chicago. I do not have time to learn Chicago because I’m currently taking Statistics and that is taking up all my brain space for learning new things at the moment. Does a proofreader do that? If so, we must talk!

    Like

  46. June Gardens says:

    Hulk, I had the same thought re the Hooters takeout. You and I are bad people.

    Like

  47. June Gardens says:

    Okay, we are back to the part where everyone forgets I am a REAL PERSON and not just, you know, clown shoes. Again, does anyone remember Dooce?

    Like

  48. Hulk (Who is looking for a woman who will buy HIS cockamamy stories when HE gets home late...) says:

    Joann~
    Actually, I just think it is funny that you really believe the hubby goes “shooting”, then just “stops” by Hooters to gets some wings for the fam…
    But whatev… 🙂

    Like

  49. Juice says:

    All the best on the interview. Could we at least get a HINT?

    Like

  50. Oh, please June, after your interview which I’m sure you’ll totally rock, post Hulk’s photos for us!
    Hulkster, I HAD to give a shout-out to one of my favorite, bravest blog commenting men. It’s an estrogen world you get yourself involved in with us blog queens. Thursday nights are open Hulk, if you can find a way to the deep South and brave the boy with the guns. And NOT use either of the 2 C words. You know of what I speak. And yeah, Hooters, how much more stereotypical southern can my household get! But, we do love our wings!
    Keeping good thoughts coming your way, June. And I have a feeling, the big job is Barry Gibb’s song-writing proofreader! Am I right?

    Like

  51. June Gardens says:

    No, Jan. I do not think I can talk about where I work on my blog, because have you met Dooce? She was not Dooce when she got fired. I mean, she didnt have a huge audience.

    Like

  52. Jan~livin' bra free since last night at about 1:10am says:

    Good luck, June! Once you land the job will you be able to share?

    Like

  53. Hulk (Unblogged, but not forgotten...) says:

    Hulkette and I went to our local minor league hockey team’s game last night. I sent Junie a few photos, including our life at 7:57. I’ll leave it up to her to decide what to do with them, since I don’t have a blog.
    I do, however, apparently have an offer on the table, eh Joanna?

    Like

  54. Nothing like some cheesy Tom Jones songs to get your morning started right, I always say. Congrats on the work, but now I am just so curious about this mysterious anonymous job. I’m thinking street hooker. Either that, or CIA agent.
    In other news, I completely forgot about the 7:57pm project, so now I will actually have to come up with an idea of my OWN for a post today. Crap.

    Like

  55. Hulk (Always looking for a deal...) says:

    Joanna~
    That was good. One question-what do you charge for the rest of the week?

    Like

  56. I heart you so much June! You make me laugh every morning. I read all the time but never comment because, really who can compete with all the funny on here? Anyway just had to let you know.Good luck on the interview.

    Like

  57. Duffy-laura-Lou says:

    I love you yes I do. Knock them dead tomorrow June! I guess if they throw their bra and panties at you that will be the sign your interview was over the top. Then again that could be down right creepy. Well conjure up your inner Tom Jones and put a sock in it. You’ve got that interview in the bag.

    Like

  58. lauren says:

    yeah, june! i will ‘say a little prayer for youuuuooouuu!’
    and why is overstock dot com stalking me? cuz they totally got the things up there i was looking at yesterday. stalker weirdos.
    love me some tom jones.

    Like

  59. Good Luck on your interview, June. I hope your pants look slim and trim.
    Just a little announcement to let you know, some of us posted our evening at 7:57 yesterday in your comments, last night. Most of us were late into the night, getting them up, so if anyone wants to check them out, it looks like everyone did what they were told and posted it to their blogs.
    Mine has a shout-out to Hulk in it. Just in case, Hulkster, you want to take a peek.

    Like

  60. from across the pond says:

    Good luck with the interview.

    Like

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