There she is…

Yup. It snowed.

LulahappyLula happy. Third of Lula from Tibet, you know. Mt. Everest in Tibet. Also, third of Lula Beagle. Beagle from England where it snow, too. Lula wish mom had not spent $150 on DNA test for Lu and would just let Lu enjoy snow. Stop analyzing Lu, mom.

And no, girl. I have no idea what that little house is in our back yard. It was there when we got here. Is it supposed to be some sort of dog house? Because the dog summarily ignores it. Is it a planting shed? Because you can't even change your mind in there, it's so small. No idea what that thing is for. Will tear it down someday. When I redo the whole back yard. The back yard overwhelms me. So much I wish to do to it. No idea where to start.

Stevieinsnow
Let's go to the front yard, where apparently Stevie Nicks is hanging out. Perhaps she thought by "snow" we meant "cocaine."

Do you know for years I thought it was Just like a one-wing dove, sings a song...

Which, really, why do you need to say WHITE-wing dove? Aren't all doves white? Isn't that redundant?

So yeah. Anyway. We had us some weather. We are snowed in. Because unlike Michigan, where the roads would be completely clear and dry and our cars rusted to an inch of their lives, the streets here look exactly like the yards, see above for a reference. And it sleeted and froze overnight, so now it's crunchy and icy, too. Yay!

Fortunately for me, Miss America was on last night, and Marvin watched it with me, as he can be a perfect bitchy queen friend when he needs to be, and I want you to know I picked Miss Virginia from MINUTE ONE, and I love it when I do that and also when I have run-on sentences. I was a little disturbed by her yellow evening gown, but hey, she won anyway and did I mention I picked her from minute one and her answer about childhood obesity was excellent and so are my run-on sentences? And how sick of Mario was I? Wasn't that the host's name? Mario? With his "Miss Hav-eye-eee"-saying self? Miss Hav-eye-eee. Cut it out.

And by the way. How hard is it to do a hula? I mean, can anyone here do one for real? Because I will take it back if you really know how to do it and it is hard as hell. But it looks like all you have to do is sway around and swoop your arms. Really, the hardest part for me would be to have that tropical flower behind my ear like that and not go into anaphylactic shock. Because I am sensitive to the smells, as you know.

I have watched the Miss America pageant every year of my life, because I am deep and meaningful, and since 1981 I have tried to get my Official Gay Friend David to watch it with me. Every year since 1981 my Official Gay Friend David (who went to high school with me and who lived in LA when I did, too) NEVER ONCE watched it with me, because, in his words, he was "not gay that way." Which, hi. Then what is the POINT of being his friend? Isn't your Official Gay Friend supposed to redecorate everything and do your hair and be dramatic and all the other stereotypes? My Official Gay Friend rides his bike 600 miles like it's fun and runs a sub-five-minute mile.

Am racking brain to remember why we are friends.

Anyway, Marvin was fun to watch it with, and made dog-howling sounds when the contestants sang opera. Which, why do they try to sing opera? Good Lord a-livin'. It absolutely always makes me think of Sesame Street, where the orange is singing opera and somehow rolling across the counter, getting eyelashes and lips and things. Does anyone else remember that or am I berserk?

Okay I must go. Because despite the part where we cannot leave our house, I still have 9 million pages to proofread. And my floors aren't going to Shark themselves. {tiny thrill that I get to Shark my floors} {okay, who are we kidding? Huge thrill that I get to Shark my floors}

My one-wing dove and Miss Hav-eye-eee and I will catch you later.

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Author: June

At one point, I was sort of hot, in a "she's 27 and probably a 7" kind of a way. Now I'm old and have to develop a charming personality. Guess how that's going.

46 thoughts on “There she is…”

  1. Miss Ohio never wins that thing. I think it is fixed.

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  2. Ditto the southland’s frozen here in Dixie. Bubba can’t drive on ice or snow to save his doggone soul, but he’ll be damned if he doesn’t take his dually on the road. He’ll scrupulously avoid the nice clear lane and hie his fat butt onto the lovely, crunchy one. What fools these mortals be!
    And dang, a sub five minute mile? That is a huge wow.

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  3. I don’t think the hula is difficult in theory, but the actual movements have to be precise, otherwise you anger the lava and pineapple gods and then the islands topple back into the ocean and your neighbors hate you and you bring shame to your family going all the way back to that crazy queen. Apparently I can bring the run-on as well.
    Also, LOVE sharking my floors.

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  4. You crack me up.
    Want to go buy a shark. I might do so in the next week. My birthday is in a few weeks, maybe I will ask for a shark for a present.
    I remember the orange. But I really wanted to tell you I NEVER WATCHED THE SHOW, I ONLY READ THE BOOKS!!! 😉

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  5. girlfriend has got a butt on her, doesn’t she? (referring to miss america of course. not talu or the orange ot stevie nicks)… not that i’m one to talk, bit i am pregnant

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  6. You are not alone with that one-wing dove thing. Even though I have known for a few years that it is white wing I still sing it one wing because the mental image is better. I picture the dove all bandaged up like that little three piece colonial marching band, limping along and singing ooh, ooh, ooooooohhh…

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  7. We have homeowners insurance with a company called White Pidgeon. My husband asked once, “Isn’t that just a dove, then?” Indeed.

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  8. You are berserk. And I haven’t watched the Miss America pageant since Bob Barker left. Don’t call me old – I’ve only got a couple of years on you.
    Even I knew it was “white-wing dove.” Which is amazing, as for years I thought Credence Clearwater Revival was singing, “The-e-ere’s a bathroom on the right!”
    That should be “bad moon on the rise,” for the similarly clueless…

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  9. If it weren’t for opera music what would the old school cartoons have done? “Kill the rabbit, Kill the RABBIT!” and the ever-popular
    “Oh Brunhilde, you’re soooo wuve-wee!!”,
    and then:
    “Be vewwwy quiet, I’m hunting wabbbits”.
    That was my childhood education on opera music. I am still clueless. However, I did understand white-winged dove as sung by Miss Stevie Nicks.
    June, I think the large BBP mug might just be the perfect size for a nice hot buttered rum or hot buttered Irish Whiskey or any ole hot buttered toddy. Give it a try!

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  10. If it weren’t for opera music what would the old school cartoons have done? “Kill the rabbit, Kill the RABBIT!” and the ever-popular
    “Oh Brunhilde, you’re soooo wuve-wee!!”,
    and then:
    “Be vewwwy quiet, I’m hunting wabbbits”.
    That was my childhood education on opera music. I am still clueless. However, I did understand white-winged dove as sung by Miss Stevie Nicks.
    June, I think the large BBP mug might just be the perfect size for a nice hot buttered rum or hot buttered Irish Whiskey or any ole hot buttered toddy. Give it a try!

    Like

  11. If it weren’t for opera music what would the old school cartoons have done? “Kill the rabbit, Kill the RABBIT!” and the ever-popular
    “Oh Brunhilde, you’re soooo wuve-wee!!”,
    and then:
    “Be vewwwy quiet, I’m hunting wabbbits”.
    That was my childhood education on opera music. I am still clueless. However, I did understand white-winged dove as sung by Miss Stevie Nicks.
    June, I think the large BBP mug might just be the perfect size for a nice hot buttered rum or hot buttered Irish Whiskey or any ole hot buttered toddy. Give it a try!

    Like

  12. Are all the businesses closed in GSO? We get three, THREE snow flakes and every thing closes. The schools in North Georgia were closed on Friday, fortunately we missed it in the Atlanta area.

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  13. I could not get over Miss Can-tucky’s huge mouth! Admired Miss Hav-eye-eee’s core body strength. I think she did take out another contestants eye with that flower thing!

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  14. My 15-year-old daughter is obsessed with all the kids’ pageant reality shows like “Toddlers and Tiaras” and “Little Miss Perfect” which are crazy hysterical to watch with some of these insane pageant parents. She has decided lately that she wants to do a pageant, which is the absolute antithesis of everything I stand for. I tell her every time I refuse her pleading requests that I will not allow her to become a part of a world where you are judged on your appearance. That doesn’t stop me from watching every last minute of these awful synchronized-dancing beauty pageants, though! She and I were watching last night and I was just tearing these girls and the whole beauty pageant thing up one side and down the other. She finally stomped out of the room and said she couldn’t watch it with me since I was so full of “evil criticism” and didn’t understand. This evil girl found the yellow gown painful on my eyes, but she sure was pretty, that Miss Virginia.
    I HATE Mario Lopez. He is cheese on a stick. He married some young starlet a few years back and cheated on her on their HONEYMOON! He’s vile.
    The MSN site just did a whole spiel on misunderstood lyrics. It was hysterical. I have a half-written post about songs lyrics I’ve botched. I always thought Elton John was singing, “She’s got electric boobs. I’m so confused” in Benny and the Jets. And forget Dido, I totally screw up her lyrics because she slurs her words so badly. Kind of like I do, after my Bye Bye Pie “coffee”.

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  15. Ok June, when I saw your Steve Nicks in the snow picture my first thought was that it was a nun with a rifle in her outstretched hand. Don’t ask me why. I don’t know.
    I watched Miss A, too. Every year I hope against hope that there will be a baton twirler who gets to perform her talent because I love me some baton twirling and every year, I’m disappointed.
    As for Miss Hav-eye-yee doing a hula, us Haoles just assume she’s actually telling a story by waving her arms oh-so gracefully and swaying from side to side. But I’m not buying it. She’s so scamming us.
    And once again, there’s a contestant who can’t really give a straight answer to the interview question. Yeah, I’m talking to YOU, Miss Louisiana!

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  16. Was Miss Louisiana the one who actually got asked a real question (should America be sending money to Haiti when we are supposedly broke?) and all she did was talk about herself and how she raised lyrical dollars?

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  17. Wait. It’s not “one-winged dove”? Shit.
    Off to go re-listen to all my Stevie Nicks songs to see what else I misheard.
    Also, to cackle maniacally when she bleats like a goat in “Rhiaaaaaaaaanon”.

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  18. Mr. CPQ and I watch the pageants every year as well. We’re slightly competitive about picking the winners and make each other write down our top 10 so there’s no dispute and/or changing of the mind later on in the show.
    He beats me every time.

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  19. Personally I love to sing the wrong lyrics to songs even if I do know the actual words. It bugs my kids. I find enjoyment in that – after all it is the little things in life…

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  20. I watched Miss A last night while talking to my 17 year-old daughter on Facebook. She is in NC right now, where she is getting snow and we in Denver are not. Anyway. After the answering questions portion, we both picked Miss Virginia. My daughter said she seemed more real than the other girls, not so robot-faced.
    And contestants? Answer the question. I swear, half of them did not answer the question that was posed to them, but went running off on some tangent that may have at the beginning had slightly to do with the question but ended up being somewhere near Siberia. “Do athletes, such as Tiger Woods, have the responsibility to be role models?”
    Miss Whoever: “Well, I think they do and if I were in that position, I would blah blah blah blah blah.” Well, that’s great honey…but that wasn’t the question.
    All I thought about Miss Hav-eye_ee (and God yes, that was annoying), is that at the beginning of her dance when she was going all around…she is very flexible with very strong stomach muscles.
    And PS: I think they played a recording of Bert Parks singing, “There She Is.” And I am embarrassed that I even know who Bert Parks is, because honestly, I am not that old.

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  21. Yes, Shelley! That girl and her twirling, I need to add that move to my workout. It was quite admirable.
    I know who Bert Parks is, too. I also didn’t have to google Barry Gibb since I’ve been listening to the Bee Gees before the days of Saturday NIght Fever and I’m not that old, either. Old enough to have worn shoulder pads and attempted Farrah hair…but I was like 5 then, so yeah, not too old.

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  22. That contestant was particularly irritating. And she said the same thing 40 times. No, they should not be banned for life, but I would never never never take performance-enhancing drugs because KIDS LOOK UP TO ME and furthermore, they should not be banned for life.

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  23. Speaking as someone who has done the hula since I was a young girl, it is hard. You work muscles you never even knew you had. You also do tell a story and every story/hula is different. Being from Hawaii I am quite proud of our culture and all the wonderful things I grew up with.
    That being said, I did watch Miss America because nothing else was on and my husband and I sat there pointing out everything that was over the top. You can imagine we pretty much talked through the whole show. I’ll take hula over jazz dancing any day of the week.

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  24. Well, now, see how educational it is to have Kelly here? I really never knew you said it Hav-eye-ee, and I did not know hulas were hard. So I take it back about hulas being easy, as I said I would. It looked easy when Alice was doing it on Brady Bunch, but she may have been doing a less-than authentic version.

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  25. You are a stitch! I thought Stevie Nicks was singing about “flying doves” for years. I do remember the singing orange on Sesame Street–my kids didn’t seem to like Sesame Street and I can’t understand that. It was fascinating and it was the ONLY hour long tv program my mom would let us watch. Have fun in the snow!

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