Family · June's stupid life

The terrible art from my childhood

This morning Henry was restless. He kept pace-pace-pacing from room to room. "You certainly are pacing this morning, Henry," I told him. "You are Trova at Pace, Columbus." Now, usually Marvin ignores me. We have been married a long time. And you guys know me. Often I make no sense. But today he came right… Continue reading The terrible art from my childhood

June's stupid life · Marvin

At least if this house goes down, they’ll have plenty of black boxes to figure out why

Somebody asked to see a photo of Henry in the comments yesterday, not that someone wanted me to literally wedge a photo of Henry inside the comments. Really, all you have to do is look at any picture of him from October to the present, because he still REFUSES TO GROW. He must have some… Continue reading At least if this house goes down, they’ll have plenty of black boxes to figure out why

I am berserk · June's stupid life

Fifty flavors of cilantro fest

Girl, I got no time to gab. I have to make that lasagna for tonight. I know that takes, you know, 40 minutes, but still. And the publishing company for whom I work said, "Everything you're doing! Toss it aside! We are FEDEX ing you a new package! Prioritize that! Even over your lasagna!" So… Continue reading Fifty flavors of cilantro fest

Books · Food and Drink · June's stupid life

June succumbs

Crap. Guess who I got together with yesterday? Was it that same friend who FORCED me to read the first Twilight book? I blame her. Otherwise I could continue to scoff at the rest of you. I already got to the sex pillow-biting part in book four. Hate me. Hate me so bad. In other… Continue reading June succumbs

I am berserk · June's stupid life

Topamax. Making June’s blog absolutely unreadable since 2010.

It is snow snow snowing outside, and I know Marvin is pa-ISSSED that it chose to do so now, as opposed to early this morning, because the whole South throws a hissy when it snows and shuts everything down and he totally wouldn't have had school had so much as one flake fallen from the… Continue reading Topamax. Making June’s blog absolutely unreadable since 2010.

Health · June's stupid life

Head Games

You know I hate to complain, (!!!!!) (!!!!!!!) but I've had so many migraines this year it is unbelievable. I have gone back on Topamax, I have given up wine, I have taken that giant ax out of my head, and still, more migraines than ever.I do not know what is causing them, obviously, because… Continue reading Head Games

I am berserk · June's stupid life

Only dog

When Tallulah and I were checking out at the vet the other day, this little girl was walking past. She was a cute thing, springy black curls, and may I just add she had an enormous dog of her own. But when she walked past Talu, who was minding her own business sniffing the food… Continue reading Only dog

I am berserk · June's stupid life

In which we think about Ceasar’s nethers way too much

A few weeks ago, a friend called and said she was five minutes away and could she drop in. "Sure!" I said, and then proceeded to cram everything just everywhere, in attempts to make it look like I am not the total Sanford & Son slob that I am. Well let me tell you what.… Continue reading In which we think about Ceasar’s nethers way too much

Books · June's stupid life · Proofreading/Copy editing

Roll me away

Who even knew redunkulous Twilight could garner 11 million comments?And hey, thanks for that suggestion that I go to the LIBRARY to get book four, because it honestly hadn't occurred to me. Does anyone remember why I started blogging? Wasn't it because I went a year without spending? You can see how that stuck with… Continue reading Roll me away

Books · June's stupid life

June admits her shameful truth

About three things I was absolutely positive: First, I was never going to read those stupid books about vampires. Second, 2006 called, wants its phenomenon back. And third, if they don't do it by the fourth book, I am unconditionally and irrevocably going to kill myself. Okay. Let's get one thing out of the way.… Continue reading June admits her shameful truth

June's stupid life · My pets · Proofreading/Copy editing

Laura Ingalls and Raising Arizona in the same post

Once there was a pancake breakfast at Laura Ingalls Wilder's church, and Laura offered to do the dishes, because clearly she was an idiot, and also because she was friends with Ida Brown, who was the reverend's daughter. She and Ida kept washing dishes and washing dishes and washing dishes, and every time they turned… Continue reading Laura Ingalls and Raising Arizona in the same post

Friends · June's stupid life

Hulk rounds the bases

I have some work to do today. The makers of Shrinky-Dinks called. Want me on all their packaging. See. First of all I need to get over it. But I'm too short to get over it. And second, that was only funny if you read yesterday's post. And perhaps not even funny if you did.… Continue reading Hulk rounds the bases

Health · June's stupid life

Follow the yellow brick road

I went to the doctor today. For my regular -- you know. ...Hello, in there! ...Riiiicolaaaa! Checkup. And I have shrunk an inch and I have arthritis. How bad do you want me right now? Because, sexy? An INCH. I shrank an INCH. When did I become the woman in the Momma comic strip? My… Continue reading Follow the yellow brick road

Food and Drink · Friends · June's stupid life

George Glass

Who hearts himself on Valentine's Day? You can imagine how much I enjoy it when people mispronounce it "Valentimes," so Marvin is always sure to write that in my card each year. Have I mentioned how easy I am to irk? Also too, one of my old boyfriends taught him how if you just hover… Continue reading George Glass

Food and Drink · June's stupid life

June ponders including a recipe

Tonight my friend Marty Martin and his cute girlfriend Kaye, who I am starting to like better than Marty Martin because she reads this blog, are coming over for dinner. Not that we are going to eat them, as we are not cannibals. But maybe to be funny we should put one of those giant… Continue reading June ponders including a recipe

Family · Friends · June's stupid life

Where June is about as amusing as whoever writes those Bazooka Joe comics

I've got no funny in me today. I am sorry. I just can't get up my funny bone. So to speak. Several people around me have had just crappy crappy and also carpy things happen to them lately and ugh. And no, I will not tell you what those things are, because again, I remind… Continue reading Where June is about as amusing as whoever writes those Bazooka Joe comics

Hair · I am berserk · June's stupid life · My pets

In which June will soon be banned from Harris Teeter

I know I have told you that it's been wintry here; I know I've told you 700 times, which once again means I am stampeding toward becoming my grandparents, as they were obsessed with noting the weather, a thing that always bothered me. They lived in MICHIGAN, a place where weather is always happening, so… Continue reading In which June will soon be banned from Harris Teeter

June's stupid life · Weblogs

I hate computers

My hatred of trying to make buttons is exceeded only by my hatred of Typepad, which is exceeded only by my HATRED OF $#@%%&&*#$  $$#&$&#$@@&# Feedburner. If anyone really knows how to get stupid stupid stupid Feedburner to work, please email me and with your phone number and then I will call you. And do… Continue reading I hate computers

Friends · June's stupid life · Los Angeles · Money

Things I’d have done differently in this life, by June Gardens

Regrets, I have a few. I am not one of those people who say, "I wish I would have worked less and had more fun." That's for effing sure. Can't look back on high school and say that. Or college, all seven years of it. Or during my "career." Nope. Oh, but my second-biggest regret… Continue reading Things I’d have done differently in this life, by June Gardens

I am berserk · June's stupid life

The one where June is impractical

You know I have nothing to say about the Super Bowl because I did not WATCH the Super Bowl. I was in here in the room of orange-crate pictures, working on proofreading and monitoring my book club. Thanks to everyone who participated! In my book club, not my proofreading. I like it when people show… Continue reading The one where June is impractical