The terrible art from my childhood

This morning Henry was restless. He kept pace-pace-pacing from room to room. "You certainly are pacing this morning, Henry," I told him. "You are Trova at Pace, Columbus." Now, usually Marvin ignores me. We have been married a long time. And you guys know me. Often I make no sense. But today he came right … Continue reading The terrible art from my childhood

At least if this house goes down, they’ll have plenty of black boxes to figure out why

Somebody asked to see a photo of Henry in the comments yesterday, not that someone wanted me to literally wedge a photo of Henry inside the comments. Really, all you have to do is look at any picture of him from October to the present, because he still REFUSES TO GROW. He must have some … Continue reading At least if this house goes down, they’ll have plenty of black boxes to figure out why

Topamax. Making June’s blog absolutely unreadable since 2010.

It is snow snow snowing outside, and I know Marvin is pa-ISSSED that it chose to do so now, as opposed to early this morning, because the whole South throws a hissy when it snows and shuts everything down and he totally wouldn't have had school had so much as one flake fallen from the … Continue reading Topamax. Making June’s blog absolutely unreadable since 2010.

In which we think about Ceasar’s nethers way too much

A few weeks ago, a friend called and said she was five minutes away and could she drop in. "Sure!" I said, and then proceeded to cram everything just everywhere, in attempts to make it look like I am not the total Sanford & Son slob that I am. Well let me tell you what. … Continue reading In which we think about Ceasar’s nethers way too much

June admits her shameful truth

About three things I was absolutely positive: First, I was never going to read those stupid books about vampires. Second, 2006 called, wants its phenomenon back. And third, if they don't do it by the fourth book, I am unconditionally and irrevocably going to kill myself. Okay. Let's get one thing out of the way. … Continue reading June admits her shameful truth

Laura Ingalls and Raising Arizona in the same post

Once there was a pancake breakfast at Laura Ingalls Wilder's church, and Laura offered to do the dishes, because clearly she was an idiot, and also because she was friends with Ida Brown, who was the reverend's daughter. She and Ida kept washing dishes and washing dishes and washing dishes, and every time they turned … Continue reading Laura Ingalls and Raising Arizona in the same post

Where June is about as amusing as whoever writes those Bazooka Joe comics

I've got no funny in me today. I am sorry. I just can't get up my funny bone. So to speak. Several people around me have had just crappy crappy and also carpy things happen to them lately and ugh. And no, I will not tell you what those things are, because again, I remind … Continue reading Where June is about as amusing as whoever writes those Bazooka Joe comics

In which June will soon be banned from Harris Teeter

I know I have told you that it's been wintry here; I know I've told you 700 times, which once again means I am stampeding toward becoming my grandparents, as they were obsessed with noting the weather, a thing that always bothered me. They lived in MICHIGAN, a place where weather is always happening, so … Continue reading In which June will soon be banned from Harris Teeter

Things I’d have done differently in this life, by June Gardens

Regrets, I have a few. I am not one of those people who say, "I wish I would have worked less and had more fun." That's for effing sure. Can't look back on high school and say that. Or college, all seven years of it. Or during my "career." Nope. Oh, but my second-biggest regret … Continue reading Things I’d have done differently in this life, by June Gardens