Hey, did I mention it snowed here? It’s not supposed to, you know.

So, Marvin had a snow day. Because even though the roads are relatively clear and this would not count as bad weather anywhere else except, say, in wimpy LA, EVERYTHING WAS SHUT DOWN. Including, we noticed, the Church of No Walls, whatever that is, which they kept announcing across the bottom of the TV screen, and Marvin said maybe now they'll think of putting up a few walls. Keep that weather out.

Anyway, we went out and built a snowdrunk.

DrunkonwooliteOkay, cause, the thing is? For some reason the snow was really heavy and once we got it all in a ball neither one of us could lift it, so we just made a snowman who was lying down. Then we didn't have any liquor bottles, so for some reason Marvin said he could be drunk on Woolite.

I don't know what to tell you about Marvin's drinking habits. He said LOTS of people get drunk on Woolite. He said this like it was common knowledge. Also, why is the snowdrunk smoking out his chin?

I do not think we are going to win the neighborhood snowdrunk contest.

Snowleopard

Winston, who hails from California, was not so sure about this snow. But he demanded to go out and sample it. He was quite the snow leopard. For about 17 seconds.

Henryindoorcat

Henry was appalled, with his Southern gentleman self. He stayed inside and sipped julips. Or Woolite. Whichever.

And by the way, even though it was a snow day for Marvin, he went to work for a while anyway, because he is a total suck-up and a giant Smithers and so forth. Also too, today was the anniversary of the sit-in at the Woolworth's here? And they did a reenactment of it, so Marvin went to that and filmed it to show to his class tomorrow. That Marvin. Always industrious. I think he was just hoping for a free cherry Coke or something.

Doesn't a cherry Coke sound delicious.

At lunchtime, Marvin headed on over to the mall, which I am surprised to hear was open, because did you know there's WEATHER here? Anyway, some poor woman came up to Marv with some cream from the Dead Sea, which she wanted to slather on my spouse, claiming it was good for him, because everything from the Dead Sea is good for you.

"How can everything from the Dead Sea be good for you if it's all dead?" Marvin wanted to know.

He said she gave him a dirty look.

He didn't buy her wares.

So that sums up our Monday. I proofread things. I got in the car but then it was scary so I came back home so apparently I am as delicate as everyone else here. Am now weighing the risks/benefits of getting in the car again for the suddenly heavenly sounding cherry Coke.

Maybe I'll just pour me a Woolite and call it a day.

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Author: June

At one point, I was sort of hot, in a "she's 27 and probably a 7" kind of a way. Now I'm old and have to develop a charming personality. Guess how that's going.

97 thoughts on “Hey, did I mention it snowed here? It’s not supposed to, you know.”

  1. You still have Woolworth’s in the south? Wow! I thought they all closed years ago. I worked at our local Woolworths at the lunch counter serving up those delicious cherry cokes when I was in High School. I don’t remember serving woolite… This job has never appeared on my resume.
    I can’t believe I’m the first commenter of the day! First, I’d like to thank God and my husband for supporting me all these years….

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  2. ME, I set this up to publish at 5 in the morning, and was devastated when I checked just now and had no comments. Then there was the part where, oh, somehow it was not even in the hopper to GET published. Do I know what went down? I do not. I had to reopen Typepad like I was gonna compose a new post, wait for that little note at the top that says, You wrote something last night. Want to bring it back to life? and I had to say yes, then publish it. Im sure you care deeply about all these details. Also too, there isnt really a Woolworths anymore. They took the original one and made it a musem. I like how I took my post-is-lost story and made it more important than the sit-in and civil rights.

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  3. well if Mary Ellen gets to give an acceptance speech for being first commenter, I will be Kanye West and interrupt and say that Beyonce was robbed and no offence to Mary Ellen, your comment was lovely, but Beyonce’s was by far better and what were people thinking by choosing Mary Ellen over Beyonce?
    whoops gotta go… here comes security.

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  4. June-
    Woolworths brings back memories. I can remember visiting Toronto with my grandmother when I was around age 12. I had been there before so I was excited to show her around the great big city. She was mildly impressed, until she spotted a Woolworths. Made a bee line for the front door and spent half the day in there. Probably buying Woolite and Cherry Coke sodas for all I knew. Thanks for the flashback.

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  5. I’ve had experience with those Dead Sea people. Everytime I go to the mall (in Houston)I get stopped. I hate to be rude – really! – but there’s a limit….. Now, when I want to go to Coldwater Creek, I take my wussy self up the escalator and then down again at the next one, just to avoid those obnoxious people. Don’t ever let them get hold of your hand!

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  6. When I lived in Northern Minnesota, there was a selection of residents who would get their high by mixing Listerine and Lysol. Now we have to card people buying canned air to make sure they aren’t headed home to inhale it. (I guess you have to carry a picture of your dirty keyboard, not sure). Some of these people have actually resembled your wonderful snowdrunk.

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  7. Shelley, please bring your id for the Woolite. You sound young, so I either need id or proof that you have delicates in need of laundering.

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  8. I’m over near Raleigh myself, can’t believe so many things are still closed! My dog looked out at the snow when I opened the door, then looked at me like, “What the hell is that and where am I supposed to pee?”

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  9. There were many Woolworths in my youth (I = old) and they all smelled the same. Didn’t matter where they were or the time of year, they all. Smelled. The. Same.

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  10. There were many Woolworths in my youth (I = old) and they all smelled the same. Didn’t matter where they were or the time of year, they all. Smelled. The. Same.

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  11. There were many Woolworths in my youth (I = old) and they all smelled the same. Didn’t matter where they were or the time of year, they all. Smelled. The. Same.

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  12. Well, I did spell julep wrong, so you are still up there, Juice. Is there juice in a julep? Maybe you know this because its the drink of your people. Speaking of which, Woolworths may all smell the same everywhere? So do AA meetings.

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  13. Shelley, does this also make you a lady that does not want to be called ma’am? My Beth is also 39 and hates it when she is called ma’am in a store. I was raised by parents that insisted on yes sir, yes ma’am. The only time I don’t use it is when I cannot tell from the side if the guest is a man or a woman-or if I run into Chief with brown hair 🙂

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  14. Moth balls. Woolworths smelled like moth balls. When I was 16 I worked as a cashier at our local Woolworths, for about 45 seconds.

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  15. Leaving to go get a cherry coke.
    I am not yet 39, but a few years ago at a local drive thru, the young man working the window called me ma’am. Maybe it had something to do with my minivan and all of the children that were in it. I sat there, stunned, and said, “I’m not a ma’am. I’m still a miss. Maybe even a sweetie. Certainly not a MA’AM, young man.” When I drove away my smart-assed daughter said, “You realize that you ruined it by calling him a young man. Only ma’am’s say that.”

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  16. Leaving to go get a cherry coke.
    I am not yet 39, but a few years ago at a local drive thru, the young man working the window called me ma’am. Maybe it had something to do with my minivan and all of the children that were in it. I sat there, stunned, and said, “I’m not a ma’am. I’m still a miss. Maybe even a sweetie. Certainly not a MA’AM, young man.” When I drove away my smart-assed daughter said, “You realize that you ruined it by calling him a young man. Only ma’am’s say that.”

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  17. Leaving to go get a cherry coke.
    I am not yet 39, but a few years ago at a local drive thru, the young man working the window called me ma’am. Maybe it had something to do with my minivan and all of the children that were in it. I sat there, stunned, and said, “I’m not a ma’am. I’m still a miss. Maybe even a sweetie. Certainly not a MA’AM, young man.” When I drove away my smart-assed daughter said, “You realize that you ruined it by calling him a young man. Only ma’am’s say that.”

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  18. No juice in a mint julep. Just bourbon, sugar water (but it’s called “simple syrup” when you put it in a fancy-dancy Southern drink like a julep) and crushed mint leaves.
    My husband loves them, is why I know this. I think they are foul (says the girl who used to think Franzia boxed wine was good, so clearly I know from classy).
    (What does that even mean, “I know from X”? Is that a regional thing, like how in Ohio they say “the table needs cleaned” instead of “the table needs TO BE cleaned”?)

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  19. I’m tardy to the party because I can’t stop SHARKING my floors! I am seriously addicted.
    Target Steve, I write columns for our local paper. I wrote a very tongue in cheek one about the trauma of when I first heard the word ma’am and realized it was directed at me. I thought I was going to be tarred and feathered and run out of town on a pole. Oh, the hate mail! Southerners don’t like you messing with their Ma’am’s. I prefer Miss or Queenie. I like Queenie. And by the way, Shelley does look young enough to be carded.
    My shooter/hooter husband keeps me stocked up in Origins crap bc he can’t resist the ladies and their offers to massage salt and oil and whatever into his hands. I’m sure he’d like it in other parts besides his hands, but I’m pretty certain the Origins ladies don’t put out.
    I’d prefer a chocolate malt right now over the cherry coke, but I’d probably prefer the Woolite in my Bye Bye cup even more.
    Oh, have to love Cristy today, but does this mean we now have to boycott you Cristy? Go ahead and touch that sky.

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  20. The Other Erin: I say the table needs TO BE cleaned. I think it depends on what geographical part of Ohio to which you are referring. I live in Northeast Ohio.
    Also, what’s the difference between a mint julep and a mojito? Do they have the same ingredients?

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  21. The Other Erin: I say the table needs TO BE cleaned. I think it depends on what geographical part of Ohio to which you are referring. I live in Northeast Ohio.
    Also, what’s the difference between a mint julep and a mojito? Do they have the same ingredients?

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  22. The Other Erin: I say the table needs TO BE cleaned. I think it depends on what geographical part of Ohio to which you are referring. I live in Northeast Ohio.
    Also, what’s the difference between a mint julep and a mojito? Do they have the same ingredients?

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  23. Hulk (Who is feeling a bit verbose today and didn't even realize he knew the meaning of the word 'verbose' or its proper usage...) says:

    Remember that cartoon ‘Calvin and Hobbes’ when Calvin used to make all those cool snowmen, like monsters, and soldiers and stuff? I always thought that would be cool to do until I realized it would take like 6 weeks and 400 acres of snow to make them all…
    My shed smells like mothballs because someone told me to put mothballs in the rafters to keep bees from building hives in there. Oh, sorry June. You probably hate me for that because the bees were here first and my shed is infringing on their territory.
    I do, however find it amazing, and a complete crack-up that whenever someone thinks they have you on a spelling error or something, you can IMMEDIATELY find something wrong with their post. Are there THAT many mistakes in everyday writing every day, or do they just collapse under the pressure of calling you out??? Or do you go in, change their response, then re-post it and call THEM out?
    A conundrum wrapped around a mystery stuffed inside a riddle, to be sure…

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  24. Joann, you are sweet. Clearly, my gray hair doesn’t show in that picture on my blog. 🙂
    Steve, I don’t care for being called ma’am either. I realize that it’s just politeness, but it makes me feel old. I guess it depends on the person. If it’s a person who’s in the military I don’t mind, because I realize it’s just habit for them. Same goes with police officers and firemen. But some punk-ass cashier in a store? Nope, don’t like it. If they’re older than me though, then it’s ok.
    I think I need to get out of the house.

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  25. Okay, am I old? I shopped in a Woolworth’s and worked in a TG&Y (in AZ). I feel old knowing those places no longer exist. I tried explaining to my son that TG&Y was a “five and dime store”. No, you don’t want to know the course that conversation took! Anyway, he’s clueless and I’m old.
    I don’t think most cashiers, salespeople, tellers, etc. are polite enough. Ma’am does not refer to one’s age. It means you’re a genteel lady. And that is what I choose to believe. I like when someone is polite enough to say, “I’ll be glad to help you with that, ma’am”.
    However, it really chaps my husband’s ass when salespersons say to him, “Can I help you, dude?” That’s when his wicked military officer persona comes out. It’s never pretty.

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  26. I got suckered into the Dead Sea Salt crap at the mall 2 years ago. I could hardly understand what the poor salesgirl was saying, since her English was so broken, but I did understand that when I rinsed my hand off in a bowl of water that what I saw floating in the water was dead skin from my hands!!!! How gross!! I almost gagged. Also, that stuff was freakin expensive!

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  27. I hate it when a waitress or salesperson calls me “darlin'”, or “hon”.
    Unless I am sleeping with them…

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  28. I’m so glad you said that, Hulk! My shooter/hooter husband calls the waitresses “hon”. It makes me want to pick up the butter knife and slit his throat! Do. Not. Call. A. Woman. Hon. If. You’re. A. Man.
    He claims he would LIKE to be called “Hon” by a strange woman.
    I don’t mind a woman calling me a sweet moniker, especially if she’s a cute senior citizen, but I do not like to be called “Sweetie” or “Hon” or “Toots” or any of that other patronizing bs by a man.

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  29. I knew it wasn’t Tiger’s fault. The waitress must have called him darlin’.
    Okay, I will try to stop with the ma’am, though I am older than all you 39 year olds. I don’t think I will be trying Queenie though. Perhaps I will go with young lady, that is always received warmly.

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  30. Shouldn’t that be “whose mom?”
    Anyway.
    The five-and-dime where I grew up was the Ben Franklin. My grandmother would give us each a dollar when we visited and we’d stop there to shop. I always narrowed it down to the plastic/elastic high heeled shoes or Cover Girl base, which smelled just like Noxema.
    I am only 37 but this post would suggest that I am considerably older, eh? Oh, well.

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  31. I really dont mind any of that stuff. The maam (which I know is looking like a weird word with no apostrophe in it and FIX THIS BUGABOO TYPEPAD!), the hon, the sweetie. I really am fine with it. Just do not freaking hug me. Ever.

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  32. Seriously Hulk? ‘Cause I had a friend who wanted to move to the South from New York after all the barmaids kept calling him Shugah and Darlin’.
    I actually prefer it to m’am. Ack.
    Calvin: Art isn’t about ideas. It’s about style. The most crucial career decision is picking a good “ism” so everyone knows how to categorize you without understanding your work.
    Hobbes: You do goofy drawings on the sidewalk.
    Calvin: Right. I’m a Suburban Post-Modernist.
    Hobbes: Aren’t we all.
    Calvin: I was going to be a Neo-Deconstructionist but Mom wouldn’t let me.
    Skkknnnkkk. I sure do miss that cartoon, Shugah.

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  33. Yes, it should be whose mom and it was irking me and thanks for pointing it out because I didnt want to be a school marm, Young Deer Light Brown. Also, I love love love love loved that Cover Girl that smelled like Noxema. Love the smell of Noxema in general. My heaven might smell like Noxema. Also too, must go to Anne Taylor now, my other heaven, because I have a SECOND INTERVIEW tomorrow, at the workplace of which I cannot speak.

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  34. Noxema = sunburn.
    I don’t mind the “ma’am”; in fact when a young person says it, I’m impressed with their manners. KIDS TODAY … don’t get me started.
    I also remember the Ben Franklin stores. Hell, I practically remember Ben himself. Chatty fellow.

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  35. Noxema = sunburn.
    I don’t mind the “ma’am”; in fact when a young person says it, I’m impressed with their manners. KIDS TODAY … don’t get me started.
    I also remember the Ben Franklin stores. Hell, I practically remember Ben himself. Chatty fellow.

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  36. Noxema = sunburn.
    I don’t mind the “ma’am”; in fact when a young person says it, I’m impressed with their manners. KIDS TODAY … don’t get me started.
    I also remember the Ben Franklin stores. Hell, I practically remember Ben himself. Chatty fellow.

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  37. June, How are you afraid to drive in the snow? I thought you were from Michigan! Last year in Vegas they closed all the schools due to snow because one or two schools had snow. The other 149 just had damp streets in front.

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  38. Dear Denise, Yes, I am from Michigan, which is why I am afraid to drive in the snow. One particularly icy Christmas my Uncle Leo was driving us to my mothers and pretended to lose control of the car, and then he DID lose control of the car, breaking my pelvis in three places and giving me a lovely concussion. Merry Christmas! This is just what I wanted!

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  39. See??? EVERY TIME!! I typed “whose”, I swear! Junie just wants us all to look dumber than her.
    Ahh, I’m kidding. I f***ed it up…
    And Dawn…ahh to have been lucky enough to order a drink in your casino…

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  40. Agreeing with Her Majesty, Dawn in Austin, about the whole ma’am phenomenon. It’s all the rage here in Texas & is not a reference to your age. Just think of it as saying “your majesty”.
    “Can I help you with your bags, Your Majesty?”
    Better?
    photo commentary…Winston is so the snow leopard in that picture. Also a fan of your snow~drunk snowman. We make a drunk/cig smoking SpongeBob at the beach every summer. It’s our family tradition. Have I mentioned that we are quite possibly finalists as parents of the year?

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  41. Wow. It makes a lot of sense now why you don’t like to drive in the snow. It didn’t before. I got my initiation to snow driving when my ex was stationed in Germany and ended up deployed in the first gulf war. I think he had been gone 2 days before I rearranged the front bumper of the car.

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  42. When I was growing up there was a TG&Y right by us. We said that “TG&Y” stood for “Turtles, Girdles and Yo-Yo’s” because that store sold all three items.
    I only have one memory of a Woolworth’s and that was eating at the lunch counter, which seemed so cool, when I was a kid and having a grilled cheese sandwich, slice of pickle on the side, with french fries and a Coke.
    Great. Now I’m hungry.

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  43. Shelly who grew up in AZ. I grew up in Texas and we had both the Woolworth’s with a soda fountain and TG&Y. TG&Y was fantastic! They sold everything from bubble gum to ladies underwear. I can’t tell you how many times I said to myself, “Self you need to get on down to the ToGo and Yo’s and gets some bubble gum and underwears.”
    P.S. A cherry Dr. Pepper sounds better or maybe a cherry Woolite.

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  44. Nanci Griffith’s “Love at the Five and Dime” is all about Woolworths. She talks about being so excited about seeing a Woolworths in London that she had to rush in and buy some unnecessary plastic objects. Love that song.
    Those are great snow pictures. Look how green your grass is underneath the snow, and how blue the sky is reflected in the window Henry is looking out of.
    I also love your Woolite chugging snowman. Mostly I love the corncob pipe coming out his chin.
    I have some dead sea stuff because I was too nice to just tell her no. My salesperson too had quite the accent, and boy did she know persistent. Now I know to avoid any eye contact in a mall.

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  45. If you guys dont mind lying, you could tell those people what I do, except I am not lying. I just hold up my hands and yell, ALLERGIC TO SCENTS! They never persist after that.

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  46. Oh June, you gave me my LOL laughter for the day with Winston trudging through the snow. Your photography captures every great moment with the animals!!

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  47. Must hear the drama of the pelvis breaking/concussion getting Christmas. How did all that fit in your stocking?
    I never mind being called hon, sweetie, sugar, darlin’ by anyone. Except the punk kids cashiering. Then I want to cut them. I especially love it when senior citizens, men and women alike, call by some cute moniker. I think it’s sweet.

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  48. I heart Henri. What a cute picture. Ya’ll would hate my hubster. He yes ma’am, no ma’am’s every female breathing.

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  49. I heart Henri. What a cute picture. Ya’ll would hate my hubster. He yes ma’am, no ma’am’s every female breathing.

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  50. I heart Henri. What a cute picture. Ya’ll would hate my hubster. He yes ma’am, no ma’am’s every female breathing.

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  51. I have fond memories of our downtown Woolworth’s. It had a very long and curvy soda fountain bar with stools attached to the floor. My mother would take me there after paying bills downtown. I guess my parents didn’t have a checking account in those days, so a ride on the bus to the business district was necessary. We would order a banana split or a club sandwich. The waitresses wore yellowish uniforms and wrote the order on a little pad and left a copy of the order under a piece of chrome in front of the customer’s seat and kept one for herself or the cook. I could swirl around on the stool to look at all the people in the store and at myself in the mirror that covered the whole wall behind the counter. No one who wasn’t there could imagine how busy and crowded Saginaw was in those days. There was a man dressed as a peanut who would walk up and down the street encouraging shoppers to come to the peanut store. We never did, but it was fun to see the peanut man. The shoe store had a machine that x-rayed your feet so that when you looked through the eye piece you could see the bones of your feet. We thought this was cool and had no idea it was a danger. The stores closed at 5:30 or 6:00 except on Monday nights when all the teenagers would be downtown to see and be seen. My father didn’t let me go and sometime during my adolescence a shopping center was built followed fairly quickly by a mall and that was the end of Woolworths and Kresges and downtown.

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  52. Looks like Hulk discovered a conmysrid (similar to a turducken)!
    My grandmother used to make doughnuts at the lunch counter at Woolworths in the UP back in the 1940s. I hear tell they were the best!
    And, coming from someone who is BURIED in snow right now (ah Michigan), all I can do when I see your snowperson is shake my head and TSK. We take our snow very seriously.
    Also I just had to tell you I stumbled on something you NEED! Item number 330400128218 on eBay…it’s a Laura Ingalls Bobble Head doll!! It has YOU written all over it! :o) I was looking for a Stephen King one, but no luck.

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  53. I will have my 4th snow day tomorrow (work at a school but not a teacher). And this is in Tennessee! I know we never had 4 snow days in a row in MI.
    Thanks for enabling me to fill my valuable time off with non-stop blog reading – Wide Lawns and Narrow Minds had me hooked all weekend.

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  54. Holy smokes, Batman. I finally got on the computer and headed for my addiction (BBP) and see that there are SEVENTY-ONE comments! That means lots of pithy and pertinent comments have been made and I’ve missed out. So now I gotta catch up and see what I missed out on today because I had to, you know, work at the job that actually pays me something…but isn’t nearly as much fun. Ok, now to see what Hulk, Joanne, Furry and other favs have to say about the snowdrunk, momma, drinking, and so on and so on, and also too, etc.

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  55. Okay, since I was the first poster of the day, I’d like to be the last (NO ONE POST AFTER ME!!!!) It’s some kind of karma, synergy thingy…
    Anyway, Mom’s post reminds me that I am somewhere between her age and June’s (somewhere between 40 and death…)
    I don’t mind youngin’s calling me “maam”, as I know it’s a way to bend a child’s will, so I approve (did I ever mention that I was raised by Catholic nuns?)
    I was so glad to hear the all Woolworth’s had gone the way of all flesh, especially since they sold a lot of cheap crap and the food we served was probably the precursor of all the unhealthy swill we consume to this day. I’m just sayin’
    I say, let’s all have a mojito or julep in our Bye Bye Pie mugs!
    Here’s looking at you, maam!

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  56. We had a Woolworth and a McCrory’s in downtown Atlanta years ago, many years ago. I think the last time I ate at Woolworth was in Lexington, MA. Hubby and I were on vacation and we figured there wasn’t a way to screw up a grilled cheese. Cherry cokes were a delight as a child at the local drug store, but my favorite was a lime sour.
    The Woollite might be a tad rough on the stomach. A local homeless man took a dare from a kid working at the local Waffle House to drink some dishwashing soap, it about killed the homeless man, made the news and Waffle House got sued. Homeless man was in ICU for weeks. He has finally recovered and is now living in an apartment funded by Waffle House.

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  57. Sorry Mary Ellen. You are going to have to try again to be last. I gotta wax nostalgic about the smell I loved in our local five and dime (long since closed). Evening in Paris. Ah, that was the epitome of sophistication to my 13 year old self. Whenever I wanted to catch the attention to my current crush I would douse myself with that heady fragrance. Why didn’t someone tell me that I reeked and that any attention I was going to get would be of a not so good kind. And too, mothballs… whenever I catch a whiff I immediately think of my grandma’s house. No moths were going to invade her space!
    Y’all have had a great time today and I really enjoyed catching up and choosing my title. I kinda like the Your Majesty. Think I’ll tell my boss that tomorrow. He calls me Miss Arlene. Bless his heart.

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  58. I have been out late drinking windex martinis – sorry I’m late.
    Jill – cracking me up today with yesterdays comment on taking the kids to Vegas….I was reading it today and snorked at the breakroom table at lunch. My lunchmates (not eating together, just together in the lunchroom, eating) were perplexed. I began the sheepish but gleeful explanation my my BPP blog friends and how “some woman” took her teens to Vegas to teach them about hookers and blow. I THOUGHT it was darn funny. SHE thought I was a nut. Nuttier. Oh well, at least ya’ll get me.
    We had a Mott’s 5 and 10 here in fort worth. I loved going to the “kids” isle and the bags of marbles, plastic lizards, Chinese handcuffs (eh, prob not pc to say that, huh?), and yoyos they sold for 25 cents.
    No soda fountain there. No Coke fountain either.

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