Where June is about as amusing as whoever writes those Bazooka Joe comics

I've got no funny in me today. I am sorry. I just can't get up my funny bone. So to speak.

Several people around me have had just crappy crappy and also carpy things happen to them lately and ugh. And no, I will not tell you what those things are, because again, I remind you I am a real person and not clown shoes. I can't just reel off everything for the sake of this blog. And also too everyone else's business is not my business.

Sometimes I do not feel funny.

"You don't have to be funny all the time, June."

Oh, of course I do. In this blog and in life.

Here is everyone else's job:

Profresources

Here is mine:

Me

Oy. That's nightmarish, isn't it?

And when I say bad things are happening to the people around me, I do not mean to Marvin. Marvin is fine. Marvin is absolutely Marvin, in his quintessential Marvin-ness. In fact, he just got two turtles for his classroom this week. I keep wanting to say their names are Cuff and Link, but those are the names of Rocky's turtles in, you know, Rocky, and I do not know why I can't seem to grasp that it isn't 1976.

Marvin's turtles are named Flo and Eddie, and I have yet to meet them, but I do know they live somehow under what used to be the grill in our fire pit out back, because Marvin dragged said grill in the other night and I didn't even ask. All I know is he told me one of his students said, "Mr. Gardens made a ghetto tank for Flo and Eddie."

So there you go.

Anyway. I tried to get my funny up. I really did. It's like I took whatever kind of Cialis you take to get funny, and I sat in that clawfoot tub in the middle of a field, and all of you are my attractive aging wife similarly situated in the other tub, smiling at me expectantly, and…nothing.

I guess we will have to cuddle.

115 thoughts on “Where June is about as amusing as whoever writes those Bazooka Joe comics

  1. P.S. Joann, Duffylou, Paula H&B and all the other loyal commentors-YOU ROCK!
    People like Carin can just take their mean spiritedness and go somewhere else!

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  2. P.S. Joann, Duffylou, Paula H&B and all the other loyal commentors-YOU ROCK!
    People like Carin can just take their mean spiritedness and go somewhere else!

    Like

  3. June, my dear, if you do not feel like blogging on a given day, go ahead, say so and everyone would understand. Would we like it? He** no, because this is where we come when we are having a really carpy day to read your daily posting and then the comments to see what the resident lunatics have to say. Just so you know, June, you and all the commenters have helped me so very much in some depressing times.
    BUT, please don’t feel obligated or anything like that to post each and every freakin’ day. We know you do it because you *heart* us. And we, we *heart* you right back!
    “We are family
    I got all my sisters & brothers with me
    We are family
    Get up ev’rybody and sing”

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  4. I once had a pair of panda bear slippers that I named Okey and Dokey.
    And also too. I have a bruised funny bone. Last night my elbow had an unfortunate run-in with a pyrex dish. It hurt so bad I couldn’t move it for 1/2 and hour.
    This was in the middle of a totally chaotic evening during which I was trying to put together a publicity poster for our women’s retreat and kept getting interrupted by my two older kids under the influence of Valentine’s sugar, my 1.5 year old training for Mt. Everest, and my 2.5 year old pooping 5 times between 4pm and 8pm.
    Then my computer freaked out and started opening the same window over and over and over. Had to shut her down and I lost 25% of the work I’d spent hours on.
    I poured myself a juice glass of wine (’cause my gimpy elbow wouldn’t let me reach high enough for the wine glasses), ate 2 chocolate chip cookies, and went to bed at 9pm.
    Perfect ending to a carpy day.

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  5. Also too, everyone is entitled to a “down day”. I’m a bit down myself because today is the 2nd anniversary of my Dad’s death. But, thinking of Flo and Eddie living in a ghetto tank made me smile.
    Thank you June.

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  6. no, no, NO! you MUST post DAILY! Looook into my eyes – waatttch the waatch, wattch theee watch.
    It appears there are some clueless folks out there that don’t seem to understand that this is you and your life not some entertainment show… and WHY do those people have to be so mean and carpy? mean seems to be an epidemic lately.
    “every party has a pooper that’s why we invited you” – oh, god we used to sing that to my stepbrother all the time

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  7. Yikes! I’ve been out delivering paintings and getting our Valentine’s Day bathtubs spruced up in the backyard. What the hell? Where’s my hand basket?
    I think on days you choose not to blog, you could just throw out a topic for us like “purple” or “string cheese” and we could have at it like the drunken improv troop that we are. It could kill both those birds with a singular piece of Bazooka Joe.
    Because I would miss you and the rest of the gang if you weren’t here every. day.

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  8. Yikes! I’ve been out delivering paintings and getting our Valentine’s Day bathtubs spruced up in the backyard. What the hell? Where’s my hand basket?
    I think on days you choose not to blog, you could just throw out a topic for us like “purple” or “string cheese” and we could have at it like the drunken improv troop that we are. It could kill both those birds with a singular piece of Bazooka Joe.
    Because I would miss you and the rest of the gang if you weren’t here every. day.

    Like

  9. Yikes! I’ve been out delivering paintings and getting our Valentine’s Day bathtubs spruced up in the backyard. What the hell? Where’s my hand basket?
    I think on days you choose not to blog, you could just throw out a topic for us like “purple” or “string cheese” and we could have at it like the drunken improv troop that we are. It could kill both those birds with a singular piece of Bazooka Joe.
    Because I would miss you and the rest of the gang if you weren’t here every. day.

    Like

  10. Ghetto tank? Holy ninja turtles batman, that alone helped ease my re-dunc-ulously carpy week. See, you ARE funny everyday, June! Hang in there love.
    Crushing on Hulk for calling cat fight.

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  11. I think Furry G’s idea of a topic on your off days is a great one, too, Junie!! I agree with Paula H&B and TIffaney! I could go on for days about purple and string cheese! Hee!
    And, MAN, what is up with the sour comment from a certain someone on here today? I’ve never seen her here before. Huh.

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  12. I think it would be hard to write on a blog every day. I would worry so much that I was repeating myself. repeating myself.
    I feel like I am always telling someone a story that I probably told them the week before but they are too polite to tell me. That is what my blog would be like if I had one. So I don’t.
    June, I too was thinking that your Faithful
    Commenters would pick up the slack for you whenever you just aren’t feeling the blog.
    Sit back and let us try to amuse YOU for a change. I mean it’s not like we ever worried about taking over your blog before, why start now?
    Carin, are you having a bad day too?
    Seems like so many of the female readers have the blues lately. Could it be they are all on the same cycle?
    DB in MD: I know how you feel. It gets a little easier each year. Here’s a hug.

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  13. Also, This blog is like a scratch and sniff. I went from smelling Bazooka gum to Taco Bell poop.

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  14. It’s your blog. You’re allowed to have bad days and you’re allowed to tell us about them or not. As my second graders would say, “DUH!” (but I tell them not to). Keep on keepin on. Do what suits you June. The faithful ones will be here good or bad, post or no post. We are just like that.

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  15. Oh my. I have tried to get on here and post something all. ding. dang. day. And I keep getting sidetracked and then when I come back my comment is no long pertinent. I’m falling behind!
    So to Reader’s Digest it:
    1. I too have spent some time in a bathtub swilling Boone’s Farm and acting out Cheech and Chong albums. Hasn’t everyone?
    2. I can’t wait to see Paula H&B get “all NY” on someone’s ass.
    3. Hulk, really? The ladies room was cleaner than the guys?
    4. I really heart Furry and Terra, what a great couple!
    5. We have seen no obligatory shots of Henriiii in a month of Sundays, maybe on un-funny posting days you could just stick up a new Henry pic?
    6. I have never understood those bathtub in the field ads.

    Like

  16. Oh my. I have tried to get on here and post something all. ding. dang. day. And I keep getting sidetracked and then when I come back my comment is no long pertinent. I’m falling behind!
    So to Reader’s Digest it:
    1. I too have spent some time in a bathtub swilling Boone’s Farm and acting out Cheech and Chong albums. Hasn’t everyone?
    2. I can’t wait to see Paula H&B get “all NY” on someone’s ass.
    3. Hulk, really? The ladies room was cleaner than the guys?
    4. I really heart Furry and Terra, what a great couple!
    5. We have seen no obligatory shots of Henriiii in a month of Sundays, maybe on un-funny posting days you could just stick up a new Henry pic?
    6. I have never understood those bathtub in the field ads.

    Like

  17. Oh my. I have tried to get on here and post something all. ding. dang. day. And I keep getting sidetracked and then when I come back my comment is no long pertinent. I’m falling behind!
    So to Reader’s Digest it:
    1. I too have spent some time in a bathtub swilling Boone’s Farm and acting out Cheech and Chong albums. Hasn’t everyone?
    2. I can’t wait to see Paula H&B get “all NY” on someone’s ass.
    3. Hulk, really? The ladies room was cleaner than the guys?
    4. I really heart Furry and Terra, what a great couple!
    5. We have seen no obligatory shots of Henriiii in a month of Sundays, maybe on un-funny posting days you could just stick up a new Henry pic?
    6. I have never understood those bathtub in the field ads.

    Like

  18. I’m sorry you’re having a yucky day June.
    This morning the DJs on the radio were talking about Valentine’s day and somehow Barry Gibb came up. Apparently, he used to carry multiple diamond rings in his pocket and he would pick women at random to present a ring to. Just to watch them swoon, I guess. Is this true? I knew you’d be the one to ask.
    I just wanted to bring a little cheer your way by mentioning Barry Gibb. Hope it worked 🙂

    Like

  19. I, for one, am not on the same cycle as my fellow female commenters since I have had a hysterectomy, a jig-dancing, slap-clapping day in my life. (I told you I was all about the TMI.)
    I like Furry’s idea, too. Just give us one word and watch what happens.
    By, the way, I just saw where a farmer made his wife a giant valentine’s heart out of cow manure. She loved it. This is America, by golly. We’re free to be as wacky as we want to be.

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  20. Yes, that is true. He would propose to the women, they would absolutely always sleep with him, and in the morning his manager would have to go get the ring back. He kind of feels bad about it now. The only woman who did not fall for it was his wife, who he has been married to since 1970.

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  21. June, I love you and all of my fellow commentors. So glad they had your back today.
    Finding you was the best click of the mouse I ever made.
    And on the day we talk about purple, don’t ask me to rhyme that or silver or orange either! Maybe Hulk would fall for that, but you can’t fool me.

    Like

  22. Several things have come up while reading today (good thing I’m not male…BAH WAH HAH!!!)
    First of all: Carin, please do all of your family, friends and co-workers a favor and pull that stick out of your butt. Who the hell do you think you are? Don’t like today’s post? Aww, that’s a damn shame! Move on sister, ain’t nothin’ for you here! You might be surprised to learn that no one is here for your amusement and all of us will happily move on without you…Carin who?
    Juney moon! {{{Hugs}}} Sorry you are having a bad day, let’s blame Sue…
    Well, now I can’t get the thought of Hulk’s unfortunate woman’s room visit out of my mind….or my virtual nostrils.

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  23. I am dying, DYING! Paula H & B, that is the comment of the YEAR! I know it’s late and everyone’s probably done, but I just had to say that. I’m going to borrow that from now on. I hope you don’t mind? I’ll give you all the credit.
    And Mary Ellen, good job!!! You said exactly what we all wanted to say. And where are you from exactly in Napa? Cause that’s my favorite place in the whole wide world.

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  24. Sorry you are having a bad day. Every one is entitled to have a bad day, so here is a hug. Your friends gather here daily because we love you. We have your back–don’t forget that, ever!

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  25. Hey Joann,
    Thanks, it just got my Irish up over the fact that someone could carp on our June when she’s having a bad day.
    I’m not actually from Napa, I’m from Chicago (so don’t mess with me! I’ll call Vito in Cicero and he’ll take you for a ride…!), but I’m lucky enough to live in America’s Tuscany and I love it!

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  26. Paula & Joann, I just come home from the hospital today sans my reproductive organs and was mourning their loss until I read your comments. Thank you – I really needed to hear that. June, your blog is the first thing I logged on to when I got home – don’t let that power go to your head. And speaking for myself, I’d rather read an unfunny blog entry from you than anyone else on earth. Truly.

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  27. Sometimes you just can’t get your funny up. Funny thing is, you sort of got your funny up to explain to us why you’re not funny. You still got it, even when you’re down. Hang in there. I lurve you.

    Like

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