George Glass

FunnyWho hearts himself on Valentine's Day?

You can imagine how much I enjoy it when people mispronounce it "Valentimes," so Marvin is always sure to write that in my card each year. Have I mentioned how easy I am to irk?

Also too, one of my old boyfriends taught him how if you just hover your finger over my arm, like you're about to tap me, OH JUST WRITING IT IRRITATES THE CRAP OUT OF ME! UGH.

I HAAAAAATTTTTTTEEEEE being tapped on the arm. Do I know why? No. And why is it if you tell someone you hate something they are compelled to then do it as often as possible?

"Please don't call me 'Mike.' I really prefer 'Michael.'"

"Okay, Mike."

You know you do it. Everyone does it. Why are we all like that? I don't know.

Anyway, my dinner partayyy was fun. I dropped one of the three layers of my key lime cake, because what I am is excellent in the kitchen.

Oops
Carp.

And I know it totally looks like a broccoli casserole or something. Girlfriend was green. It was a tangy ding-dang cake. But it was good. As we were eating it, Marty Martin said, "You know what would have made this even better? That third layer."

Have I brought up the part where everyone is a comedian?

So we had a good time, and Winston and Henry jumped on our guests' laps right there at the dinner table, but fortunately they are cat people so it was okay. I do not mean that they are half cat/half people.

I told my mother today that Marty Marin and Kaye stayed till midnight, talking around the dinner table, and my mother said, "You made them sit around the uncomfortable table all night?"

See.

This is why I'm a nervous person. We were drinking our wine and having seconds and the cats were on their laps and no one SEEMED uncomfortable, and now I am over here TORMENTING myself, thinking, oh GOD, they were in HELL, looking into the living room longingly all those hours, just wishing I would say, "Let's move into the living room for brandy and cigars, shall we?"

Oh! I forgot! I took a blurry picture of said table. Then after that I forgot to take a picture of anything, because I was too busy making everyone miserable with my Spanish Inquisition furniture and obnoxious pets.

Prettytable

There was no real food served. We just played house. Didn't I mention that part?

You probably think the part where I "forgot" to take a photo of the actual guests means we didn't really have anyone over, and we have no friends, and Marty Martin and Kaye are our George Glass. Don't you?

George Glass was Jan Brady's made-up boyfriend on Brady Bunch. In case you didn't know. Which, how could you not. But sometimes my cousin Katie, who is 12 years younger than me, does not know my Brady Bunch references and it irks. Not as much as anyone TAPPING ME ON THE ARM, but close.

I could not remotely tell you who was Secretary of State between the years 1969-1974, but by God, I can tell you who Jan Brady's imaginary boyfriend was.

Okay, then. Happy ValenTIME's Day!

101 thoughts on “George Glass

  1. Oh YES! I haven’t seen any of the movies OF COURSE but I’m sure I can say catty things about the gowns and botox. If that’s allowed.

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  2. Oh YES! I haven’t seen any of the movies OF COURSE but I’m sure I can say catty things about the gowns and botox. If that’s allowed.

    Like

  3. Oh YES! I haven’t seen any of the movies OF COURSE but I’m sure I can say catty things about the gowns and botox. If that’s allowed.

    Like

  4. Wow … your set-up was beautiful! And my pet peeve?? Has always been someone having their hand on my thigh … and then squeezing!!! ACKKK … I really, really hate that. Squeeze my thigh and I want to punch you in the face. Really.

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  5. Oscar Parteee! Yowser, what a great idea! Do I have to hire a stylist? Naw, I think I can look as bad as most of those wannabees. Oh, wait, when it it???? Like Paula H&B, I haven’t seen any of the movies, but would love to comment on those whom need commented upon.

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  6. Oscar Parteee! Yowser, what a great idea! Do I have to hire a stylist? Naw, I think I can look as bad as most of those wannabees. Oh, wait, when it it???? Like Paula H&B, I haven’t seen any of the movies, but would love to comment on those whom need commented upon.

    Like

  7. Oscar Parteee! Yowser, what a great idea! Do I have to hire a stylist? Naw, I think I can look as bad as most of those wannabees. Oh, wait, when it it???? Like Paula H&B, I haven’t seen any of the movies, but would love to comment on those whom need commented upon.

    Like

  8. I am so looking forward to it! Love the fashions and the totally lame interviews and speaches. I have the perfect outfit. Jammies and my snuggie and of course Trixie curled up in my lap. Would that be adequate for our party?
    Please let me know. I only have twenty days left to find replacement duds.

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  9. You like me, you really like me!!! Count me in! Although, let’s not invite any party poopers! I haven’t seen any of the movies nominated either-did take in the chick flick ValentINes Day this weekend with my adorable daughter. Very sweet, but she seemed annoyed when I would guess where the movie was going before it happened! Biggest pet peeve: People who invade my personal space-Makes me want to stick my arms out and declare my personal space!!! GRRRRRRRRRR

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  10. Dear June,
    I totally and completely enjoyed myself. I really liked how you made a game out of trying to find the serving knife in the hummus. I wouldn’t have thought of that.
    I am in awe of your lasagna and cake talents. You have mad skills despite the missing “third layer”. Marty will never be offered cake and lasagna again (from me at least) because I simply could not compete.
    I have engaged the services of a chiropractor but I won’t be suing you for damages for back injuries. The food and great conversation was well worth the suffering.
    All kidding aside, you are a fabulous hostess and Marty and I look forward to hosting you and Marvin as soon as you can make time in your schedule.
    Cheers!

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  11. Bedazzled Snuggies!!! I think June should sell them. I will be joining the party.
    I also know someone who says “brefus” instead of breakfast. Brefus.
    I say re-damn-diculous, re-cock-ulous and one of been saying a lot in the past week, luna-f*****-tic. There have been a hella lot of LUNA-F******-TICS in my life this week.

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  12. Don’t we have to have some sort of redonkulous fire roasted pizza a la Wolfgang Puck? You know, something like Pigmy goat, ambergris, Limberger cheese and heirloom chevril drizzled in a reduction of rare monkey spit.
    I think the chocolate naked men for dessert have to be covered in 24k gold…

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  13. Don’t we have to have some sort of redonkulous fire roasted pizza a la Wolfgang Puck? You know, something like Pigmy goat, ambergris, Limberger cheese and heirloom chevril drizzled in a reduction of rare monkey spit.
    I think the chocolate naked men for dessert have to be covered in 24k gold…

    Like

  14. Don’t we have to have some sort of redonkulous fire roasted pizza a la Wolfgang Puck? You know, something like Pigmy goat, ambergris, Limberger cheese and heirloom chevril drizzled in a reduction of rare monkey spit.
    I think the chocolate naked men for dessert have to be covered in 24k gold…

    Like

  15. Hi All. I’ve been a busy bee today, so only the 2nd time checking in today. See, I do have a life.
    I hate being touched on the neck and I HATE movie talkers. If you are a movie talker, I can not be your friend.
    I’m in for the Oscar party. I’ll wear some of those kitten heel slippers with the furry pom-pom thing. I’ll have to find a pair. I’m thinking Frederick’s of Hollywood, perhaps? Which by the way, you wouldn’t know it, but they have the greatest push-up bras of all time, there. And guess who told me that? A stripper. True that. But, I’ll keep that story on the shelf along with Glady’s salacious stories.
    And I like For F***ckity, F***ck’s Sake. Oh, Furry I love that pizza!

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  16. Oscar party! Now there is something I thought only happened in my youthful dreams. Oh the nights I sat at home, alone, watching the oscars and getting embarrassingly choked up a the “in memoriam” segment, and bitchily judging all the women and their outfits…Could such a party exist? Are there actually other people out there who watch the oscars…my head is spinning, where’s my calgon?

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  17. Furry G, I can’t wear a Snuggie because I’m always hot (sadly, not like that), but maybe I could get tuxedo stripes bedazzled on my jammy pants?

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  18. Furry G, I can’t wear a Snuggie because I’m always hot (sadly, not like that), but maybe I could get tuxedo stripes bedazzled on my jammy pants?

    Like

  19. Furry G, I can’t wear a Snuggie because I’m always hot (sadly, not like that), but maybe I could get tuxedo stripes bedazzled on my jammy pants?

    Like

  20. As you know, I love an Oscar party. I hope your blogger guests will follow our tradition of dressing as a character in one of the nominated movies. I may go for Julia Childs, but I’m not sure. It’s often fun to dress as a character from a movie but don’t tell the other guests who you are. They have to guess. I’ll never forget the guest who came as the guy who rode his lawn mower hundreds of miles to visit his ailing brother (this was a movie of over 10 years ago). Anyway, this guy trimmed the beard of his shitszu dog and fashioned it into a moustache which he taped to his face. It was funny and fabulous. We must all attend in costume. I wish we could all send pictures of ourselves.

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  21. Dear June,
    After reading your Mother’s comment, I understand how you turned out the way you did.
    Enough said.
    (Hi Mom!)

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  22. Mary Ellen from Napa, do you remember that poor girl Deborah who came on here once and said something to piss off my mother? Remember how my mother went off on her and Deborah never came back? Oh, you don’t want to piss off my mother. Our only hope is she does not come back and check these comments.

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  23. Now June! How could you THINK that I meant that badly? I can see where you get you verve for life!
    Geez…
    I am abjectly sorry Mrs. June if you think I insulted you…

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  24. Are you unwell? I’ve been looking for a new post all day. Not that I don’t love to see pictures of Marvin hearting himself, but, you know …
    By the way, thank you to SarBear for the link to Teen Girl Squad. How DOES one find these things?

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  25. I dont even know where to begin to comment. But I will say tht whilst reading through all teh f bomb references a memory surfaced. My husbands Aunt Bon is as Mrs. Pool as they get. She’s as prim, proper and pound cake-esque as they get. Sissy Jan called me once nad said “How’s Aunt Bon and who’s she f*#^in now?” Killed me.

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