Only dog

When Tallulah and I were checking out at the vet the other day, this little girl was walking past. She was a cute thing, springy black curls, and may I just add she had an enormous dog of her own. But when she walked past Talu, who was minding her own business sniffing the food bags, the little girl raised her hands in the air all dramatically and screeched, "I'm afraid of that doggie!"

I mean, okay, drama queen. That doggie was doing nothing menacing, unless you were a piece of kibble. But I am sorry to tell you Tallulah raised her snout from the bags, took one look at old Academy Award nominee over there, and said, "Bark." Then she went back to the bags of food.

This resulted, of course, in the dramatic child screeching and crying and yelling, "Doggie mean!" and of course I was mortified and yanked Tallulah over near me, and I swear Lula was giggling a little. I mean, she totally did it on purpose. She has never barked at a kid before in her life. Doggie really was being mean.

I don't know why I have to have the weird dog. Aren't dog supposed to love kids, and want to romp with them, and clamor for their attention and such?

Talureturns 

I weird.

You know what the problem is? My dog is just like me.

When I was a kid my parents had to lock me outside 15 minutes a day to make me play outside. And if either one of them deny this I am gonna get really, really mad because it's TOTALLY TRUE. When I was really little, I played with Faithful Reader Pal from MA, who was similarly an only child, so we understood each other and it was cool. We totally snubbed all the other kids in the neighborhood, with their families and their chaotic homes and their Kool-Aid and loudness and roughhousing. We'd go over there, roll our eyes at each other, and go back and play quietly together in our sunny back yards, kind of wordlessly.

When she moved away the summer we were seven, I was totally screwed.

I think it was that summer that I started reading in earnest. It was that summer that she got an ulcer. We were not equipped to be ripped apart. That much was certain.

And you'd think the part where I just wanted to be in the basement all the time, reading Jonathan Livingston Seagull, would make me not very popular with the other kids in the neighborhood. You'd think they'd stay clear. But no. Somehow those idiots CLAMORED to my house. I don't know if my indifference was a novelty or the part where I had good toys was a draw (I had a pinball machine), or maybe all that peace and quiet was kind of nice for a change. But I couldn't go an hour without some kid at my back door.

"Juuu-uuune."

Even at eight, this irked me. "Do they not know how to knock?" I'd think. Seriously, I'd think that.

"What?"

"You wanna come out and play?"

"There is no such word as 'wanna.' However, I will come out for awhile because Pam and John make me go out for 15 minutes daily (I called my parents by their names. Yes, I did.). We can play Little House, if you'd like."

Seriously, why did anyone like me? And how did I ever NOT get assigned the part of Nellie Olsen?

So I guess this is why I got a weird dog. It's poetic justice.

Maybe I need to get her a sister or a brother dog. What do you think Marvin? Hmmm? Hmmmm? Hmmmm? You wanna?

It is SO a word.

59 thoughts on “Only dog

  1. The Munroe dogs are weird as well. They look friendly enough…as long as you don’t look at them or, God forbid, try to pet them. Then they get the face. The ‘I don’t like to be touched by weird people & you are definitely weird’ face. Mind you, they have never growled at or bitten anyone, but they can sport an intimidating face.
    Talu did a good thing. Little kids in vet clinics are almost always annoying. I’m sure cute little wretched girl had it coming.

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  2. I was also an only child (now an orphink) so I GET IT. OY, the noise and confusion of the larger families.
    Also GOOD DOG Talu. Should’ve ripped that damned brat’s head clear off.

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  3. I was also an only child (now an orphink) so I GET IT. OY, the noise and confusion of the larger families.
    Also GOOD DOG Talu. Should’ve ripped that damned brat’s head clear off.

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  4. I was also an only child (now an orphink) so I GET IT. OY, the noise and confusion of the larger families.
    Also GOOD DOG Talu. Should’ve ripped that damned brat’s head clear off.

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  5. This is all true, faithful readers! ALL of it. I was a wreck after moving away from Junie. It was a terrible time in my life. We actually moved on Christmas Eve and I commenced getting an ulcer shortly thereafter.
    Talu might really like a sister or brother! I doubt that it will make her like kids any more, though! Some dogs do not like children. It’s their small hands and beady eyes.
    JUST KIDDING!!!! : )

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  6. Whenever people say they’re parents did that, it makes me wonder what the parents were doing during that time… Am I the only one who thinks this?

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  7. I say the more the merrier on the animals! Shelter animals make the best pets. They are sooo thankful to be saved. The will be eternally grateful. My rottie/pitt and chihuahua mix get along swimmingly. But I suggest boy girl combos. Oooo, damn! This is unsolicited advice. I can’t help it.
    My daughter’s Jack Russell is a demon! Don’t look at her. Don’t walk past her. Don’t talk to her. This will safeguard keeping your phalanges, nose, and any other body part that might extend.

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  8. Oh yeah, get a second pooch. When Lucy showed up Cosmo could have cared less. She is only good for a Boxer smack down so he thought until she engineered a suprize take down. Now however its, let’s look sad at Dad, all day long, all day, and Boxers do always look sad, and wave our paws. Hey you, its us over here, oh yeah, we’re in a parade waving at everything.

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  9. While you are at the shelter picking up a new dog, you should grab a couple more cats too. Right, Marvin? RIGHT, MARVIN?
    I know in my rational brain that having two cats does not make me a crazy cat lady. But I also know in my irrational heart that going to a post-op follow-up with cat hair stuck to my “sterile” dressing has clearly branded me a crazy cat lady in my medical records. My PERMANENT medical records.

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  10. Dogs have great instincts about people. Tallulah probably knows that girl is annoying to her own dog. Or that she will grow up to be a serial killer or worse, one of those moms who puts her kids in beauty pageants.
    If you want her to have a brother that would be good, but i don’t think it will do anything about her liking kids any better. Introduce her to some nice kids. Maybe Marvin could take her to school to meet his students? They could all adore her and show her that not all kids are snotty little drama queens who hang out at the vet’s office.
    But I have 4 cats and 3 dogs living with me right now. So, you may want to realize it’s a slippery slope, pet-wise!

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  11. Dogs have great instincts about people. Tallulah probably knows that girl is annoying to her own dog. Or that she will grow up to be a serial killer or worse, one of those moms who puts her kids in beauty pageants.
    If you want her to have a brother that would be good, but i don’t think it will do anything about her liking kids any better. Introduce her to some nice kids. Maybe Marvin could take her to school to meet his students? They could all adore her and show her that not all kids are snotty little drama queens who hang out at the vet’s office.
    But I have 4 cats and 3 dogs living with me right now. So, you may want to realize it’s a slippery slope, pet-wise!

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  12. Dogs have great instincts about people. Tallulah probably knows that girl is annoying to her own dog. Or that she will grow up to be a serial killer or worse, one of those moms who puts her kids in beauty pageants.
    If you want her to have a brother that would be good, but i don’t think it will do anything about her liking kids any better. Introduce her to some nice kids. Maybe Marvin could take her to school to meet his students? They could all adore her and show her that not all kids are snotty little drama queens who hang out at the vet’s office.
    But I have 4 cats and 3 dogs living with me right now. So, you may want to realize it’s a slippery slope, pet-wise!

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  13. The little curly girl started it! Lula had every right! No one wants to hear, “I’m afraid of you” unless they have a disposition like Carin’s. Oh, Hulkie, I can’t stop giggling over your comment!
    Having come from a family bigger than a tribe, I, for one, would have knocked down the door to play with your pinball machine and cool toys, since between the 7 of us everything was pretty much broken.
    My parents would force me to outside and play too, mainly because all I wanted to do was read all day and not get an ass-whoopin from all my wild brothers who liked to play Cowboys and Indians and make me the persecuted captured Indian. But, I don’t think Jack and Nancy were up to any funny business. They were probably taking a nap, too worn out from procreating 7 kids.
    Yes, get Lula a brother or sister! Because there’s never such a thing as too many dogs.

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  14. This will explain so much. You were forced outside for 15 minutes. Big whoop. I.was.put.on.a.leash! Not with a studded collar or anything like that, but it had a harness. I can remember it was orange.
    Alice and Tom were way tired by the time I came along. I was a, hmm the drug store is closed, so what. See my siblings are 14, 12, & 9 years older than me.
    One day my mom was busy and my oldest sister was supposed to be watching me. Ha!
    My brother tethered me to the flag pole in the front yard and put all my toys just out of my reach. To this day he still resents me for taking away his role as youngest child.

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  15. only here. totally forced to go outside. hated it. still hate it to this day.
    parent of small girl needs smack down. you don’t ever, ever let your child run amok around animals that are strangers to you.
    lu behaved well. not a fan of brother or sister but that’s due to my overall disdain for dogs.
    as i sit with cat on my lap.

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  16. I’m surprised no one has asked what that picture is in the background. Usually you guys are all over the stuff in the background.

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  17. Damn. Duffylou, I thought my four brothers were bad. You know, threatening to kill me and all, but at least I wasn’t tethered to a tree. ;0)
    And unfortunately, that girl?? Totally something my kids would say/do. Of course, we don’t have a dog so they are truly scared of just about every dog out there. We have to be around the dog for a long time for my kids to stop acting like that. We are getting a dog this summer so hopefully that will stop soon!!

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  18. Isn’t it a picture of rocks or some other sciency thing from the job you left? Didn’t you say you were taking it from your office because it was so pretty?

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  19. Isn’t it a picture of rocks or some other sciency thing from the job you left? Didn’t you say you were taking it from your office because it was so pretty?

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  20. Isn’t it a picture of rocks or some other sciency thing from the job you left? Didn’t you say you were taking it from your office because it was so pretty?

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  21. Oh, and even though I was an only, I wasn’t forced outside on a daily basis because we lived in an apartment in NYC and outside was too far away.

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  22. Oh, and even though I was an only, I wasn’t forced outside on a daily basis because we lived in an apartment in NYC and outside was too far away.

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  23. Oh, and even though I was an only, I wasn’t forced outside on a daily basis because we lived in an apartment in NYC and outside was too far away.

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  24. I can just picture Talu giving one little “Bark” at the drama queen and then going about her business. I love that dog. And I hate screamy little drama queens. I live with one. Or two.
    Oh, and June? I’ve always liked you, but now that I just found out you read Richard Bach? I totally love you. When I was in college I read and reread The Bridge Across Forever, because I knew I was going to find my soulmate and practice astral projection. That didn’t work out so well.
    I also wanted to tell you…I know how you love yourself pictures of doggies, and I posted one today that I thought was HI-larious. Just in case you wanted to check it out. 🙂

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  25. Is it rocks? Because it sure be some purty rocks.
    Duffylou, I was tethered to a post in our basement when I was the said, “Indian”. My brothers’ idea of “fun.” Then it was all, “Let’s get the Injun!!” My parents found out about it when one of my 3 brothers kicked the tied up Injun in the mouth with his cowboy boot. The blood is always the tattletale. I loved watching them get the paddle to their behinds.
    By the way, they’re all great big bros now and I don’t think they’d ever tie me up and kick me in the mouth, again. At least, I’m hoping so…
    I hope your brother is also now of a more mature mindset.

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  26. For some of you guys on the more dogs less kids side, it seems like you may have answered an ad I saw once for a dog that “would eat anything, and loves kids”. The girl at the vet sounds like she may have been tasty.

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  27. The flag pole tethering only happened once. My Dad found out about it and let’s just say my brother never put my leash on the flag pole again. But he did get creative with clothes lines. I’m telling you, he was really ticked off that I came along after he was youngest for 9 years. He tormented me until he moved out of the house.
    I was put on that harness and leash out in public. I guess I deserved it. Story goes I was either 2 or 3 and we were on vacation at the Double R Ranch, in Western MI. The older kids rode horses and swam. When they went to ride horses, my mom took her eyes off me for a second and she saw me underneath a horses belly between the front and back legs. After she collected herself, they went into town and bought that damn leash and harness right then and there.

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  28. DuffyLou, as I understand it, mare’s milk is quite tasty….you had evidently not been weaned quite yet…..hiho trigger

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  29. other K ….deep breaths….do you know Carin? and oh yeah Talu “bark”….hmmmm tasty little girl…she needs a licking, with my long dog tongue

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  30. Does anyone else see Chris Hanson of NBC inviting Cosmo’s Dad into the kitchen for a chat, or is it just me?

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  31. I was the only child who spent the summers up in a tree, reading my lovely books. I’d take all my supplies in an old cigar box (pencils, paper, important stuff) and stay up there and read for hours! I hate you did not have a tree to hide in with your books!

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  32. My – only child. Really quiet house. Moved a lot. No one clamored to be at my house, though. So I married a man with a NOISY family. I mean, they talk. A lot. And loud. And there’s a bagillion of them. I’m sure I will forever be that weird Aunt M. (I did always want them to call me Aunty M, just so I could do my WWW impression…I totally rock it.)

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  33. Yeah, thanks Hulk. Carin called she wants you to come over…. she has five friends for you…it sounds like a gripping experience…

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  34. We used to play Dukes of Hazard. I was ALWAYS Daisy Duke. I took pleasure in assigning the role of Boss Hog to my least favorite “friend”.

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