Everyone in my family talks at the same time. You know the part where I never shut up? I mean, you kind of don't, because you have never really talked to me, but you know the part where I post every day and I post a lot of words? That is because I spent my… Continue reading May I have your attention, please?
Dear Gitmo, I apologize. I seem to have wandered onto your facility. Really, you should work harder on that security thing. When we shut off the light over our saggy, creaky, walnut-sized bed last night, it was like in The Brady Bunch, and I am not even going to try to go back and italicize… Continue reading You just don’t find any Ritzes described as “out behind the Bob Evans.” Is the thing.
Marvin just took the turtles back to school; the art teacher is going to take care of them for us. Our neighbor, Peg, is pet-sitting. Marvin also bought a bag of snacks that I do not enjoy (licorice and goldfish) (ugh), and we are off to Michigan for the funeral. Road trip! Snacks-I-hate road trip!… Continue reading The White Cat
died today at 1:57 p.m. My Aunt Sue said she figured God must have been bored and needed someone up there who'd stir things up. But oh, how we're gonna miss you down here, Uncle Jim.
Yesterday, I included a picture from my wedding day, which was 50,00 years ago, before everyone had cell phones and felt the need to constantly text each other and Skype and Hulu and whatever else you all do out there with your modern conveniences such as getting water out your refrigerator doors. In the comments… Continue reading The blue thing from when we stepped on a glass at our wedding. And if that title doesn’t suck a reader in, I don’t know what will.
Marvin and I were gadding about all day, and then when we were done I said, "Let's go to Target on a Saturday in the afternoon, because that's sure to be relaxing and enjoyable, and also because we need bird seed because like Rik my idiot neighbor from LA, I need to feed my babies,… Continue reading The day we offically got uncool
About a year and a half ago, I told you all about our really cool apartment in LA, and how the stay-at-home actor guy who moved in and scammed our landlord basically drove us out of it. Here is the link to the whole sordid tale: click here. (I make links really obvious for people… Continue reading My LA life comes back to haunt me
A. Marvin bought Mint Milanos and did not tell me. What sort of demon does not reveal this information? He put them in the refrigerator, because he cannot remember we no longer live in LA and will not be invaded by 2939439202884292929482 sugar ants if we put them in the cupboard like normal people. K.… Continue reading Marvin’s modern dance moves
Yesterday I called my Uncle Jim's house and left him a message. I didn't even know if he'd be able to listen to it; I wasn't sure if he was alert or what. I told him that despite the COUNTLESS TIMES he scared me by leaping out of the bedrooms at Gramma's house, he had… Continue reading I never really liked you all that much
Everything in my yard is just starting to come alive, and my Uncle Jim is dying. It's like my whole yard is mocking me.
It is 11:07 a.m. and I am printing out a job to proofread and drinking coffee out of my Bye Bye, Pie mug. It has been awhile since I hawked my merchandise. Be cool! Buy Bye Bye, Pie! merchandise! Wow. Do you think I should give up this proofreading career and go into marketing? Because… Continue reading In which June discusses everything and nothing
My across-the-street neighbor has azalea bushes--well, really, everyone in the South has azalea bushes, it is kind of a requirement, along with ham biscuits and humidity. But hers are just glorious. They bloom into every color possible in the spring. And by the way, Facebook status updaters. Spring. It's a lowercase word. "So glad Spring… Continue reading Pollyanna
I just got back home, because today is my holiday. It's marathon day here in Greensboro. And no, I don't mean we're all eating Marathon candy bars. Do they still make those? I am not a fan of caramel-only candy bars. At any rate, I did not bring my camera because I was in such… Continue reading And I ran. I ran so far away.
Mom get up. Every day I look at mom hair. It do different thing every day. It interesting.Mom and her hair go to machine in kitchen where she make the hot brown water come out. When the brown water come out, mom get happier. Mom hair calm down after she drink the brown water.Talu wait… Continue reading Talu fill in
Okay, wait, what? Sandra Bullock's husband really slept with someone else? Y'all know I am off celebrity gossip. I had not heard of this until it was on my CNN page. WHO did he think he was gonna find who better than SANDRA BULLOCK? Sandra Bullock, who not only is beautiful, she rescues three-legged dogs?
I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth when Marvin picked up my Oprah magazine. " 'Oprah's battle with food is over,' " he read. Then he said, "Food won." It was one of those terrible things he says that makes me laugh the entire time I am brushing my teeth, all the way into… Continue reading Shock the monkey
Every year, I think about writing my post in green on St. Patrick's Day and every year I never do it, because my blog is annoying enough.I would like to give a shout out to Emma, my friend Dottie's daughter, who was born on St. Patrick's Day. Top of the Lucky Charms to ya, Emma!Today… Continue reading St. Patrick’s Day. The day we all gather around and cut soap.
I have to go to the post office today to mail my father a calendar. I KNOW. It's March. It's the middle of March. And by the way, two different times yesterday I mentioned the Ides of March and got a confused look from people. I said, "Beware the Ides of March!" to a receptionist yesterday… Continue reading An entire post about calendars, and I really did have stuff to talk about, like the BIRD BEAK I pulled out Tallulah’s mouth.
"Scrape! Scrape!" That was the sound Henry was making as he dragged his evil cat claws against my great-grandmother's doily, which rests on my dresser. "Mmmm!" That was the sound Tallulah kept making, because she gets distressed when Henry is bad, and Henry WAS being bad, because he was scraping something at 4 a.m. "Scrape,… Continue reading Yep. I’m back.
I got home at 9 a.m. and then I just woke up. Tallulah was zero inches from me, by the way. She was doing the thing where her snout was up the back of my neck and in my hair. I think she did not like it that I was gone. I am gleaning this… Continue reading Red-eye flights. Screwing people up since whenever they invented red-eye flights.