It is 8 o'clock in the morning and I have already made $50. I know. Smell me.
At 10:00 last night I checked my work email and one of the companies I freelance for in LA sent me a flyer to proof at 7:00 my time and GEEZ. They ALWAYS do that to me. So I got up this morning and got it done before they got in. Not that they asked me to. Not that they even gave me a deadline. I am my own boss. And my boss hates me.
I am excited to ann0unce that in two hours I leave here to GET MY ROOTS DONE, which is so exciting I could just spit. I pretty much had to take care of it; the neighborhood had started a petition. I am going to a new salon today, called Salon Blu, with the "e" missing. They must have cut it off. BAHAHAHAHAHA. I saw a woman at Target recently who had just the heppest hairdo, all sort of choppy and shaggy and kind of Carol Brady-y but in a cool way, and I asked where she got it done and she said Salon Blu and she managed to say it without the "e," so I called them.
Of COURSE I will keep you posted on how it went. What, you think I'd keep you out of this important development?
While you were all debating the merits of the literally killer whale at SeaWorld yesterday in the comments, I was at the library doing my work. Because I get a lot more done at the library than I do here in my house because you know why? No one has a snout at the library. Also, even though there are 86 computers at the library, I am somehow not tempted to check my blog comments when I am there. So what I am saying to you is I get a lot more done. In fact, I have now said it twice. I am officially my grandmother. Did I ever tell you I was raised in a gas station?
But what happened to being quiet at the library? Remember when that was an absolute? Remember when there was the stereotype of the librarian, the old spinster going, "Shhh?" Yeah. It was the librarians who were talking the loudest. "OH, THOSE CAN BE FOUND OVER IN THE BACK!" You wanna get a megaphone, there, sister? Because I'm not sure they heard you in the playground across the street.
Also, there was a nervous cougher there. And this may come as a shock to you, but I am kind of irritable.
That's what she did. Approximately every 48 seconds. And I realize "48" should be spelled out if you are using APA style, but leave me alone.
The second time she did it, I kind of nervously adjusted in my chair.
Then I turned around to see who was doing it, like that was gonna make a difference.
I think that was about the moment I started timing how often she was doing it.
"You don't even NEED to cough," I was thinking. "You're just doing it out of habit. STOP. IT."
So that was my afternoon at the library. At about three o'clock,the sun started shining through the window and oh, I was getting logy. My eyes were feeling so heavy. So I left ahem and her cough and came home, and I said to Tallulah, "Let's take a nap" and do you know what I like about Tallulah? She never looks at her dog watch and says, "Wow, really? It's 3 p.m. I still have all that paperwork to slog through" or "If we take a nap now, we'll be all screwed up at bedtime."
Never. She never says those things. She just clicks right into the bedroom and falumps up onto the bed like it's the best idea I ever had. In fact, look at her now. It's 8:21 a.m.
Anyway, we had an excellent nap. I woke up an hour later completely disoriented with my head all damp like I was three years old. I sat listlessly on the couch for several minutes with my sippy cup and kind of swirled my hair with my fingers.
Finally, some chick friends asked me to meet them for sushi "over by where Pie Works is," and I just like to say things like "chick friends" to drive my mother to the depths of insanity, with her Ms. Magazine and her Gloria Steinem and her ERA Yes bumper sticker and all.
So my plan was to meet these yentas, but to tell you the truth I did not listen very well to the directions because I hate directions. And I knew where Pie Works was.
Except guess what? I didn't. Turns out I knew where the old, ABANDONED Pie Works shell of a building was, which was not at all helpful. Fortunately for me, some woman was walking through the parking lot, just leaving work. "Excuse me," I said. "I am looking for a sushi restaurant near where Pie Works is supposed to be–"
"Imperial Koi! That's where you want! Oh, it's good there! One of my favorites"
Turns out I stopped the world's most outgoing woman.
"Yes, that sounds right. Well, I think I'm lost, I–"
"Oh, honey, you ARE lost. Just follow me."
And do you know that woman led me across town to that restaurant? I really wish I would have asked her to join the rest of us skirts, I really do.
Am picturing my mother hanging from a noose at this point, in front of the computer. Skirts, chicks, and yentas, all in one post.
Well, I'd better get ready for my hair appointment. Talk to you hens later.