Red-eye flights. Screwing people up since whenever they invented red-eye flights.

I got home at 9 a.m. and then I just woke up. Tallulah was zero inches from me, by the way. She was doing the thing where her snout was up the back of my neck and in my hair. I think she did not like it that I was gone. I am gleaning this in part by the 10-minute undignified waggling when I walked in.

I brought her a treat.

Boneandhenrytoy

It's some kind of chicken-flavored Nylabone they had at the pet store Paula took me to, and I see Tallulah also absconded with the gift I brought Henry, there. That mouse is decidedly NOT for Talu.

Tallulah seems so petite and bite-sized after spending most of a week with Paula's enormous dog, Buddy. I would guess Buddy is a Great Dane/Rottweiller mix, and I just heard all of you say, "Oh, dear!" at once, and I KNOW. And Paula's house is not what you'd call large.

Buddychew
Here is Buddy and what he has done so far to the windowsill in Paula's living room, which you can imagine pleases Paula to no end. She has trained him to do this. It's a whole look she's going for.

And by the way, you know I cannot stand it that we're all sitting around speculating about what this dog is. Who's getting a dog DNA test for her birthday? Is it Paula? Will we be swabbing that creature's enormous cheek in the near future? Because I need to know.

At any rate, he is sweet, and like Tallulah, not so pleased with the balloons. Paula got 20395839 floral arrangements this week, and one had a Mylar balloon attached.

Evilballoon

Despite the fact that he is 297 times larger than it, Buddy barked and cowered and stared and "Oooo"ed and generally worried himself sick over said balloon, so Paula deflated it for him.

BuddyscaredBuddy fear.

Before I forget, Paula took pictures of Horkie's ash scattering with HER camera, so we have to wait for her to send them to me before I can tell that story. In the meantime, here are my other vacation pictures. Aren't you lucky?

Heartandharttohart

While we're still vaguely on the topic of Paula's flowers, one thing I think I have never told you about Paula is that she is obsessed with the band Heart. Yes. Heart. Yes, the band from the '70s. Yes, with the sisters, Ann and Nancy Wilson. Yes, they're still together.

They tour all around, actually, and Paula and some of her friends tour all around after them, kind of like they are The Grateful Dead sans the drugs. Paula will leave work, fly to New Orleans, see a concert, get back on a plane and return to work the next morning. Seeing as I am in my same clothes I had on yesterday and just spooned my dog in REM all afternoon, I cannot understand being able to do this, but there you go. At any rate, the above flowers? Are from Ann and Nancy Wilson. Of Heart. I know!

And careful readers will note Paula loves the show Hart to Hart and the band Heart. Paula's husband wanted to make her a bumper sticker that read, "I heart Heart and Hart to Hart." Oh, the fun we have at her expense.

BMRS

On my first day in Seattle this week, I went to my old workplace, where in fact Paula, her husband and I all worked together. We worked on the 34th floor. Other than the three of us? It seemed like everyone else was STILL THERE. In their SAME OFFICES. It also seemed like there was something about the oxygen or something, because everyone looked the same. It was uncanny, really. I am so glad I stopped in. It was surreal yet really fun.

Oldapt

Here was my first big-girl, living on my own apartment in Seattle. I remember being so thrilled with this place in 1992, but when I went back I was all, Wow, this place is kind of dingy and depressing. It had hardwood floors and it was sunny and roomy, though.

Oldhallway

There's the old hallway. Because who smacked her camera up to the doorway and took a picture? I remember sitting on those stairs talking to neighbors, while we did our laundry in the basement. I felt so big-city and important in this now-depressing-seeming place. I think I paid $450 a month.

Pinkelefant
Yay, my pink elephant's not gone! And see the weather? See how you're thinking, "Oh, too bad the weather wasn't nicer." Yeah. This is easily 350 days in Seattle. It's June, it's December, it's March.

Inbloom
Oh, but you can't beat the year-round foliage.

Trees

By the way, EVERYONE has a Subaru. With a kayak on top, 90% of the time.

Herkimer
I had forgotten about the coffee shop almost named for my cat.

Burntsugar

And there's just cool STUFF in Seattle. Everywhere you go.

View
This was my view from my apartment that I had when I met Marvin and he made me leave Seattle because he is awful.

Lastapartment

I lived on the top floor, on the right. It looks sort of depressing, too, but wait, I know I have shown you pictures of the inside of this place before.

Oh, forget it. I just spent 10 minutes looking at old posts and have I mentioned I am tired? Anyway, it was a pretty apartment, built in the 20s, and from my kitchen window was the view of the mountains.

You aren't going to ask me what mountains, are you? Because I never have any idea.

Buddyhappy
On my last night, some of Paula's 2038030598505383845 friends came over, and did I mention Paula's cell phone rings every eight minutes? And did I mention all of her friends have nicknames, and for some reason, said nicknames are all of the noun variety?

"Toodeloo, toodeloo," will go Paula's cell phone. And I know it's her hour of need, so her friends are probably calling with greater frequency, but I am thinking maybe that frequency is, oh, 15% greater. Because I have known Paula for 17 years now.

"Oh, hi, Can Opener!" she'll say. Or, "Hey, Lhasa Apso! No, I'm feeling great!"

"Smiley Broomstick! What's up! No, I'm up and around. I'm with June. Yes, the one with the blog."

All the rest of her friends must think I'm so weird with just the name June.

Paula's husband, by the way, is as opposite of extroverted as you can be. He is a cranky curmudgeon, is what he is. And yet? Somehow? Everyone really likes him. And everyone always says it like they think they are the exception to the rule. It is kind of like how you know you like Oscar the Grouch. "I really LIKE Paula's husband" people always say.

Anyway, I told Paula that if I were married to her, I too, would be IRRITATED by the 109 phone calls a minute from Credenza and Stapler and Door Handle and her gadabout life. Paula was contemplative. "You are a lot more like my husband than you think," she said.

I told this to my old boyfriend, with whom I had lunch yesterday. We went to my favorite old place on one of the islands; it used to be a brothel and now it's a dark old pub. I had a pile of nachos as big as your head. Anyway I said, "I guess I got curmudgeonly in my old age."

"What do you mean, GOT?" he asked. "You were always curmudgeonly." He was dead serious.

"I was?"

"Yes. You've always been an old grouch."

Really, you guys, I had no idea. In my mind I was an extrovert and I have turned kind of introverted in my old age, especially since I don't drink anymore. That was my theory. Yeah, no. Turns out I've always been crabby and liking of my alone time. Who knew?

Anyway, the final thing I have to show you is I bought a little initial necklace, and instead of my own initial, I bought a T, because I thought it would be cute to wear  T like Tallulah does on her collar. I have officially gone around the bend.

T
And won't you enjoy my sun damage? If I'd have stayed in Seattle I wouldn't have any.

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Author: June

At one point, I was sort of hot, in a "she's 27 and probably a 7" kind of a way. Now I'm old and have to develop a charming personality. Guess how that's going.

38 thoughts on “Red-eye flights. Screwing people up since whenever they invented red-eye flights.”

  1. So glad to here Paula is doing great!! Looks like you had a good time. I’m sure Tallu and the cats are glad your back, just wondering how Marvin feels about all your tramping about.

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  2. Is that first apt. the place where someone broke in when you were there? Scary. I really loved your second apt., the one with the view. Horkie liked to look out the window and would sit on the ledge. Can’t wait to see the rest of the pictures.

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  3. Terra and I have those Moroccan tea glasses! Love them. Of course, we have a lot of interesting stuff here at out ADHD house that is not in Seattle.
    Glad Paula is doing so well and all of her noun named pals.
    I’m not surprised at all that you have always been with the grumpity grump grump. Haven’t you regaled us with stories of being irked that the neighborhood children liked to play with you, you had a column named, ‘I’m Irked!”. And now you are probably irked with me…

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  4. Terra and I have those Moroccan tea glasses! Love them. Of course, we have a lot of interesting stuff here at out ADHD house that is not in Seattle.
    Glad Paula is doing so well and all of her noun named pals.
    I’m not surprised at all that you have always been with the grumpity grump grump. Haven’t you regaled us with stories of being irked that the neighborhood children liked to play with you, you had a column named, ‘I’m Irked!”. And now you are probably irked with me…

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  5. Terra and I have those Moroccan tea glasses! Love them. Of course, we have a lot of interesting stuff here at out ADHD house that is not in Seattle.
    Glad Paula is doing so well and all of her noun named pals.
    I’m not surprised at all that you have always been with the grumpity grump grump. Haven’t you regaled us with stories of being irked that the neighborhood children liked to play with you, you had a column named, ‘I’m Irked!”. And now you are probably irked with me…

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  6. You fit so much in to your short trip. I love your vacation photos! Aces that Paula is doing so well after surgery. Was there any doubt when you were going to cheer her up?
    I may have to invest in DNA testing for my dogs. My fear is their lineage may be better than mine.

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  7. Wow, Paula is really doing well! I’m so glad. And Buddy is so cute.
    We have a neighbor that we call Return of The Swamp Thing but that’s probably not the type of nickname Paula has for her friends.

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  8. Wow, Paula is really doing well! I’m so glad. And Buddy is so cute.
    We have a neighbor that we call Return of The Swamp Thing but that’s probably not the type of nickname Paula has for her friends.

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  9. Wow, Paula is really doing well! I’m so glad. And Buddy is so cute.
    We have a neighbor that we call Return of The Swamp Thing but that’s probably not the type of nickname Paula has for her friends.

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  10. My God…if you’re an introvert, then please open your cave, crawl in and tell Fred Flintstone “Dino is out for the night”. And hold the phone…Credenza, Stapler and Door Handle are out partying with Barney and Betty. No wonder Talu is sniffiling you… awe Big Fuzzy Head is home….

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  11. Glad Paula is doing so much better, Yay Paula! Ok, you know what other state is chockablock full of Subarus? Colorado. EVERYBODY drives a Subaru in Colorado and I know this because I’ve been there and seen it with my own two eyes. Here is So Cal, the only people I know who drive Subarus are lesbian couples so they can haul their Golden Retrievers in comfort.
    I love the shops in Seattle. There used to be a place called Ruby Montana’s Pinto Pony that had the coolest, kitchiest stuff. It was Fabulous! It’s gone now and Ruby has moved on to a motel in Palm Springs.
    Looking forward to hearing about Mr. Horkheimer’s scattering service.

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  12. You should wear those two necklaces from the last picture layered together all the time. It looks nice. I don’t think it’s at all weird that you got a T for Tallulah – I was thinking about getting something like that with my baby’s initial when s/he is born and you have known Lula a lot longer than I will have known the baby. (August, by the way – yay for me!)

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  13. Didn’t Ruby Montana’s do the Spam carving contests, or am I confusing that? And those appear to be the Cascades out your former kitchen window.
    One question though about this favorite old haunt of yours … did you hang out there before or after it converted from a brothel to a pub?

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  14. Chief, you’re right about Ruby holding the Spam Carving contests. She was all about the Spam. I had totally forgot about that. Years and years ago (early 80’s), I somehow came across a mail-order catalog for Ruby Montana’s and would order stuff all the time. When I went to Seattle for the first time, I insisted on paying Ruby a visit and told her I had come all the way from Southern California just to see her.

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  15. Ann & Nancy wilson are the most awesome, kind-hearted women on the planet, aside from anti-social and grumpy June, of course. Heart was the headline entertainment at 2 nonprofit events I produced, one in Seattle, no less — it’s a long, UGLY story. The Wilson sisters graciously became 11th hour pinch-hitters and saved our event and my bacon when Melissa Etheridge FLAKED OUT cuz her girlfriend was preggers. I’m forever in the Wilson girls debt. And, Heart brings the house down every.single.time.

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  16. Glad Paula is doing well and glad you’re back.
    Do people think you’re grumpy because they don’t have a sense of humor? Do they think irony and gentle sarcasm is anger?
    I once wrote an email to a “friend” that I thought was a hilarious masterpiece and she wrote back that I may need therapy for anger and depression. Never wrote to her again.

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  17. And I don’t think you’re a curmudgeon. I think you what you are is an only child (as am I) and we come off as crabby or aloof or both. Or maybe I AM an icy bitch, who knows.

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  18. And I don’t think you’re a curmudgeon. I think you what you are is an only child (as am I) and we come off as crabby or aloof or both. Or maybe I AM an icy bitch, who knows.

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  19. And I don’t think you’re a curmudgeon. I think you what you are is an only child (as am I) and we come off as crabby or aloof or both. Or maybe I AM an icy bitch, who knows.

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  20. d-lou don't care if the glass is half-full or half-empty REALLY DON"T CARE! but that doesn't make me GRUMPY! says:

    Terra…I’m pooop-ed!
    It’s funny how others perceive us…I’m told that I’m picky and hard to buy for, and outspoken. I like to say that I know what I like, and don’t want to waste time or money on things that I don’t like…and that I say outloud what everyone else is thinking, and someday they will thank me for that.

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  21. That grayness in Seattle would drive me crazy. I don’t think I could live there this gray winter/spring in the south has made me blue, among other things. I’m just saying it’s been a long hard winter. I’m ready for spring and the sunny warm weather!
    I can assure you, you can get sun damage in cloudy weather. The worst sunburn I ever got was swimming in a misty rain. Water blisters and all.
    Glad you are back and enjoyed all the photos of your trip.

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  22. I love Buddy! I love Heart. I love the flowers.
    and most of all I love how Paula is up and prancing around town with you and Buddy and feeling better. You are such a good friend to be there.

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  23. So, apparently Paula is also married to my husband, cranky bastard! My husband is always dumbfounded that so many people want to hang out with him when he couldn’t be meaner to them half the time! Masochists.
    Glad to hear Paula is good and you’re home all safe and sound. Hopefully the sound part will go away so you can get some sleep!

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  24. Terra – I’m glad someone else is feeling off after the time change. I can’t seem to get myself awake! Not to mention, it’s all dark and raining like the dickens here. Does not help with the fuzzy brain I’ve got going on.
    So happy Paula is recovering so well, Junie. Great news!
    And I love the new “T” necklace! Very sweet.

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  25. OMG, I loved Ruby Montana’s and have great memories of the Spam carving contests. Got some good pictures of that some where. Thank you for posting these pictures. I really do miss that place. Glad that Paula is doing better.

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