Every year, I think about writing my post in green on St. Patrick's Day and every year I never do it, because my blog is annoying enough.
I would like to give a shout out to Emma, my friend Dottie's daughter, who was born on St. Patrick's Day. Top of the Lucky Charms to ya, Emma!
Today is one one those days where I just have eight million topics to tell you, so let's stampede to them, shall we?
1. If you read this blog a lot, you will recall a few weeks ago the story about how a friend called and said, "I'm in your neighborhood, can I stop by?" and I said okay and CUE THE SANFORD AND SON MUSIC. I tore around like a dervish cleaning up, and since then have completely lost my favorite reading glasses, runner's watch and address book.
And by the way, why can I NEVER find these posts when I want to link to them? Why must I post every day? Why must I never shut up? Irritating.
I can tell you it has been quite some time since that friend came over, because that was the day she convinced me to try the first of those embarrassing Twilight books, and as we all know, I have humiliatingly read the entire series at this point.
This is why, when I saw a cute address book in Seattle, I bought it. It was getting stupid how many times I was inconvenienced by not having one. I might as well admit the thing was gone.
On Monday I sent an email to everyone I could possibly think of, and you know, it was like a little psychological test to see (a) who responded (nearly everybody) (although one person wrote back and said, "I don't do Christmas cards so I'm not sending you my address," which I thought was odd) and (b) who just coldly wrote their address and who sent a funny little note. Very few people just coldly sent their address. Some people sent huge emails that I have yet to respond to, because hi, did it occur to you I would be getting 75,000 emails that day?
The point is, I spent hours filling out that cute green address book above, with the help of Henry, my assistant, who needs his coffee if he is to be remotely human in the morning, and then guess what happened.
Oh, you know what happened.
That #*$@&@%# old address book turned up. In that second drawer you see there barely in the picture. Like I didn't look there 700 times. Like Henry my assistant didn't hear the swears then.
2. I like how I said I was gonna be brief and that story took 900 centuries.
Paula sent me 8 million images of me scattering Mr. Horkheimer's ashes while I was in Seattle, and I put in the one where it looks like I sprinkled him by hand. What I was doing, actually, was shaking his poor self off the bush, there. We traipsed out to those enormously prickly blackberry bushes, I said a few words about what a good cat he had been, we called my friend Marianne, because she had asked me to, then I scattered him. I asked Paula why he had enjoyed being in this dense, prickly place, she said she had no idea, she took 8 million pictures, and I said, "Goodbye, Hork. You were a good cat."
He was a good cat. I have had many cats. He will always stand out among them. My Hork.
2(a). Paula also sent me this picture of her dog, Buddy, and me staring out the window. I think we were admiring the cherry blossoms. I love this picture. I tried to teach Buddy "bang" while I was there, but he was unable to learn, with his clear ADD. Tallulah can do "bang," but it's the least-dramatic shooting incident you've ever seen. It's like Kristen Stewart getting shot. "Oh. I'm shot. Whatever." Tallulah rolls over really.really.slowly. "Okay, I'm dead. Now where's my treat?"
3. Also while I was in Seattle, Faithful Reader Lynn, who makes beautiful jewelry, sent bracelets for Paula and for me! She sent us a big ton of them, and said we could pick one and send what we didn't like back to her. I said, "Well, what if we like more than one?" Because I am greedy. And terrible. Lynn said she was HOPING we'd like more than one, and to take as many as we liked, so we did. Because did I mention we were greedy?
This is my favorite one. Look how I posed with it next to my lights, which match. Do you like how I styled the whole thing like that? I can't get enough of myself.
I have worn this bracelet constantly and I keep pawing at it and saying, "LOOK at it! Look how pretty!" I am annoying. Anyway, thank you, Lynn, for sending those to us. I know it was mostly to cheer Paula up and it did. But look how happy it made me!
Finally, I wouldn't want you all to lose your minds with the wondering about my tape dispenser from yesterday.
Here it is. I think Marvin's Auntie Mickey got it for us, and if it was someone else, like my Aunt Mary, I'm sure I'll hear about it. Anyway, it's convenient, because you never say, "Where's our tape dispenser?"
Okay. Those were all the things I had to tell you today. I have to proofread celebrity interviews today, and I am not even making that up. I cannot tell you about it but it's not like it's anything you don't know anyway. It's just publicity junk. But it's more exciting than statistics. What if some celebrity is making a movie about statistics and I end up reading about that all day?
Jennifer Aniston in The Chi-Square!