Marvin’s modern dance moves

A. Marvin bought Mint Milanos and did not tell me. What sort of demon does not reveal this information? He put them in the refrigerator, because he cannot remember we no longer live in LA and will not be invaded by 2939439202884292929482 sugar ants if we put them in the cupboard like normal people.

K. We no longer have Mint Milanos, to speak of.

C. Marvin also does not hang any pictures over the beds, even though I continue to remind him that we NO LONGER LIVE IN LOS ANGELES and have not done so for nearly three years now. An earthquake will not smack said picture on top of us in the night. It’s okay now. Really. But no. We continue to live with depressing blank walls above the bed, like Bartleby the Scrivener.

12. Why do people Facebook friend you and then never comment on your updates, never email you and never post anything themselves? Why bother joining Facebook, then?

Q. My father, the photographer, has been reading my blog suddenly, after years of not reading my blog, and he is seriously disturbed by the quality of my photographs. I do not know if anyone noticed in my post about my neighbor Pollyanna that after a few hours the photo of her azaleas got noticeably cropped. This is because my father broke out in 20 hissys and sent me said photo all cropped up with a terse note about how when you are showing a picture, it is generally a good idea to try to show people, oh, the thing you want to show them and not a bunch of other crap in the background.

He was also up in arms about the red eyes my pets have, so today I wanted to show you a cute picture of Henry:

Hen

which, really, is there anything else? He’s just so cute. Although stunted. The other day Marvin caught me giving him instructions on growing. “Just shut your eyes, Henry, and really think about it. Then push push push.”

“Are you trying to get him to grow?” Marvin asked me, disgusted. He thinks I should accept Henry as he is. I would have been one of those parents whose kid had a nervous breakdown when he didn’t get into Harvard.

Anyway, I am acutely aware of Henry’s red eyes now, and father, there is NOT some magic button you push to get rid of red eye, rather you have to SELECT something and kind of color it in, I think, and oh, it’s a whole thing and I can’t do it. You know me. It’s like when you tried to get me to go under water. Where’s my dollar?

But what I did discover was I have all these special effects on my computer. Look!

Smushy hen

Henry is smushy! Because he needs to be any smushier. What I like about this is now you’re even MORE aware of his red eye issue.

14.9(a)[b]. My Uncle Jim is still hanging in there. Every time the phone rings I about jump out my skin. Someone called at 8:30 this morning and I wanted to skin her and splay her in front of my fireplace like a rug. Except I have no fireplace. Honestly, if you know someone is waiting for a phone call like this, why would you call them at an odd time like that? Geez.

A-E. Marvin lost a bet last night (our waitress was from Michigan, which we knew because she kept announcing it at the top of her lungs to everyone in the restaurant, and he guessed Kalamazoo and I said Mt. Clemens, and it was Flint and I was closer), so he had to sweep all the floors when we got home, and it turns out we have dramatically different ideas of what it means to “sweep a floor,” I think. For me, it means get all the stuff that was on the floor off of the floor. I do not know what Marvin’s  modern dance artistic interpretation is.

Should I make Smushy Henry coffee mugs?

86 thoughts on “Marvin’s modern dance moves

  1. June, I live with a earthquakphobic man. I am not allowed to crawl into bed unless I have at least one pair of slide on shoes next to the bed, a hoodie and sweat pants on the foot of the bed. Why? Because he told me “no one wants to see your naked old wrinkly ass standing in the street looking at your squished house except for me. See your ass that is.” So for him I keep clothes on the foot of my bed but honestly if the big one hits the last thing I’m concerned about is putting on a hoody and pants, I’ll just slip my shoes on and pray that someone brings an iron to iron my wrinkly ass.

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  2. Oh yee who hath shrunk her ownself… is now making Henry feel bad for not growing? Bwahahahahaha!
    I, too, do not love the facebooker who is the lurker and not-commenter.
    And please please please do not turn into one of the Cannot Post A Photo That I Haven’t Photoshopped The Shite Out Of bloggers. Please? We need one real person left in this world.

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  3. Milanos…any flavor…with Nutella, PB, and or marshmallow fluff, they are dippable. I think Talu may want to take Henry on one of her toilet paper feasts and give her a real swirly. To the tune “pop goes the weasle”…flush goes the kitty… Talu laughing all the way to the bank…she has a trust fund, yes? just in case of an earthquake…. Maybe, just maybe, Marv is concerned about if someone’s head was banging against the wall….just a thought, being thoughtful

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  4. Oh, I am Not Happy with my current Internet Lockdown at Work. I can read you on my Kindle but the pictures? Pleh. And commenting is just Too Hard. THAT’S who’s at Starbucks, June, the people who used to work at a reasonable place and now work at a frigging gulag and can’t used the internet anymore.
    Mint Milanos. Nummy.
    I agree with you on Facebook but the only deadheads I cull out are family members. I secretly unfriend them and then play dumb.
    And I hate to admit this but after reading this today, all day long I was thinking that Eddie Money did that duet with Crystal Gayle and OH EM GEE, it was freaking Eddie Rabbit and how stupid am I? Don’t answer that.

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  5. Oh, I am Not Happy with my current Internet Lockdown at Work. I can read you on my Kindle but the pictures? Pleh. And commenting is just Too Hard. THAT’S who’s at Starbucks, June, the people who used to work at a reasonable place and now work at a frigging gulag and can’t used the internet anymore.
    Mint Milanos. Nummy.
    I agree with you on Facebook but the only deadheads I cull out are family members. I secretly unfriend them and then play dumb.
    And I hate to admit this but after reading this today, all day long I was thinking that Eddie Money did that duet with Crystal Gayle and OH EM GEE, it was freaking Eddie Rabbit and how stupid am I? Don’t answer that.

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  6. Oh, I am Not Happy with my current Internet Lockdown at Work. I can read you on my Kindle but the pictures? Pleh. And commenting is just Too Hard. THAT’S who’s at Starbucks, June, the people who used to work at a reasonable place and now work at a frigging gulag and can’t used the internet anymore.
    Mint Milanos. Nummy.
    I agree with you on Facebook but the only deadheads I cull out are family members. I secretly unfriend them and then play dumb.
    And I hate to admit this but after reading this today, all day long I was thinking that Eddie Money did that duet with Crystal Gayle and OH EM GEE, it was freaking Eddie Rabbit and how stupid am I? Don’t answer that.

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  7. Facebook is being wonky with me, June. Is it just me? It won’t let me COMMENT or UPDATE or (unfriend any of my relatives).

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  8. Facebook is being wonky with me, June. Is it just me? It won’t let me COMMENT or UPDATE or (unfriend any of my relatives).

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  9. Facebook is being wonky with me, June. Is it just me? It won’t let me COMMENT or UPDATE or (unfriend any of my relatives).

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  10. I have been gone all ding and also dang day, so haven’t been able to play and participate. But I think it is hysterical! that June is posting all about Marvin and NOT ONE comment has anything to do with poor Marv! Not one!
    All you had to do was slip in a cute little Henriiii photo and bam, that was the end of the Marvin conversation.
    Say what you will about Eddie Money, but don’t ever talk trash about poor dearly departed Eddie Rabbitt. I adored that man. He left at the top of his career to spend lots of time with his babies. And then later he got cancer and died. So it turned out to be the best thing he ever did. R.I.P. Mr. Rabbitt, you were a fine man, singer, and dad.

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  11. June,
    I thoroughly enjoyed your system of categorizing your blog content. That was good and it made me laugh.
    I recently downloaded some Eddie Money onto my Ipod, which I can only operate in a rudimentary fashion. So, since I am kinda tired, I can’t tell if people are for or making fun of him. I’m for him. (“Are you for scuba, Reuben?) – name that movie)(Random request – apparently there is something called chemo brain and I have it).Nothing sends me right back to high school (other than adult acne) than his stuff. And, high school was just WAY more fun than this middle age business. Is 41 middle age?
    Anyway, where this is all going, speaking of cancer (were we?) is that I don’t need to have a hair donation from you as previously discussed as I purchased a wig ($400)(Holy shit!)(Insurance covers, why don’t I calm down?) which is like a version of J-Lo in a really steamy video. Was this a good choice for me? Hmmm, not really but it was so pretty. And so WAY better than my regular hair. So it will seem that my hair has grown 8 inches. Brilliant.

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  12. late to the party. missed you guys today. june, can take care of your photos.
    eddie money? oh. my. how can anyone hate eddie? baby hold on to me…
    how about george thorogood? his guitar playing is so unique.
    not sure how those subjects mix. just bad to the bone.

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  13. “Why do people Facebook friend you and then never comment on your updates, never email you and never post anything themselves? Why bother joining Facebook, then?”
    YES!!!! Like Paula above, I too will unfriend those who do not play. I could be happy with 4 friends instead of 400 if the 4 participate.

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  14. “She was doin’ 80 and she slammed on the brakes; got so high we had to pull to the side…and she was SHAKIN'”
    Roseup. Sorry I missed y’all yesterday; had to work from can til can’t (pronounced caint)

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  15. I have an autographed album from Eddie Money. It was a birthday gift from a friend that went to see him on my birthday. I was not there, not the biggest fan of Eddie Money, but I smiled and acted all excited for the sake of my friend. That was in high school. I still have the album. Not sure why. He didn’t even spell my name right, he did that whole turn a C into a K thing by adding a line to it.
    Thanks, I feel better!

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  16. When I saw the pictures I thought…June must be talking about the turtles again. I think that is what they see on their side of the glass while being observed at your house.

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