I am berserk · June's stupid life

Marvin’s modern dance moves

A. Marvin bought Mint Milanos and did not tell me. What sort of demon does not reveal this information? He put them in the refrigerator, because he cannot remember we no longer live in LA and will not be invaded by 2939439202884292929482 sugar ants if we put them in the cupboard like normal people.

K. We no longer have Mint Milanos, to speak of.

C. Marvin also does not hang any pictures over the beds, even though I continue to remind him that we NO LONGER LIVE IN LOS ANGELES and have not done so for nearly three years now. An earthquake will not smack said picture on top of us in the night. It’s okay now. Really. But no. We continue to live with depressing blank walls above the bed, like Bartleby the Scrivener.

12. Why do people Facebook friend you and then never comment on your updates, never email you and never post anything themselves? Why bother joining Facebook, then?

Q. My father, the photographer, has been reading my blog suddenly, after years of not reading my blog, and he is seriously disturbed by the quality of my photographs. I do not know if anyone noticed in my post about my neighbor Pollyanna that after a few hours the photo of her azaleas got noticeably cropped. This is because my father broke out in 20 hissys and sent me said photo all cropped up with a terse note about how when you are showing a picture, it is generally a good idea to try to show people, oh, the thing you want to show them and not a bunch of other crap in the background.

He was also up in arms about the red eyes my pets have, so today I wanted to show you a cute picture of Henry:

Hen

which, really, is there anything else? He’s just so cute. Although stunted. The other day Marvin caught me giving him instructions on growing. “Just shut your eyes, Henry, and really think about it. Then push push push.”

“Are you trying to get him to grow?” Marvin asked me, disgusted. He thinks I should accept Henry as he is. I would have been one of those parents whose kid had a nervous breakdown when he didn’t get into Harvard.

Anyway, I am acutely aware of Henry’s red eyes now, and father, there is NOT some magic button you push to get rid of red eye, rather you have to SELECT something and kind of color it in, I think, and oh, it’s a whole thing and I can’t do it. You know me. It’s like when you tried to get me to go under water. Where’s my dollar?

But what I did discover was I have all these special effects on my computer. Look!

Smushy hen

Henry is smushy! Because he needs to be any smushier. What I like about this is now you’re even MORE aware of his red eye issue.

14.9(a)[b]. My Uncle Jim is still hanging in there. Every time the phone rings I about jump out my skin. Someone called at 8:30 this morning and I wanted to skin her and splay her in front of my fireplace like a rug. Except I have no fireplace. Honestly, if you know someone is waiting for a phone call like this, why would you call them at an odd time like that? Geez.

A-E. Marvin lost a bet last night (our waitress was from Michigan, which we knew because she kept announcing it at the top of her lungs to everyone in the restaurant, and he guessed Kalamazoo and I said Mt. Clemens, and it was Flint and I was closer), so he had to sweep all the floors when we got home, and it turns out we have dramatically different ideas of what it means to “sweep a floor,” I think. For me, it means get all the stuff that was on the floor off of the floor. I do not know what Marvin’s  modern dance artistic interpretation is.

Should I make Smushy Henry coffee mugs?

86 thoughts on “Marvin’s modern dance moves

  1. When I saw the pictures I thought…June must be talking about the turtles again. I think that is what they see on their side of the glass while being observed at your house.

    Like

  2. I have an autographed album from Eddie Money. It was a birthday gift from a friend that went to see him on my birthday. I was not there, not the biggest fan of Eddie Money, but I smiled and acted all excited for the sake of my friend. That was in high school. I still have the album. Not sure why. He didn’t even spell my name right, he did that whole turn a C into a K thing by adding a line to it.
    Thanks, I feel better!

    Like

  3. “She was doin’ 80 and she slammed on the brakes; got so high we had to pull to the side…and she was SHAKIN'”
    Roseup. Sorry I missed y’all yesterday; had to work from can til can’t (pronounced caint)

    Like

  4. “Why do people Facebook friend you and then never comment on your updates, never email you and never post anything themselves? Why bother joining Facebook, then?”
    YES!!!! Like Paula above, I too will unfriend those who do not play. I could be happy with 4 friends instead of 400 if the 4 participate.

    Like

  5. late to the party. missed you guys today. june, can take care of your photos.
    eddie money? oh. my. how can anyone hate eddie? baby hold on to me…
    how about george thorogood? his guitar playing is so unique.
    not sure how those subjects mix. just bad to the bone.

    Like

  6. June,
    I thoroughly enjoyed your system of categorizing your blog content. That was good and it made me laugh.
    I recently downloaded some Eddie Money onto my Ipod, which I can only operate in a rudimentary fashion. So, since I am kinda tired, I can’t tell if people are for or making fun of him. I’m for him. (“Are you for scuba, Reuben?) – name that movie)(Random request – apparently there is something called chemo brain and I have it).Nothing sends me right back to high school (other than adult acne) than his stuff. And, high school was just WAY more fun than this middle age business. Is 41 middle age?
    Anyway, where this is all going, speaking of cancer (were we?) is that I don’t need to have a hair donation from you as previously discussed as I purchased a wig ($400)(Holy shit!)(Insurance covers, why don’t I calm down?) which is like a version of J-Lo in a really steamy video. Was this a good choice for me? Hmmm, not really but it was so pretty. And so WAY better than my regular hair. So it will seem that my hair has grown 8 inches. Brilliant.

    Like

  7. Did Marv use the SHARK?

    Like

  8. I have been gone all ding and also dang day, so haven’t been able to play and participate. But I think it is hysterical! that June is posting all about Marvin and NOT ONE comment has anything to do with poor Marv! Not one!
    All you had to do was slip in a cute little Henriiii photo and bam, that was the end of the Marvin conversation.
    Say what you will about Eddie Money, but don’t ever talk trash about poor dearly departed Eddie Rabbitt. I adored that man. He left at the top of his career to spend lots of time with his babies. And then later he got cancer and died. So it turned out to be the best thing he ever did. R.I.P. Mr. Rabbitt, you were a fine man, singer, and dad.

    Like

  9. Facebook is being wonky with me, June. Is it just me? It won’t let me COMMENT or UPDATE or (unfriend any of my relatives).

    Like

  10. Facebook is being wonky with me, June. Is it just me? It won’t let me COMMENT or UPDATE or (unfriend any of my relatives).

    Like

  11. Facebook is being wonky with me, June. Is it just me? It won’t let me COMMENT or UPDATE or (unfriend any of my relatives).

    Like

  12. Oh, I am Not Happy with my current Internet Lockdown at Work. I can read you on my Kindle but the pictures? Pleh. And commenting is just Too Hard. THAT’S who’s at Starbucks, June, the people who used to work at a reasonable place and now work at a frigging gulag and can’t used the internet anymore.
    Mint Milanos. Nummy.
    I agree with you on Facebook but the only deadheads I cull out are family members. I secretly unfriend them and then play dumb.
    And I hate to admit this but after reading this today, all day long I was thinking that Eddie Money did that duet with Crystal Gayle and OH EM GEE, it was freaking Eddie Rabbit and how stupid am I? Don’t answer that.

    Like

  13. Oh, I am Not Happy with my current Internet Lockdown at Work. I can read you on my Kindle but the pictures? Pleh. And commenting is just Too Hard. THAT’S who’s at Starbucks, June, the people who used to work at a reasonable place and now work at a frigging gulag and can’t used the internet anymore.
    Mint Milanos. Nummy.
    I agree with you on Facebook but the only deadheads I cull out are family members. I secretly unfriend them and then play dumb.
    And I hate to admit this but after reading this today, all day long I was thinking that Eddie Money did that duet with Crystal Gayle and OH EM GEE, it was freaking Eddie Rabbit and how stupid am I? Don’t answer that.

    Like

  14. Oh, I am Not Happy with my current Internet Lockdown at Work. I can read you on my Kindle but the pictures? Pleh. And commenting is just Too Hard. THAT’S who’s at Starbucks, June, the people who used to work at a reasonable place and now work at a frigging gulag and can’t used the internet anymore.
    Mint Milanos. Nummy.
    I agree with you on Facebook but the only deadheads I cull out are family members. I secretly unfriend them and then play dumb.
    And I hate to admit this but after reading this today, all day long I was thinking that Eddie Money did that duet with Crystal Gayle and OH EM GEE, it was freaking Eddie Rabbit and how stupid am I? Don’t answer that.

    Like

  15. Milanos…any flavor…with Nutella, PB, and or marshmallow fluff, they are dippable. I think Talu may want to take Henry on one of her toilet paper feasts and give her a real swirly. To the tune “pop goes the weasle”…flush goes the kitty… Talu laughing all the way to the bank…she has a trust fund, yes? just in case of an earthquake…. Maybe, just maybe, Marv is concerned about if someone’s head was banging against the wall….just a thought, being thoughtful

    Like

  16. Oh yee who hath shrunk her ownself… is now making Henry feel bad for not growing? Bwahahahahaha!
    I, too, do not love the facebooker who is the lurker and not-commenter.
    And please please please do not turn into one of the Cannot Post A Photo That I Haven’t Photoshopped The Shite Out Of bloggers. Please? We need one real person left in this world.

    Like

  17. June, I live with a earthquakphobic man. I am not allowed to crawl into bed unless I have at least one pair of slide on shoes next to the bed, a hoodie and sweat pants on the foot of the bed. Why? Because he told me “no one wants to see your naked old wrinkly ass standing in the street looking at your squished house except for me. See your ass that is.” So for him I keep clothes on the foot of my bed but honestly if the big one hits the last thing I’m concerned about is putting on a hoody and pants, I’ll just slip my shoes on and pray that someone brings an iron to iron my wrinkly ass.

    Like

  18. I don’t understand why you even want little Henry Apolo Ohno to get bigger. Keep ’em small and cute, I say.

    Like

  19. Now I am facebook paranoid. I rarely comment or update because if I go in there my children go hungry, my dog poops in the floor, the water and electricity gets turned off and my husband has an affair. That’s how sucked in I get. I try to go in on Saturday nights and just comment to people, chat and update BUT I PLAIN SUCK. Oh… and… my mom is sick… and … I’m behind on what I should be doing anyway… PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE don’t unfriend me. The three of you here that I am friends with. PLEASE. I’ll get better. I swear. I’ll be in Saturday night and I will update, update, update. I might even go in and update RIGHT now.

    Like

  20. I have kids who sweep the floor like that. Also wipe the table and put the dishes in the dishwasher. Why is it always more work for me when they “help”?

    Like

  21. Mmmmmmmmm. Milanos.
    Why don’t you hang a quilt over the head of the bed? That would be a soft landing for all the NC earthquakes.
    So sorry about your uncle. I lost my dear uncle last year and I miss him so much. Hang in there, June. May Lu give you tons of hugs and kisses to help you through this.

    Like

  22. How does someone live in a house in the middle of the street? Do the route traffic around either sides of the house?

    Like

  23. Smushy Henry mugs only if the picture of Henry is on the inside bottom of the mug. That way, you see him as you drink your coffee.
    It must be the roundness of the picture that made me think that.

    Like

  24. June you are so funny. It’s a special gift and I’m so glad you’re sharing it with us. Funniest today was “Look!” like you were so proud and excited and as though we weren’t going to.

    Like

  25. Poor Eddie Money. Man, I never knew how unpopular he was until I read the comments today.
    I’m with you, Hulk. I love Mr. Money and his herky-jerky-Joe-Cockerish moves!
    “Baby hold on to me…Whatever will be will be…The future is ours to see…When you hold on to me. HOLD ON!”
    There, is that in your heads now all you snobity music snobs?!! : )

    Like

  26. So you won’t f*** an english professor, but you will a clergyman?
    That reminds me, Beth is being wooed by a coworker, but he drives a Kia. I am not threatened. Does the car a man drives still serve as a prerequisite for how much action he is going to get?

    Like

  27. I would like the unswirled version of Hen on a mug too….he’s just too much. I want to smooch that little nose.
    Hulk…it is NEVER ok to disparage Barry…or any of the Gibb brothers for that matter. NEVER!!!

    Like

  28. Hulk? When could Eddie Money EVER hit the high notes? I saw him in the 80s. He struggled so bad with the notes he hired a guy to sit on stage to whack him in the nuts just to reach those notes.

    Like

  29. When it comes to Facebook, much like commenting here, I’m like a whack-a-mole: you never know when or where I’ll pop up. The wait makes me seem soooo much more interesting and mysterious. In my mind.

    Like

  30. Should I make Smushy Henry coffee mugs?
    Only if you can print it on the inside~imagine drinking your coffee and looking down to see that sweet little smushy face looking back at you!

    Like

  31. Paula, I did the same thing about a year ago on FB – just deleted anyone who couldn’t be bothered to comment, or send a message, or chat…or ANYTHING!! Now I am sort of sorry I did it because I can’t spy…um, I mean see what they are up to either. I definitely think there should be facebook etiquette rules!!
    And, June – FYI…have been battling the ugly migraine monster for the past 24 hours. For the time being I have managed to subdue the nasty thing, but I have a feeling it’s on it’s way back. Ugh.

    Like

  32. Oh, the one clergyman who may pop in here has certainly not been a stranger to the s word around me, that is for certain. I never knew they were allowed to swear. Apparently I was wrong.

    Like

  33. I like ’80s music. I have that posted on my FB page. At certain times, Flock Of Seagulls can MAKE the party!
    Hulk’s gettin’ OFFENDED…

    Like

  34. Saw Eddie Money in concert and loved it.
    Sorry to say, I’m that facespace friend that doesn’t interact much.
    Henry’s soul patch is adorable.

    Like

  35. Awwww, thanks, Duffylou! But my college days are faaaaarrr behind me. I will be 48 on the twoeth of April.
    And June. You should have gone to art school. All of the English professors would have seduced you AND you would produce better pictures without all the red eye and SHIT.
    Whew. That feels fucking great. I was trying to be polite for the clergymen who read your blog, but FUCK them.

    Like

  36. Awwww, thanks, Duffylou! But my college days are faaaaarrr behind me. I will be 48 on the twoeth of April.
    And June. You should have gone to art school. All of the English professors would have seduced you AND you would produce better pictures without all the red eye and SHIT.
    Whew. That feels fucking great. I was trying to be polite for the clergymen who read your blog, but FUCK them.

    Like

  37. Awwww, thanks, Duffylou! But my college days are faaaaarrr behind me. I will be 48 on the twoeth of April.
    And June. You should have gone to art school. All of the English professors would have seduced you AND you would produce better pictures without all the red eye and SHIT.
    Whew. That feels fucking great. I was trying to be polite for the clergymen who read your blog, but FUCK them.

    Like

  38. Hulk, My Husband tricked me one time. He got me all excited about this Food and Wine festival and then we get there and it’s just little crap tents set up in the broiling sun of summer Florida, but guess what? That’s right. Eddie Money was playing. We listened to one song and my girls started holding their ears and crying and we were out of there. Maybe I should hook the two of you up. He also likes Flock of Seagulls. There’s some good musical taste for you.

    Like

  39. I saw him in BC two summers ago. He can’t hit the notes the way he used to, but then again I’ll bet your precious Barry Gibb can’t either!
    80s pop-rock gets such a bad rap…
    Name me ONE of your precious “American Idol” posers who will be playing concerts for 30+ years…
    Rock On, Money Man!!!

    Like

  40. Swirly Henry looks like he’s being flushed ~ Joann, you are so right! That pic should be on the inside of the mug.

    Like

  41. I ALWAYS wanted one of my professors to fall in love with me. Male or female, or shemale, I did not care. Seven years of college, and not once. Oh, and that professor I wrote to, Professor Penn? My favorite one I write about the other day? He wrote me back!

    Like

  42. Smushy Henry mugs…what a hoot. Make em, I say!
    And keep up the semi-crappy, I mean, awesome, photos. Makes the rest of us look like normal photographers too. Hate to have you go getting too good and then we all have sucky photos. Just sayin’

    Like

  43. Furry, you still are but in college, you must have really been one hot piece of I mean one beautiful lady.

    Like

  44. In college, I wrote an essay on Bartleby the Scrivener so poetic that my English professor fell in love with me. He even brought wine to class one night because I refused to go out to dinner with him and he tried to get me drunk. Yeah. He might have been crossing a line there. He was cute, but no to the idea of student/teacher thing. Just no. Have I mentioned that people who go to art school generally cannot speak English or preform complex math problems? So I wowed him with my ability to navigate an original idea while expressing myself in my native language. He was easy. I was not.
    So that’s what Bartleby the Scrivener prompts. A lusty English professor. Hmmm.

    Like

  45. In college, I wrote an essay on Bartleby the Scrivener so poetic that my English professor fell in love with me. He even brought wine to class one night because I refused to go out to dinner with him and he tried to get me drunk. Yeah. He might have been crossing a line there. He was cute, but no to the idea of student/teacher thing. Just no. Have I mentioned that people who go to art school generally cannot speak English or preform complex math problems? So I wowed him with my ability to navigate an original idea while expressing myself in my native language. He was easy. I was not.
    So that’s what Bartleby the Scrivener prompts. A lusty English professor. Hmmm.

    Like

  46. In college, I wrote an essay on Bartleby the Scrivener so poetic that my English professor fell in love with me. He even brought wine to class one night because I refused to go out to dinner with him and he tried to get me drunk. Yeah. He might have been crossing a line there. He was cute, but no to the idea of student/teacher thing. Just no. Have I mentioned that people who go to art school generally cannot speak English or preform complex math problems? So I wowed him with my ability to navigate an original idea while expressing myself in my native language. He was easy. I was not.
    So that’s what Bartleby the Scrivener prompts. A lusty English professor. Hmmm.

    Like

  47. Henry’s so cute in his petite size frame, with his little soul patch. (Says the run on sentence queen.)
    One of my son’s high school friends that he no longer talks to friended(?) me on FB.
    I thought there might be a reason. Nope, haven’t heard from him since.

    Like

  48. 1(c)2b 103.6 I recently went through all my “friends” and if they haven’t updated/commented/played the game lately I DELETED them!!! Nothing more annoying than someone who hasn’t updated EVER, make a comment about yours, so you know that they are on, but just not being a good friend. Buhbye!!
    II. Thank you for sharing your memories of your Uncle Jim with us and painting such a fun story. I lost my dear daddy over 6 years ago to that no good, rotten, black bastard cancer also. It left me an orphan and my children without any grandparents and I’m still bitter!

    Like

  49. I have thin mint Girl Scout cookies in my freezer. I’m trying to ignore their Siren song.
    I HATE those kind of Facebookers. I am all over the Facebook. I am like the queen partier on my Facebook and I’ll see people at parties and such and they’ll say, “Oh, I loved when you wrote this or I saw where you went to the Eddie Money concert. How was it” Which for the record, I would never go to an Eddie Money concert. It’s just an example. Eddie popped into my head at that moment.
    But, the point of this ramble is, I will then say I had no idea they were participating in FB, since they never comment. Most of them say they just like to watch. Isn’t that sort of like being a Peeping Facebooker? There should be FB etiquette, man.
    Love the swirly Henry. He looks like he’s getting flushed down the toilet.
    And don’t worry about height, so far none of my girls have surpassed my munchkin stature. Sometimes the best things come in little packages. Ask Tom Cruise.
    YES to the swirly coffee mugs. Make em big.
    I bet you it was Carin calling you at 8:30 this morning

    Like

  50. I love the Bartleby reference. I think was the only one who loved that story when we read it in AP English in high school.
    How Lula? No mention of Lula today. Lula like Mint Milano too.

    Like

  51. A)I wondered what your photographer father thought of your, uhm, interesting photos.
    2)could I possibly be the first commenter?
    Y) Doubt it.

    Like

Comments are closed.