The day we offically got uncool

Marvin and I were gadding about all day, and then when we were done I said, "Let's go to Target on a Saturday in the afternoon, because that's sure to be relaxing and enjoyable, and also because we need bird seed because like Rik my idiot neighbor from LA, I need to feed my babies, the wild birds."

Anyway, does your husband do this to you? You are shopping like a normal person, and even perhaps saying things, and you turn around and he is nowhere? NOWHERE. Oh, it IRRITATES me. If I were remotely attractive anymore, I would grab the nearest man and make out with him every time Marvin does that, but now if I did that people would report me to the authorities.

I found him over in the music section this time, and come ON. The MUSIC  section at TARGET. You cannot tell me that is a remotely compelling place for a music snob such as Marvin. Was he perusing Eddie Money's greatest hits? (I just said that to irk Faithful Reader and Commentor Hulk, who seems to get up in arms when you insult Eddie Money.)

"What are you DOING?" I asked him, a giant bag of bird seed on his shoulder like he was Johnny Appleseed of Target.

"They have that one song about how it's after one and I'm drunk. Do you know that song?" Marvin asked.

I paused. Because sadly, I DO somehow know that song.

"We have lived in the South for too long," I surmised.

"I might buy this," he said, the way he used to say at Amoeba Records on Sunset Blvd., where they had rare things, and cool things, and not drunk-at-one-in-the-morning things.

"The hole in your soul is not shaped like a CD," I told him for the 114th time. "Let's go."

Honestly, I do not know what's become of us. We used to be hip. Didn't we? Soon we'll be eating at Applebee's.

I love Applebee's.

Anyway, I found this photo today and I thought it summed everything up. Not the part where we have become old and uncool, just the part where I never shut up.

Alwaysyakking

From DAY ONE he should have known my pie hole would be flappin'. It was right there from the first second. Look how he seems to be mulling his decision over right then. But the tux had been rented, and everyone was there, and he was stuck with me.  Fortunately he is getting deaf as a doorknob from all the music listening and band playing, so my incessant chatter and telling him about the hole in his soul literally falls on deaf ears.

Who sings that terrible song, anyway? About being drunk at one in the morning? Could someone drunk dial me and let me know?

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Author: June

At one point, I was sort of hot, in a "she's 27 and probably a 7" kind of a way. Now I'm old and have to develop a charming personality. Guess how that's going.

82 thoughts on “The day we offically got uncool”

  1. I do not know the song of which you speak.
    I am just excited to be the first commenter! Hi everyone else!! I’m NUMBER ONE! I’m NUMBER ONE!
    Wooo HOOO!
    Love that photo of both of you.

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  2. I don’t know how I ever managed without cell phones for both of us. I guess I was constantly walking the store LOOKING for my Hubby. He can disappear in a split second. I used to get really bent out of shape, but now, I just call his cell phone. Makes my life much easier.

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  3. Darn you, 1st commenter. Darn you. In any case, I love Applebee’s, and I have been uncool all my life. Wal-Mart? That’s my big Friday-night outing.

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  4. Give me an hour and I will drunk comment you.
    Did you not learn anything from yesterday’s post. Is that picture from your wedding when Rik (dumb spelling), released the thousands of defecating pigeons, you looked up, mouth open, and you got your tonsils tickled? Just wondering.

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  5. Our wedding was pre-Rik, Cosmo’s Dad. We had so much to learn about the depths of our hatred.
    And is Lady Antebellum cool? Or is she, say, in the level of Taylor Swift, who I would consider not cool? I would consider Lady Gaga kind of cool. If that tells you anything about my Book of Cool, which is obviously quite a book.

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  6. If I’m not cool, and I like something, does that make it uncool? I think Lady Antebellum are cool (IS cool?) Lady Antebellum is two people (ARE two people?) Grammar is confusing.

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  7. I would say that Lady Antebellum is in between Taylor Swift and Lady Gaga. A little more seasoned than TS, but not as out there as LG. I love that song and I know I’m not cool so that proves nothing. LA has won lots of awards this year.

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  8. I do not know this song you speak of. I do, however, know a song called, “Why don’t we get drunk and screw.” It’s one of those lofty, deep Jimmy Buffet songs.
    All of my friends swear they are going to get t-shirts printed, so we can all wear them when we are out together, that say, “Where’s Bill?” Because, that’s what we spend our time saying. My husband disappears the minute we get out of the car.
    After 10:00 at night, Applebee’s appetizers are half price. When we are eating crap food for a whopping total of 10.00 dollars, I do turn to my husband and say, “How did we get here?”
    I don’t think David Byrne was thinking about Applebee’s when he wrote that line.
    Hulk IS very upset about our Eddie Money teasing. He stomped over to my blog and was carrying on there about Eddie. I’m sorry Hulkie, but “Baby hold on to me, whatever will be, will be” is not good music. I don’t care how much you cry.
    And June, that is one handsome man you have there. I just wanted to let you know that. I’m not like threatening or anything. I’m just saying, he’s a hottie. Good for you, girl. And you look pretty foxy yourself. I had to throw that word in since we’re all up in the 80’s with Eddie.

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  9. No hatred…only deep depths of cool….
    Anyway, today is Cosmo’s 8th birthday, we are going to pop balloons…now that is totally cool. Cosmo also will lick the TV when Taylor Swifts face appears…he does it to Emeril too, interesting.

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  10. I dont think David Byrne was thinking about Applebees when he wrote that line. Dying. I would like to take David Byrne to Applebees. Just to see what he does there. If we could stay awake until 10, I would be ALL UP in the cheap appetizer thingamabob.

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  11. Lady Antebellum is actually 3 people (2 guys and a girl). I say they are cool. They are popular thats for sure, but not nearly as childish as I would say Taylor Swift is (which is why I think her cool is over rated).

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  12. I maintain my earlier opinion that Rik is a dik.
    My husband and I very rarely shop together, but tomorrow we are shopping for tvs and furniture. (And something else which I’ve totally forgotten already. Carp.)

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  13. I maintain my earlier opinion that Rik is a dik.
    My husband and I very rarely shop together, but tomorrow we are shopping for tvs and furniture. (And something else which I’ve totally forgotten already. Carp.)

    Like

  14. I maintain my earlier opinion that Rik is a dik.
    My husband and I very rarely shop together, but tomorrow we are shopping for tvs and furniture. (And something else which I’ve totally forgotten already. Carp.)

    Like

  15. Marvin really does look like he’s thinking about something pretty heavy in that picture.
    Gee, think the folks will let me move back home?
    Do we have to give back the gifts if we’re married at least a week?
    The honeymoon is already paid for…I’ll call Fun Bobbie. We’ll go golfing and snorkeling instead of the romantic stuff.
    Mom warned me. She said that girl doesn’t stop long enough to catch her breath. Why didn’t I listen?

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  16. Hulk’s new friend is going to see Taylor Swift tonight.
    And do NOT even try to tell me you all didn’t jam in high school to “Two Tickets To Paradise”, or think that the lyric went “…Her tits were shakin’ til the middle of the night…”
    Music snobs…

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  17. Ha! Duffylou is on a roll. Love it!
    My two cents are that there are very few genuinely cool people in the world.
    Frank Sinatra was cool. Bruce Springsteen is cool. Harvey Keitel is cool. Lauren Bacall is way cool.
    Lady Gaga, not so much. To me, it’s like “classy”. If you have to say what you are doing, wearing, buying, decorating with, etc. is actually “classy”, it ain’t.

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  18. As God is my witness Hulk, I did not like Eddie Money in high school. Billy Squire? Yes. Pat Benatar? Oh hell yes. Journey? Heavenly days, yes. But I was not snappin my fingers to Eddie ridiculous Money.

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  19. You don’t like ‘Seinfeld’ or Eddie Money…
    Why don’t you just move to Russia, you pinko-commie bastard.

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  20. Lonely is the night when you find yourself alone
    Your demons come to light and your mind is not your own
    Lonely is the night when there’s no one left to call
    You feel the time is right the writin’s on the wall

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  21. When the lights go down in the city and the sun shines on the bay, I want to be there- ere- ee- ere in my city oh, oh, ooohhh, ohhh.
    When I’m alone, all by myself, you’re out with someone else, lovin’, touchin’, squeezin’ each other
    You’re tearing me apart, oh every, everyday, tearing me apart…
    Just wanted to get the conversation off of Eddie Money. Just home from my rockin’ Saturday night at Red Robin, Yummm. Cuz I still party like a rock star.

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  22. Okay. I’m pathetic. Sitting home on a Saturday night, wearing a hot pink Snuggie and thinking about all of these songs from high school. Especially what I was doing when they were playing. I can’t remember breakfast yesterday, but I can remember Journey’s, Loving, Touching, Squeeeeezing, blaring out the T-Tops of my boyfriend’s Cutlass as we were flying down I77 heading to Kent State for a party. It was summer, it was hot, his car was white and I will always remember it.

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  23. The night of my first kiss, Lovin Touchin Squeezin was playing. Not DURING the first kiss, but in the car on the way to Universal Disco, the teen dance place off Bay Road, where I was about to receive said kiss. We all sang every word at the tops of our lungs. I was 14 and had that George Washington hair. I can see why any boy was about to kiss me, but there you go.

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  24. I remember driving down I-80, after a long day at the beach, windows down in the truck, with a boy I hoped would become my boyfriend, with Journey’s ‘Any Way You Want It’ blaring. I was tired, sunburned and my hair was a knotted mess. It is one of my happiest, relaxed memorites.

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  25. Oh.My.Gosh June!! I will absolutely never, ever, ever let the man go into a store with me without his cell phone. Because, hell yes, the minute I need a strong guy to grab something or in any way help me out he’s gone. Gone, I tell ya. Hated shopping with him pre-cell phone days.
    You two were hotties for sure. Did y’all stomp the glass?
    Still with Hulk. Love me some Eddie Money.

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  26. Oh.My.Gosh June!! I will absolutely never, ever, ever let the man go into a store with me without his cell phone. Because, hell yes, the minute I need a strong guy to grab something or in any way help me out he’s gone. Gone, I tell ya. Hated shopping with him pre-cell phone days.
    You two were hotties for sure. Did y’all stomp the glass?
    Still with Hulk. Love me some Eddie Money.

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  27. Oh.My.Gosh June!! I will absolutely never, ever, ever let the man go into a store with me without his cell phone. Because, hell yes, the minute I need a strong guy to grab something or in any way help me out he’s gone. Gone, I tell ya. Hated shopping with him pre-cell phone days.
    You two were hotties for sure. Did y’all stomp the glass?
    Still with Hulk. Love me some Eddie Money.

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  28. Yup. Marvin stomped on the glass. Then we had a little sculpture-y thing made out of it. I can take a bad picture of it and put it in my blog if you’d like. I can crop it really badly to irk my father, as well.

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  29. I would love to see your poorly cropped, badly taken photo of the sculpture-y thing.

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  30. funniest.picture.ever. He’s all thoughtful and contemplative and you are all yakkety, yak, yak. I’ve got no lyrics for you. I can never remember them anymore…

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  31. For me Eddie Money doesn’t remind me so much of high school as it does the inside of my mom’s uterus. I was but a wee fetus in 1978. You people make me feel way young. I remember listening to all those songs sitting shotgun in my babysitter’s car on the way to the roller rink.

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  32. Funny! I sent my husband a text in Wal-Mart last week. After lapping the store twice without seeing him, I figured it was my only choice. Still not sure where he was.

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  33. Forget Eddie Money, Pat Benatar, Journey, REO Speedwagon–what about Huey Lewis and the News??!! I was front row at their concert in 1983!! Oh yeah!!! ;0)

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  34. I despise Appleby’s. I do NOT shop with my husband. I am the one who disappears in any event. My cell phone is either not on or not charged. I used to yap all the time – until that day when I noticed his eyes had glazed over and mid sentence he interrupted me by stating something totally unrelated to what I had been talking about. He has never even noticed that I no longer speak to him.

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  35. Lady Antebellum. How late am I to the party and you probably already know that. Download it for 99 cents at Amazon. I didn’t think the rest of the album was all that wonderful, but LOVE that song.
    “From DAY ONE he should have known my pie hole would be flappin’.” Ditto my husband!

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  36. I must have slept through the 80s, as I remember so little of the music of that decade. The best music came from my junior high and high school years, 1967-1973, though I seldom paid attention to the names of the bands/groups/singers. I just knew what I liked when I bought my 45s for my little record player. (Am I officially old?) Even my almost-20-year-old daughter thinks my generation’s music was the best.

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  37. I must have slept through the 80s, as I remember so little of the music of that decade. The best music came from my junior high and high school years, 1967-1973, though I seldom paid attention to the names of the bands/groups/singers. I just knew what I liked when I bought my 45s for my little record player. (Am I officially old?) Even my almost-20-year-old daughter thinks my generation’s music was the best.

    Like

  38. I must have slept through the 80s, as I remember so little of the music of that decade. The best music came from my junior high and high school years, 1967-1973, though I seldom paid attention to the names of the bands/groups/singers. I just knew what I liked when I bought my 45s for my little record player. (Am I officially old?) Even my almost-20-year-old daughter thinks my generation’s music was the best.

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  39. Furry KILLING me over here! Heeelarious!
    I think those drunken posts qualify for comments of the year!
    And, MAN, all you haters leave poor Eddie Money alone! Jeez!
    Hulkie, we need to start an Eddie Money fan club or something.
    But Carin can’t join.

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  40. You probably already know this by now seeing as how you wrote this on Saturday, but the song is called Need You Now and it’s by Lady Antebellum.

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  41. I saw Eddie Money at the Temecula Beer & Wine Festival in 2005 and he was totally wasted. We ended up starting a drinking game wherein we drank every time he yelled “We Love You Temecula!!!” Because at that point he had already said it like 10 times. Worked pretty well. He said it at least 10 more times after that. Over the course of like 3 or 4 songs. Seriously. Every time I hear and Eddie Money song I think about how he loves Temecula.

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