Yesterday, I included a picture from my wedding day, which was 50,00 years ago, before everyone had cell phones and felt the need to constantly text each other and Skype and Hulu and whatever else you all do out there with your modern conveniences such as getting water out your refrigerator doors. In the comments from yesterday, someone asked if Marvin and I stepped on a glass at our wedding.
I am always stunned when you all remember details from my life, which is stupid because I have been blogging daily for three years now, and why wouldn’t you remember a thing like Marvin is Jewish. You know what I need to put up one day? Marvin’s bar mitzvah pictures from 1979. Oh, you haven’t lived. I am just saying, get several beach towels, because you will pee your own chair. Why you would want to pee on your beach towels is beyond me. It was the first thing that popped into my head.
At any rate, we DID step on a glass, which is a Jewish tradition, and I do not mean that Jewish people go around cutting their feet all day, but rather at the end of a wedding, you step on a glass that is under a napkin or something, and I imagine it is for good luck, but right up there with the part where I was supposed to have something blue, I have really no real idea why.
What we did was, we had our glass in a bag, and someone took all the dangerous shards of glass and had those made into a little sculpture-y thing. I can no longer recall if Marvin’s mother did this or one of my mother’s Jewish friends, and now I am GONNA HEAR IT, because I should certainly remember who did what 12 years ago at a wedding of 250 people.
Anyway, I offered to take yet another of my bad photographs (hi, dad!) of said sculpture-y thing for this blog and in the comments people said oh yes, please do, and they also said “I heart Journey,” and also “David Byrne does not like Applebee’s” I know I tell you to read the comments and you refuse to listen but you don’t know what you’re missing.
So I got the brilliant idea to pose everybody who lives here with the stepped-on-the-glass thing from our wedding, and you know what everybody here was in the mood for? Me. And my camera. And my mad photography skillz. Is what they were.
Why you bother Hen? Hen needs his shrimpy sleep. Hen chair need to be not centered in photo. Hi, photographer grandpa. Why you allergic to me, grandpa? Why your throat close up? Why your daughter not inherit your skillz?
Anyway, there it is. I guess the glass must have been blue. I never looked at it. I was busy getting married and greeting guests and sticking bottles of Bud Light down the front of my $2,000 dress. If the glass was blue why did I have to kill myself getting something blue for my wedding?
Shhhh. Lu tongue out. Lu dream she lick things. Why you put blue blob in front of Lu? This psychological test? Lu fine. Lu not phobia of microwave. It just small fear. That straightjacket? That butterfly net? LU FINE.
fran hate you. fran never move till you put offensive blob down. now fran get up. time for revolution. time to act be now. been planning.
maybe time to act is tomorrow. fran tired. hate so tiring.
Heeeee. Then look what I did. I had him hold it, not knowing it was held by my feets just seconds earlier. Oh, the hilarity. Also too, Marvin is holding Flo. Not Aunt Flo. Because that would be gross.
Okay, so now you have seen enough of the sculpture-y thing from when Marvin stepped on the glass at our wedding 4,000 years ago. I am certain you are glad you asked.