Last night I had a dream that Bethenny from The Real Housewives of New York named her baby Yeast. Yeast. Remember the other day when I said no one should have to be inside my brain? See, now you're inside my subconscious, and isn't it terrible? Yeast. Do you think there's anyone in real life … Continue reading You’ll get a rise out of this one
I thought I'd better hurry up and post, in case you were worried sick that I didn't live through the night. I barely made it. And you know I hate to complain. Or malinger. But who stuck the plastic cocktail swords through my throat? And why? It has probably been a decade since I have … Continue reading One pill makes you larger
I appear to have some kind of cold, or flu, or hantavirus. I know what I am about to say is shocking information, and I hope you are sitting down, but I am not what you'd call a trouper in the face of illness. I know! Last night I was cooking-- Again, I hope you … Continue reading A weakened June writes from her sickbed
We're having an exciting day over here at House of June. Tallulah got a new collar, thanks to Faithful Reader Lindy. You may recall a few weeks ago that Tallulah broke out of her collar on a walk. She broke those chains, like she was in an '80s (not 80's) heavy metal song.Not that I … Continue reading Ruby in the sky with glasses
When we still lived in Los Angeles and Marvin was going to school to become a teacher, he said, "Have you considered going back to work and getting a real job instead of freelancing? Because once I become a teacher, I will be making a lot less money." I really hadn't considered getting a real … Continue reading The one where June suddenly says bank
Yesterday I talked about how I took a proofreading test and apparently failed it. This morning when I woke up, I remembered something. Well, this morning when I woke up, I heard poor Henry, who somehow got outside, and HOW did he get outside? These animals get outside through osmosis overnight. Everyone was in when I … Continue reading Smart. Or, you know, not.
In our continuing quest to be not so broke, Marvin is outside right now having a yard sale. I think he would literally sell the yard if I would allow it. At six o'clock this morning he started stomping around the house, climbing into the attic, and very unappealingly splaying things on a dirty orange tarp … Continue reading Sellout
I know it seems like I pick on Pam Anderson all the time, or you know, one other time, but I saw her on Joy Behar last night, and she said it'd be nice to be a Bond Girl.Okay.Pam. Honey. You were a Playmate of the Year TWENTY YEARS AGO. TWENTY. You may be using … Continue reading Bond. Aged Bond.
Ha Na. For about a year, I took a Korean yoga class in Los Angeles. I absolutely loved it. It was called Dahn yoga. If you have Dahn yoga in your town, I highly recommend it. Among other things, you will learn to count to ten in Korean, and you never know when this will … Continue reading June tells you a bunch of stupid things using Korean numerals 1-10 instead of bullet points
Okay, just one more Uncle Jim story and then I will stop. For awhile there, my uncle had to have physical therapists come to his house. While my saintly Aunt Sue talked to said therapists, Uncle Jim sat behind her and mouthed, "HELP ME! SHE'S ABUSING ME!" Who got a big kick out of himself? … Continue reading The bush administration
You may remember about a month ago, I went to Seattle to visit my friend Paula (that's her on the left) after her breast cancer surgery. We initially thought she wouldn't have to have chemo, but it turns out she does. She starts today. But before you get all tragic about it, listen to this! … Continue reading I write my everyday post that makes no sense every day
Yesterday we were getting ready our fun-filled afternoon at Marty Martin's house. Because what's more fun than spending the afternoon with this guy?And Marvin ran out to get a bottle of wine, because from the looks of things above, he desperately needed one. Anyway, I was putting on some mascara, or mascaaaaara, as they say … Continue reading YOU’RE GOOD
For the 10%, tops, of my reading audience who is male? I am just warning you, I am about to delve into the feminine protection topic, here. So I know no one is really burning with curiosity over how I am doing on my maxi pad supply or anything, but remember back in October when … Continue reading Over easy
I asked Marvin what I should blog about and he said REO Speedwagon, and how they had one lead singer, and then another one, and how the one singer was a real tool. And also there was a falling out with the guitar player. See. This is why no one ever read any of Marvin's 14 … Continue reading Heard it from a friend who heard it from a friend who
Yesterday Tallulah reached her life's pinnacle. It is kind of sad, really. She is like one of those people who peaked in high school, or a ballerina whose career is over at 25. Tallulah caught and killed a squirrel. She is two! She reached her life's goal at age two. I mean, I was kind of … Continue reading Tallulah has a victory
No, I have not become Tom Sawyer. Won't you enjoy my knee-length cutoffs? I know we have no money, but I am hoping we get caught up on our finances soon (today is invoice my clients day! Wooo!) (and I got a check from my blog ads today! Thanks, faithful readers!) so that I can … Continue reading Help June Paint
Today is Winston's birthday. He is five. Please ignore the cat fur on the floor in the background. I swept YESTERDAY. You can't imagine how much fur is in this house. Anyway, I say that April 14 is Winston's birthday because this is also the anniversary of when we got him and they said … Continue reading Five
This morning I woke up thinking I was next to Marvin when in fact I was next to Tallulah. "Where are you?" I called out. "I'm on the pot, reading Oprah," said Marvin. "I'm living my best life." You know, I ask Marvin before I put the things he says on this blog, and believe … Continue reading Living your best life. With a cracker.
Last night Marvin and I were sitting on the couch, and the TV wasn't even on, although music was playing from his laptop, so to speak. But you could not even describe said music as loud by any stretch of the imagination. We had the following exchange. June: Oh, you know what? I'm out of … Continue reading Say what?
Is anyone good at Word? I have to start numbering pages as page 1 after a table of contents and am about to burn the entire house down.