Last night I had a dream that Bethenny from The Real Housewives of New York named her baby Yeast.
Remember the other day when I said no one should have to be inside my brain? See, now you're inside my subconscious, and isn't it terrible?
Yeast. Do you think there's anyone in real life who named their child Yeast? You know there is.
Andy Gibb named his child Pita. Or maybe it was Peta. Close enough. Did you even know Andy Gibb had a child? Note I am talking about ANDY Gibb, now, not Barry. Pay attention. Anyway, Andy Gibb got married young and had a child, but then he got famous and oh, what do you know? the marriage didn't work out.
Of course, that was 30 years ago, so now somewhere in Australia is this Pita, and the only info I was able to glean on her is that she has been dating the Earl of Sandwich.
Oh, let me wipe my eyes. How do you stand the hilarity, over here?
Okay, that part isn't true. But she is trying to break out as a comedian, because rumor has it she's a real wheat.
WHOO! Stitching up my sides! I am on fire today.
Okay, I'm done.
You know, she was out with some people, and she said, "My father was Andy Gibb. You know, Shadow Dancing? I Just Want to be Your Everything?"
And the people she was with said, "We don't know those songs. Why don't you HUMMUS a few bars?"
Honestly. Why doesn't somebody take my act on the road? With my fine jokes about Pita? Whose name is probably Peta anyway?
In other news, and I am certain you are sad that I am moving off the topic of Andy Gibb and his pocket-sandwich daughter, I keep MEANING to say this and I forget.
If you somehow find out my real name? And you want to be Facebook friends with me? And I can certainly see why, because obviously I am cool. See above. When you friend request me, just put a note saying you know me from my blog. Otherwise I see the request and I don't know the person and I think you're a virus. I apologize for thinking you are a virus. I am certain you are a very nice person.
Now here is the part where someone has just started reading me and they say, "You mean you guys aren't really June and Marvin Gardens?" Someone always asks that. Does no one play Monopoly anymore?
Speaking of Marvin, he is claiming that he is going to cut off all of his hair. Like, buzz cut his hair. His students are taking some huge test and he told them if a certain percent pass, he will do it, but between you and me, he wanted to do it anyway.
Okay, what is happening? We move my liberal, Jewish husband to the South and within one year he is shooting Cheerwine cans and within three years he has a buzz cut. Soon he will get a "The South was right" bumper sticker like our neighbor.
What could that bumper sticker mean, other than that guy wants a bunch of slaves? I mean, I have always wanted to ask him, hoping against hope that he could give me some sort of reasonable answer that made me able to like him, but I have been afraid. If anyone honestly knows what he is saying, and it means ANYTHING else, please tell me. I would like to love they neighbor. Or at least not abhor they neighbor.
Oh, I gotta go. Yeast is crying.