Living your best life. With a cracker.

This morning I woke up thinking I was next to Marvin when in fact I was next to Tallulah.

"Where are you?" I called out.

"I'm on the pot, reading Oprah," said Marvin. "I'm living my best life."

You know, I ask Marvin before I put the things he says on this blog, and believe it or not, sometimes he says no. I know you must be dying to know what he censors, since I have now featured Marvin on the toilet several times, and really, what could be worse?

In other news, I got a migraine from a cracker yesterday.

I have been keeping a migraine diary, something they tell you to do, and which I have refused to do, since it seems depressing. Almost as depressing as that 10th-grade diary I have shared with you time and again. I mean, Dear Diary, I have a migraine. Dear Diary, Guess what! Migraine! There's a stimulating diary.

But I am desperate, Lovey Heart, and so I have been writing down, in an appropriately depressing black diary, every time I get a migraine, and I am happy to say that 12 whole days have passed between headaches, which for me is good. I write down what I ate, how I slept, what time the headache started, and really when I die I am certain my relatives will be riveted to the whole thing. "This goes in the trash pile. Next!"

One thing I have learned for sure–what I know for sure, as Oprah on the pot would say–is that MSG gives me a migraine every time. Totally. For sure.

So there I was yesterday, eatin' me some Cracked Pepper and Olive Oil Triscuits. And I like how they add "cracked" pepper, to make it seem fancier. Isn't all pepper cracked? I mean, how else does it get small?

And man, those crackers are good. And according to the box, good for your heart. If you ignore the part where your head will split open a half hour after you eat them, they're great for you!

When the headache set in, which thanks to my Topamax, was not that bad of a headache, but it was unmistakably there, I stampeded to the ingredients and there was maltodextrin, which is a sneaky kind of MSG.

Crap.

Anyway, I slept for awhile, and I had plans last night and was still able to show up for said plans, so it wasn't all bad, but stupid cracker. Is all I can say.

Well. Apparently I can say quite a bit. But it's ONE of the things I can say.

And since I continue to say things, I leave you with this exciting development:

Bighen

 Does Henry look like he might be (I am afraid to say it) …growing?

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Author: June

At one point, I was sort of hot, in a "she's 27 and probably a 7" kind of a way. Now I'm old and have to develop a charming personality. Guess how that's going.

64 thoughts on “Living your best life. With a cracker.”

  1. I am very sad that the CP&OO Triscuits give you a headache…. especially since they are so tasty… and good for you (?)… especially when they are accompanied with a glass of Chardonnay. But i don’t think wine is on the Safe To Eat with a Migraine list…
    But you still have Marvin.

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  2. No code thing here – it’s just set that way for Target managers.
    TMI on Marvin today and sorry to hear about your headache.

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  3. In my experience, anything with a list of ingredients longer than one or two lines will give me a migraine. Any processed food I put in my mouth and think “ooh that tastes really good” will give me a migraine – the “ooh” factor is msg. Good luck.

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  4. Hey Everybody! I’m still here. I’m up in the mountains on a ski vacation not skiing because skiing is the worst sport known to man, besides alligator wrestling.
    June, here in Colorado, they have lots of places offering medicinal marijuana.. Ever tried it? I haven’t seen a snowboarder yet with a headache.
    I love those crackers with a little cheese, (i’m sure cheese is a killer for you) and some Chardonnay. I, too, get the MSG headaches, but not at a migraine level.
    And I do think someone’s getting bigger! Or is it just the pattern of the furniture that makes him look lengthy. I’m always on the lookout for patterns that give my munchkin status some height.
    I’ll try to check in more this week but these crazed skiers are keeping me busy. I shop. They ski. It makes a better time for everyone involved.

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  5. I am supposed to be proofreading a sex book, but I just went back to last April and looked at Henrys kitten pictures. Oh my goodness gracious. He was so teensy! And innocent! He wasnt all attitudinal like he is now.

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  6. I learn new things on June’s blog every day! How can I be a 26 year migraine sufferer and not know about maltodextrin? I didn’t know to look for that ingredient as a form of msg. But I do now.
    I totally sympathize with the msg sensitivity. Yesterday The Man made a crock pot roast with a seasoning packet. Last time he used a seasoning packet that contained msg and of course I got a full blown migraine. You would think he would have remembered that. When he used a seasoning packet yesterday, I about jumped down his throat yelling about how I couldn’t possibly eat the roast. Ten minutes later he brought the packet to me. On the front in big letters it said no msg. He had roast for dinner. I was eating crow.

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  7. I need to start keeping a log for my migraines….do you just keep one every day? Because if I were to do it WHEN I have a migraine, I would be in too much pain to think properly and write it down, and then afterwards I would be too fuzzy-headed to think properly and write it down. Hmm…it’s beginning to sound like a lot of work.
    No code words here either…

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  8. I need to start keeping a log for my migraines….do you just keep one every day? Because if I were to do it WHEN I have a migraine, I would be in too much pain to think properly and write it down, and then afterwards I would be too fuzzy-headed to think properly and write it down. Hmm…it’s beginning to sound like a lot of work.
    No code words here either…

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  9. I need to start keeping a log for my migraines….do you just keep one every day? Because if I were to do it WHEN I have a migraine, I would be in too much pain to think properly and write it down, and then afterwards I would be too fuzzy-headed to think properly and write it down. Hmm…it’s beginning to sound like a lot of work.
    No code words here either…

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  10. I can sympathize about the migraines. I have had four in my life and all 4 times I prayed for death. I hope that you find your triggers.
    Also, I was reading through your archives. What did your mother do to scare a reader away? The curiosity is killing me. I’m pathetic, I know.

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  11. I had to start keeping a log for my 6 year old daughter because she says her head hurts, way too often. It’s harder than it sounds because you don’t know when she’ll get the headache and then you have to go back and see what was going on before…..
    And could you post a pic. of Henry as a tiny Kitten, he was just so darn cute!

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  12. Laney, some poor reader named Deborah said something, and I cannot even remember what, but my mother got on and TORE HER A NEW ONE. Oh, it was ugly. And I begged Deborah to come back and said my mother was sorry, which she wasnt, really, but we never heard from Deborah and her new butthole again. Also, O Mom, if you want to see a pic of Henry, as a kitty baby, go to April 2009. You will die die die.

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  13. Henry definitely looks like he’s growing. Very lanky.
    Keeping a food diary is all kinds of annoying. I started having PVCs back in November. My heart checked out fine so the doc recommended keeping a food, drink, exercise, hormone diary. A hormone diary? Apparently, I’m knock, knock, knockin’ on menopause’s door. And do you know what? All things that are good & holy cause my heart to act up…chocolate, alcohol, caffeine, spicy foods. Along with lack of sleep, stress & the hormones. Just shoot me now.
    You know what makes the PVCs go away? And I mean completely go away. Exercise…the more strenuous the better.
    Don’t think Mr. Munroe isn’t all over that one.

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  14. Dawn…I am so with you on letting the cat have the best spot. Why do I move for the cat??#(&@)#! Something is wrong with that picture…cuz other than his cuteness, WHAT does he provide to the household?
    And Steve – I randomly get the code request too. No method to the madness.

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  15. Don’t you just hate how as you get older you find more and more things in life you should avoid? Is it because we are more sensitive to them as we age? Or is it because we don’t have the anti-whatever we need any more? Because of age. All I know is I never, ever had an allergy to anything till my 40th birthday and then BAM!
    I should have bought stock in Claritin back in the day, is what I’m saying.
    Marvin is a hoot! Henry is certainly longer. And Tallulah is a snuggler.

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  16. Don’t you just hate how as you get older you find more and more things in life you should avoid? Is it because we are more sensitive to them as we age? Or is it because we don’t have the anti-whatever we need any more? Because of age. All I know is I never, ever had an allergy to anything till my 40th birthday and then BAM!
    I should have bought stock in Claritin back in the day, is what I’m saying.
    Marvin is a hoot! Henry is certainly longer. And Tallulah is a snuggler.

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  17. Don’t you just hate how as you get older you find more and more things in life you should avoid? Is it because we are more sensitive to them as we age? Or is it because we don’t have the anti-whatever we need any more? Because of age. All I know is I never, ever had an allergy to anything till my 40th birthday and then BAM!
    I should have bought stock in Claritin back in the day, is what I’m saying.
    Marvin is a hoot! Henry is certainly longer. And Tallulah is a snuggler.

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  18. Lisa Pie, SOOO true. Ridiculous. I hit 40 and suddenly I have psoriasis AND allergies. How pretty. And any allergy meds make my heart palpitate and makes my blood pressure sky-rocket. Hollah!
    So fun being 40+.
    And, Junie, my birthday approaches and I will always be older than you! This used to drive June crazy when we were kids, but now? Not such an honor!
    Hen-Hen is definitely looking a little more longish. SO cute!

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  19. I’m impressed that Marvin answered when you asked ‘Where are you?” Around here, that could be intended for anyone with a pulse and four feet.

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  20. My favorite Triscuit is the Rosemary and Olive Oil, which proudly proclaims its MSG. I have a SIL who reacts voilently to MSG and is always telling us to cook from scratch to avoid it. My husband would like to follow her advice, but that would mean he takes over the cooking, which ain’t gonna happen.
    Doesn’t your store-brand mac and cheese have MSG in it too? I thought all those noodle & sauce mixes (which I love) were loaded with it.
    It’s amazing how LOOONNGGG Henry can stretch himself. He does look bigger (and handsome as ever).

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  21. The story I sent in was real…
    HUH?? WHAT??? WHO SAID THAT?? I DON’T READ THAT SMUT…

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  22. Oh,and I didn’t know Madison Square Garden caused anyone but New York Knicks and Rangers fans migraines…

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  23. Back in the 70’s my Mom would ask if we were smoking THE pot. I’m glad Marvin is on THE pot. Did he used to drive THE 405?

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  24. Cosmo’s Dad, my Midwestern BIL cracks up when we give directions like this, “Take the 405 to the 22 to the 57 to the 91 to the 60 to the 10 to the 111.” What, we should use the official names of the freeways?
    About that “captcha” thing when posting comments, I’ve seen once and it threw me for a loop. I’ve also had little notices telling me that my data couldn’t be supported when I’ve tried to comment on other occasions.
    Henry looks like he’s entered the gangly teenage stage and is leaving kitten-hood behind him. Be prepared for him to growl, “leave me alone!” as he slams the door behind him. Dang teenagers.

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  25. Nice sports reference, Hulk. Can I interest you in Iverson? Not into whiny, self-involved, washed-up basketball players? Me, I’m surprised that the Grizz didn’t go for him (what with him being so woeful and all).

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  26. My trigger is pork. Anything with pork or pork products or pork by-products, which gives me chills just thinking about. What IS pork by-products? This means nothing that has lard. I don’t eat Mexican food because I have sniffed refried beans and gotten a migrain. (before they went through the digestive track thank you.) It is because many thin the beans with lard.

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  27. I’m late to the mac and cheese conversation, but since I love it, I will comment now. Earlier in my pregnancy I was only able to eat the boxed, powdered cheese kind of mac and cheese. I know how to make the good homemade kind, which totally has its place, but only the orange powder variety would keep me from barfing. If I could handle it, I mixed in steamed broccoli florets to make myself feel better about the general lack of nutrition. I usually get the Annie’s natural brand – I’m pretty certain that there wouldn’t be any MSG in that, but it’s probably pricier than store brand.

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  28. butter, flour, milk, grate some cheese, cook some pasta, (your favorite shape), maybe some flavorings (nothing MSG ish), stir….mac & cheese

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  29. His head is still small though. Glad you found out about the MSG, that should make keeping a diary worth it.

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  30. so there I was, sitting in my wet, baby blue t-shirt, reading the comments on June’s blog when I heard the doorbell. It was a tall, muscular man with a chiseled face and washboard abs carrying a tool box. “I’m here about the dishwasher, ma’am” he said in a deep sexy voice “and the water softener guy is here also. May we come in?”…..

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  31. Hulk (Who is WAY late for bed thanks to the THIRD STRAIGHT LOONS GAME HE WENT TO AND WATCHED THEM LOSE...) says:

    “Jimmy cracked pepper, and Hulk don’t care…”

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  32. Oh, June, I just had to tell you! I read this yesterday and got the “best life” comment right as a call came. Long story short, I snorted and then choked while trying to stifle the laughter and ended up making Mrs. Litella really angry. I really need to stop reading you until break. Hilarious!!

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  33. I’m a long time reader, first time commenter. I have found that cutting out all artificial sweeteners and all transformed protein (soy isolates, etc.) has reduced the number of migraines that I have significantly. The good/bad part of of this is that those two categories of crackers are in most crackers, cookies, chips, and most foods that normal people eat. Just passing this on since it worked for me. And for all those years, I blamed red wine and balsamic vinegar . . .
    Good luck.

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