Five

Winnie 
  
Today is Winston's birthday. He is five. Please ignore the cat fur on the floor in the background. I swept YESTERDAY. You can't imagine how much fur is in this house.

Anyway, I say that April 14 is Winston's birthday because this is also the anniversary of when we got him and they said he was one year old. He was due to be put down that night. THAT NIGHT! Do you like my dramatic all caps? He had been at the shelter, sleeping in a shoe box, and not even a for good shoe, for a month. He still likes sleeping in small things like shoe boxes.

Winston is the nicest cat you could ever ask for. Nothing upsets him, and I have never seen him crabby except for the maybe three hisses he threw Henry's way the first day or so, and then he was all, "Oh, all right" and completely accepted Henry. And he was totally down with the dog from day one. When people come over he rolls on his back and accepts all pets.

Happy birthday, cool Winston. I am glad you are not dead.

Everyone go to the animal shelter and get a shelter kitty or dog in celebration, okay?

In other news, we have ants, because we need more pets. We always get ants this time of year, but they were crawling into the dishwasher, which is disgusting, and Marvin said, "We can't afford to call an exterminator" because did I mention things were slow for me for awhile? And did I mention my oldest client got so emotional over my  uncle dying that she forgot to pay me? It's true. I sent her an invoice and an email saying I'd be out for the week at my uncle's funeral, and she composed a lovely email but forgot to forward my invoice to accounting. So now my check will be here any second, but it is 14 days late and we are hurtin'.

I should add in eight years of working with her this has never happened, but anyway.

So I still have a small amount of savings hidden away at the credit union at my old job, and the only way I can access it is to literally drive to my old job, which is almost an hour away, and I told Marvin I would call the exterminator and drive to work and get the money, which I did.

Yesterday the exterminator came, and he said, "Is that Winston?" Seems he remembered Winston from last year, who apparently rolled over for pets just like I told you. Anyway, the rather broad-shouldered exterminator destroyed the pesky ants, and the entire time he was in our back yard Tallulah kept following him and being obsessed and eventually I had to lure Lula away with treats so she'd leave him alone.

Finally the exterminator sat down on my couch to write up my sizable invoice, and as he did, Lu got behind him, got on her hind legs,

and humped him.

Oh dear God.

This never happened to Grace Kelly. Never.

I mean, how do you even get out of that situation? I told him he shouldn't have worn that outfit. He was asking for it.

Anyway, at about 3:15 Marvin called me from school to tell me that our account was overdrawn, that some checks had cleared that he thought had already been accounted for, so I had to drive all the way BACK to my old work and get MORE money from my meager savings to pay for Tallulah's moment in the sun, there.

All I am saying to you is every single ant had better be beyond dead.

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Author: June

At one point, I was sort of hot, in a "she's 27 and probably a 7" kind of a way. Now I'm old and have to develop a charming personality. Guess how that's going.

53 thoughts on “Five”

  1. Your title, “Five” led me to believe that you had obtained a new pet. I was a little disappointed, but happy birthday to Winston. He is a cool cat.

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  2. We used to live in Wilmington, NC, and we got those ants, too. We also had fire ants, hateful little creatures that they are.
    I miss NC so very much it actually hurts. We moved back here (NJ, tax capital of the world) almost two years ago because my husband had a better job opportunity.
    Anyhoo- Happy Birthday to Winston!
    I can’t rescue a dog today but, we had a dog that a friend rescued from a woman who kept him in a cage and threw boiling water on him. *shudder* How can people like that sleep at night? But my husband was highly allergic to Trooper, a beagle/hound mix, and we had to get rid of him. Trooper, aptly named because of what he had to endure, now lives on a farm in VA with my cousin and her 5 dogs. He is happy.

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  3. June, I am dealing with ants too, here in Milwaukee. It is supposed to be 80 today. Are they thinking there will be a picnic?
    Happy Birthday, Win! I know you love your life.

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  4. “he shouldn’t have worn that outfit” ~ DYING!
    Happy birthday to you, cool Winston!

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  5. I donated some cat food yesterday to the local shelter. Happy Birthday, Winston the cat from my weiner dog, Winston!

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  6. Hulk (Who is wondering if anyone will get that because no one ever does when I make that joke around here...) says:

    Are all the uncles now widowers?

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  7. Happy Birthday most distinguished Winston! You are such a fine specimen of cat-hood it should have been a crime to even consider offing you. Bless you June and Marvin for becoming his caretakers!
    My only girl pet is my Husky and the vet tells me the humping is a sign of dominance. Not . . . whatever. I don’t know. And by the by, she is the only one in this house who humps. All the 9 billion other male pets here? They just lick their ball-less areas.

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  8. I’m with mother. I also thought “five” meant an additional pet. I guess the ants don’t count, huh? Especially now that they’re all good and dead.

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  9. June, I think you need guineas.They are wonderful for ridding your yard of pesky insects.My husband is an exterminator and he never gets humped or so he says.

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  10. Try boric acid mixed with a little bit of sugar in a soda cap and leave it on the back of your counters. On second thought, that may be the remedy for roaches. It works though!
    Talu cracks me up. My weimaraner (he’s a rescue), Mr., likes to sit/lay on people and have his winky touch them. It’s bizarre. He also is rather prissy and crosses his front paws when he lies down. I think he might have tendencies.
    I also realize there are probably grammatical errors all over this comment. Oh well.

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  11. Talu humping the guy cracks me up. And your response is classic.
    The best ant control comes in the form of liquid ant bait called Terro. We get ants twice a year and that stuff is ant crack. Kills them good and dead.

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  12. Puleaze with the pet hair. It’s so hairy around here an octogenarian could fall and not break a hip. Four dogs and a cat, hamsters, three birds. The frogs and fish thankfully do not shed.
    Occasionally, I just find a dust bunny in a corner whose developed a spontaneous heartbeat a give up and name it. Today I will name it Winston, mmmkay?
    He shouldn’t have worn that outfit. Bwhahahahahaha!

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  13. The heart wants what the heart wants , even if
    You are a killed of ants. Come on he was asking
    for it. Happy B day lovely kitten.

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  14. Since we are OVERDRAWN, Winnie does not get a purchased gift this year. Plus there is no food item he is that geeked about. So Winnie gets a whole day of not being kissed (because it bugs him) and getting to sit anywhere he wants. I will not rouse him, even if he sits on my proofreading, which thankfully so far he has not. and by the way, did you know you can call the bank and sweet talk them out of overdraft fees?

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  15. And if you pay your bills on time and are a few days late, you can sweet talk your way outta that,too. In fact, being nice to the customer service person will get you generally well-cared for everywhere.
    I think he was asking for it; Zoe would have just stolen the tools out of his belt and the gloves outta his back pocket, cause she rolls that way.

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  16. HB to Winston, love his happy-ending story!
    LOL about the exterminator and Lula the love machine. The last service person we had here was roto-rootering, Polly (lab) stole a screwdriver from his tool bag. She would have totally gotten away with it if dh hadn’t caught her red-pawed. The roto-rooterer never even noticed.
    If something happens to my job next school year (school office employee paranoid about job cuts), we may add to our pet family. No sib for our child, but Polly needs a sib. The doodles up the street entertain each other endlessly, they look like they have so much fun together, Polly would love to have a doggy friend.

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  17. There are several BAD shelters were doggies need rescuing. These are kill shelters and they make a decision at the end of the holding period whether to keep the dog a little while longer or to euthanize it on that day. If you are near Athens, GA – Whitehall, NC – South LA, CA or Mahoning Cty, OH, and are interested in saving a shelter dog, leave a comment and we’ll get in touch.
    Sorry June, saw the opportunity and I grabbed it.
    Changing gears…, Oh, Happy, Happy Birthday, Happy, Happy Day! Enjoy your 5th B-day Winston!

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  18. Bad dog, bad dog! ROFL!
    Happy Birthday sweet Winston!!!!! This photo makes me miss my beloved Oscar Snuggles even more. Check out his photo, because he does look a lot like Winston. http://simpleandsouthern.blogspot.com/
    Poor darlings, your account being over drawn. Hopefully, your pay will arrive today just in time to pay all those bank fees. 😦
    Next time you have ants, and there WILL be a next time, try Terro Ant Killer. You can find it at Lowe’s or Home Depot (don’t remember which), but this stuff works. You just have to put it where your cats can’t get to it and lick it up. It’s sweet and the ants love it, they eat it and take it to the queen and it kills them. It comes in a small bottle, the liquid is clear and you just put it on a piece of cardboard or in a bottle top like off a water bottle. We hired an exterminator two summers ago for the tune of $75.00/month and we still had ants. Now we use the Terro Ant Killer, much cheaper and it does kill those little suckers.

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  19. One more thing. I would love nothing more than to march right up to our local pound and rescue at least two cats, but living on a now four lane highway that used to be a lazy country road, the chances of keeping a cat here is slim. Since we lost Oscar we have seen three other cats hit on our road. We just don’t want a house bound cat(s), it not fair to their nature.

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  20. Darn it Tee, I was just gonna say maybe it is a sign you should get a new cat today. My Aunt Mary puts her cat on a leash and tether. Have you considered that? Ayway, your cat realy did have a Winston look about him. RIP Oscar Snuggles.

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  21. Happy Birthday, Winston!
    A month ago, I adopted my Gracie Lou from a shelter. She had been adopted and returned twice before I got her and she is the sweetest, most loving dog.
    How can you be overdrawn if you still have checks?

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  22. I saw Talu’s Facebook post. Laughed all day.
    So when you adopted Winston did you ask “Hey, who’s running out of time today?” Or did you bond with him and then, at check out, they said, “Oh, by the way . . . good save”?
    My husband will divorce me if I bring home any more animals, but our newest addition was rescued from the Moscow Metro. That’s a death sentence, don’t you think?

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  23. *Whiteville, NC – Columbus Cty Animal Shelter
    that is all. (sorry again)

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  24. June, will you please get a Twitter account? Pretty please? To make me crack up all day, instead of just once a day? Pretty pretty please?

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  25. Oh how the time flies… Happy birthday Winston. You look awesome. I wish I could rescue today, but the hubby says if it happens again—DIVORCE. I’ll sneak a couple more in sometime (soon).

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  26. Junie, did you name Winston or was that his shelter name? I had an Uncle Win (his mother named him, not the shelter) and to my knowledge, he never humped the exterminator. Uncle Win sold drugs (legally) and was just the sweetest, nicest man ever.
    Now, when you say this never happened to Princess Grace, to what are you referring? Because you know Monaco had bugs so they probably had their bug guy on the royal retainer. Anyway, maybe PG never had a dog hump something it shouldn’t have but the same can certainly not be said about her children. But I am pretty sure they didn’t do it on the couch right in front of her. Well, maybe Princess Stephanie did. But not Princess Caroline. And Prince Albert is just a whole other story.
    Also I can’t adopt any more pets right now, but maybe … wait for it … WHEN WE MOVE.

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  27. Junie, did you name Winston or was that his shelter name? I had an Uncle Win (his mother named him, not the shelter) and to my knowledge, he never humped the exterminator. Uncle Win sold drugs (legally) and was just the sweetest, nicest man ever.
    Now, when you say this never happened to Princess Grace, to what are you referring? Because you know Monaco had bugs so they probably had their bug guy on the royal retainer. Anyway, maybe PG never had a dog hump something it shouldn’t have but the same can certainly not be said about her children. But I am pretty sure they didn’t do it on the couch right in front of her. Well, maybe Princess Stephanie did. But not Princess Caroline. And Prince Albert is just a whole other story.
    Also I can’t adopt any more pets right now, but maybe … wait for it … WHEN WE MOVE.

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  28. Junie, did you name Winston or was that his shelter name? I had an Uncle Win (his mother named him, not the shelter) and to my knowledge, he never humped the exterminator. Uncle Win sold drugs (legally) and was just the sweetest, nicest man ever.
    Now, when you say this never happened to Princess Grace, to what are you referring? Because you know Monaco had bugs so they probably had their bug guy on the royal retainer. Anyway, maybe PG never had a dog hump something it shouldn’t have but the same can certainly not be said about her children. But I am pretty sure they didn’t do it on the couch right in front of her. Well, maybe Princess Stephanie did. But not Princess Caroline. And Prince Albert is just a whole other story.
    Also I can’t adopt any more pets right now, but maybe … wait for it … WHEN WE MOVE.

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  29. Paula, you’re moving? Why didn’t you say anything? Geez! (kidding!)
    Yeah, you know that Princess Stephanie was probably sneaking various staff and security guards into her boudoir right under PG’s nose.
    June, if you get a Twitter account, I will never get anything done again and my butt will become permanently attached to my desk chair and will have to be surgically removed and I don’t think my insurance will cover that.

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  30. A cat showed up at my mom’s house many years ago. She’s full out crazy. When she first showed up, we tried to feed her proper cat food, and she wouldn’t eat it. We bought her the expensive stuff, we bought her the cheap stuff, and even changed out the serving vessel. You name it, she wouldn’t eat it.
    Just a few months ago, a case of Friskies showed up in the kitchen. No one knew where it came from, but the cat was eating it, and we were confused.
    It turns out that the plumber liked our cat so much that he bought her a few cases of food and a dish. Now she won’t shut up about cans of cat food.

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  31. June, don’t you already have a Twitter account? I happily followed BOTH of your tweets.
    Am I the only one who thought when you said “one of your oldest clients” that you meant a little, blue-haired elderly woman? And that she forgot to pay you due to her senility?
    Also, when you said Winston “rolls over for pets” I thought you meant he rolled over for other animals. I wondered if you really had a lot of visitors who brought their pets with them.
    Happy Birthday, Winston!

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  32. Oh, I’m so desperate for a June fix, I’m checking and commenting from my phone. A tree limb came craishing down into my phone lines yesterday. I’m going crazy with no land line or internet.
    Happy birthday, winnie. Hope you had a great no kiss filled day.
    Have some remedies for ants, when my internet is up , I’ll send you a message.

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  33. I’m with Lisa above… I thought you meant Win rolled over when other people brought their pets to your house. I couldn’t believe that he was that submissive to other animals in his own home. I honestly didn’t get it until I read Lisa’s comment. Maybe I should head to bed early tonight.

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